The Letter to a Newlywed Couple - Essay Example

Letter of Advice on useful Concepts of Interpersonal Communication to John and Maxine Smith. Letter of Advice on useful Concepts of Interpersonal Communication to John and Maxine Smith. Dear John and Maxine Smith, As your counselor, I am aware of the recent difficulties that you have been experiencing as a couple and have decided to write this letter to you so as to help you make sense of what is affecting your relationship, as well as how to best tackle the changes you are currently experiencing so as to develop a stronger marriage. It is critical for you to comprehend some of the basic concepts of interpersonal communication if your marriage is to be assured of a chance of survival. Interpersonal communication has been defined in a number of different ways by scholars. Some of these scholars choose to define interpersonal communication based on the number of participants and the current situation as is seen in the case of Dainton & Zelley (2011), who state that interpersonal communication essentially occurs between two individuals in the event that these individuals are in close proximity. The communication in this case is seen to occur so as to utilize multiple senses and provide immediate feedback. Interpersonal communication has also been variously defined based on the actual degree of perceived quality or personalness in a given interaction (Kolodziej, 2011). According to this perception, interpersonal communication essentially occurs between persons that are found to be more than acquaintances. For the purpose of helping the two of you understand interpersonal communication, we can argued that interpersonal communication essentially encompasses a number of these definitions. In this cause we can point out that interpersonal communication includes that messages that are seen to occur between two independent persons. These messages are usually offered to define, initiate, further or maintain a given relationship. As a couple, you should understand that interpersonal communication provides a number of key concepts that if well utilized can be used in providing you with a better understanding of relationships. These concepts are seen to help in explaining why people tend to behave the manner in which they do as well as why some relationships succeed and others eventually fail. If utilized correctly, these concepts can be of great aid in improving your relationship and ensuring that it succeeds. One of these key concepts is the concept of stages in a relationship. According to Ehrlich (2000), it was Mark Knapp who first offered an interesting paradigm explaining the development of relationships with a significant other in 1967. Harvey & Omarzu (2006) point out that Knapp suggested that relationships generally underwent a series of about ten stages that range from initiating, experimenting and intensifying through to stagnation, avoidance and eventually termination. He was however careful to note that these stages are not altogether inevitably sequential and at times, some relationships may tend to revisit a previous stage. Movement from one stage to the other generally tends to involve some type of grieving and as such the tendency for relationships to move towards disintegration and greater commitment generally involves negotiating the demand for grief i.e. a recognition of some type of loss even though the movement might be towards a more positive goal or circumstance. The two of you should carefully analyze these stages and understand exactly where to place your relationship. This will allow you to better understand where your relationship is headed towards as well as avoid some of the more damaging stages such as stagnation, termination and avoidance. The good news is that it is quite possible for your relationship to revisit some of the happier stages such as the bonding and intensifying stages. In my experience, a relatively modest number of clients have managed to successfully rekindle their love although when they came in for counseling, they were actually in the process of terminating their relationship. Another important concept of interpersonal communication that is important for you John and Maxine to familiarize yourselves with is the concept of self-disclosure. West & Turner (2011), point out that the concept of self-disclosure is a rather complex and well-researched communication process and that it is generally defined as verbal communication in which an individual intentionally reveals personal information about themselves that the listener is perceived as being likely not to discover without being told. Self-disclosure in this case is seen to essentially be a choice that you John or you Maxine makes are you always have the option of not telling. As a couple you will find that self-disclosure is a difficult concept in a trusting and close relationship as it implies risk and can at times be quite scary. The two of you should understand that not everyone is able to self-disclose at the same rate or in the same manner as the other person and that your disclosures are affected by a number of individual differences, cultural values, gender and relational factors. Although it is a rather difficult and complex concept to embrace, you will find that if well reciprocated, self-disclosure can be of great help in bringing the two of your closer together and fostering trust between yourselves. Disclosing personal information about yourselves to each other greatly aids in helping your partner better understand you. Some of the reasons that at times cause couples to not engage