The Process of Fitting in - Essay Example

Importance of Children Fitting In For most children in the world, fitting in is extremely important because it is a process that allows them to develop the necessary social skills to effectively manage their lives when get to adulthood. The process of fitting in has become a relevant socialising factor since it helps children learn how to operate within different situations without feeling out of place. However, there have been some arguments that fitting in might not necessarily be useful for children because it makes them choose to become who they are not and completely deny their true nature. Fitting in has come to take on a negative tone where it is believed that children are forced to adopt the mannerisms of the group that they wish to join in order to feel accepted. Not only does it create a situation where children end up losing themselves, but it makes these individuals live a lie, where they pretend to behave in a certain manner so that they can be able to achieve popularity in their environment, especially in school. This paper seeks to show that despite fitting in being considered important, it is detrimental to the development of children because it ends up not giving them an opportunity to belong. In most cases, children seek to fit in so that they can be considered by their peers to be popular and this is especially the case in schools. Schools tend to bring large groups of children together in a manner that creates a situation where there develop a diverse number of social networks among them (Faircloth and Hamm, 2011). These social networks are vital for children within these institutions because they assume the role of socialising them as well as ensuring that they are able to have a circle of friends on which they can rely. However, these social networks tend to be extremely hierarchical and this in such a manner that the most popular children end up being considered to be at the top of the hierarchy while the least popular end up at the bottom. This creates a situation where there is constant competition among children from an early age to ensure that they are able to join the popular children and through them to also gain popularity. While it may seem to be a commendable system because it gives children the opportunity to learn the means through which they can be able to survive in a competitive world as adults, it also brings about problems for these children (Cialdini and Goldstein, 2004). This is especially the case where children end up having to reject their own personalities and adopt the behaviours of the group that they aspire to join in order to ensure that they are accepted. Subsuming their personalities might make these children fit in with the group but it also creates problems for them later in life because it becomes difficult for them to express their personal opinions in both the social and work environments. Fitting in makes children to become almost an extension of the group and this to such an extent that they are not able to express their opinions even though they realise that what the group they belong to is wrong. Fitting in can be considered to be a part of peer pressure where children choose to join groups or form friendships not because they stand for their ideals, but because they are convenient (Rose and Kim, 2011). Therefore, from an early age, children do not belong to the group but are only a part of it because they feel that it is the best way through which they can continue to remain popular in the school environment. There are some cases where despite all attempts by a child to fit in, he ends up being rejected by his peers because the latter believes that he does not have what it takes to be a part of their group. In a society where children have been trained from early in life to fit in, this rejection might be a cause of many problems because it makes it difficult for the child to develop a healthy social life. It brings about a sense of loneliness because they lack acceptance and this might create a situation where they end up suffering from depression and anxiety concerning how they can get to fit in with the group that they wish to join. The hierarchical system that is involved in the fitting in process in schools tends to be very difficult for children to avoid and this is normally as a result of this system being dominated by children with their own unique behaviour as well as characteristics that distinguish them from the rest (Walton et al. 2012). When children attempt to fit in, they have to emulate these characteristics and mannerisms so that they are not only popular within the school, but they also gain acceptance in the most exclusive social circle. This description shows that fitting in is not a matter of winning acceptance for what an individual is, but for the way that he behaves and this is what makes the difference between fitting in and belonging. There are instances where for the most part, children end up being discriminated against by others as a result of their heritage or ethnic background. This tends to be extremely difficult for those children from minority ethnic groups because they end up feeling that their background is not good enough (Walton and Cohen, 2007). Under such situations, these children develop low self-esteem which affects not only their social life, but also their academics as well and this is normally detrimental to their health and mental stability. Children from minority backgrounds have a hard time fitting in because they feel marginalised in the school environment and this makes their stay in such institutions something close to a nightmare. When it comes to a situation where they wish to join one social group or the other, they have to work harder than their peers in order to develop the stable relationships that they need to ensure that they are able to become a part of the group. Furthermore, because of their colour or ethnic background, the differences that they see between them and their peers from the ethnic majority might makes them come to the conclusion that they cannot fit in and choose to find children of similar backgrounds with whom to socialise. This feeling of marginalisation as a consequence of not being able to fit in with the majority often results in a situation where ethnic divisions are enforced in a school environment and these are normally hard to shake off in adulthood. Moreover, there are instances where children end up being marginalised by their fellows as a result of their high intellect and this makes these children feel that their intelligence might be a curse. It would not be difficult to imagine a child who has been rejected by a peer group choosing to neglect his or her academics in order to pursue extracurricular interests in a bid to win the acceptance of a peer group and in the process be able to fit in (Stillman and Baumeister, 2009). In such a situation, it fitting in becomes detrimental to the welfare children because it makes it difficult for them to deal with the issues that are really important, such as joining peer groups where they truly belong. Practitioners have a critical role to play in helping children develop a sense of belonging and this is mainly through guiding them along the right path. One of the most important roles that practitioners can play in ensuring that children get a sense of belonging is through making time to listen to their grievances in case they do not know how to attain acceptance in a group of their peers (Baumeister and Leary, 1995). It is essential to note