Identifying Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Interactions and Managing Interpersonal Conflicts - Essay Example

 Letter of Advice Dear Sarah and Tim, Before I share my views regarding the experience and personal enlightenment that I went through in this course, I would like to congratulate you two on your engagement. Being in a relationship and being committed in an engagement are different levels of dedications, while marriage, which is the epitome, surpasses the previous two levels of commitment. Since the inception of civilized living, men and women mutually direct them selves towards these levels for the purpose of love and intimacy, security in financial terms, psychological growth, companionship, maturity and for the love of coming generations (DeVito, 2007). Trust and mutual dependence are components essential to these commitments. It is vital to recognize the fact that attraction felt at early phases of relationship will not remain the same in the later stages. This love evolves, grows and matures with the passing years. Feelings and experience in the initial phases may be revisited later in life but in a different and quite possibly, mature manner. But the consistency in feelings and love over the years and decades, though in different facets, is more than worth gold’s exchange rate (Chapman, 2010). Also, what keeps the understanding and mutual love ablaze is friendship. A spark in the fire is what romance acts like in relationship, leading to intimacy when aroused and smothered when not fed up properly. Friendship, on the contrary, is like a warm bed of coal that keeps affection as a constant. Sacrifice is vital, but not the only factor to live with. Too much of it would lead to unhappiness for both of you. Cooperation in helping achieve each other’s dream is the best way to survive. This is because being human requires striking a balance with all sorts of needs (Puhn, 2010). What has inspired me the most, I would thoroughly like to share it with you. Although the experience and evolution is a continuous affair, but what I would like to share with you will hopefully make you rethink and go over your ties with each again and again, just like every one in that session felt. Identifying Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Interactions  The most frustrating fraction of any communication is the fact that people, heavily including me too, fail to understand the simplest of phenomenon that we all are different. Yet we complain, ‘why people get so difficult to communicate with?’ From our feelings, priorities, emotions, goals and ambitions to the minutest division of our being, the gene, is remarkably distinguishing from every one else. Truly this corner of our persona is usually is the roughest and difficult to deal with since it is mostly out of control (Hogan, Stubbs, 2003). The barrier most difficult to surpass and deal with is the emotional barrier. What influences heavily on a relationship is the intensity of emotions felt by people involved in it. These are channelized in various ways, magnitudes and tones depending upon the personality buildup. Some of us are more emotional than other but that doesn’t keep anyone of us behind in raising these barriers any less effectively. Fighting, bad days, job frustration, anxiety, little sleep, hurt feelings, and the list may go on and on. Ability and willingness to identify them before hitting is only going to add credibility and essence of reliability in your relationship (Hogan, Stubbs, 2003). Another magic word here was ‘willingness’. The desire to communicate and participate in the process is critical. Nothing requires more patience in this process while doing your best to communicate with someone who clearly is not willing to do the same. This also depends upon the similarity in priorities or vice versa. This might not be easily forgotten and might sometimes also reciprocate when you get into the situation the next time. Unwillingness might also appear on your own end when the urge to explore different opinions, ideas and proposals is not present to its full inclination. Development and Maintenance of Self-Concept Rarely people consider how the self-concept can positively affect the quality of a relationship. That’s right. Healthier self-concept means healthier relationship. Self-concept is about how you see yourself, how you understand and believe about what you believe in and how strongly you think all that is true. This essentially important because it defines and shapes how you are going to respond to others when being in the communication process (Hutchinson, 2010). It’s about your abilities, beliefs and details of the underlying thought processes that how you treat others and more importantly yourself because both are fast connected. This experience of investigation within you is essential because it creates images for the brain to asses, make decisions and pave way for emotional states. A simple example of this would be your belief that whether you are capable or not capable. The resulting emotion from this determines whether you take an action or not, and if do then what kind of action (Hutchinson, 2010). Developing Strategies for Active, Critical, and Empathic Listening As narrow the focus on communication and listening to the other person would be, the deep the understanding and ease in resolving issues. Techniques for such a sound communication would help your avoid assaultive and disruptive behaviors. Here, attention is of huge importance. It has to be absolutely undivided because for even in the case if eagerness is unmatched, a single disruption might also hit back with a strong blow. Hence, try keeping your rapid refocusing abilities aside for some time (Naranjo, 2006). Be as non-judgmental as possible. Situations and stories are made up in mind usually when we tend to listen to people and later link the subconscious ones to the deliberate ones. This shows an attitude of trivializing the issue of the speaker. Reading the speaker would assist you in directing your thoughts the more realistic way. Observation of underlying and apparent emotions in words also signifies what and how to react with the right response. Restating your perceptions on the scenario also helps. This affirms your understanding on the turmoil the other person might be dealing with. Strangely you might not even require a response sometimes. An immediate reply is not a must in such situations, especially if it is out of frustration of reacting for the sake of reacting. Often, if allowed with some quietness after the venting is done and dusted, they themselves would