Same Sex Couple Are Equally Capable as Parents - Essay Example

SAME SEX COUPLE ARE EQUALLY CAPABLE AS PARENTS By: Jamie Azeka Aya Kimura November 23, 2007 Homosexuality and same sex marriages are still a taboo in the society. Historically same sex parents have been restricted from adopting children. There is no justification for such prevention, argue the proponents as both children and the parents undergo the same parental issues as do heterosexual parents, which justifies the adoption of children by same sex parents. The opponents however claim that marriages are for procreation and the children bear the burden or the brunt of such marriages in a world of decaying families. Marriage within the same sex is now legalized in many countries. Same sex couples are denied adoption of children on the assumption that children suffer in the process. Stability of homosexual relationships, suitability as parents, the ability of the children of same sex to cope with the family environment, the same parental anxieties and responsibilities experienced by the same sex parents are reasons enough to allow adoption by the same sex couples. According to Buxton and Warner adoption allows children whose parents cannot care for them to be placed within a family environment. It is a legal process by which the connection between the biological parents and the child is severed and new ties are formed between the child and the adoptive parents. Thus the legal rights are handed over to the adoptive parents and hence the welfare of the adopted child is of great importance to any state. The state has a right to determine if the adopted child is under the right care and is being given a healthy development environment. Initially women that could not conceive would go in for adoption but now with the same sex parents, adoption is becoming commonplace. Same sex parenting through adoption is taking place in countries like United States, Australia, Europe and Canada. The basis of decision in allowing adoptions is no more restricted to sexual orientation and marital status. Emotional security, stability and serving in the best interest of the child govern the decision for allowing adoption of a child. Sexual orientation does not negatively impact the quality of parenting. There is ample empirical evidence to support the view that same sex parents are as successful in parenting as the heterosexual parents. Buxton and Warner find that no differences have been found in children from the two types of families in self-esteem, psychological development and peer-relationships. There is no evidence to suggest that adult children of same sex parents identify themselves as gay or lesbians. The desire for children is a basic human instinct and satisfies many people’s wish to leave a mark behind or feel responsible for having discharged the responsibility of perpetuating the family (Perrin). Gay men too wish to have children for the same reason that others want to. They too want to share their loving relationship and affluence with a child (Shernoff 73). They want to provide a loving environment to a child, perhaps maybe because they never received it. Children too provide and accept love and care from others. They also serve the parents in the old age. These are the concerns of any human being and even faced by the same sex parents. Apart from the usual anxieties that heterosexual parents have for their children, the same sex parents have additional worries. When they decide to adopt a child they confront emotional pain and restrictions imposed by discriminatory regulations. When same sex couples adopt a child, the biological or adoptive parent is recognized within the legal system as having full and more or less absolute parental rights. The other partner may function as a co-parent but he or she does not have formal or legal rights as far as the child is concerned. Different states follow different legislation as far as parenting rights by the partner is concerned. Recent studies have demonstrated that there were 1,400 same-sex couples raising children in Alameda County and close to 700 in San Francisco (Hendricks). The study further stated that a large number of these couples were nonwhites. Sixty-nine percent of the same sex couples were lesbians. It also said that the income of such families was 17% lower than an average family. With lesbians families adopting more than gay families, the issue of income is understood. Married couples enjoy many benefits that are denied to same-sex couples with children. Stability In the UK the definition of a couple includes two people living together as partners in an enduring family relationship. Because of this, the same sex couples are now eligible to adopt children in the UK. In the United States, nine states have allowed the same sex couples to adopt children. Research suggests that same sex couples enjoy the same long-term relationships that heterosexual couples do. These relationships function in the same way as do the heterosexual relationships. They suffer the same problems and breakdowns; they experience the same relationship satisfaction. The chances of a breakdown in both cases are similar and both exhibit similar strengths and weaknesses. The same sex couples are capable of expressing similar emotions as the heterosexual couples. They express the same love and commitment through the relationships (Buxton and Warner). Conflict between partners is low in same sex marriages which has a positive effect on the children (Perrin). Heterosexual families undergo tensions, separations, and reorganization after parental divorce but the same sex families have not experienced these transitions. Thus experiences