Interpersonal Communication and Positive Relationships - Essay Example

? Conflict management is an important skill for achievement of success in personal and professional life. Conflict in interactions leads tolower productivity, poor communication, negative attitude and polluted environment. This shows that having a skill of interpersonal communication is necessary for conflict resolution. However, the review of literature on social communication has revealed that interpersonal skill is not just a single skill. It is a combination of different dynamic skills which helps people in reaching the goals of interactions in professional and personal life. Hence, skill of interpersonal communication plays an essential role not just in resolution of conflict but also in achieving overall success in life. Introduction Communication is a means of sharing your ideas, emotions, feelings, goals, thoughts etc., with other people around you. Healthy and open communication pattern are the foundations of healthy, strong and positive relationships (Krizan, Merrier, Logan, and Williams 2008, p.366). However, problems in communication lead to problems in relationship. Once the relationships are hampered, then it becomes difficult to achieve those goals for which the relationships were created in the first place. Achievement of goals depends on compatibility and bonding with other people involved in relationship. Sadly, due to incompatibility in goals, most of the relationships end up in conflicts. Conflict in relationship is the major reason for failure to achieve goals, both in personal and professional life (Krizan, Merrier, Logan, and Williams 2008, p.378). Hence, to avoid conflicts, it is essential to have a skill of interpersonal communication (Krizan, Merrier, Logan, and Williams 2008, p.366). However, as human personality is a combination of different aspects like emotions, thoughts, behavior, attitude etc., it is not possible to handle the conflict situation only with single skill. Hence, interpersonal communication skill is the only skill that can help human beings to manage conflict effectively and positively, as interpersonal skill is a combination of different skills which teaches people how to make communication successful by catering to every aspect of human personality and behavior. Definition Interpersonal communication is defined as an effort by two or more people, to create and sustain shared meaning through the process of exchanging the messages with each other (West and Turner 2009, p.10). However, interpersonal communication is not as easy as it sounds. For successful interpersonal communication, one not only needs to be clear about his own goals of communication, but also needs to take care of not hurting other people involved in the communication. According to scholars, only those people who have the ability to carry out effective and appropriate communication with others, depending on the situation, are competent in the area of interpersonal communication (Wood 2010, p.32). People communicate and interact with others with a purpose and goal in their mind. When a particular interaction leads to achievement of the goal of that interaction, then the communication is considered effective (Wood 2010, p.32). If the goals of communication are not achieved, then the interpersonal communication is considered ineffective and incompetent. Very few people have the ability to achieve the goals of communication because interpersonal communication is a ‘skill’ and not a natural ability. It is a part of social skill as it enhances the productivity and meaning of professional and personal relationships in life. However, the good thing is that, it can be learned and practiced by everyone who desires positive communication in their lives. Importance of Interpersonal Interpersonal communication is a part of social skill. Hence, people in the field of medicine, psychology, counseling, religion, education, military, human resource, business management etc., are being trained in social skills through different training programs (Hargie, Saunders and Dickson 1994, p.ix). This is because it has been realized that interpersonal communication is an important aspect of success in any profession (Hargie, Saunders and Dickson 1994, p.ix). It is the interpersonal skill of a person which helps in handling the challenges of professional life. Most importantly, it helps in handling the most challenging part of professional life and that is, conflict. Conflict According to Wilmot and Hocker (2006), a conflict that occurs due to different views, interests, or goals of people in relationships, is known as interpersonal conflict (Wood 2010, p.223). Interestingly, conflict occurs in situations where people depend on each other for achievement of common goals. Hence, according to Folger, Poole, and Stutman (2001), interpersonal conflict is “the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals” (West and Turner 2009, p.295). The definitions show that the main reason behind the conflict is the inflexible attitude of people involved in the conflict because despite of feeling a need to resolve the conflict, they are not ready to be flexible and understand other person’s point of view (Wood 2010, p.223). In such a scenario, solving a conflict becomes a difficult thing to achieve. Moreover, as “interpersonal conflict is an ‘expressed’ disagreement, struggle or discord” (Wood 2010, p.223), it involves people who do not hesitate to express their negative feelings and thoughts, and do not suppress their emotions. It means that people involved in conflict have a trait of aggression and action in their personality which makes it more difficult to resolve a conflict. However, no matter how difficult the conflict is, it is extremely necessary to resolve a conflict and that too, with a win-win approach. Conflict has a potential to create unnecessary discord and misunderstandings among people in conflict. Conflict is always between two or more people as it is only when people express discord through their body language or say something that differs from other person, that the conflict occurs and is felt (West and Turner 2009, p.296). Hence, it is very important to develop constructive and positive ways of dealing with conflict as conflict is something that cannot be avoided in any relationships (Wood 2010, p.226). According to Spitzberg, Canary and Cupach (1994), people express and display the worst side of their personality when they are in argument or in conflict with other