in self-disclosure include attempts to try and avoid rejection and hurt, attempts to avoid conflict and protect a given relationship as well as a partner wanting to think more on a given issue and maintain their individuality (West & Turner, 2011). It is imperative that you understand that according to interpersonal communication, it is by and large understood that we cannot not communicate. Communication between couples tends to exist even if the two people fail to talk to each other, in fact, according to Berko, Aitken & Woving (2010), most communication is actually done below the verbal level. Merely keeping quiet and not actively participating should not be perceived to be the same as not sending messages as when silent, one is still sending messages. The body is able to communicate non-verbally and by not talking, the message that is communicated to one’s partners is that you either disagree, are not interested or simply do not even care. This concept is of particular concern to me as in my research and experience with relationships, I have constantly found that most couples do not understand this concept and as such, their relationships have had to suffer some very serious consequences which are at times quite irreversible. The two of you should be wary of this concept and always ensure that you always try to engage in verbal communication as non-verbal communication can at times be grossly misinterpreted. Another important concept in interpersonal communication is that people always react to our actions. Berko, Aitken & Woving (2010) argue that in a similarly to the law of motion that was initially developed by Newton that stated that every action elicits and equal and opposite reaction, we as humans constantly demonstrate this action-reaction principle. People tend to react to our action. This is demonstrated by the fact if one of the partners in a couple demonstrates anger, the other partner often tends to do the same; and when one opts to smile, the other is quite likely to do the same. Interestingly, some reactions such as the raising of voices during an argument are not at all universal as is demonstrated by the Japanese who often tend to lower their voices during an argument in order to avoid embarrassing themselves or the other person and avoid becoming the center of attention. As a couple you should try and observe the suggestion by Hartley (2002), who advises that for individuals to be able to be able to effectively evaluate their own actions, they have to be able to consider these actions form outside. In other words as a couple, you have to try and observe your own behavior from the perspective that your partner observes it. This enables you to understand exactly how your partner might react to your course of action, in addition to helping your partner in understanding your feelings and thoughts. Wood (2012), highlights the fact that there are some scholars who strongly believe that is simply impossible for us to fully be able to experience the emotional response of feeling with another. These scholars argue that our feelings often tend to be solely guided by or very own experiences and emotional tendencies and as such it can at times prove impossible for us to feel exactly what another person happens to be feeling. However, as a couple the two of you can be able to realize that the other person is feeling something and as such, try to connect with the partners as best is possible based on efforts to try and understand the other person. In conclusion John and Maxine, it is important for the two of you to understand that interpersonal relationships are fundamentally the driving forces in our lives and in your relationship. According to Nicotera (2003), most people report that the general quality of their lives is largely dependent on the number of interpersonal relationships that they are able to establish. As a couple, you will be interested to note that couples with a good interpersonal relationship tend to live longer in addition to their reporting less incidences of psychological and physical illnesses (Goodheart et al., 2011). They also reported experiencing greater satisfaction in their lives. In this respect by maintaining a good interpersonal relationship as a couple, you will be able to reap these great benefits. References Berko, M. R., Aitken, E. J. & Wolvin D. A. (2010). D ICOMM: interpersonal concepts and competencies : foundations of interpersonal communication. Lanham, Md. : Rowman & Littlefield. Dainton, M. & Zelley, D. E. (2011). Applying communication theory for professional life : a practical introduction. Thousand Oaks, Calif. : SAGE Publications. Ehrlich, G. L. (2000). Fatal words and friendly faces : interpersonal communication in the twenty-first century. Lanham, Md. : University Press of America. Goodheart, K. et al. (2011). Eating Disorders in Women and Children: Prevention, Stress Management, and Treatment. CRC Press. Hartley, P. (2002). Interpersonal Communication. Routledge. Harvey, H. J. & Omarzu, J. (2006). Minding the close relationship : a theory of relationship enhancement. Cambridge : Cambridge University Press. Kolodziej, A. M. (2011). The Purpose of Life: Bring Your Soul Back to God and as Many Others As You Can. AuthorHouse. Nicotera, A. M. (1993). Interpersonal communication in friend and mate relationships. Albany: State Univ. of New York Press. West, L. R. & Turner, H. L. (2011). Understanding interpersonal communication : making choices in changing times. Boston : Wadsworth. Wood, J. (2012). Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters. Cengage Learning. Read More