Psychology of Love and Relationships - Essay Example

?Power of Love and Relationships Introduction: Attraction, physical or otherwise, is one of the crucial aspects of our social lives, which help in shaping our relationships and the bonds we form with our fellow beings. People live and co-exist in a social group, comprising of family members, neighbors, peer groups, as well as other social institutional structures. These social networks, in which we live, enable the individuals to come in contact with each other and increase the odds of familiarity. According to DeLamater (2006) attraction usually occurs between a person (P) and others (O) only if there is a mutual awareness and some kind of minimal interaction between the two. Thesis Statement: Does beauty really lie in the eye of the beholder? Or is there a universal consensus based on a scientific / logical reasoning behind the same? What factors influence and govern the laws of attraction? The intriguing concept of 'attraction' has fascinated individuals, researchers and psychologists alike. This paper on Love and relationships attempts to access, analyze and study the various factors surrounding the same and probe deeper into the factors governing attraction in a bid to unravel the mystery behind this captivating and unique human emotion. There have been various studies conducted to assess and analyze the reasons behind attraction, and to ascertain the factors which attract one individual to the other. Social psychologists, over the years, have identified several factors which contribute to such an attraction. These include: similarity, physical attractiveness, exposure/ proximity, reciprocity, perceived fallibility and suitability among many others (Nevid, 2011; Pastorino & Doyle-Portillo, 2011; Hayes, 2000). Similarity: This factor suggests that people are generally attracted towards those who exhibit and share features, attitudes, values and beliefs similar to one's own. Individual are more likely to feel attracted towards others with similar characteristics such as physical appearance, race, socio-economic backgrounds, tastes and preferences, level of intelligence etc. This is also considered to be one of the reasons why people are far more likely to befriend those who share similar religious and cultural values since similarity is gratifying and the similar values and beliefs shared by an individual are enhanced, validated, and reinforced by others with similar attitudes and beliefs. People belonging to different backgrounds are hence highly likely to differ and have contrasting beliefs and ideologies, thus resulting in considerable differences of opinions among them (Nevid, 2011). Physical attractiveness: Various studies have shown that individuals are more likely to react positively and/ or favorably to people who they find physically attractive. Evidence suggests that people are far more likely to feel attracted towards others who are physically attractive. According to a study conducted by Fitness, Fletcher & Overall (2003) on a bunch of college students it was observed that when left to interact with a couple of unacquainted men and women, individuals (i.e. both men and women) although communication played a key role in determining their partners, their physical attractiveness (of both the sexes) was what initially compelled them to choose the person whom they would like to interact with. This shows that people in general are likely to be attracted and form positive opinions and perspectives about others who are physically attractive. Exposure / Proximity: Proximity refers to geographical closeness and is one of the key determinants of interpersonal attraction. The level of attraction is directly related to the kind of exposure one has to others. If there is a high level of exposure and / or proximity then the level of attraction is relatively higher as well and vice versa. It has been observed through various studies that students who tend to sit next to each other in classrooms are more likely to become friends, due to increased exposure and constant proximity (Pastorino & Doyle-Portillo, 2011). Reciprocity: The concept of reciprocity entails liking those who show a liking for you, i.e. reciprocating the feeling. In any interpersonal interaction, reciprocity plays a key role in attracting people. It has been proved through various researches that individuals tend to like those who like them back. Providing others with similar liking and affection increases attractiveness of individuals and hence people in general are more drawn towards them who return their liking for them (Weiten, 2010). Perceived fallibility: It has been observed that people who display characteristics of fallibility are found to be generally more attractive by others. There is some evidence which suggest that individuals tend to be more tolerable of mistakes committed by people who are high-achievers, and this quality is considered to be highly attractive by some. This is because, the failure of people they like is perceived by individuals as a quality which is similar to them, and gives them a sense of identity and reassurance, i.e. something people can easily identify with (Hayes, 2000). Suitability: According to studies conducted by researchers on the subject of cross-cultural research, it was observed that the preferences of men and women across the globe with regard to attraction include suitability, i.e. men generally are considered to be attracted towards women younger than them, while women generally