Does Having the Right Partner Help Marriages Succeed - Essay Example

Running Head: DOES HAVING THE RIGHT PARTNER HELP MARRIAGES SUCCEED Does Having The Right Partner Help Marriages Succeed (Your Name) (Your School) DOES HAVING THE RIGHT PARTNER HELP MARRIAGES SUCCEED Introduction The issue of marriage has become one of the most conversials issues in the world today. In the recent past, there have been increased incidences of divorce especially in the developed world and the trend is taking toll on the developing world too. The institution of marriage which was traditionally valued by in many societies is slowly losing its credibility and more young people have expressed their dissatisfaction with marriage institution. Traditionally, family was seen as the basic unit of the society and was henceforth valued not only by the society but also be the authority. The spread of culture through globalization has been some of the influential factors that have caused the breakdown of marriage institution. This paper will look closely at the factor of having the right partner for the marriage and if it can help to cement a stable relationship. But first let us explore the institution of marriage and the dynamism of the institution The question that linger in our mind is what is the real cause of such instability in our marriages Though this question is hard to answer, there are some obvious answers that any one of us can give as the main cause of such instability in the marriage institution in the modern world. In order to find the appropriate answer to this question, we should first look at the cause of that may be leading to high rate of divorces in our society. Let us look at some of these causes Causes of high rate of divorce in the society There are many causes of divorce in our modern society. The leading cause of divorce and instability in our marriage has been identified as economic issues in marriage. Though many people and many psychological counselors tend to downplay this issue, it is the leading cause of many divorces. It has been shown that there is high rate probability for divorce in case one of the partners loses income. Economic constrain in marriages leads to conflict on most issues in the households. The modern marriage has been commentated on basis of equal contribution by both partners who came into force with the end of full time mothers. In our traditional society, husbands were given the duty of providing fro the families but this has changed over time with the coming of modern notion of full time career mothers. As a result husbands have been reluctant in providing for their families alone if their wives are working. Hence in case where both the husband and the wives are working, failure by one partner to remit their contribution to the maintenance of the family is one of the leading factors causing instability in marriages. Many of divorce cases that have been filed have resulted from the economic hardship faced by one of the parties in marriages. It has been observed that most of divorce cases filed on economic ground is fronted by wives. Therefore economic issues are one of the factors in stability of the marriage that goes beyond the issue of whether one is having the right partner or not. (Cooper, 2006) The other cause of divorces in marriage has been infidelity from one or both of the partners. In many instances, sexual dissatisfaction has been one of the leading factor causing breakdown of many marriages. Infidelity has become norm in most modern marriages with many partners citing sexual dissatisfaction as the main cause of their infidelity. The issue of infidelity goes beyond the compatibility of partners in marriage and the breakdown in married couple with declining value of the institution can be identified as the leading factors causing infidelity. Sexual deprivation come as a second issue in marriage conflict which means there has to be a primary issue that is causing this dissatisfaction and which leads to infidelity. The other issue that can be identified as a cause of marriage instability is the pressure that is exerted on one partner by the family or friends. It has been found out that there is an aspect of pressure from friends and especially from family members which affects the stability of marriages. Therefore we can say that there are many factors that can be identified as leading to instability in marriages. Hence does it mean having the right partner can help a marriage to succeed The right partner in marriage As we settle down on the issue of marriage, different people usually have the ideal of the right partner that each would like to have. Everyone has his or her own creation of characteristics that one would be looking for in the ideal partner for marriage. Often, many people rarely find the ideal partner that they want in their life and many enter into a marriage as a result of other interacting factors beside the right partner in marriage. (Chauncey, 2004) It has been shown many people enter in marriage a short while after they meet and know each other. Hence most the of partner enter in the the marriage without having full knowledge of their partners. They don't take their time to understand their partners which makes their marriage rocky afterward. While one may see all the characteristics that one has been looking for in a person, not many of us take our time to understand if this particular person has been acting in those characters or if they are their own characters. Therefore many times we enter into a marriage based on the outward characters that we find in a person and not based on the inside characters of that person. (Carter, 1998) As a result many people don't marry the ideal partner that they have been looking for. They are pressurized by some factors to the marriage and not because of what they have seen in their partners. More often partners in marriage have complained that their spouses have undergone a dramatic change and they are not longer the partners that they married. What has happened is that their partners have just started acting in their characters. Their partners did not take their time to understand them and hence once they express their real character they start seeing it as a change. Efficient courting in marriage can help each partner rot understand the other. During the time of courting, many people pretend and acts that they are not. Once they enter in their marriage they start acting in their real characters. This has been evidenced especially in men who are likely to pretend in order to attract their wives to their homes and change suddenly once they hook their wives in marriage. As we have seen there are many factors that affect the stability of marriage. Although having the right partner in marriage can help the partners to understand each other, these external factors will actually come out strongly to affect the stability of the marriage. The way partners relate and understand each other in their home is very important to help them plan and manage their marriage. An ideal partner in marriage is the one who understand the other very well and works to ensure stability for their marriage rather than conflicting always. An ideal partner is the one who will make contribution in marriage in a way the he or she covers the weakness of the other partners. Therefore, it depend with the way one takes his or her partner as ideal with is based on the way they understand each other and live for each other. In case partners in a marriage do not regard each other as ideal, there is a likelihood that the marriage will not succeed. Hence we can say the the factor of ideal partner in marriage depends on the way that the partners understand each other. It depends on the way that they value their relationship. It is build on the degree of understanding and maturity of the partners. Ideal partners in marriage will sit down and plan their marriage. They will take time to understand each other and solve each conflict in their relation with a degree of maturity. (Strasser, 1998) One may marry an ideal partner right from the start but their marriage may not work if they don't take time to understand each other. Each partner must indent the financial position of the other and make their contribution according. Naturally women are bestowed with the duty of caring fro the needs for the families while husbands are given the role of providing for their families. Even if we advance to any level of development in the modern world, there will be not stability in marriage once each of the partner neglect their natural duties. A marriage will work when each of them plays their natural role and understand the other. (Perkins, 2004) Conclusion We can say that having the right partner in marriage can in a way help to stabilize the marriage. But this will depend on the extent to which each of the partner values their marriage and the extent to which they understand each other. Stability in marriage will also depend on the each partner accepts to play their natural role in the marriage and delineates from the modern notion of career men and women. The concept of right partners in marriage will work deeding on the way the husband and the wives are able to communicate with each other and value their marriage. Even if one marries the right partner and does not work towards stabilizing the marriage, it will definitely fail. Therefore having the right partner in marriage can help the marriage to succeed but only when there is understanding as the base for ideal partner. Reference Carter, S. L. (1998) Defending Marriage: a Modest Proposal. Howard Law Journal, Vol. 2(1): 32-46 Chauncey, G. (2004). The History Shaping Today's Debate Over marriage. Basic Books Cooper, B. (2006). Who Needs Marriage. Journal of Law & Family Studies, Vol. 2(4): 90-132 Perkins, J. (2004). Defense of Marriage: Does It Need Defending Nova Science Strasser, M. (1998). Natural Law and Marriage. DePaul Law Review, Vol. 4(8):29-34 Read More