Interpersonal Communication in Relationship - Research Paper Example

? and number Interpersonal Communication in Relationship submitted Interpersonal Communication in Relationship Dear John and Vivian, I am so happy to have learned from our colleagues in school that you have been recently engaged. Congratulations! I have known you both for most of our college years and it is just amazing to know that your endearing relationship have blossomed into veering towards a future commitment as a couple. I am honored to have been sought by you regarding providing appropriate advice on how to effectively use interpersonal communication in your relationship given my involvement in a current course in interpersonal communication. So far, the course has provided vast amounts of information that would assist in improving interpersonal relationships through the right application of communication theories and approaches. I would be structuring my advice in five sections: the principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communications; barriers to effective interpersonal interactions; the process of developing and maintaining self-concept; assessing your personal communications and improving communication competencies; and finally, developing strategies for active, critical and emphatic listening. I am sure that although this letter is lengthy, the information contained herein is validated from significant findings sources from researches on the subject by authoritative practitioners in the field. Principles and Misconceptions in Effective Interpersonal Communications Effective interpersonal communications must address issues that lead to misconceptions on communication. Remember John and Vivian how misunderstandings commonly results from misinterpreting the messages relayed by the sender of the communication to the recipient, or vise versa? A relevant article published in the Health Day News entitled “Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication” (which I will likewise attach for your further reading on you available time), revealed that couples have tendencies to assume that since they have been together for a defined period in time, their close interpersonal relationship presumes that they understand all communications relayed or exchanged in all circumstances. This is a misconception. Experts reveal that one partner should not assume that the message expressed by the other is always understood (Thompson, n.d.). To address the dilemma, couples must repeat what one said to confirm it the message was correctly understood. Accordingly, the implicit rule is to double check with each other (Thompson, n.d.). The Health Day News article cited Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, as explaining the rationale for the misconception, to wit: “our problem in communicating with friends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding" (Health Day News, 2011, p. 1). In this regard, to improve communication, John and Vivian, you need to pay closer attention not only on the verbal language that you exchanged, but also on nonverbal modes of communication, such as gesture, body language, tone of the voice, eye contact and even silence (Grohol, n.d.). Caution is likewise advised in the interpretation of nonverbal signals that could also be susceptible to be misinterpreted. The rule on double checking still applies. The website on Family Education provide relevant suggestions to improve communication skills by following the guidelines on steps in clear communication: to observe undivided attention, figuring out what one really wants to say, and practicing being a good listener, among others (Family Education, n.d.). Now that issues of misconception are resolved, we now proceed to barriers to effective interpersonal interactions. Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Interactions There are diverse sources of barriers that deem to preclude the level of interpersonal interactions. I am sure that both of you, John and Vivian, are anxious to find out what these barriers are to enhance your awareness on them and to enable you to address any perceived obstacle that could drastically affect your interactions, as a couple. The website on Communication Theory clearly categorized the barriers to effective interpersonal interactions as ensuing from “environmental, physical, semantic, attitudinal and varying perceptions of reality” (Communication Theory, N.d. , p. 1). As indicated, the environmental and physical barriers include elements of time, space, place and medium of communication or interaction – whether face-to-face, written, or other audio-visual medium. Semantic barriers were explained the connotational meanings of words, more explicitly indicating the need to select appropriate terms and words according to context, situation and the recipients’ ability to understand the language used. The barriers transcending cultural orientations are crucial to incorporate diversities in languages, traditions, values and preferences. Psychological barriers denote mental capacities and aptitudes of both sender and receiver of messages. Finally, perceptions of reality need to incorporate flexibility, openness and transparency depending on levels of perception of the couples, as well as the situation and context for interpersonal interactions. Development and Maintenance of Self-Concept It is most crucial to acknowledge at this point, John and Vivian, that although you are seeking advice for the effectively using interpersonal communication in your relationship, the process of development and maintenance of self-concept is the underlying framework for successful relationship. The Bell (N.D.) of the Psychology and Society website defines self-concept as “the perception that one has of oneself. The self-concept may include the perception of one's abilities, motives, attitudes, beliefs, and other personality characteristics” (Bell, N.d. ). Catley (2009) emphasized that self-concept “is the collection of ideas and beliefs people hold about the self… (and) formed through many different viewpoints and impressions” (Catley, 2009, pars. 2 & 3). From the description and definition, the theoretical framework encompassing the development of one’s self-concept includes experiences of an individual through time. More importantly, a person could have the ability and the capacity to change and transform one’s self-concept through actions regarded as crucial to serve personal goals. Catley (2009) acknowledged that “the Self Perception Theory was first proposed by Daryl Bem (1967). This describes how a person may alter and arrange their self-concept around actions they have taken” (Catley, 2009, par. 4). Other relevat theories on self concept as included in Catley’s (2009) discourse are quoted as follows: Research by Anderson and Godfrey (1987) reveals that even picturing an event such as taking active part in a recycling program, can make some develop a self-concept that they are an environmentally friendly and concerned person. This reveals how self-concept will mould around actions and thoughts (Bem, 1967; cited in Catley, 2009, par. 5). Leon Festinger originally proposed the ‘Social Comparison Theory’ in 1954. This suggested that people form their own self-concept through viewing others in a comparative sense. People tend to look at what separates them from the ‘norm’ of everyday society, it may be something as simple