Advices on Effective Communication - Case Study Example

Letter of Advice on Effective Communication Address: Mail: 02-25. Dear Sue and Sam, Firstly, Icommend you on your recent nuptials. Secondly, I would like to say that marriage takes a sincere effort on both sides to make it work. My advice to you for a successful relationship is effective interpersonal communication. This is the process through which you exchange information and feelings through verbal and non-verbal cues. Hence, I wish to point out the factors affecting interpersonal communication and the strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts in your marriage. These factors include communication barriers, gender and culture, emotional intelligence and self-disclosure. Barriers to effective interpersonal communication Sa number of obstacles to effective interpersonal communication that you have faced and may still face include reluctance to communicate, poor listening skills, predispositions about the subject, education and social background, age, gender, and cultural differences, language barrier, personality clashes, time pressures and unrealistic expectations. I feel that a major barrier to intimate relationships is unrealistic expectations that we have about our spouses. These is acquired from our upbringing, culture, romantic novels and movies or social media. When these expectations are not met, we feel disappointed and angry, then blame our spouses for the relationship troubles (Theravive, 2011). The solution is openness, honesty and active listening. Impact of Gender and Culture on interpersonal relationships Women and men communicate differently in relationships. Women communicate to connect with others. They relay emotions more readily and are more relationship-oriented. Their motivation is to build friendship and closeness and, thus, may appear too clingy or nagging. Men communicate to relay information. They dwell on topics that barely touch on emotions, thus, may appear to be aloof or uncaring. They see the practicality of issues and want to solve problems for their spouses. Bearing this in mind, the two of you can begin to understand the differences with which each gender approaches issues. For example, Sam can try to be more open about his emotions without appearing to be weak in your eyes, Sue. Also, Sue can try to be more patient and not take it personally when Sam tries to solve her problems. Culture refers to the values, behavior, and beliefs of a particular social group. These values can be about religion, race, nationality, social class and gender issues. They shape our thoughts, opinions, goals and perceptions. They are acquired during our formative years from our families, schooling and social environment. Intercultural relationships are beneficial because they offer an opportunity to learn what the other has to offer and fuse the two worlds together. However, when elements and beliefs within each culture try to override what the other partner needs, then conflicts arise. For example, a man from a background where men are considered the ‘rulers’ of the home may become overbearing and controlling in his marriage. This may lead to conflict if the wife refuses to be treated like someone’s property. The solutions I can suggest include: getting to know and appreciating the culture of your spouse (e.g. celebrating festivities unique to your partner’s traditions), respect differences, look for commonalities, keep what matters most to you, be patient (some families take time to accept intercultural relationships) and demonstrate love and respect (Fox & Fox, 2011). Emotional intelligence and its role in interpersonal relationships Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control the emotions of oneself, as well as those of others (Mayer et al., 2001). It involves four aspects: perceiving emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions and managing emotions. Perceiving emotions is the ability to detect and discern emotions on the face, voice and our own emotions. For example, realizing that someone is angry by looking at the frown of their face, the flashing in their eyes and the hard edge in their voice. Using emotions involves harnessing emotions to fit specific tasks that one is doing such as problem solving or thinking. Understanding emotions involves being sensitive to any slight variation in emotions, recognizing and identifying them, and giving meanings to these variations. For example, Sue may be angry and therefore have a hard edge in her voice, then somewhere along the line her voice breaks. That is an indication that the anger is wearing off and the underlying grief is almost to the surface. Sam notes this and waits for the dam to break for him to be able to empathize with Sue and try to reason out the cause of the conflict. Lastly, managing emotions involves regulating the emotions in order to respond appropriately to the situation at hand. Continuing with the previous example, while Sue if yelling, Sam may decide to yell back (reacting rather than managing his emotions) and this may aggravate the situation. But is Sam understands that Sue is hurt and the yelling will finally give way to grief, he may decide to wait it out till Sue finally breaks down so that they can then work it out. Emotional intelligence plays a key role in building lasting relationships. The first role is self-awareness. Through emotional intelligence, one learns to own their emotions and understand how these affects one’s thoughts and behavior. By knowing yourself, you can be able control impulsive feelings that may aggravate an already tense situation. You will know when to vent, laugh, offer comfort and empathy, when to be blunt and when to bring up sensitive subjects. The second role is social awareness. Through emotional intelligence, one learns to read others’ emotions and respond appropriately. This involves placing yourself in the other person’s shoes for an understanding of their feelings, and consequently adjust your own emotions to best deal with the situation at hand. It helps you learn to deal with other people and makes your interactions much more rewarding and intimate. Emotional intelligence can be learnt through due diligence and a sincere effort to understand your own emotions. Appropriate levels of self-disclosure in relationships Self-disclosure is the intentional and voluntary sharing of personal information about oneself such as feelings, ideas, past experiences and memories. It is key in developing intimacy in a marriage and should be viewed as a positive tool for marriage posterity. For it to do its magic, it has to be a two-way communication. We flinch with fright at the thought of having to tell someone about our true selves. I do that, and I know you both do too. It is scary to unburden ourselves to someone without the assurance that they will still want to be with us after they get to know who we really are. In this case some of the fears include losing face, breach of confidence, fear of rejection or the disclosure may become a burden to the relationship when accompanied by expectations that a partner does not feel comfortable assuming. On the other hand, the rewards are numerous such as