The Effects of Child Abandonment - Essay Example

The Effects of Child Abandonment In the words of Lloyd deMause, an American social thinker, "Every abandonment, every betrayal, every hateful act towards children returns tenfold a few decades later upon the historical stage, while every empathic act that helps a child become what he or she wants to become, every expression of love toward children heals society and moves it in unexpected, wondrous new directions (DeMause, 2002)." What it means is that when children are treated in a bad way, they react to the situation by becoming bad. The negative impact of maltreatment can be extremely severe and child abandonment is one of the most common types of maltreatments in U.S. Child abandonment is a situation where a parent agrees to have no role in his childs life. This doesn’t only involve the failure to support a child from financial point of view but from emotional side as well. It is quite obvious that a child needs both of this parents to grow with self-confidence and self-esteem and that’s why abandonment leaves a child with so many questions. These questions create an extremely bad impact on the life of a child and sometimes it becomes difficult for him to get rid of the resonance of his excruciating memories of the past even in the old age. Divorce is getting quite common in todays world but if divorce results in abandoning parent, it can have huge impact on a child. Many children start to think that they are left alone. That’s true for children between the ages of 3-7. In this situation a child starts taking him as a reason for divorce and separation. This can further aggravate the situation and can prove to be obliterating for mental and emotional growth of a child. It is also relevant to mention that a child starts to think that if his parents can leave one another then one of them can leave him as well. That proves to be a real shock to the system and a child becomes more introverted. The problem is that children don’t become able to understand that different dynamics are associated with spousal relationship as compared to child-parent relationship. Now it is clear that there are certain effects of abandonment and a child has to face those implications for most part of his life. But, the question is that whether or not something can be done to save a child from having a bleak future. That’s the statement of purpose for this particular research paper and the answer will be found by exploring the comments made in previous researches and other sources. Is it possible to change the future of an abandoned child? The effects of abandonment are multifold. But, the purpose of this research paper is not to explore all those effects but to see if there are some ways to make a child live a more comfortable and somewhat normal life just like other children with two parents. In order to learn more about this, it is important to consider few of the most important effects of abandonment on children and then explore the possible treatment, healing or recovery options available to deal with that specific effect. One of the biggest issues associated with child abandonment is lower self-esteem. “When the melancholic dejectedly desires to be rid of life, of himself, is this not because he will not learn earnestly and rigorously to love himself? When a man surrenders himself to despair because the world or some person has left him faithlessly betrayed, what then is his fault except that he does not love himself the right way.” Soren Kierkegaard in Works of Love (Peabody, 1994). What it implies is that when the feeling of being unlovable takes over a child, it is obvious to see some negative effects on all areas of his life. It is quite understandable that a child can not perform in the right way unless he has confidence and self-esteem. Actually, the lower self-esteem makes children keep their thoughts to themselves and that’s the reason why you seldom see an abandoned child taking part in group discussions and other such type of activities which involves direct interactions with others. This can prove to be extremely devastating for a child as the only way to learn is to ask questions and to share your thoughts. If a child is not doing this, he is certainly missing an opportunity to grow. In this particular situation, it is the duty of the parent to make sure that his child is not suffering from "abandoned child" syndrome. Self-esteem is how children feel about themselves. A child with low self-esteem can not act independently, assume responsibility, tolerate frustration, try new things or help others. But, a parent can still try few techniques to nurture his/her kid in a better way. For instance, a parent`s behavior is the only thing that can help a child. Appreciating a child every time he does something good is one great way of bringing behavioral changes. If a parent will be generous with praise, a child will respond in a positive way. A child must be encouraged to make a decision and a good decision should be properly praised. Also, encouraging children for positive self-talk is another great way of affecting a childs self-esteem in a positive way (Helping Your Child Develop Self-Esteem). Although adults can also make use of certain techniques to overcome the problem of lower self esteem like adopting an attitude of self-love and self-acceptance is one of the ways to enhance self-esteem (Peaboy, 1994) but it is better to deal with this issue as early as possible. That’s why the role of a single parent is extremely crucial. Another effect of abandonment is seen when a child rejects everything about the parent who may no longer be in his life. In