Divorce in Pre-school, School Age and Adolescence - Essay Example

? Running Head: Divorce Insert His/her s DIVORCE IN PRE-SCHOOL, SCHOOL AGE AND ADLOSCENCE With the passage of time the divorce rate has accelerated to a great extent. Experiments and observations have revealed that emotional adjustment of children, their gender role orientation and anti social behavior are strongly affected by the family size and structure. The impact on the pre-school children depends upon the level of family conflict. Parental divorce during childhood and adolescence has an adverse effect on the mental health of young adults. The effects may be moderate or may have a long-term negative impact. There may be a risk of serious mental disorders in children whose parents file a divorce or intend to dissolve their marriage. The negative effects of parental divorce on the mental health of children may result in lower levels of school achievement. Reasons for parental separation in lower class families engender due to family adversity which may include maternal depression, parental discord and lack of income which leads to day-to-day fights between parents. Regardless of the age or development level of the children, parental divorce is an extremely stressful experience for all children. Many are not even adequately prepared for their parents divorce and some are too young to understand what they are actually going through and what will be its impact in the near future. There are very few cases in which the relatives come forward to support those children who are going through the acute phase of divorce. At the beginning of a divorce, the pain that the children suffer is composed of: a feeling of vulnerability at the time when the family disintegrates, a feeling of sorrow and grief due to the loss of an intact family, loss of the parent who does not hold custody of the child, feelings of intense anger and sometimes a feeling of powerlessness. Divorce can have significant and life-altering impact on children as well as adolescents. Therefore there is a necessity of child mental health professionals who can take care that the children do not lose their mental stability and do not become prone to depression. There should also be other child specialists who must support the children of divorced parents in the psychological aspects of their lives. It is noticed that the children from divorced families have less household or childcare responsibilities as compared to other children. Maternal employment may decrease children’s participation in athletic and outdoor activities and their interaction and involvement with friends. Whatever is the family size, family type or the cause of conflict, divorce brings about disruption and disequilibrium in the lives of nearly all children. Divorce may have a hazardous effect on pre-school, school going and adolescent children. Different children react differently to the situation they are made to face, depending on their age and temperament and how they respond to a specific scenario. Sometimes a child is too young and innocent to understand that his or her parents are getting separated. At this young age the child needs the attention of both the father and the mother, and if he or she has to stay away from either one of them it may cause mental disturbance and instability. However it cannot be said that it is not only the small children who suffer greatly due to parental divorce. Children, regardless of which age group they belong to, cannot easily accept and absorb the separation of their parents. When children are made to choose whether they want to live with their father or mother, they have this desire that they could live with both of their parents like an intact family. Being mentally disturbed, they cannot focus on things and this has an adverse effect on their grades at school. They are preoccupied by other thoughts and always keep on thinking about the divorce of their parents. It becomes extremely difficult for them to overcome and moreover accept the fact that their family is no longer a happy family and also that it is no longer an intact family that it used to be. The behavior of the children is also deeply and strongly influenced by the divorce of their parents. Many a times they become in tolerant and impatient. They also tend to be frustrated by their state and condition. They are not happy with what life has done to them. Family is like the roots of a tree which means that it is the most important part of a person’s life. Therefore when families are disturbed, children are badly affected. They take a lot of time to recover from their parent’s divorce and gradually get used to the changed conditions. Divorce of parents badly affects the children physically as well as mentally so it is necessary to adopt measures to eliminate the number of divorces which is taking place not only in the USA but in the entire world. There are many reasons that are responsible for ruining husband wife relationship. One of the greatest problems is the lack of communication between the husband and wife. They fail to express their sentiments or feelings and then tend to think that their partner is not listening or understanding what is he/her trying to say they start thinking either their partner is not willing to do understand their problem or they may not be able to understand their point of view. The main reason is that until and unless a person doesn’t express himself openly or give his point of view regarding a particular matter it is not possible that the other person will understand it on their own. another serious problem of broken marriages is lack of sincerity or dishonesty. Both the partners need to be sincere to each other. In most of the European countries due to their excess of liberty people are going in wrong directions. Another big reason is that people have become extremely selfish. In this fast paced world people are running after worldly things like money, cars, security, position etc. they are not making a relationship instead they are just signing a contract of money just to fulfill their worldly needs marriage should be considered as a religious institution and should be respected as well. So for maintaining a better married life people should communicate with each other. Not only just do the talking but try to understand what the other person has to say or his point of view and then discuss the matter. Not only this sometimes husband or wife should compromise if one is insisting on doing some work the other partner should understand it. For instance if the wife wants her husband not to work so late nights so the husband should try and understand that why is she saying so. These small small things matter a lot .if these are taken care of divorces can be stopped to a great extent. Moreover laws should be made more strict regarding marriages. For thirty years the divorce rate in America has reached to 50%.so therefore the perception of the new generation regarding the marriage is becoming extremely bad. As the children see the broken marriages other parents they tend to think that if they go for such a relationship it might end up in the same way. So counseling should be provided in this aspect also. The couple which is filing a divorce shall be given advice on how to make their relationship work rather than directly getting divorced. This counseling might help the couple. Another major reason of frequent divorce is a abusing his partner physically. This should be avoided at all costs it is a crime too. Though physical abuse is the most visible and obvious form