of children are likely to be different in the two kinds of families, according to Patterson, Fulcher and Wainright (178). Jones emphasizes the reason that many countries are allowing same sex couples to adopt children is because the stability of such relationships is now recognized. The societies all over the world have undergone a change and nuclear families with married fathers and mothers are no longer the only alternative available. Because of the stability of their relationship, the same sex couples are in a position to provide stability to the child and a healthy family environment. Suitability as parents There are arguments that same sex parents are not adequately equipped to raise children but there is no basis for such an opinion, says Belge. Children do well in homes wherever they are nurtured, regardless of their parents’ gender. Many heterosexual couples are unable to have children or do not want children. Children by nature are conservatives and adapt to the surroundings very easily and even normal spilt marriages leave a child misbalanced. Legal justifications and social beliefs have given rise to the assumption that children of same sex parents would experience stigmatization, poor peer relationships, behavioral and emotional problems and abnormal psychosexual development (Perrin). Sexual orientation is not in itself indicative of bad parenting, contend Buxton and Warner. Empirical evidence reveals that same sex parents are in no way different from heterosexual parents. Gay fathers are known to nurture and invest their paternal role and are in a position to provide appropriate recreation apart from encouraging autonomy and dealing with normal parental issues (Perrin, Buxton and Warner). Gay fathers adhere to stricter disciplinary guidelines than do heterosexual fathers and they place greater emphasis on guidance and development of cognitive skills. Lesbian mothers too fall under the normal psychologic functioning and on measures of self-esteem, anxiety, depression and parenting stress, as compared to non-lesbian mothers. The lesbian mothers are committed to their maternal roles and strongly endorse child-centered attitudes. Lesbian mothers also provide the male role models that even divorced mothers of heterosexual marriages are unable to. They follow the same maternal interests and the child-rearing practices. Same sex parents have the ability to provide a home environment that supports children’s development. The same sex parents are aware of the difficulties that their children may face about the sexual orientation of their family but when they have a positive attitude, it has been found that the children also grow up with the same positive attitude and are in a position to explain to the people around them (Buxton and Warner). Development of the child in the same sex family environment It had been assumed that children of lesbian parents would face difficulties in four developmental areas – family relationships, psychological adjustments, psychosexual development and peer relationships. It was also argued that daughters of lesbian mothers would become lesbians and sons of gay fathers would become gay themselves but there is no basis or proven data for such assumptions (Tasker 83). It has been subsequently proved through empirical studies that the home environment plays a crucial role in the psychosexual development of the child. Psychoanalytical theories also suggest that a balance of influence between a mother and father is essential for the heterosexual resolution of the oedipal conflict and gender identification. This is crucial for psychological health. These were all assumptions based on cognitive theories. Subsequently several studies were conducted which demonstrated that these were merely theories and not based on real data. Studies have also been conducted of children reared by lesbian mothers. These have also demonstrated no gender identity confusion, as the children do not engage in cross-gender behavior and play with the same toys, the same games, have the same preferences for dress or friends compared to children of heterosexual mothers. Children of heterosexual parents in fact have been found to be more aggressive than children of lesbians. Children of lesbian parents have been found to be more affectionate, caring and concerned about younger children. As far as self-esteem is concerned they have been found to be similar ((Perrin). They exhibit no difference as far as sociability, social acceptance and popularity is concerned (Buxton and Warner). The stigma attached to same sex marriages may lead to teasing and embarrassment for children of same sex marriages which in turn may restrict their ability to form and maintain friendships (Perrin). Nevertheless, the children’s mental health has not been adversely affected (Buxton and Warner). Despite this stigma, children of same sex parents have been known to cope well with the challenge of understanding and describing their families to peers and friends. Children of same sex parents learn to deal with perceptions that their family is different. The schools are also now committed to teaching tolerance in the classroom (Hendricks). This helps the peers to accept the children of same sex couples as normal. Family interaction rather than family structure is more important for a child’s development. Parenting stress and conflicts between parents is associated with a child’s dysfunction. When the parents enjoy greater satisfaction in the relationships, it positively effects the child’s development. If the family environment is free from personal distress the child development will be normal. This applies equally to same sex families