Parental Divorce That Changed My Views about Life - Case Study Example

RUNNING HEAD: PARENTAL DIVORCE THAT CHANGED MY VIEWS ABOUT LIFE Parental Divorce That Changed My Views about Life [Name of the Writer] [Name of the Institution] Parental Divorce That Changed My Views about Life Introduction Parental divorce is a life-changing experience for approximately one million American children every year. Although most world religions, including Islam, emphasize the value of lifelong marriage and frown on divorce, divorce rates vary relatively little across different Muslim denominations (Kreider, 2007), which raises questions about the role that spirituality may play in how family members interpret and react to a divorce. Specifically, spiritual beliefs about the undesirability of divorce could potentially intensify psychological distress when divorce occurs. Children whose parents divorce might be particularly vulnerable because they face not only the breakup of their family but also possible alienation from their faith tradition, the loss of a spiritual support system, and the need to reconcile their parents’ divorce with their own spiritual identity (Kreider, 2007). Despite the potential of spirituality to present unique burdens or resources for youth when parents divorce, virtually no research has addressed the ways in which offspring make sense of their parents’ divorce or cope with this event within a spiritual framework. Parental divorce is a well-documented risk factor for a variety of psychological difficulties across numerous life domains. For example, studies have consistently found that youth from divorced families tend to exhibit higher levels of anxiety and depression and greater overall mental health needs than peers from intact families (Ruschena, Prior, 2005). These links between parental divorce and higher levels of psychological maladjustment can be traced into adulthood even after early childhood variables are taken into account. My Experience He sits with a pencil in her hand and a thoughtful expression on her face. He shifts in her chain and a sudden glow lights up her profile as inspiration falls on her. Without difficulty, she begins paint his life. . . That is me. I am an Arab Muslim university student, have lived in an Arab country all of my life, with the exception of the occasional holiday. And as stressful as it is at times, I don't think that I would be quite the same person if I had grown up elsewhere. To me, who I am and who I will become are very important. Certain events influence me to start thinking about my life, and although I have not yet truly figured out who I am, I think I know where I'm headed. It's hard when people ask me which country I like better: Egypt or Saudi Arabia. I've lived my whole life in Egypt being treated like an Egyptian, but in Jordan, people always acknowledge me as a Jordanian person. Sometimes I want to give up being half of something; for once I want to be something whole. On the other hand, I could never ever give up being either Egyptian or Jordanian. There are unique aspects of both cultures that I greatly appreciate. Over time, I have realized that I can, in fact, be both Egyptian and Jordanian without lacking anything. Despite this awareness and my love for these two countries, I think when I'm older I'll just live in a totally different country such as Spain, so I can avoid choosing between Egypt and Jordan. I live with my mother, her best friend and my mother's student. My parents divorced a few years ago, and now I'm living with just women. I often resent this arrangement. I often reach out for a male figure, and although my father is around on weekends, it's not the same. My parents' divorce had a great impact on me. I withdrew from the world and lapsed into silence and periods of deep thought about such things as love, life, death, and myself. These four ideas all seemed to be connected, and I began to ponder more and more. I was lucky to have a good friend who was going through the same experience as me. We had many conversations about great things, and slowly I began to understand more about the life surrounding me. At this particular time, I also became very drawn to nature, for it seemed to hold many answers to my questions. After adjusting to family changes, I began to focus on my education again, which I had neglected. I am currently a university student in Queensland. Socially, there are divisions between the Jordanian students and the foreign students at school. We spend our spare time separately because we lead such different lives, and it's easier to become friends with someone who understands your culture. I socialize with the foreign students because I am more comfortable with their relaxed, open attitude. They are so much more accepting of one's eccentricities, while the Jordanian students tend to be more traditional. Personally, I don't think I could easily become friends with the Jordanian students even if I tried. The only thing that bothers me about these divisions, however, is the exclusion and exclusive attitudes among both groups. I believe in love and friendship. I believe that they are important, and that without them we would not survive. My friends are important to me and I would go to great lengths to help a friend in need. We friends share big parts of our lives and have lots of fun together. The one friendship that I value like no other is with my best friend. We often talk about our future plans. In near future, I would like to be a social worker. I am especially interested in helping patients and solve social problems. My identity is the most vital thing for now. I need to know who I am before I can reach out to others. It is hard to get to know people when I don't really know myself. I hope one day I will wake up and suddenly realize who I am so that I can start to touch other peoples' lives. Not only can children’s psychological problems be traced into adulthood, but adults who are confronted with their parents’ divorce are likewise vulnerable to psychological struggles related to the divorce. That is, parental divorce after childhood (i.e., between ages 17 and 31) has been associated with higher malaise scores at age 33 when compared with scores of adults from intact families (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2005). Thus, young adults seem not to be immune to psychological difficulties simply because their parents’ divorce occurred after childhood. Laumann-Billings and Emery (2006) created a unique measure of nonclinical levels of psychological distress (i.e., Painful Feelings about Divorce scale). They found that resilient young adults from divorced families endorsed psychological distress items related to their parents’ divorce. These items assessed constructs such as ongoing feelings of loss and abandonment, angst related to events such as graduation when both parents would be present, and a general sense that life has been harder because of the divorce (Laumann-Billings & Emery, 2006). One reason for this modest explanatory power might be that each theory focuses on a child’s exposure to specific stressors as the mechanism responsible for that child’s individual psychological maladjustment. In contrast, coping theory suggests that the effectiveness or lack thereof of an ongoing, organic process of appraisal and coping is related to psychological adjustment—not merely the exposure to specific events (Sharf, 2006). More specifically, coping theory assumes that people are goal-directed individuals who actively seek to create and sustain significance in their lives (Amato, Cheadle, 2005). As people work to sustain the areas of life from which they derive significance, they appraise life events in terms of their relationship to these areas of significance. Life events become stressors when they are perceived as threatening, harmful, or challenging to an individual’s deepest, most significant aspects of life (Rodgers, 2009). In response to these stressors, people engage in coping activities as they work to hold on to their significant objects or transform these areas of significance in a way that integrates the stressful event into their orienting system or general way of approaching the world (Amato, Cheadle, 2005). Published research