Addressing Conflicts Resulting from Addiction in a Family - Essay Example

Addressing Conflicts Resulting from Addiction in a Family Addressing conflicts resulting from addiction in afamily This paper addresses conflicts resulting from addictions in a family. Each individual in a family has tastes and preferences that are unique to him or her. Similarly, some individuals may be addicted to particular things that must offend the other members of the family, sometimes leading to disagreements and collision of ideas and interests. Contrary to popular opinion, that members of a family can tolerate addicted relatives, more often than not, addiction leads to irresponsibility and collision of interests. The final result is conflict situation. But let us first conceptualize what addiction is. Addiction is a state comprising abnormally extended use of something and/or belief in something or in a particular idea (Duncan & Duncan, 1995; Califano, 2000, 15 Jan). Examples are addictions to drugs, particular behavior such as male chauvinism, and excessive passion for work and so on. While every person may have all the rights for the use, belief and passion for a particular phenomenon, in a family, addiction can go an extra mile of affecting relationships and perceptions negatively. It is important to note that all human beings have different tastes and preferences (Werner & Johnson, 2000). Family members are no exceptions here. For example, what a father is addicted to may become a nuisance to the rest of his family. Addiction for a particular phenomenon is a condition one is determined or must live with at all times whether it affects close family members or not. It therefore goes without saying that some of the family members may really feel offended. Rational family members who are thus offended react and respond by way of showing discontent and hatred to the behavior of the addicted member of the family (Califano, 2000, 15 Jan). But this presents a rather confusing scenario: some family members hate behaviors that are dear to other family members (Duncan & Duncan, 1995). At such a juncture, everything goes amiss – there inherently occurs conflicts of interests. The end product is total family conflicts and disconnections. The central issue as regards the presence of addiction cases in families is the basic aspect of a normal family (Werner & Johnson, 2000) – a family should remain a unitary entity with strong bonds and there should be no very wide boundaries between interests of individuals forming a family. Generally, I should think that each member in a particular family has his or her role to play in order to maintain family coherence. In other words, all family members complement each other when it comes to such things as emotional support, love, behavior control and division of labor (Werner & Johnson, 2000). When, for example, a member of the family is addicted to substance abuse, some of his or her love is devoted to that substance and this happens at the expense of other family members. Such a family member becomes irresponsible and mostly fails in his or her specific roles in a family. Such a person fails to complement the other family members and this culminates to divided perceptions of other family members towards the addicted person. This leads to incongruence and becomes a predisposing factor for conflicts (Califano, 2000, 15 Jan). A good example is a case where parents are addicted to drugs and other substance abuse. For example, parents who are addicted to alcoholism expect their children not to take after them and not to copy their parents’ lifestyles. At the same time, the children, by way of comparing their parents with the parents of their peers, tend to perceive their parents as being wayward. Sometimes such children may deem their parents the wrong parents they ever had. In such a situation, it is only normal that the parents will try to fight back for recognition and respect while the children deny them this privilege (Werner & Johnson, 2000). This is the point where conflict erupts. Some children may support and/or adopt the addiction. Therefore, there occurs divisions in a family – family members develop divided attention towards the addicted member of the family. It is normal for children to copy and emulate whatever their parents do. Therefore, the children of parents who are addicted to drugs may copy such drug use. From a moral and ethical point of view, it is only normal that a child copies what their parents do on a daily basis. In such a case, the behavior to use alcohol is thus parent-induced and from a rational point of view, it is improper and immoral that such parents should condemn their children’s use of alcohol. But it happens all the time – such alcohol addicted parents tend to blame their children and/or blame each other for drug addiction set-up in their family. The family socio-economic stance becomes problematic too. For example, when an alcoholic parent who happens to be the breadwinner in a family fails in his or her role, the other family members tend to blame him or her. The situation worsens when such a breadwinner is addicted to a phenomenon that more or less negatively affects the socio-economic welfare of that family (Werner & Johnson, 2000). The father, in particular, is the traditional breadwinner of a family in many societies (Duncan & Duncan, 1995). When such a father becomes thus addicted, he has a tendency to devote more love and money to his addictive phenomenon. At a particular point in time, such a father will be perceived as irresponsible and will be the object of blame for the family economic instabilities. In the meantime, all love given to the father is related to his role of being the breadwinner. When such a father fails in this role, the situation takes a reverse gear. In some cases, the other family members even hate such a father. Aforementioned, family unity and its homogeneity as regards core values are very important (Werner & Johnson, 2000). If a person is addicted to a particular phenomenon that the other family members are not, a boundary is formed between that addicted person and the other members of the family. This boundary is a matter of differences in terms of values that characterize the family and the family history. As discussed above each family member has his or her distinct values but these values are greatly related to his or her family identity. For some reason, a particular family has its distinct identity whose empirical constituents are the closely related values. A person addicted to a particular phenomenon inherently designs his or her own distinct way of life characteristics of which are by far related to the rest of the family. The difference thereof accounts for social boundary that distances this person from the rest of the family members (Hussong & Chassin, 2002). The effect of this boundary so created does not end in direct conflict situation – there are other indirect conflicts that stem from such a boundary (Duncan & Duncan, 1995). For instance, if a father is addicted to use of marijuana or alcohol and the mother is not, the family may undergo division process where some of the family members support one of the parents while the other support the other parent. Similarly, if a group of members of the family is addicted to substance abuse or some other phenomena, such group support