Improving Self Esteem by Implementing Positive Thinking Method - Essay Example

Project: Improving your self esteem Self-fulfilling prophecy According to Newman , a self-fulfilling prophecy is a declaration that when made, causes the predicted event to occur. This mechanism happens in our daily life, but it is based on a number of facts that our minds are not conscious of on a daily basis and have significance for the way we view life. An action that results from a self-fulfilling prophecy itself produces the conditions for the occurrence of the expected event and in this sense creates a reality which would not have arisen without it (p. 28). I have chosen this topic because I believe that at times, we often make goals in our lives and we set the standards and measures to achieve them. Through hard work, dedication and commitment, these goals can be achieved therefore as the term suggests, this prophecy is “self fulfilling.” We get satisfaction from this course of action and it can help improve our welfare. However, the self-fulfilling prophecy can work to produce a negative result. For example, a person who wants something and thinks he does not deserve it or is not capable of getting it could in the process of acquiring it, act as though he does not need it so as to cushion his disappointment or give up on it altogether, hence ending up failing to get it (Vineis, 945). Likewise the self-fulfilling prophecy could work to a person’s advantage and produce positive results, for example, a person who thinks he can win in a contest summons up all the energy required to win and works with more creativity and is likely to end up winning. This mechanism has worked in my life on many occasions. Once I loved a beautiful girl, I always thought that the other guys, who were competing for the same girl like were better than me. This thought dictated how I acted around the girl and even more how I acted when my competitors came by. For that reason, I did not take advantage of the opportunities she presented to me to communicate my feelings to her and in the end she ended up with one of my competitors with the notion that I was just a friend. Thus, I took everything for granted and my prophecy did not come as I wished. Appendix 1 shows my total score on the Rosenburg Self-esteem Scale where it can be seen that mine is 11 points out of a possible 30, which puts me 4 points below the low self-esteem mark. From the ten options given in the questionnaire shown in appendix 2, several of them give me more difficulties. For instance, I disagree with number 1, which says that, I am content with myself since most of the time, I feel dissatisfied with myself. I have a feeling that that my feelings towards myself depend on external validation. This means that my view of myself on a particular day will depend on whatever comments people make about me. Moreso, I always feel that I need to do a little more of everything so as to feel accepted by the people around me. That is the reason why I attach my self-worth on how much I can offer to the people around me. On the other hand, I strongly agree with statement number two which says, ‘At times I think I am no good at all. This happens mostly when I do not meet the expectations of the people I respect and in turn makes me feel that I have failed in life. I tend to view myself as a failure in such circumstances. I also score poorly as well in statements 7, 9 and 10. I often attach my self-worth to what I can do and what I have, as opposed to who I am and however much my successes may be, a single failure makes me feel like I cannot do anything right. There are several other areas that give me trouble with my self-esteem. For instance, I often find it hard to make emotional connections with people hence making it difficult for me to establish long lasting friendships and this emanates from fear that I may not have much to offer to them and they are going to find out about my fears and reject me after all so I do not reveal my real self to anyone. It is difficult to give and receive compliments. This is because I feel that I do not deserve any compliments on my part and that I do not need to compliment others because I may not sound sincere to them. Whenever I am in a competitive situation, I often have a gut feeling that I am going to lose anyway and for that reason, I often end up losing. I avoid confrontations even in situations where I am on the right side due to the thought that other people’s opinions are better than my own and for that reason; I never speak my mind (Perlman, 12). I have realised that this is a major in as far as the aspect of self esteem is concerned. After experiencing rejections and failures in many areas of my life, I realized that something about my thinking system and my attitude towards life was amiss. Therefore, the good thing that can be done is to believe that things can change for the better if you find the right guidance and changed the way you think (Perlman, 13). I have adopted this strategy. This is because I have realized that most of the people around me who were always positive about life often ended up succeeding