Marriage & Conflict - Term Paper Example

?Running Head: MARRIAGE & CONFLICT Marriage & Conflict Marriage & Conflict Introduction Marriage is a foundational relationship in American society. According to Gottman and Carrere (1994), 90% of Americans will marry in their lifetime. However, it is found that nearly 44 percent of marriages end in divorce (Teachman, 2009). United States government data demonstrated a slight dip in the divorce rate from the 1980s to the 1990s (Teachman, 2009). However, there is a clear trend in U.S. documented history that divorce is a more viable option for couples, and the dip is negligible. It is also significant to note that many couples that stay together remain unhappy in the relationship for years According to these figures, marriage truly is a risky undertaking in American society. Therefore, it is imperative to understand how marriages can succeed, how conflict can be better managed, and how couples can adapt to one another in order to create a healthy, sustained relationship. Nature of Marriage: The Presence of Conflict The marriage relationship provides the possibility of great connectedness and communication. It also provides the opportunity for hurt and relational brokenness that extends beyond the two individuals within the marriage. Rainey (1997) explained, "No other human relationship can approach the potential for intimacy and oneness than can be found within the context of the marriage commitment. And yet no other relationship can bring with it as many adjustments, difficulties and even hurts" (p. 10). To succeed, marriages require work-work that is focused in the right direction. Conflict in marriage typically alerts couples to problems in the relationship (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). Conflict occurs "whenever there is disagreement, difference, or incompatibility between partners" (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002, para. 2). The common assumption is if there is a great deal of conflict, there is trouble in the marriage. However, researchers indicate that it is not the amount of conflict that is present in the marriage that determines the success and quality of the relationship but rather how the conflict is managed. In other words, the communication processes of couples are vital in maintaining a healthy relationship and avoiding divorce (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011). The lack of communication and affection and the presence of nagging were found to be the main complaints of those divorcing, according to a study done by Hetherington, Cox, and Cox (1982). Mintle (2001) suggested that a cycle of lies (from culture, families, friends), negative feelings, behaviors, and perceptions lead to further breakdowns in marital relationships. She likewise examined the communication behaviors, especially those involving conflict that are imperative to the life and vitality of the marriage and its longevity. Koerner and Fitzpatrick asserted, "Communication behaviors associated with conflict vary greatly and are crucial in shaping and guiding ongoing relationships" (para. 2) and "interpersonal conflict is among the most important issues in the study of interpersonal communication" (para. 2). Many other scholars in the field have come to the basic conclusion that there is a strong relationship between productive conflict behaviors and marital satisfaction or marital quality (Greef & De Bruyne, 2000). Relational "growth and enrichment" are products of constructive conflict management (Greef & DeBruyne, 2000). A great deal of current research also examines the association between communication and conflict behaviors and marital satisfaction or adjustment (Greef & De Bruyne, 2000). For example, Hojjat (2000) concluded that there was an association between understanding a partner's conflict management style and satisfaction with the relationship. In a study examining satisfaction, problem solving, and sexual enjoyment in marriages, Vaillant and Vaillant (1993) supported the idea that conflict management affected satisfaction. Their results showed that the only difference between spouses' satisfaction in the marriage related to the management of conflict. Wives were primarily unhappy with how their husbands handled conflict when they avoided discussing the relational differences, which resulted in lower satisfaction for the wives. Therefore, it can be concluded that how couples manage their conflict can influence both the success and quality of the marriage relationship. Because of the intimacy that characterizes marriage relationships, conflict is inherent and can be grounded in differences between spouses. Jones and Gallois (1989) articulated that research shows "conflict is ubiquitous in marriage… conflicts result from the intimacy of the marital relationship, combined with differences in viewpoint generated by the spouses' sex roles and background characteristics" (p. 957). It is critical to examine the patterns of conflict within the marital relationship in order to determine what is most effective for couples, As Jones and Gallois (1989) stated that conflict involves "differences in viewpoint generated by the spouses' sex roles and background characteristics" (p. 957); how spouses manage conflict can vary in the same respect. Differences in background can range from geographical differences (of upbringing) to basic differences among families of origin. A strong and obvious indicator of differences, however, is when two partners come together from different races or distinct cultural backgrounds. Prevention Programs and Marital Conflict Premarital programs for enriching and enhancing new marriages got their start in the early 1930's and have boomed over the past few decades. Despite this apparent research focus on strengthening early marriages, only a few studies and/or reviews exist in the literature (Sayers, Kohn, & Heavey, 1998). Moreover, only a very small minority of those programs reviewed