Divorce and Familys Social Dynamics - Research Paper Example

? Divorce and Family’s Social Dynamics Affiliation Focus on change under the social dynamics that hold the family together isan excellent way of understanding development of certain traits and behavior in the children. Most of us are defined by what kind of family interactions we had as we grew up. It would save us a lot of pain trying to understand one another if we had a clue of how our unique backgrounds define us. Analyzing single-parent families reveals that contrary to popular beliefs, not all of them experience the difficulties associated with parent separation. The society is experiencing an increase in this type of family and I think due to the number of children involved, as they grow up, the cyclical models turn into action. The core of these models lies in the fact that history is bound to repeat itself and so what the children experience according to the model, has a high chance of recurring in the lives of their own off springs (Harper & Leicht, 2011). When we talk of social change in the family context while considering single-parents, most of us will definitely think of the plight of the children. This is in terms of how they take in the information, circumstances leading to the single-parents status as well as how they behave afterwards. The society plays a critical role in how it goes along with this change in a certain family. It is common knowledge that a two parent family would have children enjoying more stability than in a single parent family. Poverty, criminal tendencies and lack of ambition have been known to take over the lives of these children in single parent families (McCord, & Sayre-McCord, 2007). In my paper, I specifically narrowed down my research and analysis to the single-family that results from a divorce situation. This paper seeks to analyze the reactions of the children and effects of their choices in their present and future lives. Understanding what causes their chosen behavior ensures that we know how to cope with them especially in times where they take a stance that is against the social norms. Introduction Social change refers to adjustment or shift in human social structure, understanding and interaction based on past, prevailing and future circumstances within the environment (Shaffer, 2009). In most cases this starts with the thought process and adopted reasoning that is meant to accommodate variations and alterations in societal co-existence between individuals. This is entirely true for members of a family which is a unit within the society. Social change in a family can be evaluated in terms of changes in the interaction of the members especially when it calls for a change in the family structure. Under, divorce there is a shift in the family structure which often demands for the physical separation of the parents even though they share responsibility with regards to the children. Divorce is the action of terminating a marriage contract or association between two responsible adults under stipulated legal terms, in a court of law or any recognized body permitted under legal jurisdiction (Lamanna &Riedman, 2009). The traditional family structure comprises of a father and mother who have an agreed union in the eyes of the society and law, and their biological off springs or adopted children. The daily co-existence of members relies on how well they communicate, interact and act as a unit under all circumstances. Our point of concern is how divorce affects the co-existence and implications on the lives of the members especially the children. The social change associated with divorce is stressful and far more hurting than beneficial to the members. The social change is sometimes brief especially if associated with physical changes like moving houses, changing schools and friends. The psychological and emotional effects that contribute to social change are the most dangerous due to their permanent nature. This are what determine habits, behavior and adopted methods of decision making that are intended to punish someone in most cases. Children are the most affected and the centre of the social change experienced, thus making it understandable when all focus on is directed to them when evaluating the social change. We always look for avenues to make it less painful to them and have them emerge as responsible adults who learn from this experience. This paper analyses the effects of divorce on the social interactions of the members and consequently how this social change reflects in the behavior/ attitude of the children. Literature Review/ Analysis Divorce can be classified as one modern form of social change. This has generated over the years as the fight for gender equality intensified. The three aspects in fighting imbalances over the history of United States play a significant role in present happenings (Harper, & Leicht, 2011). Gender, race and class are important considerations in defining any form of social change. Women development and empowerment awareness led to a shift in balance of power and responsibility in the family unit thus a rise in materialistic perspective in gaining resources and controlling them in the family (Harper, & Leicht, 2011). Modern times have seen an increase in women participation in social events and formal sector arenas previously dominated by men. This defines the aspect of social class which directly affects the family unit. Since modern times characterized by globalization has ensured growth in women association, communication has intensified and made sure previous compromises in family units along gender roles no longer exist. The integration and sharing of ideas among women movement groups can be perceived as leading causes of an increase in divorce cases. The desire for satisfaction in material provision has made women either forget their roles in homemaking to chase careers or other men with more financial muscle than their husbands. These standouts along gender lines are gradually being pushed down the children’s way of thinking thus a shift through generations on gender issue perspectives with regards to divorce. Evidence in sociology indicate the