in their endeavors even when the odds were not in their favor. Unlike myself, I often met failure even when everyone else thought I had a big chance to succeed. I also realized that most people around me were gratified regardless of how much they had accomplished in their lives, or how much they had failed. They did not seem to attach their self-worth to their successes or failures (Mruk, 137). I also believe that it is necessary to accept the situation as it is. I decided to conduct an intensive research to determine the effect of positive thinking to situations in life. Here are some five statements I restarted and tried to live by, some of which have been derived from the questionnaire in appendix 1. First and foremost, I have realised that I am good enough and I do not need to try desperately to prove it to anyone. I have also realised that I am a person of worth, not because of what I possess or what I can do, but because of who I am. This is very important in my life. The other important aspect I have realised about myself is that I have an equal chance to success like everyone else, and I could succeed in anything if I put my mind to it. Another important thing I have realised about myself is that I can make and keep friends without trying too hard because I am worthy of good friendships. I have also realised that the failures that come my way do not mean that I am a failure in life. I can overcome them if I commit myself. The other important thing I have realised is that I need to speak my mind in a respectful way, regardless of whose opinion I am challenging. I posted this list in my locker at work, on the wall next to my bed, on my bathroom mirror and in my small pocket notebook. I made a point to read through the list whenever I have the opportunity and actually committed them to memory. At first I tried to follow through the declarations consciously and as much as it left me drained, it always produced a positive result. Over a period of time, my emotions played along and some things that did not seem ‘natural’ started to become fun especially since they were bearing fruit. This helped change the way I felt about myself and about others. I later developed confidence and developed a different perception to my worldview. It is therefore, true to conclude that positive talk that springs from positive thinking changes the way our mind functions, and this alters our circumstances to our benefit. Thus, before I undertook this experiment, I often had a negative feeling about myself and I lacked confidence in many respects. I experienced this negative attitude about myself day by day and realised that I should have positive approach to whatever I do in my life. Thus, I sought to review my goals in line with my inspirations in life. I realized that I also had inspirations but I could only achieve them through positive behaviour change. Thus, I embarked on a path that was designed to change my behaviour and my goal was accomplished. I gained confidence and developed a positive approach to whatever I would do. This confirms the self-fulfilling prophecy such that all the things I declared about myself and my circumstances drove me to act in a positive way. This was different from the previous period where I used to have a negative perception about myself which often resulted in poor results in whatever I did. Works cited Mruk, C. J. (2006). Self-esteem research, theory, and practice: Toward a positive psychology of self-esteem. New York: Springer Pub. Newman, David M.(2011). Sociology: Exploring the Architecture of Everyday Life, Brief Edition. Thousand Oaks, Calif: Pine Forge Press, Print. OBrien, J. (2011). The production of reality: Essays and readings on social interaction. Thousand Oaks, Calif: Pine Forge Press. Perlman, A. (2002). Self-esteem. Center City, MN: Hazelden Verderber, R. F., Verderber, K. S., & Sellnow, D. D. (2012). COMM. Boston, MA: Cengage Learning. Vineis, P. (2004). A self-fulfilling prophecy: are we underestimating the role of the environment in gene–environment interaction research?. International journal of epidemiology, 33(5), 945-946. Appendix 1 My score on the Rosenburg Self-esteem Scale: 1 = strongly agree 2 = Agree 3 = Disagree 4 = strongly disagree 1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself--------------- 3 2. At times I think I am no good at all---------------------- 1 3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities---------- 2 4. I am able to do things as well as most people--------- 2 5. I feel I do not have much to be proud of---------------2 6. I certainly feel useless at times---------------------------2 7. I feel that Im a person of worth-------------------------3 8. I wish I could have more respect for myself-----------2 9. All in all, I am inclined to think that I am a failure------2 10. I take a positive attitude toward myself------------3 From the given score system below: •For items 1, 2, 4, 6, and 7; Strongly agree = 3 Agree = 2 Disagree = 1 Strongly disagree = 0 •For items 3, 5, 8, 9, and 10 (which are reversed in valence); Strongly agree = 0 Agree = 1 Disagree = 2 Strongly disagree = 3 Read More