Theories and Approaches of Loss - Essay Example

COUNSELLING IN LOSS Name of student Name and Number of Course Name of Professor Date Introduction Dealing with a loss of a loved is always a difficult process. It requires both physical and emotional strength to conquer such difficult situation. The following is a brief definition of terms in this essay. 1. Complicated Grief—delayed grief, since I was ten at the time. I experience, vivid dreams about the loss, Anger, guilt and a sense of being stuck. It was traumatic listening to someone die and I now feel numb towards death as well as a lack of fear of it. 2. Bereavement-Sigmund Freud describes bereavement as a process and not a state. According to him, the process involves succession of clinical pictures, which blend and replace one another. The processes include a feeling of numbness, pining, disorganization and despair. 3. Loss- I lost a close friend who was experiencing what I was and I thought that I might die too. 4. Death- A condition where a person stops physical and chemical functioning 5. Dying- A process where one loses his/her life due various reasons 6. Mourning- it is a process where one undergoes the process of bereavement mostly including reflection of the past events with the dead person. 7. Meaning Reconstruction – Robert Neimeyer I use this as a drive, i take meaning from this, I am who I am now because of all of my experiences. 8. Grief – I accept that I may never stop grieving and I accept that to move on is to be happy with who I am becoming and not what I did. Forgiveness in myself will allow me to move on. A brief Description of the Loss At the age of ten, I was diagnosed with a Wilm's tumour on my left kidney. At the time, I was unaware of what was happening, however I had developed a strong sense of trust towards my parents growing up prior and I did not feel a need to be concerned or worry because of this. While undergoing treatment for my serious illness, I lost many friends that I had made strong connections with and one in particular that I believe I will never be able to let go of. Her name was Sherelee. Shereleehad been diagnosed with terminal cancer, on the last night of her being alive, she was in severe pain, and I listened to her painful passing with much misunderstanding. That night, as I was trying to get to sleep, I got annoyed at the noise she was making and I yelled out across the room "shut up... shut up". Not long soon after, Sherelee went silent. At the time, I thought that I had been heard and I thought nothing more of it. The next morning I was awoken to noise of people crying around an empty bed where Sherelee had been the night before and I did not understand why she was not in her bed or why there were so many people around an empty bed. I asked the nurse where Sherelee had gone and the nurse replied "she is no longer with us"... I knew what the nurse meant. I proceeded to hide under my sheets until my mother arrived and lost the ability to talk to anyone for a week because I felt ashamed of what I had yelled across the room the night before. Theories and Approaches of Loss In the 1960’s Psychoanalyst John Bowbly established the fundamentals of attachment theory. From research conducted on mothers and their children, he examined how children responded to the short-term loss of a mother figure in order to observe how a child would express the grief and mourning that accompanied such loss: from the researched conducted he gained a greater understanding of attachment and the impact of breaking attachment bonds (Bowlby, 1980). However, in order to understand the behaviour of a person grieving, consideration to environmental influences have to be understood, such influences include cultural, social and spiritual beliefs. British psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) while attempting to understand the distress that young children displayed when separated from their parents developed attachment theory. Bowlby observed the behaviour that young children would often display, in an attempt to prevent being separated from their parents. He theorised that these adaptive responses were the result of a child’s inability to take care of them, and argued that when able to maintain this close proximity to the parents, a child was more likely to survive. In modern society, it is not uncommon for an individual to perceive loss with a certain level of ambiguity toward the connotation, the death of a human being. However, for the purpose of this essay I would like to clarify this. Hooyman and Kramer (2008) describe loss as being “Produced by an event that is perceived as negative to the individuals and results in long-term changes to their social situations, relationships, and patterns of thought and emotion (p.2). A loss can be either tangible which are “physical or symbolic, but they always result in a deprivation of some kind” (Hooyman, & Kramer, 2008, p. 2). If a loss were tangible in nature, it would represent a physical loss, for example: when Sherelee passed away I not only lost a friendship, but also the physical body my friendship was associated with. Moreover, from the physical loss of Sherelee I also experienced symbolic loss. For example, the guilt I experienced from yelling “shut up... shut up” the night before, the result of this, guilt exhibited an intangible loss through my lack in social interaction the week after. Similarities and Contrasts between Theoretical Concepts In modern society it is not uncommon for an individual to perceive loss with a certain level of ambiguity toward the connotation, the death of a human being. However, for the purpose of this essay I would like to clarify this. Hooyman and Kramer (2008) describe loss as being “Produced by an event that is perceived as negative to the individuals and results in long-term changes