suffering of children who grow up in families that do not have the traditional composition of their biological father and mother who are married and live under the same roof (Sindell, 2007). Examples of these families arise from divorce of parents as well as permanent separations that may not go through with the divorce process but bear all characteristics of parental disengagement. Some scenarios may happen as a result of death or running away of one parent. Permanent disability of one parent may ensure physical availability but other aspects of the social dynamics are affected thus an imbalance is experienced. Previous research have concluded that certain aspects in the divorce process lead to majority of the children becoming poor, crime affiliated, challenged in terms of academics or face most of the social challenges poor communication skills. I believe the withdrawal and bitterness towards the society at large ensures a decline in interpersonal and social skills. This is the genesis of all problems as the children often get their confidence in the eyes of the public dented (Smart & Wade, 2001). It is easier to trace the point of change if we can identify the divorced families that are related back to their roots, which may include grandparents or great grandparents. It is true that the events are not isolated happenings by chance. Parsons theory in explaining divorce would be more affiliated to structural differentiation and marital discord result into some irreversible disagreements that make a permanent mark in the new family composition (Parsons, 2010). This sets up a series of reactions in the children which would determine what values they would pass down to their children on marriage. They will also want to exercise their opinion through their marriage as well as try and have the same say in their children’s marriages. This permanent change in opinion passed through generations would attract together families from broken homes and thus a certain code of reaction is probably generated which may not hold the society’s norms. An example is when a certain society characterized by divorce cases takes a totally different stand in interpreting the law and how it applies to children with criminal tendencies and cases. This is determined by what people consider to be the idealistic perspective that determines what is proper or wrong in any given situation (Harper & Leicht, 2011). The feuding parents differ on what is desirable and at the same time the children get ashamed for missing out on common standards in the society. In cases where collective issues of mutual concern between the parents are shared thus minimum levels of friction are experienced, parent-children relationship before, during and after divorce are stable. A balance in how the children relate with either parents is enjoyed and none of them is likely to poison the children against the other. Respect is bound to be exercised and group solutions to challenges are often realized which upholds the social family bonds despite the severed physical unity (Tschann, Johnston, Kline, &Wallerstein, 1989). This is a rare happening because one partner is bound to be bitter from the experience and seek ways to get back at the other. Sometimes children will naturally favor one parent over the other thus creating a jealous tendency that cannot be ignored in the long-run. This perception that arises from one parent being jealous can lead to exposure of the kids to anti-social habits that if approved at an early age and they stick with that particular parent, they end up believing the shared values are fine with everyone. This defines the conflict theory whereby scarcity would tilt favor to the side that satisfy’s the children’s need for security and source of appreciation (Harper, & Leicht, 2011). The children grow up embracing these negative traits that are automatically transmitted to their off springs as well. Therefore, when a certain trait is said to run in a family, there is high likelihood these are pre-determined by the values passed down from generations. Marital discord is a phenomenon where there exists perpetual disagreement between two married people as well as disunity in perceptions with regards to the state of affairs in their relationship as a couple. The disharmony is what confuses the children because they now get used to two or more different views and guidance from the parents. Parental Discord happens is the main reason why divorce turns ugly against the children. Parental discord is a phenomenon which starts before the divorce process and can exists long after the process is under wraps. Parental discord is the breakdown in effective communication between the either parent or both and the children (Smart & Wade, 2001). Sometimes this is intentional and sometimes it happens involuntarily from either the parents or the children. The differences in perception about the divorce in all members of the family with parents overruling the children’s say, triggers the effects. Age restrictions in discussing the matters leading to divorce more often than not gives the children improper information that lead to wrong understanding of the situation. This is what creates the tension experienced in the family and everyone starts to shut down emotionally and carry bitterness towards each other which explodes sooner or later. Depending on who suppresses the children contribution, the respective parent is equally ignored and little communicated to as a means of retaliation. The children are forced into a situation where they make decisions depending on who between the parents makes sense in their situation. This inevitably leads to lose of communication contact with the other parent and the most worrying factor is lack of consideration to whether the choice made is moral or ethical. Some of these decisions are made as a means of getting back at one of the parents who may unfortunately be the one on the right. Furthermore, when they are encouraged by the wrong parent, they may pick up wrong practices and habits for the rest of their lives which may act against their favor in other situations. This is harmful because they may never realize