that children sometimes only need to be listened to and practitioners can be of great help if they can lend an ear because it allows these children to vent their frustrations, which allows them to get some relief. However, there are instances where children have to be pushed or motivated to open up about their fears as well as aspirations and it is through this opening up that they are able to help practitioners the best manner in which they can be assisted in attaining their goals. It is through being listened to by practitioners that children get the feeling that someone understands them and this allows them to ensure that they are able to gain the courage to cope with their environment until such a time as they get a group of people with whom they belong. A practitioner should provide guidance for the child through pointing out to him that the differences between fitting in and belonging and this allows the child to realise that he does not have to fit in so that they can belong (Long and Perkins, 2003). Instead, he can live his own life and only associate with those children with whom he shares common interests, such as academics among others. However, this advice tends to involve risks especially among ethnic minorities and it is essential for the practitioner to point out to the child that he should not stay away from the ethnic majority and should instead be aggressive in ensuring that he also gains acceptance among the later. In this way, the child is able to learn that acceptance and a sense of belonging do not come easily and that he has to work hard in order to achieve them. Through these efforts, the child will be able to survive in any cultural environment as an adult because he will have developed the skills necessary to communicate and build relationships. It is essential for the practitioner to help a child to read the different situations that he is likely to encounter and learn when to act and when not to act. There are certain situations where a child might end up encountering children who do not like him and who always pick on him whenever they meet. The child might, as a result of loneliness, want to join this group so that he can achieve a sense of belonging but to continue to press them to accept him might be detrimental to him because he will continuously suffer from rejection (DeWall, et al. 2011). Rejection is one of the most devastating or traumatising events that might occur to a child because it creates a situation where he becomes antisocial and has low self-esteem. As a result, such a child might become a loner or choose to join the wrong kind of group due to his desire to fulfil his need to belong. The practitioner has to make the child understand that he will likely encounter many more people who neither like nor accept him and that to continue seeking them out might not be to his disadvantage because he will get hurt continuously. The child has to learn that he cannot win in all situations and that he has to avoid the people who reject him outright because to do otherwise would be bad for him. He has to learn that avoiding negative situations is not a sign of weakness but a sign of his knowledge that he knows what is best for himself. The practitioner has to make a child aware that the best way to ensure that they find a group to which they belong is through taking the process one step at a time. This is especially the case in situations where it is extremely difficult to become part of a group of people who have similar interests (Mellor et al. 2008). The child has to ensure that he makes one friend at a time rather than becoming friends with an entire group because such a situation would not be good for the child’s welfare. By making one friend at a time, the child gets to know the individuals who have become his friends at a personal level and through this process is able to learn whether these friends are right for him or not. Furthermore, through attaining friends one at a time, the child is able to choose only those who share common interests with himself and this allows him to form a social circle that is not only conducive, but also allows him to develop socially to such an extent that he is capable of retaining his own personality and interests, which results in a true sense of belonging. In conclusion, this paper has shown that despite fitting in being considered important, it is detrimental to the development of children because it ends up not giving them an opportunity to belong. In order to prove this thesis, the discussion has shown that in most cases, children seek to fit in so that they can be considered by their peers to be popular and this is especially the case in schools. In addition, fitting in can be considered to be a part of peer pressure where children choose to join groups or form friendships not because they stand for their ideals, but because they are convenient. However, it has been determined that there are instances where for the most part, children end up being discriminated against by others as a result of their heritage or ethnic background. Therefore, in order for a practitioner to help a child to belong rather than to fit in, he has to make a child aware that the best way to ensure that they find a group to which they belong is through taking the process one step at a time. Moreover, among the most important roles that practitioners can play in ensuring that children get a sense of belonging is through making time to listen to their grievances in case they do not know how to attain acceptance in a group of their peers. Finally, the discussion has shown that it is essential for the practitioner to help a child to read the different situations that he is likely to encounter and learn when to act and when not to act. References Baumeister, R.F., & Leary, M.R., 1995. “The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.” Psychological Bulletin, vol. 117, no. 3, pp. 497-529. Cialdini, R.B., & Goldstein, N.J., 2004. “Social Influence: Compliance and Conformity.” Annual Review of Psychology, vol. 55, no. 1, pp. 591-621. DeWall, C., Deckman, T., Pond, R.S., & Bonser, I., 2011. “Belongingness as a Core Personality Trait: How Social Exclusion Influences Social Functioning and Personality Expression.” Journal of Personality, vol. 79, no. 6, pp. 979-1012. Faircloth, B.S., & Hamm, J.V., 2011. “The dynamic reality of adolescent peer networks and sense of belonging.” Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, vol. 57, no. 1, pp. 48-72. Long, D.A., & Perkins, D.D., 2003. “Confirmatory Factor Analysis of the Sense of Community Index and Development of a Brief SCI.” Journal of Community Psychology, vol. 31, pp. 279-296. Mellor, D., Stokes, M., Firth, L., Hayashi, Y. & Cummins, R. 2008. "Need for belonging, relationship satisfaction, loneliness, and life satisfaction." Personality and Individual Differences, vol. 45, no. 3, pp. 213–218. Rose, P. & Kim, J-H., 2011. "Self-monitoring, opinion leadership and opinion seeking: a sociomotivational approach." Current Psychology, vol. 30, no. 3, pp. 203–214. Stillman, T.F. & Baumeister, R F., 2009, “Uncertainty, belongingness, and four needs for meaning.” Psychological Inquiry, vol. 20, no. 4, pp. 249-251. Walton, G.M., Cohen, G.L., Cwir, D., & Spencer, S.J. 2012, “Mere belonging: The power of social connections.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 102, no. 3, pp. 513-532. Walton, G.M., & Cohen, G.L. 2007, “A question of belonging: Race, social fit, and achievement.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 92, no. 1, pp. 82-96. Read More