on coping theory and parental divorce appears to be limited to a handful of studies. Additionally, they found that avoidance (negative) coping partially mediated the relationship between negative events and psychological symptoms and active (positive) coping moderated the link between negative events and conduct problems. Sandler, Tein, Metha, Wolchik, and Ayers (2006) found that similar links between active and avoidant coping and psychological adjustment were mediated by coping efficacy, which they defined as the child’s belief that he or she has some control over the situation. Taken together, these studies suggested that coping theory is salient for children’s experiences of parental divorce (Mayo, 2006). It is not surprising that similarities exist among them as the family is the most basic unit in all societies and divorce shakes not only the foundation of this social nucleus but has far-reaching impact on the rest of society. The reasons most studies stated were lack of communication and incompatibility. Those who are unmarried will be afraid of making the decision to marry if the trend shows that marriages are failing. Children from broken homes carry scars of insecurity that can affect their capacity to have long term relationships (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2005). Therefore, it is important on the one hand to raise an awareness among the youth on the skills needed to have lasting marriages, so that they don't begin married life with high expectations and a low sense of responsibility and on the other hand social policies need to help divorced women and their children to readjust their lives to normalcy and be accepted without any stigma in society (Patterson, 2006). Family dynamics that increase the likelihood of later divorce first act to increase the mental health problems of dependent children. Controlling for these predivorce differences, the event of parental divorce is accompanied by higher levels of child anxiety/depression and, for children living in highly dysfunctional families, lower levels of child antisocial behavior (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2005). A process-oriented approach to the effects of parental divorce on child mental health stands to advance considerably this field of knowledge, by enabling researchers to discern more clearly how child mental health is uniquely affected by child and family characteristics that precede and predict marital dissolution, as well as effects that flow directly from the divorce event and emerging subsequent stressors. Help Restore Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem The fact that young people have not fully developed their coping skills is a complicating factor in completing grief work. The self concept has several components, but two important ones are personal control and personal vulnerability (Peris, Emery, 2007). Children need to come to terms with life events to develop self-reliance and a sense of mastery. If grief is not resolved, children are more susceptible to stress (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2005). Counseling is essential to a disenfranchised, young grieving person. By being available, encouraging and strengthening existing relationships, and helping to develop new ones, the counselor will assist the grieving person to reestablish a sense of self (Peterson, 2008). Counselors can encourage students to recognize grieving as a maturation process for making positive changes so that they can emerge more aware, more sensitive, and more resilient (Chen, George, 2005). Rituals as Critical Tools Rituals are a powerful therapeutic tool for resolving grief. Ritual is a specific behavior or activity that gives symbolic expression to certain feelings and thoughts of the actor individually or as a group. Unfortunately, disenfranchised grieving persons are often denied the rituals because the grief is unrecognized (Chen, George, 2005). The expressive arts and play therapies offer many strategies that could be incorporated into the counselor's work with children (Brott, 2007). Some suggested techniques to express grief that have been found to be helpful include drawing, role playing, writing letters and poems, journal writing, and other types of memorials (Bujold, 2008; Furman, etal, 2007). Conclusion Society is always evolving and just as various systems like the political organizations, economic institutions, etc are affected by change, so also does the family have to keep up with the new developments. The social solidarity as Durkheim described is organic in modern societies where each segment of society helps stabilize the other in crisis. Divorce, as we see it, is a structural problem that has afflicted young married couples (in their twenties) over a period of time. Statistics have also shown that significant proportions of youth do not continue beyond five years of marriage. While, society has tried through formal and informal institutions to meet the demands of the family there is need for more change. Finally, the family has to play a stronger role in the socialization of the children. It is also important for parents to spend more time with their children to instill in them values and norms that will keep them together in later life. They have to learn communication skills and conflict resolution as these two skills are the pillars that will stop the roof from collapsing in the marital home. Children through early socialization need to be taught respect and cooperation with the other sex. Boys should not be favored in parental treatment, as it prepares these boys to expect superior roles in adult life. References Amato, P. R., & Cheadle, J. (2005). The long reach of divorce: Divorce and child well-being across three generations. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 191-206. Brott, P. E. (2007). Constructivist assessment in career counseling. Journal of Career Development, 30, 189-200. Bujold, C. (2008). Constructing career through narrative. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 64, 470-484. Chen, J., & George, R. A. (2005). Cultivating resilience in children from divorced families. Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 13, 452-455. Furman, R., Jackson, R. L., Downey, E. P., & Shears, J. (2007). Social constructivist practice with youth. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 20, 263-275. Furstenberg, F. F., & Kiernan, K. E. (2005). Delayed parental divorce: How much do children benefit? Journal of Marriage and Family, 63, 446–457. Kreider, R. M. (2007). Living arrangements of children: 2004 (Current Population Reports, P70-114). Washington, DC: U.S. Census Bureau. Laumann-Billings, L., & Emery, R. E. (2006). Distress among young adults from divorced families. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 671–687. Mayo, J. A. (2006). Life analysis: Using life-story narratives in teaching life-span developmental psychology. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 14, 25-41. Patterson, J. M. (2006). Integrating family resilience and family stress theory. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64, 349-360. Peris, T. S., & Emery, R. E. (2007). A prospective study of the consequences of marital disruption for adolescents: Predisruption family dynamics and post disruption adolescent adjustment. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 33, 694-704. Peterson, J. S. (2008). A longitudinal study of post-high-school development in gifted individuals at risk for poor educational outcomes. Journal of Secondary Gifted Education, 14, 6-18. Rodgers, K. B., & Rose, H. A. (2009). Risk and resiliency factors among adolescents who experience marital transitions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 64, 1024-1037. Ruschena, E., Prior, M., Sanson, A., & Smart, D. (2005). A longitudinal study of adolescent adjustment following family transition. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 46, 353-363. Sandler, I. N., Tein, J., Metha, P., Wolchik, S. A., & Ayers, T. S. (2006). Coping efficacy and psychological problems of children of divorce. Child Development, 71, 1099–1118. Sharf, R. S. (2006). Applying career development theory to counseling (4th Ed.). Belmont, CA: Thomson. Read More