break their silence and propose a way out (Naranjo, 2006). Managing Interpersonal Conflicts Habitually, most of us get engaged in an argument without clarifying the preciseness of the issue. Illustrating this would at least elucidate you what kind of compromise could possibly be reached (Baxter and Braithwaite, 2008). Becoming more reasonable will help diminishing the disagreement. The bottom line is making demands reasonable for the other person. Once you do this, they are more likely to follow the lead (Baxter and Braithwaite, 2008). Making use of positive time to argue is another key. Try doing it when the other person is in a state of calmness. Avoid timings like right after work, a general bad day, already being in another conflict and etc. This leads you to pondering if it’s appropriate or not to shovel multiples issues at a time. Focusing on core issues solely first soften the magnitude of the related problems. Once the major arguments are resolved, the trickledown effect comes into action. Regarding demands, even if it is clear to you that are beneficial for both the partners, discussing the positive outcomes of your demands being met would assist you in bringing clarity to the vision of the other individual also. Consecutively, explain the consequences of negative genre that would result from the other person refraining from meeting those demands (Baxter and Braithwaite, 2008). Emotional Intelligence and Its Deep Impact This is the centre around which your effectiveness in dealing with interpersonal communication revolves. It is the intelligence and ability to remove the most powerful communication barrier i.e. emotion, out of the process and thus allowing yourself to learn, understand, acknowledge, listen and withstand what goes for and against your emotions. Conflict resolvers, relation builders and effective communicators is what you may be termed as if you eliminate or become in control of the emotional flow which may shake the abilities (Segal, 2008). When people possessing this ability are engaged in a communication process, they are able to see the actual information and processes rather than going through the emotional turbulence. One who is in control of emotions reflects that an emotional response is something what might not stimulate them (Weisinger, 2000). To some extent everyone posses this intelligence while few are only more in control of it. What makes this interesting is that we all are different and thus our experiences are also carrying variations as compared to that of others who response in contrary manners (Segal, 2008). I know what you might be thinking. Do you possess this intelligence? Well for that you may take your last conversation on any argument or conflict that led you to it. Try evaluating: How had you come to a resolution with each other? Was their involvement of your emotions while making decisions? Were your judgments based facts and actual scenario? Was your final verdict a reaction of abrupt emotional pressure? What would have been my response had I not brought emotions in to the equation? What would have been my reaction if I was in that certain position? What would have been my expectations with the listener? Self-Disclosure and its levels Self disclosure is the act of revealing feelings, goals, aspirations, thoughts, dreams, fears and likes of such associations to others. It starts typically when we meet someone initially and persists as we nurture our relationships with others (Petronio, 2002). Self-disclosure has to exist if you want the relationship to build on trust and reliability. As the level of self-disclosure and ease towards it increases, easier it is trust and rely on the other person. There exists a hierarchy of how to reach about the other person’s disclosure of emotions and feelings, though for individuals already in a relationship much of it is easily surpassed (Petronio, 2002). Nevertheless, in cases where the other person does not disclose due to unease of discussing a certain topic, too much peer pressures or any other reason, the following hierarchy helps unfold layer by layer: Ice breaker communication Initial verbal opening and acknowledging the presence Factual or biographical information Revealing you non-threatening information Personal attitudes and ideas Getting to know where you agree and disagree with other person Personal feelings Increasing vulnerability by discussing personal feelings Peak communication Disclosure of personal insights and failures that other person might not discuss with anyone else Conclusion I feel lucky and It always excites me to state this fact to everyone whom I have advised so far that course gave me insights which never had registered to my conscious knowledge before, whereas now its crystal clear to me how the lives of individuals around me are evolving once they are connected to each other. Elements like trust, honesty, team work, appreciation and likes which are taken nothing more than clichés represent much more since their threshold is now both, audible and visible at the same time (DeVito, 2007). For you two, there has to be no ‘me’ in the team whereas the blame game also has to be non-existent on the things-to-do list. I say this because relationships thrive when individuals act as friends and not partners, eventually working together and building on better than ever (DeVito, 2007). References Carrie Cropley Hutchinson (2010). Interpersonal Communication: Navigating Relationships in a Changing World. CreateSpace. 47-49. Claudio Naranjo (2006). The Way of Silence and the Talking Cure: On Meditation and Psychotherapy. Nevada City: Blue Dolphin Publishing.  Gary D. Chapman (2010). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Chicago: Northfield Publishing. 127-129. Hendrie Weisinger Ph.D. (2000). Emotional Intelligence at Work: The Untapped Edge for Success. Jossey-Bass. 56-57. Jeanne Segal (2008). The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships. -: McGraw Hill 85-89 Joseph A. DeVito (2007). Interpersonal Messages: Communication and Relationship Skills. Allyn & Bacon. 31. Kevin Hogan, Ron Stubbs (2003). Can't Get Through: Eight Barriers to Communication. Gretna: Pelican Publishing. 78-81. Laurie Puhn (2010). Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In. Emmaus: Rodale Books. 118-121. Leslie A. Baxter, Dawn O. Braithwaite (2008). Engaging Theories in Interpersonal Communication: Multiple Perspectives: Sage Publications. 101. Sandra Petronio (2002). Boundaries of Privacy: Dialectics of Disclosure (Suny Series in Communication Studies). NY City: State University of New York Press. 61-63. Read More