many cases a child expresses a deep desire of becoming an exact opposite of his absent parent. This can also be a difficult situation to deal with but there surely are few things that a present parent can do to save his child from losing his self esteem and becoming a burden for the society. An important thing to do is to let your child know about his own unique qualities. A parent must encourage him or her to share thoughts. Only a parent can help a child to become able to form opinions about specific things. If he will become able to share his thoughts, a parent will always be able to mold those thoughts in a better way. Last but certainly not the least a parent must try not to impose his or her thoughts on a child about the absent parent. Also, benign statements should be made when a child start to think negatively about the absent parent (Wolf). Though both of these effects are the outcomes of "abandonment depression" but they can affect a childs life differently. Lower self-esteem is a serious problem but having negative thoughts about an absent parent will eventually lead to lower self-esteem as a child may not be interested in the real things happening around him. That’s why both of these problems need to be handled in a proper way. The proper way is already mentioned but there are other people who have summed thing up for those who don’t want their child to suffer for life. For instance, it is said by Cynthia Parker, BellaOnlines Single Parents Editor, that there are quite a few things that have to be handled by the custodial parent in the best possible way. A custodial parent needs to tell his child that he is not responsible for this situation. A child must be ensured that he did nothing to make the other parent angry. A child should also be ensured about your love. They should not only be loved but they must be informed that they are lovable too. Finally, for the sake of the child a custodial parent must not demean the absent parent in the presence of a child (Parker). Using these techniques will not only help your child to deal with the problems like low self esteem and living in an unseen world but it will also help him to deal with fear of rejection that is commonly associated with abandonment and abandonment depression. Though these strategies do work in most situations but it is a fact that these are valid only if one parent is present. There are cases where a child is abandoned by both of the parents. There is nothing more devastating for a child than being left alone by both of his parents. In this situation, two things can be done to help abandoned children getting over their loss. First off, adopting an abandoned child and then using the aforementioned strategies and methods can prove to be useful. It is the best thing a person can do for mankind. There are several organizations doing this for children. Holt International, which finds families for Eastern European children, is just one example and following quote will make you understand what adoption can do to an abandoned child. "It is a proud time for all of us—parents, the network of Holt staff and our colleagues overseas—to look over these photos of those who have graduated from high school, college or vocational school. They powerfully represent the success of Holt’s mission. We take credit for only a portion of this success. After all, it was the adoptees’ efforts and their families’ everyday devotion and commitment that ultimately brought them to this place of achievement"(Aeby). So, an adoptee can actually change the life of an abandoned parent but the other way to influence the life of a child is by giving away some money to some of the charities and foster care centers who help these kids to grow in a right way. But, the fact remains that there is nothing as important as having parents, even a single parent can do the job. The fact of the matter is that there are several effects of abandonment on a child but the severity of these effects can be mitigated by using specific techniques and recovery options. Also it is clearly visible from the aforementioned details that though it is difficult to make a child come out of the effects of abandonment but a committed single parent can still make a difference. No doubt, there is nothing to fill the space that get emptied in a the life of a child after losing one of this parents but the other parent can still help a child to find his way in the life. So, it can easily be deduced that right types of efforts and strategies can lessen the effects of abandonment and children can recover in most situations. But, one thing is for sure that the recovery process can be extremely difficult and tedious for a child and his single parent. References: Aeby J. Abandoned Vulnerable Children in Eastern Europe: Annual Graduate Edition. Holt International. May 05. 2009. Website: Holtinternational.org DeMause L. The Emotional Life of Nations. Other Press, LLC, 2002 ISBN 1892746980, 9781892746986. May 05. 2009. Helping Your Child Develop Self Esteem. Child Development Institute: Keeping Parents Informed. May 05, 2009. Website: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem.shtml Parker C. Raising a Child Alone-Abandonment. BellaOnline; The Voice of Women. May 05. 2009. Website: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art29661.asp Susan Peabody. Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships. Published by Celestial Arts, 1994 ISBN 0890877157, 9780890877159. May 05. 2009. Wolf J. "Effects of Abandonment in Children; What to Look for and How You Can Help". About.com. May 05. 2009. Website: http://singleparents.about.com/od/parenting/a/abandonment.htm Read More