each other at all times (Werner & Johnson, 2000). There is a concept known as social desirability that leads to such a situation. The addicted members of the family tend to protect their behavior and values while the others, in unison, tend to oppose submission to addiction and its various characteristics. The two opposing parties are distinct alliances within a family. Such alliances hardly give room for smooth arguments and rational reasoning. In a sense, one cannot easily cheat his or her own conscience; therefore, one alliance will always have negative attitude towards the other. Lack of rational reasoning leads to constant collisions of interests and of emotions between the two alliances (Werner & Johnson, 2000). These collisions are more or less the breeding spaces for conflicts. For example, a father may set rules that at all times must be followed by each member of the family. In situations where alliances each led by each parent exist, such rules are easily ignored by the alliance led by the mother and the opposite is true. Despite prevalence of conflicts due to addiction, there are a number of remedial ways by means of which family members can still coexist and/or rather use the conflicts in a constructive manner. To understand one’s identity and establishing the correct response to addiction so present in a family is a crucial factor (Werner & Johnson, 2000). For a child brought up in a family where addiction conflicts are prevalent, such a child is prone to becoming aggressive or resilient in its way of life (Avenevoli & Marikangas, 2003). Such a child must know that he or she is naturally a key member of such a family and that he or she must play his or her role for the family to stand firm. Each family in a society has its various sources of conflicts. In other words, conflicts are naturally occurring in a particular family set up and the best way to deal with them is to use them to create even stronger bonds in a family (Hussong & Chassin, 2002; Avenevoli & Marikangas, 2003). Finding instant solutions to the conflicts is the second factor. The failure to find instant solution to a conflict is rather a postponement of that conflict (Werner & Johnson, 2000). When a quick solution is found, different members of the family realize their faults (Duncan & Duncan, 1995). After such realization, the previously presumed negative consequences of a conflict situation turn into elements of affection because the family members understand each other better. For example, if a father is addicted to a particular substance and simultaneously he is able to play all his roles in a family without failure (Werner & Johnson, 2000), it may turn out that the other party had perception problems by distancing its father/husband. But constructive conflict response is usually uncommon. There are various forces that drive conflict situation to the worst stages and consequences. The urge to be resilient and all time winners in arguments is one example. Individual members of a family may entertain the feeling that they are always right when a conflict ensues in a family. Drug addicts, for instance, may always support their belief in their individual addictions because they feel safe with the addictions. In other words, they do not want their enjoyment disturbed or altered in any way. Similarly, the opposing alliance tends to belief in their opinion that addiction is a bad habit and a matter of personal choice. In the long run, the conflicts grow further and widen the boundary gap discussed above. Inability to resist social desirability demands is another example (Avenevoli & Marikangas, 2003). In this sense, family members fail to accept their family identity and its characteristics as a norm and a condition to live with. They engage in a process of comparing between individual behavior and congruency thereof – they fail to accept members of the family who are addicted to particular phenomena the way they are. In the process, such members of the family tend to distance themselves with their family members who are addicted to a particular substance. In the worst of scenarios, cases of divorces and murder occur (Werner & Johnson, 2000). Divorces, murders, and the likes, undoubtedly, are not solutions to conflicts resulting from addiction cases. I suppose that each problem in a family has its unique solution. The problem is how to get to this solution. But in reality, addressing family problems especially where alliances exist is easy. Like tributaries meander finding a depression common to their different channels, so are the family members seeking a solution to conflict. There must be a common uniting factor in a family and it is the role of each family member to find his or her way towards that common factor. The factor could be as easy and direct as foci on fraternal or parental love and so on. Similarly, it could be as simple as accepting the rights of each individual member of the family the way they are (Avenevoli & Marikangas, 2003) but ensuring that each member of the family plays his or her respective role in a family set up. From the discussion above, I have greatly familiarized myself with the various ways through which addictions can lead to conflicts in a family and how to deal with such conflicts. For one, there are direct conflicts. A good example is conflicts of interests and emotions. Indirect conflicts or avenues to conflicts resulting from addictions of particular members of a family become potential when there are is creation of boundaries between individuals in a family set up. These boundaries gradually lead to creation of alliances with opposing opinions, values, interests and beliefs. If instant solutions are not obtained, such conflicts and alliances grow to levels of great hatred and unthinkable cases such as murder and divorces. But I also learnt that each member of the family has his or her own identity while their family has its own identity in a society. Therefore, there is a call for each member of a family to accept and respect each member’s identity as is. But one question still lingers in my mind: that a person in a family is addicted to a particular phenomenon, it is true that such a person is entitled to rights to such addiction when such habit offends the other members of that family? I suppose this is an area of concern that needs to be researched on. For it may seem unethical and difficult, for instance, to recommend acceptance of an alcoholic father for family stability while it is morally inappropriate that a father should ‘teach’ his children that addiction to alcohol is his natural condition that they should learn to live with (Hussong & Chassin, 2002). List of references Avenevoli, S. & Marikangas, K.R. (2003). Familial influences on adolescent smoking. Addiction, 98(1), pp. 1-20. Califano, J. A. (2000, January 15). Winning the war on drugs: Its all in the family. America, 182(2), pp. 6-8. Duncan, T.E. & Duncan, S.C. (1995). The consistency of family and peer influences on the development of substance use in adolescence. Addiction, 90(12), pp. 1647-1660. Hussong, A.M. & Chassin, L. (2002). Parent alcoholism and the leaving home transition. Development and Psychopathology, 14(1), pp. 139-157. Werner, E.E. & Johnson, J.L. (2000). The role of caring adults in the lives of children of alcoholics. Children of Alcoholics: Selected Readings, 2. Read More