Marriage as an Antiquated Institution - Essay Example

Marriage as an Antiquated Institution Marriage is an age old institution that has been an integral part of the world since the agricultural societies first introduced it. It is defined in the Encyclopaedia Britannica as ‘a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any)”. The debate whether marriage is a redundant institution or not has been ongoing for a few decades now. According to author Jennifer Smith, “Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse - millions of tiny moments that create your love story.” Most cultures, religions and societies of the world hold three institutions in great importance; birth, marriage and funeral. Proponents of marriage argue that the fact that we continue to celebrate and embrace the institution of marriage is testimony to the fact that marriage works, and we desire it. “In one way or another, all facets of our culture reinforce the idea that marriage is part of maturity, an affirmation of femininity, a mark of success, and a saving grace”[Fre04]. It’s the evolutionary step we take, when we decide we want more form life. It is the natural maturation cycle most of us go through. Moreover, studies have proven that children that grow up in married households (as opposed to those brought up in divorced households) turn out to be academically, behaviourally and emotionally more stable. Marriage is a declaration of one’s love; the commitment to the one we love. We wish to bind ourselves in every way possible with them: but if it is indeed so, why then is marriage being debated as an antiquated institution now? “Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution”, Mae West. And therein lays the fundamental problem. Our life cannot be simply divided into institutions. There will come a time when these institutions fail us, as is happening right now. Marriage has become a redundant and superfluous notion. In Scotland, “It was found that 69 per cent approved of couples cohabiting without intending to get married and sex is being seen as a special and intimate act of commitment and not simply a contact sport.” [Gra11]. As an institution, marriage is simply not working anymore. In the last few decades, divorce rates all over the world have increased by a marginal percentage. It was introduced to the world by agricultural societies. Some believe that marriage was initiated and has continued so long because, “Marriage is an antiquated institution devised by men to give them some assurance as to their offspring”[Lam11]. Inheritance rights for illegitimate children had, according to anthropologists become an enormous problem; marriage solved that problem and ensured continuance of men legitimately. In the current mode of marriage, we share responsibilities rather than love. The idea that has been brought to the world by second wave feminists is; “To be responsible, ultimately, for only me.” [Fre04]. Why should we marry and simply take care of each other? Frey argues that she, and most women now are not social conservatives, who think the health of humanity ‘rests on the shoulders of two-parent families’. In fact, the entire idea of a soul mate that marriage purports is entirely too ridiculous: “A predominantly white, straight, middle-class and educated world that perpetuates its own marriage myths”[Fre04]. The whole idea of ‘the one’ or our ‘soul mate’ has been attached for far too long with marriage. We are socialized; women in particular, to crave marriage. The whole concept of spinsterhood, the idea of our lives being lonely and meaningless; these are ideas which have been socially ingrained in our heads. Marriage has become the next step. We have divided our lives into phases; we study, get a job, marry and have kids. The question that arises here is why? Is marriage a validation of myself? Or perhaps it is a validation of my love. How can a piece of paper validate my love for somebody? Can love not exist without the institution of marriage? With time we all change drastically. No one person is the same as they were in only the moment before. We keep evolving (or even devolving) individually. Life’s experiences change us; we are tabula rasa. The argument, then, that arises here is to each person’s belief in whether uniformity exists in mankind. Are there certain essential thing; qualities, attributes, habits, that remain inherent to us always? I believe not. If I were to get married, will I continue to love my husband/wife in twenty years? What if I change or he changes, so much so that we do not recognize each other anymore; that we hate each other’s very presence. All that occurs then is that familiarity keeps the marriage alive; and more often than not, even familiarity fails. Isn’t that what is happening all over the world. “People change - we do not remain the same as when we first married - and if we change in vastly different directions, there seems little reason to stay together”[Lam11]. Out of wedlock, no pressures exist from the pre-conceived notions about what a marriage is and how to behave in a marriage. Without these pressures, love can foster on its own, without any outside influences. When there are extrinsic pressures and influences in play, no emotion can remain pure. I do not believe marriage is the next step in our individual evolutionary cycle, nor is it a validation of someone’s love. The evolution that is needed here is not in the people, but in the institution of marriage. “You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.”  ― Jodi Picoult, Mercy References Fre04: , (Frey, 2004, pp. 42-44), Gra11: , (Grant, 2011, p. 1), Lam11: , (Lambert, 2011, p. 10), Fre04: , (Frey, 2004, pp. 42-44), Read More