How to Disagree Agreeably - Scholarship Essay Example

HOW TO DISAGREE AGREEABLY Arguments are not desirable. Some are healthy and others are not. It is normal for people to disagree over issues, but it takes wisdom to turn arguments into constructive criticism and avoid negative emotions and even violence. Therefore, engagements have their own rules that should be followed to avoid getting arguments out of hand. People are normally advised to choose when to get involved in arguments and when to let little matters go. Piling up emotions is destructive but addressing every little mistake with such seriousness is detrimental to a healthy relationship. It is recommended that you ask the other partner directly what it is that is really bothering tem. Assuming you know the problem that is getting them annoyed may lead to unresolved issues getting out of hand. When annoyed, most people react out of anger and may end up saying hurtful things. It is wise to be respectful when addressing a problem and this can only be achieved when both partners are calm. To avoid negative reactions, the irritated partner is advised to talk about what is bothering them. They should not point the blame on the other party but speak for themselves. Also interrogation of the other party may only fuel resentment and unwillingness to cooperate. Facts have to be placed on the table to make feelings and opinions more credible. Hovering about the subject without a particular issue being addressed does not solve anything. The warring sides in any argument are advised to “speak to common interests” with an aim of solving the dispute rather than winning the argument. Winning an argument does not solve any dispute but brings about resentment from one side. One side should be willing to compromise in an argument. A compromise means that one is able to live with the decision even though he or she is not comfortable with it. Disagreements vary from place to place and should be handled differently as per the setting. Some disagreements arise in the workplace and vary from disagreements in promotion decisions to disagreements amongst workers. When disagreeing with the boss, workers are advised to be as respectful as possible (Johnson and Sande, 2011). This means no using of harsh words or name-calling. The boss is a senior person and as such should be respected. Starting an argument respectfully is likely to win the boss over to a worker’s side in an argument. Hence complaints should be started positively and respectfully and should also end as well as they began. Coworkers also get on opposite sides quite often. Most common disagreements are on who does work better than the others, what decisions are to be made in the implementation of anew project and also blame games as to who caused the failure of certain presentation (Johnson and Sande, 2011). To solve such disagreements, workers are first and foremost urged to embrace that the workplace is one social place, and that they need each other in their day to day duties. Thus in case of an argument, one should not use comments that puts his or her coworkers off since this may have a negative impact on one’s career at the workplace. One should utter meaningful words that show that they value the relationship with their fellow workers. And as earlier stated, a common ground should be the focus of the argument at the workplace this is because the workplace is like one team and each worker contributes to the general growth of the company (Johnson and Sande, 2011). Another setting where disagreements should be handled effectively is at home. This could be disagreements between the spouses or between parents and their teenagers. Disagreements between spouses should be a grave matter of concern since sometimes these arguments lead to irresponsible actions that jeopardize the relationship (Johnson and Sande, 2011). Spouses disagree over very many issues from petty things like a partner leaving dirty socks anywhere to big issues like financial matters. Couples are encouraged to know when to take a break so as to avoid arguments getting out of hand. They can later revisit the issue when both partners are calm and are in a more relaxed mood (Taylor, 2011). Couples are also encouraged to avoid revisiting past mistakes in any disagreement. Once past any disagreement, a couple is encouraged to work to solve the dispute rather relieve past mistakes. Saying things out of anger is highly discouraged in a relationship quarrel (Taylor, 2011). This means that threats to walk out of a relationship should also not be used since they only undermine the effectiveness of a constructive argument and all only push the partners farther apart. Partners should not jump into conclusions but rather listen keenly to the other person’s side of the argument (Johnson and Sande, 2011). Handling conflict with teenagers is another hard task for some parents and also teachers alike. Teenagers have many issues that o on in their lives and this makes most of them confused and vulnerable to some difficult situations. Most parents may become bossy and expect their children to obey their every command (Johnson and Sande, 2011). But as teenagers mature, they have to be treated with respect and parents should handle them as mature and responsible young people (Taylor, 2011). Thus, parents may seek to understand the needs of their teenagers rather than expecting a certain level of excellence or behavior from them. Parents should take time to listen to what their kid really wants and at times compromise so that they show confidence in their child’s or children’s opinions (Johnson and Sande, 2011). It is not only parents who disagree with their teenagers but teenagers also disagree with their parents. This should be an easy conflict resolution task since teenagers most probably have been with their parents the whole of their life and best understand them (Johnson and Sande, 2011). Most people say that parents rarely change, it is teenagers who do change and in the process change their opinions on certain issues they might have agreed with their parents before. Teenagers are encouraged to learn when to pick up quarrels with their parents. Timing is key if the parent is to treat his or her child as an adult by the way he or she expresses his or herself. Quarrelling every now and then may cause one to lose the respect from their parents (Taylor, 2011). Sibling rivalry is also common in any household at any one time. Resolving disputes between siblings may be a hard task due to the hidden feelings that some do carry for years. Siblings should be appreciative of the role the other brother or sister plays in his or her entire life. Hurtful comments should not dominate any argument but instead, a criticism should start of with a positive note such as “I value your opinions so much but it hurts when you say I’m dumb.” (Taylor, 2011). Another form of disputes is the disagreements that affect friends. This is very common and arguments may be mild or very disastrous. Disagreements with friends should be made constructive by seeking a common ground in any debate and not pointing fingers at the other partner. Partners are advised not to speak out of anger but rather cool down. Speaking out of hurt is better since its most common amongst best friends. Friends are also encouragement to “speak for themselves” and point out specifically the areas of hut that is affecting them. One should not focus on another’s mistakes but rather work on solving a dispute (Johnson and Sande, 2011). Neighbors also do get into disagreements that are not something new. Neighbors should respect the boundaries of their fellow neighbors and not annoy them intentionally by some activities such as holding loud parties without their consent or unleashing their pets on their compounds. To handle disputes, neighbors are encouraged to hold respectful talks by sitting down and talking about the issues that affect them and drafting plans to solve such disputes (Taylor, 2011). References Lerner, H. (2009). The Dance of Anger. HarperCollins: United Kingdom. Johnson, K. Sande, K. (2011). Resolving Everyday Conflict. Baker Books: United States. Taylor, A. (2011).The Handbook of Family Dispute Resolution: Mediation Theory and Practice. John Wiley & Sons: New York City. 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