of abuse, yet a spouse does not have to be an outright bully to ruin a marriage. Abuse may destroy a marriage in a very subtle and invisible way and may ultimately grow to proportions that may make it impossible for the two spouses to continue with their marriage.there also exist emotional abuse which destroys the self esteem of the spouse it may inculde passing on such judgements or comments that harms the selfesteem of the person. The verbal abuse include making sarcsatic comments regarding the faith, beliefs , interest and opinions of the other and irrelevantly critizing the spouse which makes him/her frustrated and then results in fights ruining the relationship.making unnecessary demands or abusing the partner’s family is also a cause of divorce. Taunting your spouse also destroys the relationship. Like in case of finances demanding for such things which are far from the reach of the spouse.so both husband and wife have to make concious efforts to save the marriage. Patience is a must. Most of the reasons of divorces is lack of patiece and intolerance. Sometimes it is better to keep quiet rather than fighting on petty issues. splitting up of parents will greatly effect the children in many ways. The children might becom stressed, sad and confused. They may become angry or frustrated of what they have been experiencing all the time.divorce is not an easy thing but parents can help their children so that they might not feel a lot of pain. The parent must provide emotional stability to their children . take interst in their activities like keeping a check on their studies . taking them for an outing once a week.making the child feel that he is your top priority. This will develop confidence of the child in the parent.another important thing is what to tell the child and what not. The parent should be friendly with their kids and tell them the reason of their split.letting them know that how much you love ur kids and making their breakfast , dropping them off to school remebering their birthdays . all these things will make them realize that you are alwys there for them and that you truly love and care for them.another way to help the child is to listen to what he has to say. Let them express their feelings and show them that you understand what are they feeling and going through. Try and maintain a friendly attitude with them . enciurage them, motivate them .sometimes children feel that the cause of their parent’s divorce is they themselves although its not that. The child feels that their parents are arguing because he has got low grades or something of that sort.in such a case the parent should reassure that he is not the reason of the split and be patient enough and understand the child.tell the children that althiugh the circumstances have changed but both the parents are there for the child. Another matter of concern is that the child may get in to depression like not having good sleep, trouble at school etc so the parent should see to all this . the single parent should also take care of themselves because if your healthy and fit you will be more active and energetis and can help your child to come out of that depression. The parent should go on for an outing with his/her friends so that the child feels that everything is coming back to normal and everything will be fine.moreover the parent should try and establish cordial realtions with their ex so that the child may not feel that his parents are still not getting along and still fighting. Young children need extra attention when telling them about the split. At that age whatever a child sees is feeded into his mind and then it becomes extremely difficult to take that fear or frustation or abger from their herats n minds. So a lot of care is to be taken before telling them the reason of split. The parent should tell the child the reson as it is very necessary but should plan the wording which the parent is going to use. Chlidren suffer the most due to these divorces so the parents must understand that their splitting up will end up in a very bad way. Parents should try to make their marriage work and because the child needs both of them . mother and father both have their separate importance in the child’s life. So divorce is not a solution but it makes life more comlicated and confused.the child becomes confused as to who is right and who is wrong father or mother? This create hatred of a child for one of his parent which cannot be converted into love again. Divorce is something which affets a person very badly some cope up with the situation but others don’t. the period of divorce is very painful and traumatic.so he person should try not be isolated but try to socailize and be busy. This is the time that you express yourself and let your feelings out which will be of great help because keeping or hiding your emotions, anger or frustation will lead you to depression. As a professional counsellor Ii would help both the parties involved. Firstly I will try that the couple sort out hteir differences and foget about getting divorced. Give them atleast 6 months or so to sort out their matters and give them advice on how to keep their relation going. Try to convince them that splitting up is not the solution moreover it will burden your problems . it will complicate the relationship more. The children will suffer a lot due to their divorce. By splitting both of them would go through a very tuff time and so their children. Many couples just for the sake of their chilren try to makr the marriage work . so children are a bridging gap between their parents. The love for their children brings them close to one another again. But in case if a couple doesn’t want to carry on with their marriage then they will be coplicating their life and will be destroying it forever.so it can be said that divorce adversely effets the chilren whether of pre-school, school age or adloscence. It hampers their mental as well as physical ability. They are not able to get good grades due to their family problems. They tend to lose concentration and also go into deep depression . parental divorce is not easy but the couple should make efforts so that their children don’t suffer. Patience and tolerance should be adopted. Compromises are sometimes required. Sometimes it is the need of time . stop insulting, abusing one another. Try to be co-operative. Understand one another’s feelings . unnecessary passing of comments miust be avoided which may harm the self-esteem of the person. Morever the divorce rate is almost 50% in america because they have a lot of liberty but liberty doesn’t mean to misuse it. Due to this the number of marriages is being destroyed. It is also putting a very bad impact on the new generation. They believe that marriage is just a waste of time it is just ruinnig life and so they go on for live-in relationships which is looked down upon in our society and is not accepted. Our religion also condemns it. So it is necessay that parents solve their problems and reduce the number of divorces so that the new generation starts accpeting and believing in it. Divorce is not the solution. Chilren need both their parents. So parents should try to help themselves which will in return help their chilren. Divorce not only brings separation between husband and wife but also separates the family equilibrium and destroys the family atmosphere also. So steps shall be taken to avoid the divorce and increasing the number of traditional families. Reference Anonymous, Divorce’s Impact on Pre-school, School-age and Adolescent Children, 2010. Web, 2011. Read More