people (Morreale, Spitzberg and Barge 2007, p.186). In a conflicting situation, the thought that ‘someone else is trying to win over me’, pollutes the mind so much that people forget to solve the problem rationally by clarifying each others stance and understanding each other’s interests (Morreale, Spitzberg and Barge 2007, p.186). Conflict has a potential to cause a permanent damage to relationships as under the influence of emotions, people do or say things that hurt others very deeply. Unfortunately, communication cannot be reversed, i.e. one cannot take back what is said in the heat of negative emotions and negative state of mind (Hargie, Saunders and Dickson 1994, p.18). Hence, it is extremely important to resolve the conflicts in healthy and constructive way. Fortunately, the skill which can resolve a conflict positively is the skill of interpersonal communication. Role of Interpersonal Communication Interpersonal communication plays a major role in the success and happiness of human being. People who lack interpersonal skills are incapable of communicating their ideas properly and paving a way towards the achievement of goal. It has been found that people who lack the ability to communicate with customers properly, and who cannot get along with their co-workers and bosses, are fired even if they are good at their job (Dunne 2003, p.39). People who are difficult to communicate with get distanced by others (Dunne 2003, p.39). This is because communicating with them causes pain and frustration. Hence, interpersonal communication skill is extremely important. The skill of interpersonal communication teaches people how to communicate without causing any distress or pain to other people (Dunne 2003, p.39). Interpersonal communication is a complex process. The perception, cognition, emotions and expressions of a person are the fundamental factors of interpersonal communication (Hargie, Saunders and Dickson 1994, p.9). Hence, when these factors of people involved in communication are not compatible, then it causes conflict. For example, when people ‘perceive’ that their goals are not compatible with others, then they feel discord in relationship with them (West and Turner 2009, p.297). Moreover, the discord becomes ‘personal’ in nature as people in conflict think that other people are somehow standing in the way of achievement of their ‘personal’ goals and hence, they become negative towards them and the conflict between them is intensified (West and Turner 2009, p.297). Hence, something that starts with disagreement regarding goals takes an ugly turn and becomes a matter pf personal pride. People’s ego overpowers their maturity and this creates conflict in interaction with others. In such cases, the only thing that helps in resolution of conflict is the skill of interpersonal communication. However, to understand ‘how’ interpersonal communication helps in conflict resolution, one needs to understand the different aspects of human beings that lead to conflict. Challenges in Communication Communication is one of the most important aspects of personal and professional relationships in life. According to Brownell (1990), 60-80% of employees’ time is spent in some form of communication (Perrewe and Ganster 2005, p.40). Hence, work relationships have great chances of being affected by interpersonal conflict (Perrewe and Ganster 2005, p.40). The interesting thing is that, despite of having experience of communicating with other people since childhood, people still find it difficult to communicate with others in different relationships. In Reinshch and Shelby’s (1996) survey of MBA students, it was found that interactions with people at work is a challenge for 64% of students, face to face communication is challenge for 78% of students and communication involving two people is a challenge for 47% of students (Perrewe and Ganster 2005, p.40). Hence, when people are facing so many problems in their lives regarding different aspects of communication, then occurrence of conflict is a natural thing. However, to resolve conflict, it is important to know the conflict in depth. Nature of Conflict People think that conflict exists because people do not communicate properly. However, that is not the case. It has been observed that conflict occurs even in cases where people communicate clearly with others (West and Turner 2009, p.303). Conflict occurs because they ‘disagree’ to the ideas that are communicated (West and Turner 2009, p.303). Hence, the understanding that good communication prevents or resolves the conflict is a wrong thinking (West and Turner 2009, p.303). Miscommunication is not the only reason behind conflict but also the disagreements between people. In such scenario, understanding other person’s point of view and trusting others becomes an important thing to do as the success of the interaction depends on these qualities. In work scenario, clear communication strategy is essential for team performance (Bovee and Thill 2011, p.13). The team that has clear goal, communicates openly and honestly, thinks creatively, reaches decisions in harmony and knows how to resolve conflict, is the most effective team (Bovee and Thill 2011, p.13). However, if members of the team lack trust in each other, doubt the motives of other members and communicate poorly, then their effectiveness suffers, and their performance deteriorates (Bovee and Thill 2011, p.13). This scenario is observed not only at work places but also at home. Poor communication and conflicts in any relationship affects the relationships negatively and harms its proper growth. Hence, for effective development and enhancement of relationship, it is important to know the skill of interpersonal communication as it is interpersonal communication that helps people in acknowledging the ‘stance’ of other people and understand their point of view. Hence, interpersonal communication plays an essential role in understanding and resolving the conflict. Skills Of Interpersonal Communication Communication is a goal oriented activity. Every person has his own goal when interacting with others and his goal is vital to him (Hargie 2006, p.30). However, in case of social interaction, people not only have to value their own goals but also need to interpret and understand other people’s goal because reaching a harmonious decision is aim of social interaction or communication (Hargie 2006, p.30).If the individual goal of a person is compatible with other people involved in interaction, then the interaction