how wrong they are due to being blinded by the negative feelings towards one parent. Resistance to any caution against their behavior is guaranteed because anyone who questions their behavior or choices will always be perceived to be taking the side of the disliked parent. Recent research indicates that the father is the more likely of the two parents to lose contact with the children (Tschann, Johnston, Kline, &Wallerstein, 1989). The male off springs are highly associated with marital discord because they are known to be very aggressive and fast in their reaction. Violence is prevalent in their behavior because their emotions are known to be volatile and they are not easy to adapt to any associated social change. The majority of the girls go about their reaction in a discrete manner thus likely to suffer depression with the extreme leading to suicidal tendencies. Therefore, if a divorce exhibits less of marital discords than necessary, the children are guaranteed to cope well. The children learn to appreciate the sense of respect upheld in disagreement by the parents where they keep away their conflicts when the children are around. There have been cases of parents gradually developing a better understanding of one another through the divorce process and go ahead to better the relationship after the divorce. The art of creating tolerance for one another can be transferred to the children as they interact with other members of the society. They will present themselves before the rest of the society in exactly the same manner their feuding parents do before them (Sindell, 2007). This is a major step feuding parents overlook because they are too busy fighting one another and always assume when it is over they will mend their relationship with the children. Some of their actions are psychological scars that can never be erased in the mind of their children who end up setting bitter goals in life. It becomes worse when the children swear to hate their opposite sex for life and never imagine having a positive relationship with their partners if at all it happens. This is where the situation becomes a life cycle engraved in the children’s memory thus activation of the cyclical model. The child may become more comfortable in being a single parent thus always find reason to frustrate and separate with their partners. Once they accept this as a life decision, it is difficult to convince them otherwise and reverse the cycle as long as the evidence of their divorced parents is available. Some children as they grow up will automatically avoid suitable partners and pick on those that they will easily get into disagreements or those that annoy them from the onset of their meeting. This is psychological handicap that characterizes the hypothesized genes in the cyclical models on social change. Sociologists state that marital conflict determines the intensity of the resultant impact at the point of divorce and this is measured in the impact of the social change. When family members compromise their levels of respect for one another before, during and after divorce, it signifies the start of a negative trend. The changing family concept prevails whereby a reduction in conventional family values is experienced (Harper, & Leicht, 2011). One parent moving out of the family home and inevitably cutting off any form of communication just relays bitterness and disappointment. Children custody becomes the eminent agenda that is based on who is more responsible of the partners. Further consideration of whoever is wealthier or has a better paying job may determine where the custody decision swings. These are more transparent attributes in the custodial fight. Asset sharing has been known to be a deal breaker because of the insecurity exhibited and unreasonable demands of the partners without genuine concern of the children at heart. Most of the parents use this as an avenue to punish their partner and will stop at nothing in making them miserable. It is at this point that one parent out of bitterness gives away their assets as well as implied responsibility of the children. What would you do if your partner made it clear if they took away every asset, they will comfortably take care of the children then the children take their side and become out right disrespectful to you? Research Application Having understood and reviewed how divorce causes social change it is paramount that we examine in detail the social change as well as determine the best way to deal with the impact on children. I believe if we understood how the change is triggered and how the community participates, then children involved in a divorce case would have a better chance to grow up as normal as their peers from stable two parent families. There are four correlated factors that determine how children adjust and acquire their skills in coping with the effects of divorce. This must occur in as much everyone will try to make the life of the children comfortable after the divorce including a mutual and sincere contribution of the feuding parents. The untouchable skills are psychological and emotionally related thus a mixture of suppressed feelings and those misinterpreted when shared between the children and the parents (Smart & Wade, 2001). Everyone forgets children have a certain view of how the misunderstanding could be easily solved and more than 95% of those involved rarely think of divorce as the best solution (Butler, 2003). The resultant psychological skills are a combination of trying to entice the parents into reconsidering the divorce and punishing them for considering divorce in the first place. Therefore, the children are very protective of the family secrets and would easily turn hostile on anyone who utters negative sayings on either parent. They feel they can contain the situation and create an environment where the parents will be at peace to resolve their differences. This will always see the children perceive themselves as guardians and their parents as needy of their help in sorting out their marital conflict. Rarely does this category engages in harmful activities to their well being but would forego anything that would take their