and the heterosexual families. Children of same sex parents have the same experience as children from immigrant families who learn to move in different worlds at the same time (Hendricks). Legal position There are claims by the Family Research Council that allowing same sex couples to adopt children would deny the privilege to the heterosexual couples who are otherwise more capable. This argument has no basis simply because there are over a million children in US foster care but only 20,000 are adopted annually (Religious Tolerance). There is a lack of adopting homes for children. Most states allow unmarried individuals to adopt including single gay or lesbians. The court makes a decision to allow adoption based on the best environment for the children and not based on sexual orientation. Secondly, insisting that a child should be brought up by a mother and a father would imply that the child should be left in foster care. In that case even unmarried individuals would be barred from adopting. A Hawaiian court has given the verdict that same sex couples are as fit and loving as opposite sex couples (Religious Tolerance). There is no social science data to prove the opposite. There have been efforts to ban gays and lesbian couples from adopting children. Some states allow single gays and lesbians but not couples of the same sex. Gay and lesbian couples are going to the court seeking to adopt children. They want to acquire rights as parents and take on shared last names and also secure a range of benefits enjoyed by the heterosexual couples (Biskupic). Soon after the decision to allow same sex marriages, the courts have been receiving requests for adoption. The courts now look not merely at the biology of who the parents should be but also at the roles people play in the households. The judges feel that sexual orientation should not matter in what makes a family and they are flexible in defining parental roles. Same sex couples and their families have also become hot topics for movies and TV shows. This demonstrates the increasing openness of same sex couples. The statistics are not available and even if they are, it is feared that they are underestimated. Many people who approach the agencies for adoption do not disclose their sexual orientation, which makes the reliable statistics about such adoptions difficult. One partner initially adopts as an individual and the other partner goes in for second-parent adoption later. Jones further elaborates that some babies are born with a predisposition to homosexuality. If this genetic predisposition is suppressed, it could result in great misery. Being a gay or a lesbian should be embraced by the society and hence their status as individuals and even in marriage should be treated as normal. The gay role models as responsible parents should be celebrated. In many instances one of the same sex partners is the biological father of the child and the other partner merely wants legal rights. This is already a successful family and allowing adoption merely completes the formality. It is thus evident that despite all claims by the opponents that same sex couples should not be allowed to adopt children, several reforms have taken place. The laws in the US are still not favoring the same-sex couples. If they want to adopt children they have to undergo a patchwork of laws and regulations. Nevertheless, all theories related to child psychology and cognitive development theories find no justification for not allowing children to be adopted by the same sex couples. Empirical studies have demonstrated that the same sex couples are as capable as the heterosexual couples in providing the right environment for the development of the child. The American Academy of Pediatrics endorses that same sex couples have the eligibility of bringing up children. The children have not found to be different than those who grew up in heterosexual families. They in fact are subject to less family disturbances as the same sex relationships are more stable than opposite sex relationships. The children from same sex families too have been found to be less aggressive than those from heterosexual families. The children from same sex families are subject to stigma and teasing by the peers but both the parents as well as the schools recognize this fact and prepare the children to handle such issues. Hence the stability of same sex relationships, the suitability as parents and the capability of the children from such families to cope with the environment justify that same sex couples are equally capable as parents and adoption should be allowed. Work Cited List References: Belge, Kathy. “Lesbian and Gay Marriage.” 2007 27 November 2007 Biskupic, Joan. “Same-sex couples redefining family law in USA.” 18 Feb 2007 27 November 2007 Buxton, Claire, and Warner Kate. “Adoption by same sex couples.” Feb 2003 27 November 2007 Hendricks, Tyche. “Same-sex couples raising children less likely to be white, wealthy.” 31 October 2007 SanFrancisco Chronicle, 27 November 2007 Jones, Eliot. “Adoption of Children by Same Sex Couples.” 27 October 2000 27 November 2007 Patterson, Charlotte. J, Fulcher, Megan, Wainright, Jennifer. “Children, Social Science and the Law” Ch 8 Perrin, Ellen. C. “Technical Report: Coparent or Second-Parent Adoption by Same-Sex Parents, Pediatrics.” Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, February 2002 27 November 2007 Religious Tolerance. “New Jersey Court Decision On Gay Parents Adopting Children.” 1997 27 November 2007 Shernoff, M., (1996), Gay men choosing to be fathers, The Hawthorne Press, Tasker, Fiona. “Lesbian and gay parenting.” Lesbian and Gay psychology 2005 Ch 5. Read More