Violence - Real Life Experience - Essay Example

Violence - Real Life Experience Dear Friends, today the world is moving in a fast and different track, where there have become rigid places to carry and share the emotions of each other. Consoling is considered only for those who live up to their wealth. Sense of belief and care has also come under the stiff arms of human beings. Chances of receiving help from the one who lives with you or near by you are becoming meagre. When western culture enhances women to take part and enter into all the fields of work, prestige and pride of family circle still works in such a way that women are prohibited by these above mentioned surroundings, to live in a small circle. Exposure of and to women is still not accepted by certain families, in spite of the fact that women’s liberation is growing considerably in almost all parts of the world. Violence to women is another factor meddling with the improvement of women. When we talk of violence, it might be in the form of sexual harassment, discrimination in the living circle and working place, restrictions imposed either by the family members or by society, lack of safety in places where people are moderate in numbers etc. According to the National Organization for Women, “Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence … two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year … every year approximately 132,000 women report that they have been victims of rape or attempted rape, and more than half of them knew their attackers” (2006). Many women struggle to find a definite solution to cope with these problems. This has probably led to the growth of Battered Women’s Shelters and Victim Support Groups. These Shelter Houses and Victim Support Groups are helping in such a way that they help victimized women face society with a supporting hand with lots of courage and ambition. This paves the way for many victim women to think that they too have ample chances to prove themselves in the society. “When you leave an abusive relationship, you need support to help sort through the emotions, feelings of lost hopes, and rebuild your self esteem and personal strength. Counselling and support groups help many victims tremendously through this difficult time” (“Thought About Leaving”, 2003). To be precise the Shelter Homes and the Victim Support Groups, in which some are aided by Social Services, provide permanent housing and work to resolve their clients’ individual issues. It gives them wholesome support. “People tend to think of domestic violence response in terms of intensive services such as shelter, legal assistance, and police and court advocacy. Many families need other kinds of help – for example, peer support, such as groups and buddy programs; income and employment advocacy; housing and medical assistance; and child care and other parenting supports – sometimes before they are willing or able to access more intensive domestic violence services, and sometimes instead of them” (2004). Through these types of programs, a woman is able to get rid of the domestic violence and gets the best suggestions to tackle her subject. Let me narrate an unforgettable event that happened in my life and how I came out of that problematic event. If I had to tell the exact time in which that event took place, I think I would need to include the initial incidents which paved the way for the latter chronologically. I got married at the age of twenty, in 1997. I thought it would be one of the happiest days in my life. My fantasies over my married life became like a mirage, it gave me the expectation that I would have a sweet life with my husband. But, like what we get at the sight of a mirage, nothing but an illusion of water, similarly my married life took on an unexpected new look. Before going into detail, I would like to put forth some events which had also been basic causes for domestic violence targeted against me, but they were comparatively mild when compared with my married life. It was my family members, especially my mother, who did not want me to get married, for not only my mother but my whole family considered that I was the most rebellious one in the family. I am a sort of straight forward person, who would not get afraid of what others would say if I daringly say my opinion, which might not get approved by others in my family, particularly one woman. I do not want to mention her name, because I feel that if I say her name I myself commit to do violence, because she might feel very guilty, after all she is also a woman. Through my days in the family I had been treated as the most problematic one, no one would be ready to listen to my own feelings and ambitions. Right through my childhood with my mother and family members and in schools, and on through my entrance to my career, I had been characterized this way. To be very particular, it was my changing decisions which amplified the feeling of inferiority in my husband. The only thing that disturbed the relation between me and my husband was his aggressiveness towards my career decisions. But I never thought that the same would end in a permanent separation between us. Situations worked in such a way that I had to quit my jobs now and then, though in-between we had controversies over my change of jobs. He never approved of my decisions. What ever I said or expressed was not in his book of acceptance. We had this problem from the beginning when I entered into my first job, which was as an Administration Specialist in Advanced Individual Training School. Then I thought of studying Medical Assistant. My intention was to avoid spending time with my in laws and him. As there had always been conversations going between me, my husband and his family members also. To me they are irrational people, who would never give respect for other’s feelings. The situation became worse on that day when I finally decided to separate from him. In the beginning I thought I could get a prop up from my husband in my decisions but on the contrary he and his family members were reacting indifferently to my opinions. Neither at my mother’s place nor in my husband’s family did I receive at least a minimal defence for my thoughts and feelings. It was during 2002 that we went to a party, and my husband’s behaviour, already taunting my anger, went to the height of its quality. He used that as a chance to hit me on my face in front of his friends and colleagues. I was already in the mood of not having a child through our marital relationship, as I thought my child also would become a victim for his jealousy and unfaithfulness. So I regarded that event as the appropriate one to show my hatred towards my husband. I cancelled his name from my account and began receiving continuous threats from him that he would kill me if I leave him and go abroad to work. This particular instinct which had developed in him had caused these thoughts to grow in me at the very moment. But I waited until I got my Orders to Germany. From then onwards, I became separated from him. He went to Louisiana and I travelled to Germany. The moment I left him made me compare many such events of domestic violence which had happened to my close friends and relatives. As far as my own story is concerned, there were a lot of wordy quarrels between me and my husband, but physical attack happened only during that party. But if I had been equally rash like him I would have reacted towards him in the same way. I hopefully waited for a wonderful chance, and so I did not even tell him when and why I removed his name from the account. After many such hot conversations which happened between us in the party, he started threatening me that he would kill me for no reason. At that moment I recollected the death of my cousin who was stabbed in the neck and killed by her husband. It would be appropriate to include her story also, this will make us understand the type of violence faced by women in society. Her name was Shantie, she had one daughter and two sons. Her daughter had been watching over what her father was doing to her mother, but Shantie passed away before her daughter was able to come to her rescue. Neither the cops nor her daughter could come at the right moment to save her life. It seems her husband suspected her a lot and never allowed her to visit other places, this happened to be a sort of doubtfulness. As far as my condition is concerned, my husband wanted me to remain a nothing in the society. I should neither express my opinion nor share my emotions. But he wanted me to obey only what he said. I am not that sort of a person who would remain at home cooking all the way and give birth to children. I have many ambitions in my life; the main thing would be that I should fix myself in a good job, particularly in the Navy. But while reviewing what kind of violence had been done to me, it should be noted clearly that I had been denied of expressing my mind and emotions. There was no support from either of the families. My story and the story of my cousin illustrate how common it is for women to experience abuse of different forms even in today’s modern society. The need for shelters and support groups for these women is not always necessary, as it wasn’t in my case for me to get away, but provide a very valuable and sometimes absolutely necessary resource. If my cousin had had access to this kind of support, she might not have died. References Ahsan, Nilofer. (January 2004). “Domestic Violence and Family Support Programs: Creating Opportunities to Help Young Children and Their Families.” Early Childhood, Domestic Violence and Poverty. The Center for the Study of Social Policy. “I’ve Thought About Leaving – How Can I Do It?” (2003). The Cop and the Survivor. Rhiannon 3. Retrieved October 1, 2006 from < http://www.rhiannon3.net/cs/howtoleave.html> National Organization for Women. (2006). “Violence Against Women in the United States.” Retrieved October 1, 2006 from < http://www.now.org/issues/violence/stats.html> Read More