to their social situations, relationships, and patterns of thought and emotion (p.2). A loss can be either tangible which are “physical or symbolic, but they always result in a deprivation of some kind” (Hooyman, & Kramer, 2008, p. 2). If a loss were tangible in nature, it would represent a physical loss, for example: when Sherelee passed away I not only lost a friendship, but also the physical body my friendship was associated with. Moreover, from the physical loss of Sherelee I also experienced symbolic loss. For example, the guilt I experienced from yelling “shut up... shut up” the night before, the result of this, guilt exhibited an intangible loss through my lack in social interaction the week after. A discussion of any related cultural, social, ethical and/or other relevant issues According to Dual Process Model of coping (M.S Stroebe&Schut, 1999) people have to undergo four processes in order to heal. The process include accepting the reality of loss, experiencing the pain of grief, adjusting to the environment without the deceased and finally relocating the deceased emotionally and moving on with life. DPM also provides its context on social and cultural grieving. According to this model, gender differences provides different extension of grieving. This model reiterates that a bereaved father is more restoration-oriented while a mother is more loss-oriented; attributions may be made in terms of differences in extremity of grief. Our different cultural ways provides a diverse way of coping with grief. For example, Muslims in Bali are restoration oriented while coping with stress. This is because they show little or no overt sign of grief and outwardly, continuing daily life as though nothing unwanted happened. In a contrasting feature, Egyptian Muslims express their grief more openly by gathering together to reminisce and share their anguish over their loss. According to Belanti et al, (2009) article on Near Death Experience there is a big cultural difference between the Tibet’s and Euro-Americans. The article describes Euro-American books in reference to God as forgiving and loving while the Tibetan Buddhists believe and emphasizes on Karma’s fear inducing judgement. This affects the grieving processes between these two cultures. Another study of near death experience shows that South Africans believe there is life after death and this affected their way of grieving. They believed that their dead are alive and resting in the next world and the ancestors are keeping their dead safe. It is therefore important to note that the current cultural environment influences our near death experiences and how we grieve the dead. Most counsellors have good understanding of grief and loss. Research indicates that most people from different culture and background suffer mostly in silence. Most counsellors are considering this issue and are now providing multicultural counselling and training. Most of the children below 10 years are likely to be affected by the death or loss of a loved one. According to clinical psychologist Maxine Harris, PhD, in her book “The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father,” the loss of a parent before adulthood has a profound effect on the rest of that person’s life. The loss affects adult personality development, a sense of security, and relationships with the surviving parent and significant others (Harris, 1996). According to most psychologists, parental grief is always the most intense and overwhelming. The death of a child leads to violation of the law of nature and leads to a reversing of the sequence of events of both parents. The age of the lost child also matters. As a child grows, the parents get more attached to their children hence building future hopes and desire of their success. This great hope and desire is always transformed into deeper states of depression and grief the moment the child dies. According to gender differences, mothers are always more affected leading to a deterioration of health, depression, high blood pressure as compared to the father. Conclusion Grief in most cases is unspoken and experienced privately. I hid under my bed until my mother came, as it was hard to come into terms with the loss of my friend. Grief is always sometimes experienced with self-blame and guilt the same way I felt after yelling to my friend the night before she passed on. A loss of a loved one can led to mental health crisis. I was not able to speak for one week. It is therefore very important that parents provide guidance and counselling services to their children upon happening of such sorrowful events. References Belanti, J., Perera, M., &Jagadheesan, K (2008). Phenomenology of near-death experiences: A cross-cultural perspective. Transcultural Psychiatry; 45(1), 121-133. Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and loss v. 3: Loss, sadness and depression.London: Pimlico. Harris, M. (1996). The Loss That Is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father. New York: Plume Publishers. Hooyman, N. R., & Kramer, B. J. (2008). Living through loss. New York, United States of America: Columbia University Press. Shuchter, S. R., &Zisook, S. (1993). The course of normal grief.In M. S. Stroebe, W. Stroebe,& R. O. Hansson (Eds.), Handbook of bereavement: Theory, research, and intervention (pp. 23-43). Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press. Stroebe, M. S., &Schut, H. (2008). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Overview and update.Grief Matters, 1(11), 4-10. Wortmann, J. H., & Crystal, L. P. (2008). Religion and spirituality in adjustment following bereavement: An integrative review. Death Studies, 32, 703-736.Worden, J. W. (2008). Grief counselling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). New York, United States of America: Springer. Read More