I live with my mother, her best friend and my mother's student. My parents divorced a few years ago, and now I'm living with just women. I often resent this arrangement. I often reach out for a male figure, and although my father is around on weekends, it's not the same. My parents' divorce had a great impact on me. I withdrew from the world and lapsed into silence and periods of deep thought about such things as love, life, death, and myself. These four ideas all seemed to be connected, and I began to ponder more and more.

I was lucky to have a good friend who was going through the same experience as me. We had many conversations about great things, and slowly I began to understand more about the life surrounding me. At this particular time, I also became very drawn to nature, for it seemed to hold many answers to my questions. After adjusting to family changes, I began to focus on my education again, which I had neglected. I am currently a university student in Queensland. Socially, there are divisions between the Jordanian students and the foreign students at school.

We spend our spare time separately because we lead such different lives, and it's easier to become friends with someone who understands your culture. I socialize with the foreign students because I am more comfortable with their relaxed, open attitude. They are so much more accepting of one's eccentricities, while the Jordanian students tend to be more traditional. Personally, I don't think I could easily become friends with the Jordanian students even if I tried. The only thing that bothers me about these divisions, however, is the exclusion and exclusive attitudes among both groups.

I believe in love and friendship. I believe that they are important, and that without them we would not survive. My friends are important to me and I would go to great lengths to help a friend in need. We friends share big parts of our lives and have lots of fun together. The one friendship that I value like no other is with my best friend. We often talk about our future plans. In near future, I would like to be a social worker. I am especially interested in helping patients and solve social problems.

My identity is the most vital thing for now. I need to know who I am before I can reach out to others. It is hard to get to know people when I don't really know myself. I hope one day I will wake up and suddenly realize who I am so that I can start to touch other peoples' lives. Not only can children’s psychological problems be traced into adulthood, but adults who are confronted with their parents’ divorce are likewise vulnerable to psychological struggles related to the divorce. That is, parental divorce after childhood (i.e., between ages 17 and 31) has been associated with higher malaise scores at age 33 when compared with scores of adults from intact families (Furstenberg & Kiernan, 2005).

Thus, young adults seem not to be immune to psychological difficulties simply because their parents’ divorce occurred after childhood. Laumann-Billings and Emery (2006) created a unique measure of nonclinical levels of psychological distress (i.e., Painful Feelings about Divorce scale). They found that resilient young adults from divorced families endorsed psychological distress items related to their parents’ divorce. These items assessed constructs such as ongoing feelings of loss and abandonment, angst related to events such as graduation when both parents would be present, and a general sense that life has been harder because of the divorce (Laumann-Billings & Emery, 2006).

One reason for this modest explanatory power might be that each theory focuses on a child’s exposure to specific stressors as the mechanism responsible for that child’s individual psychological maladjustment. In contrast, coping theory suggests that the effectiveness or lack thereof of an ongoing, organic process of appraisal and coping is related to psychological adjustment—not merely the exposure to specific events (Sharf, 2006).

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