time away from their parents. They are known to get hostile to any of their parent who will try to resist an attempt to bring back the family and if any criminal charges do occur, it probably stems from violent behavior. Another category involves victimized children and it is the most difficult to manage or control. More often than not, they are made to believe they are the main cause of the marital conflict leading to the divorce. The situation arises when the parents in conflict use their children as props to get back at each other. Using the children to pass across their negative feelings to their partners only works to confuse them and so they start associating any negative comment to their past and present undoing. Some of the children end up blaming themselves even for outright mistakes that is not their fault. They do this in the hope that the conflict will cease being between the parents and directed to themselves. This would ruin any possibility of a divorce in the long run as perceived by these self-blaming young ones. The other group of children under this category may have nothing to do with the negative criticism in the marital conflict but immediately pursue opportunities to mess up their lives. This is done to prove their parents were right in referring to them as failures or troublemakers, as well as creating a diversion from the current family feud that threatens their existence as a social unit (Butler, 2003). There is often a shift in the normal function of the household unit as divorce becomes inevitable thus an increase in the children’s stress level. As the family becomes disjointed, instability in relation and interaction of its members increases. The children become restless and panic and therefore their insecurity leads to poor decision making. Indecisiveness becomes a hindrance in progressive development into adulthood increasing the likelihood of ending up as irresponsible adults. This category is concerned with its surrounding more than the divorce in itself and thus has a higher chance of doing better than the first two categories as long as stability is assured from the outcome of divorce or no divorce (Butler, 2003). The final category takes divorce negatively and considers it a fault of their parents. They ruin their lives and do not care what anyone thinks as long as they feel it is punishing their parents. They may personally suffer but will be immune to the pain if they see their parents troubled. The worrying part is when their parents seem indifferent to their actions and they resort to actual confrontation leading to more social disorder in the family than the divorce already caused to happen. Sociologists identify this as a craving for attention which has no single way to tackle but parents can customize their solution depending on the needs of their children. Having identified the trends and effects of divorce in the children, it is true that external support from members not from the family including relatives, friends, peers and neighbors contribute to the acceptance of the divorce. If well coordinated, the efforts of the society may ensure prosperity of the children into mature adults able to differentiate between their parents marital conflicts and what is good for their responsible upbringing. The society can help make children understand that they are not the ultimate cause of their parents marital conflicts thus cannot necessarily hold the keys of solving the issues at hand. This is effective when a keen observer explains to the children why their opinion is sometimes shot down by their parents in a divorce case, to mean that they are in no way responsible for the mess (William, 2012). If we worked more on lifting the responsibility of blame from these children, perhaps future generations would see more of the single parent family cases. This is based on my myth of breaking the cyclical model in relation to divorced families. Through freeing the children mind from anything to do with the divorce or its build up, we are able to break the trend that may be embedded in their social genes. It is a known fact that during family conflicts, the parents are likely to turn their parents for advice. If their parents are ended up in divorce, chances are they will not know the right thing to say and any attempt will be made based on their precedence thus justify a breakup in the present marriage. The mental freeing of the children is a process that will make them differentiate their marriage from their parents in terms of conflict resolution (William, 2012). In most cases the society generates hate in a divorce case. Some members of the society try to get details of the divorce through the children and in the process end up corrupting the children’s mind beyond the prevailing state of affairs. Other members of the society directly feed the children with delicate details of the divorce hidden from them by the parents. As the children assume the role of public relations officers for the family, some members of the society rarely take into consideration their age and relation to the feuding parents. The children may compromise their preference of custody based on misinformation gathered from the public interference of their situation. The visiting restrictions on one parent may result into a decline in responsibility in all aspects of the children lives. The custodial parent is often overwhelmed with the burden of discipline thus giving the visiting parent an advantage of playing good angel. Some parents have been known to incite children into making life unbearable to the custodial parents (Harper & Leicht, 2011). In their effort to impress their children, visiting parents in an attempt to gain the children favor overlook misbehavior. This approval of mistakes can turn the children into irresponsible members of the society. The third perspective is the social stigma associated with divorce and it is the most damaging to the children. This is where they are looked upon with sympathy everywhere they go yet they get to hear the same people talking behind their backs about their situation. One incident from a trusted confidant and role model outside the family unit