Domestic Violence as a Hidden Problem - Essay Example

Why Domestic Violence Remains a Hidden Problem Introduction Domestic violence refers to the physical, psychological, sexual, emotional, financial and other forms of abuse towards a fellow human being. It may involve battery, denial of conjugal rights, marital rape. In most incidences, domestic violence is taken as the violence which takes place within a family or between spouses. Studies have shown that domestic violence has remained a hidden problem in that, many are the times that, victims of the violence remain silent despite the torture they may be going through. It is also seen that in most cases the victims suffer from the abuse repeatedly and stay in the abusive relationship. Others leave but still go back after sometime to the same person with the hope that the perpetrator has changed or ‘making things work’. You find that in most cases the victims are mostly women and children while the perpetrators are predominantly the men. Domestic violence has been a society menace since time in memorial but despite all the social changes and empowerment going around, it still remains a big problem in most societies. Psychologists have taken it upon themselves to try and explain why it still is a problem and a hidden one for that matter. Why not many victims come forward to report or why they still stick to the same relationships despite the abuse. Some of these reasons are as explained in the below discussion. Davis (1998) explains that traumatic bonding coming from the traumatic bond theory is one of the explanations offered towards domestic violence remains hidden in many cases. It seeks to explain why the victims stay in violence and the relationship between the perpetrator and the victim and how they bond. In this, the victim loses their self-worth, values, principles or identity and familiarizes with those of their abuser or captor. Strong emotional ties develop between the two people. The abuse is episodic or intermittent. The victims feels as if they cannot survive without certain benefits from the perpetrator hence the need for them to tolerate. The violence starts as something small like a slap but soon grows into something more severe. The power imbalance between the victim and the perpetrator magnifies the more one tolerates the violence. The victim becomes less and less powerful and gives in to the situation (fatalism) and develops a very high threshold for tolerating violence to the extent that they sometimes provoke the perpetrator even when he/she is not violent. They also tend to blame themselves or look for excuses as to why they have been beaten and start apologizing for the perpetrators. It is because of this that most victims stay hidden in abusive relationships until their friends or relatives have to intervene to save them before it is too late. That’s why most people who have been through domestic violence seek psychological help in order to break free from the bondage with violence. Another psychological factor that leads to people hiding or refusing to accept that they are victims of domestic is denial. The victims fail to identify if the violence is really a problem. They tend to tell themselves that everything will be okay, that it’s not that bad or it’s not the perpetrator’s fault and end up masking the real problem. Some often comfort themselves by saying that the abuse is just a one off thing and will never happen again. The victims still believe in the ‘goodness’ of their partners that there’s still some good left in them and that the perpetrators are not abusing them because they want to but because of the many excuses that the victims tend to create in their minds. In case of physical assault and battery, it takes several beatings and severe physical injuries for them to realize that it’s really problem and that they need help or need to report. Some have been beaten to death or near death before realizing that they were wrong. Many have been able to address said denial through seeing a professional or a support group. This is according to Heery (2001). Victims also stay in abusive relationships and stay silent because of the hope they have that the perpetrator will one day change for the better and become the person they used to know when they were in the honeymoon phase. They hold on to the memories of the good times they used to have and stick to the notion that the perpetrator is a good person and they will change back to who they used to be. This happens to most victims who may have been in denial and once they accept that there is a problem they start having hopes that the perpetrators will change. Some even report the perpetrator and go back to them as soon as they are release only to find themselves in the same situation again. This is according to Johnson (2005). Spiritual obstacles are other issues that lead to people staying in abusive relationships and hide it. This mostly happens to married couples who strongly follow the notion that marriage is until death do you part, for better or for worse. They don’t accept things such as divorce as their conscience will strongly haunt them if they leave their marriages and they will termed as sinners by their fellow Christians which greatly affects their self-esteem and makes them feel like outcasts. Most spiritual victims believe in praying for their spouses to change and become better people. They also have to exercise patience and tolerance as good Christians. They tolerate and hide to avoid feeling guilty and shameful in the eyes of their religious beliefs or getting judged for not being good wives or husbands. This is according to Great Britain et al (2006). Low self-esteem in the victims also contributes to them staying. Victims may feel that they do not deserve any better or they are not worth anything so they may just stay and suffer because ‘it’s better than nothing’. The low self-esteem comes as a result of long time abuse and especially emotional abuse that leaves them feeling worthless. The low self-esteem may have started when the victim was still a minor and hence they grow up feeling they don’t deserve the good things in life and mostly end up in abusive relationships or in case of marriage, one of the partner may belittle the other for example, the husband may make the wife feel as if she is not pretty enough to be