provide adequate evaluations of the program's effectiveness in producing long-term change. Additionally, many of the programs cited in the literature relied only on unstandardized or self-report measures for evaluating the program (Sayers et al., 1998). Despite this, there are a handful of quality prevention/intervention programs available to both couples and children addressing the negative and positive aspects of marriage. Historically, programs concerning inter parental conflict and communication have been targeted to either the couple or the children (Linda, 2009). Furthermore, the majority of programs for couples have been designed for those seeking therapy or divorcing. Likewise, most interventions for children are for those experiencing divorce. One exception, the Family Conflict Intervention Program, provides hopeful evidence for intervening directly with children from intact homes, with the goal of enhancing understanding of emotions and how to express them, coping strategies, and internal representations of the family. These child oriented programs typically rely on school-time for implementing their programs focusing on cognitive-behavioral skill instruction and emotional support. Furthermore, the most extensively tested, documented, and developed premarital program for couples is the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program, or PREP (Linda, 2009). PREP is based on the theoretical rationale that deficits in communication can lead to marital distress, consistent with theories of social learning and social exchange. The PREP program is presented in group format to engaged and marrying couples. Combining behavioral marital therapy techniques with communication training and using lectures, discussion, and interactive exercises, PREP seeks to inform couples of the effects of destructive communication between partners. It is believed that distress in the marriage is preventable by targeting specific relationship behaviors indicative of future cycles of negative communication (Markman, Jamieson, & Floyd, 1983). PREP also emphasizes positive aspects of the relationship which can serve to enhance the marriage such as sexuality, friendship, commitment, and validation. However, the authors indicate that the communication component is more crucial than enhancing these positive factors. PREP was originally designed to be presented to groups of 6-8 couples in six weekly 2 1/2 hour visits. Markman and colleagues also offer the program as an intensive weekend workshop presented to groups of 20-40 couples. Results indicate no significant difference in communication skills learned between couples attending the weekend version or the original 6-session version (Markman et al., 1983). Comparisons of PREP and control couples indicate that those attending PREP had an 8% lower divorce/separation rate, and significant improvements in communication and conflict management skills (Markman et al., 1983). Additionally, couples attending PREP had less negative interactions, lower rates of relationship aggression, lower combined rates of breakup or divorce, higher levels of relationship satisfaction, and significant improvement in conflict management skills. Conclusion The high percentage of broken marriages (marriages that end in divorce or dissatisfaction) demonstrates the need for a better understanding of how couples can maintain healthy relationships that last. Research has identified that the communication skills marriage partners have in managing conflict are critical to marital quality. Current research suggests there is a key relationship between communication/conflict behaviors and marital satisfaction or adjustment. For communicators to be effective within the context of intercultural communication, it is important for communicators to listen for differences and be aware of possible misconstruals. Research has demonstrated the effectiveness of programs seeking to inform couples of the effects of destructive communication between partners. For Instance, couples attending PREP were found to have less negative interactions, lower rates of relationship aggression, lower combined rates of breakup or divorce, higher levels of relationship satisfaction, and significant improvement in conflict management skills. Therefore, premarital programs like PREP should be administered widely by the federal and state governments to educate couples about the difficulties associated with marriage in an effort to repair the strength of American marriages. 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Koerner, AF. & Fitzpatrick, M.A. (2002) You never leave your family in a fight: The impact of family of origin on conflict-behavior in romantic relationships. Communication Studies 48, 234-251. Linda R. (2009) Prevention and Enrichment Programs for Couples. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Sage Publications. Markman, H. J., Jamieson, K. J., & Floyd, F. J. (1983). The assessment and modification of premarital relationships: Preliminary findings on the etiology and prevention of marital and family distress. Advances in Family Intervention, Assessment and Theory, 3,41-90. Mintle, L. S. (2001). Divorce-proofing your marriage: 10 lies that lead to divorce and 10 truths that will stop it. Lake Mary, FL: Siloam Press. Rainey D. (1997). Preparing for Marriage. Gospel Light. Ventura, California, U.S.A. Sayers, S. L., Kohn, C. S., & Heavey, C. (1998). Prevention of marital dysfunction: Behavioral approaches and beyond. Clinical Psychology Review, 18(6),713-744. Teachman, J. (2009). Divorce, prevalence and Trends. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Sage Publications. Vaillant, C. & Vaillant, G. (1993, February). Is the u-curve of marital satisfaction an illusion? A 40-year study of marriage. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55(1), 230-240. Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2011). Interpersonal conflict (8th edition). Boston: McGraw-Hill. Read More