The Development of a Sense of Belonging of a Child - Essay Example

Is it important for children to feel that they ‘fit in’? How can practitioners support the development of a sense of belonging? “Our thoughts create our experiences” Childhood encompasses the period of two to twelve years of age. It is that phase of lifespan when development is that of control over environment. In early childhood, the child is ready to explore the environment. He is developing a distinctive personality and is demanding an independence which, in most cases, s/he is incapable of handling successfully. Yet, while still in babyhood, s/he had already begun acquiring the concept of self. When asked, young children can also describe their self-concept in simple emotional and attitude descriptions. Seth may go on to say, "Today, Im happy. I like to play with Amy." The child first learns to love and to be loved at home. These are the early social experiences of the child - the success of which determines, to a large extent, the success of the later relationships with persons outside home. The social world of the young child expands as he grows. His/her success in adjusting to outside social contacts is influenced largely by the type of experiences s/he has had at home. Therefore, a child’s feeling of ‘fitting in’ begins within the confines of home setting. ‘Fitting in’ means the sense of adapting and adjustment with others with ease and in natural manner. The child’s perspective of fitting in a setting illustrates the feeling of having a common ground with others while forming new relationships outside home setting. S/he shares the opinions, interests, and aims with others of his/her own age group yet building a unique independent personality which determines his/her behavior in general. Another implication of ‘fitting in’ lies in social acceptability. Acceptance or rejection by others and of a situation is soon apparent to children. And this ‘acceptance’ or ‘rejection’ into a group affects the growing concept of self and his/her understanding of the environment. Yet another meaning of a ‘fit in’ can be inferred as not being ‘different’ or ‘deviant’ from others. A feeling of belongingness towards the group or setting or situation s/he is in. Like any concept, the concept of ‘fit in’ has both – the up side and the down side. On one hand while the circumstances of the child are favourable and nourishing, this feeling of ‘fit in’ fosters in them the foundations of positive self-concept, positive self- image, high self- esteem and sense of belonging. Conversely, when the child is labelled erroneously or otherwise s/he may find himself in a dilemmatic condition in regard to his own views of his image, concept of self and self-esteem. Thus it can be said that feeling of ‘fit in’ is a necessary evil for children. When s/he begins to play with other children, he compares himself with them and, as a result, is likely to be self-conscious and shy if he feels that he does not compare favorably. Being rejected by others or the feeling of ‘not fitting in’ tends to make a child ‘self-bound’, and this sets up the barrier that interferes with the possible acceptance as the child grows older. On the contrary, the acceptance of child within a group is an outstanding trait for popularity amongst the group members. Identity development begins with childrens awareness that they are separate and unique individuals. First indications of this awareness are evident in infancy when children begin to recognize themselves. The words "me," "I," and "mine" emerge very early in childrens language. These findings are consistent with Eriksons psychosocial stage of autonomy versus shame and doubt, when infants establish their identity as independent persons. During childhood, self-awareness grows and changes. Preschoolers describe themselves in terms of observable characteristics and behaviors, including physical attributes ("I have brown eyes"), preferences ("I like to ride my bike"), and competencies ("I can sing Itsy, Bitsy Spider"). Between ages six and twelve, children begin to include less concrete aspects of the self in their descriptions. School-aged children talk about their feelings ("I love my dog") and how they fit into their social world ("Im the best fielder on my team"). During Eriksons stage of initiative versus guilt children explore their skills, abilities, and attitudes and incorporate the information into their view of self. As Loris Malaguzzi puts: ‘The pleasure of learning and knowing, and of understanding, is one of the most important and basic feelings that every child expects from the experiences he confronts alone, with other children or with adults. It is a crucial feeling which must be reinforced so that the pleasure survives even when reality may prove that learning, knowing and understanding involve difficulty and effort As with emotional development, both internal and external variables can affect young childrens self-concept. External factors, such as messages from other people, also color how children view themselves. Young children with parents, caregivers, and teachers providing them with positive feedback about their abilities and attempts to succeed (even if they arent successful the first time) usually have higher self-esteem. On the contrary, when parents, caregivers, or teachers are regularly negative or punitive toward childrens attempts to succeed, or regularly ignore or downplay those achievements, young children will have a poor self-image and a lower self-esteem. Labelling is another form of finding oneself ‘misfit’ in any setting. An example of ‘not fitting in’ on ethnicity basis is racial differences. Awareness of ‘racial differences’ occurs as early as in the preschool age. By the age of three years, for example, it has been found that Negro children have learned and accepted the majority of stereotype of Negroes. In education, whole categories of students, based on gender, ethnicity or background, may be written off as incapable of achieving, setting up a frame of reference in which their failings are noticed and their achievements discounted. Individual students may also be labelled by being told they will never amount to anything, or that they are "no good at maths". Internalised, these labels are carried into new situations, including further and higher education, and the student is set up to fail. Harold Hulbert says that: ‘Children need love, especially when they "do not deserve" it.’ Labelling a child with ‘special needs’, creates a sense of being alienated or loner in the setting and thus pushing them towards poor self image and low self–esteem. It is an example of labelling based on educational disability. It is not necessary that special needs include only the children with learning deficiencies; it can include the children who are ‘gifted’. These children too feel outcast or alienated in comparison with majority of ‘average graders’. Thus labelling children is the downside of the concept of ‘fit in’, yet it is essential for the initial development of the child. Sense of belonging is defined as the experience of personal involvement in a system or environment so that persons feel themselves to be an integral part of that system or environment. Belonging is the relational dimension of personal identity, the fundamental psycho-social ‘glue’ that locates every individual (babies, children and adults) at a particular position in space, time and human society and – most important, connects people to each other. A sense of belonging is about relating to people and places, to beliefs and ideas, to ways of dressing, talking, playing, learning, laughing and crying. A practitioner should be able to understand the concept of belonging that -- belonging is a two-way process. It is about a child’s needs and rights being recognized and met, about being protected and provided for, about feeling cared for, respected and included. It is also about having opportunities to express personal agency and creativity, about feeling able to contribute, to love and to care for others, to take on responsibilities and fulfill roles, to identify with personal and community activities, and to share in collective celebration. It is also about feeling part of, as well as separate from, the social environment. Of course, these are dynamic and multi-faceted processes. The practitioner needs to recognize that children’s experiences of belonging shift from day to day and from year to year, as they encounter new people and places, and learn new skills and cultural practices. This awareness of dynamics of belonging can equip the practitioners with more practical and ‘handy’ tools to develop and support the concept of belongingness in children. Working with children is a challenging task. A practitioner’s non judgmental attitude can foster the first threads of faith, confidence and trust in the child which are basic to the need of belonging. The practitioner needs to know that experiences of belonging are rarely singular, especially in modern, complex societies. Children may feel in various degrees to belong with their parents at home, with their peers in the playground, at pre-school and in other community settings and they may have access to numerous ways of belonging, informed by diverse cultural beliefs and practices. In other words, the phrase “polygamy of belongings” is closer to their reality (Vandenbroeck 2008). This knowledge will be adequate to enlighten the practitioners to implement the skills and attitude required to develop belongingness and resilience amongst children. First and foremost attitude required to be developed by practitioners is Respect. The attitude of respect emerges from the belief in the sense of worth of the child and as acceptance of the child as s/he is. It is an appreciation of a child as a person. Children are sensitive to messages which devalue themselves or their group. Therefore to cultivate and promote sense of belonging it is important for adults to respect children and project it in appropriate light. Respect can be shown in being non judgmental; exuding warmth while conversing with child; communicating in genuine, spontaneous manner; and concentrating upon understanding child’s perspective. Another issue which emerges while engaging with children is ‘frame of reference’. Frame of reference means the way in which the child sees himself in relation to the world around him. It is absolutely essential that while working with children, the practitioner is able to perceive from child’s frame of reference. A child may choose to close all the doors to the respective practitioner if practitioner is not being able to perceive a child’s frame of reference as it reflects the practitioner’s ability to understand the child. A further attitude required in application of belongingness is Empathy. Empathy is an intellectual identification with child’s feelings, thoughts and attitudes. It gives practitioner an accurate understanding of the child. Plainly put being empathetic means to put oneself in another’s shoes, as if ‘I were him/her’. It is a practitioner’s ability to tune in on the child’s wavelength. It is effective because it helps the child feel understood, accepted and alleviates the emotional block. It also helps the child to expand and clarify his own self-understanding as well as his understanding of others. Another strategy for effective communication between practitioner and children is ‘listening’. Hearing is not listening. D. Maruca, S.J. defines listening as: “Listening to others demands the self-denial of quick reaction and imposes painful but compassionate silence, which prepares the soul for the truth.” Listening skill can be developed through: i. confirmation of the hypothesis (made earlier in the conversation) through observation; ii. Listening for specific content i.e. who-what-where-when-why and how of the situation described by the child; iii. suspending judgment; iv. resisting distractions – internal and external noises. Other strategies include radiating unconditional positive regard; being fair and impartial; having a nurturing and confiding relationship with children; being caring and compassionate; nurturing coping skills; training children in alternate ways of resolving conflicts like negotiation and mediation; training in channelising anger in socially appropriate ways; providing children a conducive environment to learn; treating each child as a unique and special, thus making them feel worthy and wanted; developing the skill of being optimistic and resilient while in a conflicting situation, etc. But all the above mentioned strategies require implementation of the aforementioned attitudes and skills. Resilience fosters a process of successful adaptation and transformation despite risk and adversity. Resilience is defined as "the process of, capacity for, or outcome of successful adaptation despite challenging or threatening circumstances.’ Researches show that resilience can be built in children when a) they receive good and stable care from someone, or in the case of older children, when they have a positive relationship with a competent adult; (b) they are good learners and problem-solvers; (c) they are engaging to other people, adult caregivers for infants, other adults and peers for older children; and (d) they have an area of competence and perceived efficacy, valued by themselves or society, whether it is academic, athletic, artistic, or mechanical. And thus, Loris Malaguzzi verbalizes: We need to cultivate…an atmosphere of reciprocal help and socialization. Implicit in this is a decisive response to a childs need to feel whole. Feeling whole is a biological and cultural necessity for the child (and also for the adult). It is a vital state of well-being References: Identity Development – Aspects of Identity. (n.d.). Child Development Reference – Vol 4. 7 May 2009 Oswalt, Angela. “Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Identity and Self-Esteem. Mental Health.Net. 12 June 2007. 7 May 2009 Hagerty BM, Lynch-Sauer J, Patusky KL, Bouwsema M, Collier P. “Sense of belonging: a vital mental health concept.”Archives of Psychiatric Nursing. 6(3):172-7: June 1992. 8 May 2009 Woodhead, Martin & Brooker, Liz. Enhancing a Sense of Belonging in Early Years. Early Childhood Maters. November 2008. Number 111. 7 May 2009 Fuster, J.M. Personal Counseling. Mumbai: Better Yourself Books, 2003 Hurlock, Elizabeth. Developmental Psychology. (n.d.) Read More