is enough to shatter the healing progress by the children. The society at large plays a major role in developing the cyclical models through associating certain anti-social traits with a family. A basic example is when the parents act against marriage of one of their children to a member of a certain family citing such incidences of divorce running through that family. This emphasizes how meaningful parents opening up to communication with their children during divorce is of great help (Bonald & Davidson, 1992). How would a child take it when aggrieved by sentiments uttered by strangers in the society talks to one parent whom they respect, only to listen to more trashing of the other parent? This makes the children start internalizing the rumors and misinformation in the public domain. When we apply our findings in research for a lasting solution, we need to clearly identify the family structures and relations severed permanently so as not to waste time and resources giving the emotionally disturbed children hope. In aspects that would be mended, we need to assure the children and follow through our promises. Take an example of losing the nuclear family where one partner remarries or both decide to have new partners. Trying to mend this torn relationship means a series of processes that include getting rid of two extra people in the original marital conflict. This can take further emotional toll on the children rather than boost their lives. In an attempt to fit into the shoe of economic and physical partner who provides a shoulder to lean on, some children lose their youth playing adults and confidants to a dependent parent. They are forced to grow up sooner than necessary thus miss essential steps in development essential in their real adult life. Parents should be responsible enough to realize however fragile their position becomes under divorce their children will still remain their dependants. It is understandable if one parent had the shoulder of their child to lean on but this should not outlive its purpose and turn it into a permanent status (Bonald & Davidson, 1992). The attempt by one parent to buy their love and make the other parent look bad may cause irreversible embarrassment but honesty should prevail at times of helping the children cope with divorce situation. A simple acknowledgement of being the one on the wrong can make the children pick an important lesson on responsibility (Bonald & Davidson, 1992). This would steer them in the right direction of accepting their shortcomings and making amendments where possible. The society can help the children by playing advocate to their misery especially where their needs are not heard. The society should take every opportunity to point out shortcomings of the parents in terms of child relations where the children are neglected rather than seat back and watch. If the children can feel this honest and sincere concern from the society, they will feel in place and find it easier to share their challenges. Conclusion Considering divorce is an act of sane adults who are responsible enough to acknowledge their differences, they must be able to recognize the importance of giving due attention to the needs of the children. Ignoring the needs of the children especially the emotional type can cause permanent damage that would render them misfits in the society. Separating their conflicts from the children ensures the young ones understand the details of the matter do not concern them and it is not their fault. Each parent should take it as a personal responsibility to better the relationship with the children despite the difficulties associated with the permanent separation of the parents. This makes the process bearable for the children and thus they can constructively deal with any other challenges that may arise beyond the family control. We have to remember that children feel delighted at any chance to showcase their maturity. When we allow them to contribute their views on some aspects of the divorce, it makes them accommodative to changes and simplifies their parents’ painful process. This may provide them with an insight on why things can no longer work with the parents staying married and better relationship will be achieved through divorce. At all points in discussion of the divorce details, parents must make treatment of each family member to be out of maximum respect. No view should be looked down upon because it represents true feelings of a family member. There is no social change that cannot be effectively utilized to better the lives of the members of a particular society. Divorce is not an exception to this rule as long as effective communication is maintained throughout its stages. References Bonald, L. & Davidson, N. (1992). On Divorce. New Brunswick, U.S.A.: Transaction Publishers. Butler, I. (2003). Divorcing children: children's experience of their parents' divorce. London: Jessica Kingsley. Harper, C. & Leicht, K. (2011). Exploring social change: America and the world. Upper Saddle River (NJ): Pearson Prentice Hall, cop. Lamanna, A. &Riedmann, A. (2009).Marriages & families: making choices in a diverse society. Belmont, Calif.: Thomson. McCord, J. & Sayre-McCord, G. (2007). Crime and family: selected essays of Joan McCord. Philadelphia, PA: Temple University Press. Parsons, T. (2010). Social Structure & Person. New York: Simon & Schuster. Shaffer, D. (2009). Social and personality development.Australia; Belmont, CA: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning. Sindell, M. (2007).The bright side: surviving your parents' divorce. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications. Smart, C., Neale, B. & Wade, A. (2001). The changing experience of childhood: families and divorce. Cambridge: Polity; Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishers. Tschann, J., Johnston, J., Kline, M. &Wallerstein, J. (1989). Family process and children’s functioning during divorce. Journal of Marriage and Family , 51, 431-444. William, H. (2012). Dear Children, a Manual for Adult Children of Divorce 25 Year Study of Spirituality and Overcoming the Effects of Divorce; Healing the World. NY: Balboa Pr. Read More