becomes smooth and easy (Hargie 2006, p.30). However, if the goals are incompatible, then there is a discord and conflict in the interaction, which makes it difficult to maintain harmony in relationship and in the environment (Hargie 2006, p.30). Hence, looking at other person’s point of view becomes an important thing to do and this is possible only with the skill of interpersonal communication. However, interpersonal communication is not a single skill but is combination of many different skills that help in touching aspects of communication in different relationships (Wood 2010, p.32). Following are the different skills needed to become skilled at interpersonal communication. Dual Perspective According to Phillips and Woods (1983), it is essential to understand both our own and other person’s goals, beliefs, perspective or feelings, if one desires to become competent in interpersonal communication skill (Wood 2010, p.33). This skill is known as ‘dual perspective’ and it helps in understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings about the issue being discussed (Wood 2010, p.33). However, people who are egocentric by nature fail to see other person’s point of view and don’t even take efforts to understand what others are feeling (Wood 2010, p.33). They are so engrossed with their own goals and ideas that they fail to recognize the presence and importance of other people’s contribution in achievement of goals (Wood 2010, p.33). Moreover, lack of dual perspective can create conflict even in simple matters like planning a party or a picnic. For example, I had a colleague who was a vegetarian and believed strongly in animal rights. One day, our team decided to go for lunch. There were many non-vegetarian members in our team and they decided to order non-vegetarian dishes. However, the colleague who was vegan started talking about animal rights and how cruel and inhuman it is to eat non-vegetarian food. This led to an argument regarding what to order. There was a huge conflict between the vegan and non-vegetarian members in the team. In this scenario, the lack of dual perspective in vegan member led him to ignore the fact that everyone has his own beliefs and choices regarding food. Most importantly, choice about food is also a result of cultural background and religious sentiments. Hence, it is not necessary that everyone should follow his beliefs about food. If the vegan colleague had used the interpersonal skill of dual perspective, then he would have ordered a separate dish for himself without insulting others by indicating that they are inhuman or cruel. In this way, even minor things can lead to creation of serious conflicts with others. Also, people do not forget conflicts easily and the future interactions become conflicting due to previous conflicts. Hence, the skill of ‘dual perspective’, which is a part of interpersonal communication competence, plays a major role in finding a compatible level in the conflict by keeping personal goals completely away for some time, and trying to look at the issue from other person’s point of view. The second interpersonal communication skill that helps in resolution of conflict is adapting appropriate communication style. Adapting Communication style The second skill that people need to become competent in interpersonal communication is the skill of adapting a right style of communication in different interactions (Wood 2010, p.32). For example, to avoid the conflicts in interactions with others, it is essential to know when to be assertive and when to show respectful submission (Wood 2010, p.32). Personal goals, context of interaction and people with who we communicate, are the factors that should be considered while deciding which communication style is to be adapted (Wood 2010, p.32). If people adapt a suitable communication style for particular interaction, then it helps in prevention and resolution of conflict. Monitoring Communication Skills like listening to others and non-verbal language play an important role in the development of positive relationships and in managing conflicts (Krizan, Merrier, Logan, and Williams 2008, p.365). One can have a powerful effect on other people by making them feel totally accepted by listening to them non-judgmentally (Collins 2009,p.5). Hence, monitoring your communication by observing and regulating the non-verbal aspects of communication is an important skill of interpersonal communication (Wood 2010, p.34). It helps in checking the negative thought pattern and to avoid saying those things which can lead to conflict (Wood 2010, p.34). In this way, adapting the various skills of interpersonal communication can help people in avoiding and resolving the conflicts in personal and professional lives. Conclusion The literature review of social communication shows that interpersonal communication is an art which can be developed and enhanced by practicing certain skills. Hence, to build positive relationships and to enhance the productivity in relationship, people need to adapt different interpersonal communication skills, which can help them to communicate with other people in broadminded and mature way, and make them competent to handle challenges like conflicts, successfully. References Bovee, C. and Thill, J. 2001, Business Communication Essentials: A Skill-Based Approach to Vital Business English. 4th ed. Noida: Pearson Prentice Hall. Collins, S.D., 2009. Interpersonal Communication: Listening and Responding.2nd ed. Mason: South-Western Cengage Learning. Dunne, G., 2003. Anger and Conflict Management: Personal Handbook. Torrance: Personhood Press. Hargie, O., 2006. The Handbook of Communication Skills. 3rd ed. London: Routledge. Hargie, O., Saunders, C., and Dickson, D., 1994. Social Skills in Interpersonal Communication. 3rd ed. London: Routledge. Krizan, A.C., Merrier, P., Logan,J.P. and Williams, K.S., 2008. Business Communication. 7th ed. Mason: Thomson Higher Education. Morreale, S.P., Spitzberg, B.H. and Barge, J.K., 2007. Human Communications: Motivation, Knowledge, and Skills. Belmont: Thomson-Wadsworth. Perrewe, P.L. and Ganster, D.C. 2005. Exploring Interpersonal Dynamics. Amsterdam: Elsevier Ltd. West,R. and Turner, L.H., 2009. Understanding Interpersonal Communication: Making Choices in Changing Times. 2nd ed. Boston: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning. Wood. J.T. 2010. Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounter. 6th ed. Boston: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning. Read More