admired by anybody else, so even if she left she would end up all alone. With this in mind, they just decide to tolerate the violence because it’s the best they can get or it’s what they deserve so they see no need to speak out or report hence it remains a ‘hidden problem’. Johnson (2005) explains this fact. Some victims of domestic violence do not disclose their experiences because of pride. They do not want to tarnish the image that they have built for themselves around their families, neighbors, and friends. According to Cook (2009), abused men often refuse to report abuse due to this reason. They are afraid of what people will think about them. Most of them do not want to be seen as weak or people who don’t know how to deal with their relationships. This happens to mostly influential people in the society. They don’t report these incidences because they don’t want to ruin the names of their families or spouses and so they just hide their plight rather than get shamed. Many victims of domestic violence feel ashamed and become too embarrassed to come forward about the abuse. The experience of being subjected to domestic violence or abuse is not only humiliating but demeaning. It leaves the victims very ashamed. Being subjected to abuse has victims feel like less of a person. Cook (2009) explains that many victims of abuse have confessed to have felt that they were letting not only themselves down but also their abuser and their status quo. This is however on many occasions as a function of myths as well as claims made by the abuser. Those that may think about leaving also face an element of shame as they may view the decision as giving up or as admitting that the situation they were in was beyond their ability to fix. Research has shown that a significant number of the victims of domestic violence have been in abusive relationships before. They therefore feel ashamed of the fact that they “chose the wrong person” once again, often twice or more times. The fact that the abuse may have happed in a previous relationship may prompt them to feel like they are at fault therefore giving them a sense of shame. All the above reasons have been seen to cause victims to feel ashamed and make them unable to come forward as victims of domestic abuse. As stated above, shame is often unwarranted and is caused by misconceptions. Another reason why domestic violence remains a hidden problem is also a function of the guilt that victims feel. This guilt is prompted when a victim buys into myths that purport that victims of domestic violence provoke or deserve the treatment. Many abusers have been seen to shift the blame of why they abuse to their victims. The victim is made to believe that the abuse is perhaps punishment for one or more of their own shortcomings. In such a case the abuser can be said to be preying on the victim not only on a physical level but on an emotional one as well. It ca n be very hard for the victim to realize that they did not do anything to prompt the abuse. The fact that they feel responsible for the abuse makes them guilty and can therefore not come forward as they believe they are the ones in the wrong. Maternal and sometimes paternal instincts may weigh heavily on a victim of domestic abuse. The thought of perhaps disrupting their children’s lives or even moving the children out of their home and away from their friends has been seen to cause many parents to stay in abusive homes and not report the abuse. The parental instincts can be psychological. Parents, especially mothers being abused in their homes have been known to keep silent about the experience for the sake of their children. Some are unable to consider the toll that experiencing such abuse is taking on the children and weigh it against the “benefits” they believe the children will gain by staying in an abusive home. Johnson (2005) explains that the children may end up being hurt more by experiencing the abuse than they would have by perhaps moving . To a great extent, emotions have been seen to cloud a victim’s better judgment. Though some victims of domestic violence may have it within them to come forward, the thought of sending their loved one to prison makes them change their mind. Many victims have been seen report abusive spouses only to come back and withdraw their statements. Some claim that their abusive spouse loves them and that they loved them back. This emotional rollercoaster has left many victims psychologically scarred. This is due to the immense toll that abuse by a spouse or a loved one can hove on a person’s psyche. This state of psychological confusion stops the victim for seeing the situation as it really is. Therefore, duped by love, victims of domestic keep quiet about the abuse. In a nutshell, emotions cause people to be psychologically confused and unable to be objective about how to deal with domestic abuse. They opt to keep quiet about it. This is according to Cook (2009). Conclusion Though a variety of reasons can be credited with causing victims of domestic abuse not to report the cases, this paper has discussed the psychological reasons. Having done so, this paper can conclude that most of the reasons are a function of the fact that victims refuse or are unable to accept what is happening to them. Victims keeping quiet about domestic violence due to denial, guilt, shame, religious reasons, hope, low self-esteem and pride among other psychological reasons have been helped by professionals and support groups to face their problems. It is therefore recommended that people in abusive homes seek help from authorities on the matter and find out how best to tackle the situation. This is as different victims of abuse may face different circumstances. References Cook, P. W. (2009). Abused Men : The hidden side of domestic violence. Westport: Praeger. Davis, R. L. (1998). Domestic violence: Facts and fallacies. Westport, Conn. [u.a.]: Praeger. Great Britain. , & Great Britain. (2006). Immigration control: Volume III, oral and written evidence. The Stationery Office. Heery, G. (2001). Preventing violence in relationships: A program for men who feel they have a problem with their use and controlling of violent behavior. London: Jessica Kingsley. Johnson, J. L. (2005). Domestic violence. Boston: Pearson A and B. Kenney, K. L. (2012). Domestic violence. Edina: ABDO Pub. Read More