as they fact that they are left handed, have several tattoos or like to listen to rare ‘Soviet Jazz’ recordings (Festinger, 1954; cited in Catley, 2009, pars.6 & 7). A study by McGuire & McGuire in 1981 found that children asked to describe themselves in a list of characteristics are likely to mention those which appear to separate them from the rest of the classroom (such as wearing glasses, or being lactose- intolerant). This appears to help people to form a more cohesive and individual self-concept which can distinguish them from the population (McGuire & McGuire, 1981; cited in Catley, 2009, par.8). The theories proved that self-concept is developed through various means, medium, approaches and stages in a person’s life. The maintenance of self-concept is averred by Catley (2009) to be stabilized by “many different mental and psychological inferences and attributions” (par. 9). The concepts of selective memory and attribution try to reinforce and justify current behavior from what has been established from the past. These theories assist in understanding the way each person behaves and reacts to situations that affect relationships with others. John’s self-concept would influence his behavior and patterns of communication and would thereby determine how it affects Vivian’s current perception of oneself. An Assessment of Personal Communications and Communication Competencies One of the most interesting things learned from the course was assessing compatibility of partners through language style matching developed by James Pennebaker, a psychologist from the University of Texas. In one of our writing exercises, we were required to read an article entitled “Shared Talking Styles Herald New and Lasting Romance” written by Bower (2010) which proffered issues that indicate that the use of words in a conversation between partners measure or gauge their compatibility. Through the research instigated by Pennebaker, with the assistance of Molly Ireland, a graduate student from the same university, they findings revealed that language-style matching indicates the ability of partners to sustain or end relationships through the use of function words, described as “pronouns, articles, conjunctions, prepositions and negations” (Bower, 2010, p. 1). /There is a website that aims to measure Language Style Matching (LSM) scores through feeding information such as text messages, written works, and other relevant materials from two partners to verify their level of similarity using language as the main parameter. Luckily, I used both your text messages to me, which I fed to the system and generated an above average score of 0.78. This supports the high level of parallelism between you which could be justified and rationalized by the vast amount of quality time spent together, manifesting the same educational background, sharing similar demographic factors (age, residence) and preferences. The similarities in background have also assisted in increasing your personal communications and communication competencies that contributed to generating a high LSM score. This proved to be a fun activity and you can actually log in the Pennebaker Conglemerates, Inc. website’s Online Research Consortium to test your LSM scores yourselves. Strategies for Active, Critical, and Empathic Listening It has been briefly mentioned and suggested by Family Education as one of the steps in clear communication, practicing being a good listener is of crucial importance. As the communication process is not a one-way street, listening likewise, need some strategies to be effective. Mind Tools provided five key elements for active listening, to wit: “(1) pay attention; (2) show that you are listening; (3) provide feedback; (4) defer judgment; and (5) respond appropriately” (Mind Tools, 2011, p. 1). As all elements are self-explanatory and easy to understand, the highlights of the section emphasize giving full attention to the one speaking by looking at the speaker, acknowledging important points through gestures (nod, smiling, maintaining correct posture), providing feedback (through questions trying to confirm the message or summarizing points being discussed), avoiding unnecessary interruptions, and responding appropriately through an honest reaction and expression personal opinion of the message that has been relayed. With the time you have spent together, I am sure you have learned most, if not all of the strategies of active, critical and emphatic listening. If there are some elements that need to be improved, I hope my advice brought this to light and you would be able to address listening issues, as required. Again, my congratulations to you, John and Vivian on your engagement. I hope I have assisted you effectively to use interpersonal communication in your current and future interpersonal relationship. The guiding generalizations contained in the five sections: the principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communications; barriers to effective interpersonal interactions; the process of developing and maintaining self-concept; assessing your personal communications and improving communication competencies; and finally, developing strategies for active, critical and emphatic listening, are aimed to assist in improving, not only your relationship as a couple, but in your various relationships with other people. I am sure that you recognized that the need for putting these advices to positive and beneficial use relies ultimately on your commitment and genuine desire for personal and professional enrichment through effective communication. My best regards to you both. Sincerely, _________ References Bell, B. (N.d. ). Self-Concept Definition. Retrieved July 14, 2011 , from Psychology and Society: http://www.psychologyandsociety.com/self-concept.html Bem, D. (1967). Self-Perception: An Alternative Interpretation of Cognitive Dissonance Phenomena. Psychological Review , pp. 74, 183-200. Bower, B. (2010, November 22). Shared Talking Styles Herald New and Lasting Romance. Science News , pp. 1-2. Catley, M. (2009, September 9). The Self - Developing the Self-Concept. Retrieved July 14, 2011, from Psychology@Suite 101: http://www.suite101.com/content/the-self-developing-the-selfconcept-a146764 Communication Theory. (N.d. ). Barriers to effective communication. Retrieved July 14, 2011, from http://communicationtheory.org/barriers-to-effective-communication/ Family Education. (n.d.). Ten steps to clear communication. Retrieved July 12, 2011, from familyeducation.com: http://life.familyeducation.com/marriage/relationships/45582.html Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations , pp. 7: 117– 140. Grohol, J. (n.d.). 9 Steps to better communication today. Retrieved July 12, 2011, from psychcentral.com: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/ Health Day News. (2011, January 24). “Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication” . p. 1. McGuire, W., & McGuire, C. (1981). he spontaneous self-concept as affected by personal distinctiveness". In Self-Concept: Advances in theory and Research. Cambridge Press. Mind Tools. (2011). Active Listening. Retrieved July 14, 2011, from http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm Thompson, T. (n.d.). Ten steps to better communication. Retrieved July 12, 2011, from nativeremedies.com: http://www.nativeremedies.com/articles/10-steps-to-better-communication.html Read More