greater intimacy, empathy, compassion, support, understanding and a catharsis for our painful memories. There are two levels of self-disclosure: the breadth and the depth levels (Altman & Taylor, 1973). The breadth level consists of information about ourselves shared with others such as occupation, preferences and interests. These are facts and mostly positive in nature that costs us little to disclose and are shared early on in the relationship. The intention behind self-disclosure in this level is to reduce uncertainty about ourselves and invite the other person to reciprocate and share their own information. Its benefits include gaining interest from the other person and creating rapport on similar experiences. Divulge too much information soon may make the other party uncomfortable. The depth level involves sharing more significant information that is crucial to who we are such as beliefs and painful experiences and memories. This information is known and held in confidence by a few people such as our families and close friends. It involves a greater risk since there is a higher probability that our partner may change his/her mind about us. This occurs later in the relationship when a couple is comfortable with each other and have significant trust between them. Potential issues of conflict become evident due to different backgrounds and upbringing. However, these should be accepted and overcome through openness. A word of caution though is that you should not be complacent and assume to know everything about each other. Endeavor to find out more since self-disclosure is an unending process that continues even in marriage. Strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts Conflict is any situation where there is absence of agreement. Conflicts in marriage are common and healthy. Interpersonal conflict therefore can be a real or perceived incompatibility in goals or ideas and can be expressed verbally or nonverbally. Some people are prone to shouting matches while others tend to withdraw. Much of these conflict tendencies are picked up during our childhood years as we learn of ways to cope with the disagreements in our families. One majoir point to remember is that the two of you are from different backgrounds and your opinions are bound to clash. According to Canary and Messman (2000), “When conflict is well managed, it has the potential to lead to more rewarding and satisfactory relationships.” Culbertson (2013) gives five strategies that you can use to manage interpersonal conflict; collaborating, compromising, accommodating, competing and avoiding. Collaborating is a win/win situation where the solution agreed on satisfies both parties and each achieves their goals. It involves openness and truth in order to work together through your differences and each of you comes out victorious. This is the most rewarding method of conflict resolution since both of you will feel heard and appreciated. It is most favorable when there is a high level of trust and when you are both willing to change your opinions as more information is found. However, it is time consuming. I hardly see time as a constraint considering the fact that the process will bring you more intimacy. Compromising is a situation where each of you has to make concessions in their positions in order to come to a solution that is partially satisfactory. If Sue wants a personal car to drive to work in rather than walk and Sam wants to buy a house first with their joint savings, compromise may be that Sam provides Sue with bus fare every morning for the time being, while he gets some of the savings to start building the house of their dreams, even though the money has been reduced by the bus fare costs. A compromise is beneficial when time is of essence by reaching intermediate settlements, which will be reviewed at a future date. However, if not handled maturely, important values can be overlooked in the process, leading to cynicism in either of you. Accommodating involves a win/lose situation where one party concedes their position in order to protect the relationship. This is beneficial when the accommodating party realizes he/she is wrong, when he/she is willing to let the other learn by mistake and when harmony is extremely important. However, this approach has a downside of making the accommodating partner feel resentment because his/her opinions are not being valued. Competing involves a win/lose situation where one party uses their power to get their points across and in the process, squashes the other’s opinions. In my opinion, this method should only be used when there is no room for compromise because its effects are counterproductive such as escalating the conflict or the loser retaliating. Lastly, avoiding involves a situation where there are no winners nor losers. Both parties avoid the conflict by withdrawing or postponing the disagreement thereby making the conflict worse. However, it can be appropriate in situations where the conflict is small and the relationship is at stake or when there are more pressing issues to work on than the conflict at hand. Whichever method you choose consider the pros and cons and the intention behind choosing each method. A few tips I can offer you is to treat a conflict as normal and expected in any marriage, deal with problems as soon as they arise, attempt to understand the other’s opinions and focus on the situation without attacking the individual person. As I wind up, I would just like to emphasize that every interpersonal relationship is unique and various factors are bound to affect how you communicate with each other. Express yourself succinctly and do not assume that your spouse can read your mind because it is not possible. Also, remember that each of you come to the relationship with emotional baggage from your upbringing and thus, conflicts are bound to arise. Develop active listening skills where you really listen to your spouse with your mind and heart, pay attention to their nonverbal cues and respond appropriately. I leave you with this, love and commitment are the most essential in making marriage work. All the all the best in your marriage life. Kind regards, (Name of client) References Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social Penetration: The Development of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston. Canary, D., & Messman, S. (2000). Relationship Conflict. In C. Hendrick, & S. Hendrick (Eds.), Close Relationships: A Sourcebook. (pp. 260-272). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/9781452220437.n19 Culbertson, H. (2013, Oct 27). Conflict Management Strategies and Styles. Missions Now. Retrieved from http://home.snu.edu/hculbert/conflict.html Fox, M., & Fox, T. (2011, Jan 30). How culture affects relationships and marriage. Examiner. Retrieved from www.examiner.com/article/how-culture-affects-relationships-and-marriage Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., Caruso, D. L., & Sitarenios, G. (2001). Emotional Intelligence as a standard intelligence. Emotion, 1, 232-242. n.a. (2014). Building Communication Skills in Your Marriage. Theravive. Retrieved from www.theravive.com/services/communication-marriage.html Read More