were found to be attracted towards men who are older than them. This could be on account of socio-cultural influences but it does play a key role in attraction in various cultural groups across the world (Cardwell, Flanagan, 2003). Do humans have an innate need to belong?: Humans are social animals, and crave for a sense of belonging to build self-identity. According to some psychologists and researchers, humans have an innate need to belong to groups and form attachments (Burger, 2010). According to Kassin et al., (2010) the attraction of humans to belong to / live in groups acts as a security shield which protects them against threats and deal with uncertainty and in the process gives them physical and mental strength as well as the ability to form social identities. The theory of social identity states that individuals gain self worth through association with groups. Three types of love: The three types of love include companionate, passionate and compassionate love. Companionate love, also known as affectionate love, refers to a liking which is observed in friendships between people and is based on the principle of rewards and punishments. Passionate love which is alternatively referred to as romantic love refers to love which involves sexual desire for each other, and Consummate love, refers to love which has such elements as strong intimacy, passion and commitment (Sternberg, Weis, 2006). Differences and similarities between the three types of love: Companionate love is platonic in nature, and is a type of love which has a deep sense of love and care for others; Passionate / Romantic love has strong components of sexuality and/or infatuation and is a first step towards love relationship; while consummate love is the strongest type of love which as components of both companionate and passionate love. Although there are strong differences between the three types of love, the basic underlying factor is the deep emotional bond which an individual shares with others. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg's (1987) triangular theory of love, there are three essential components of love, which include: intimacy, passion and commitment. He states that these elements or components of love, or its combination in any given relationship can be used to differentiate between different types of love, and that all relationships essentially comprise of three key elements, as shown in the figure below: Figure 1 & 2: Sternberg’s triangular theory of love Source: Weiten et al., (2011) Pp. 285 Source: Nevid & Rathus, (2010) Pp. 375 Intimacy: Intimacy refers to the feeling of warmth, sharing and closeness in a relationship. It entails giving and receiving emotional support and a desire to comfort and protect one's loved ones. Such a feeling is present in both romantic as well as platonic love. Passion: This element entails the presence of intense feelings for one another, which includes both positive as well as negative feelings; and is present in love relationships. The presence of this element in any relationship leads to the development of romance, and physical and sexual attraction for the other. Passion is a dominant element in romantic relationships. According to Sternberg’s theory, the key difference between romantic love and infatuation is the absence of element of intimacy in infatuation. Thus, passion minus the element of intimacy is described as infatuation. Commitment: According to Sternberg commitment comprises of short-term and long-term aspects, whereby the short-term aspect is concerned with a conscious decision to love someone, while the long-term aspect is concerned with a choice / decision to endure the relationship. Conclusion: “Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love” William Shakespeare Love is the basis of all relationships and over the years, various psychologists and researchers have developed and distinguished between different types of love. It is formed of a combination of various elements, which in turn determines the type of relationship between two individuals. The discussion presented above, helps in understanding various basic concepts of love and distinguishing between the different types and elements of love. References: Burger, J. M., (2010). Personality, Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 236-238 Cardwell, M., Flanagan, C., (2003). Psychology A2: The complete companion, Nelson Thornes, Pp. 9 DeLamater, J. D., (2006). Handbook of social psychology. Springer Publication, Pp. 341-343 Fletcher, Fitness, Overall (2003) in Weiten, W., (2010). Psychology: Themes and variations, Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 527-530 Hayes, N., (2000). Foundations of psychology, Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 440-443 Kassin, S., Fein, S., Markus, H. R., (2010). Social psychology, Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 295-297 Nevid, J. S., (2011). Essentials of psychology. Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 496 - 497 Nevid, J. S., Rathus, S. A., (2010). Psychology and the challenges of life, John Wiley & Sons Publication, Pp. 374-376 Pastorino, E. E., Doyle-Portillo, S. M., (2011). What is psychology? Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 466-467 Sternberg, R. J., Weis, K., (2006).The new psychology of love, Yale University Press, Pp. 316-317 Weiten, W., Dunn, D. S., Hammer, E. Y., (2011). Psychology applied to modern life: Adjustment in the 21st century, Cengage Learning Publication, Pp. 284-286 Read More