Build Your Relationship - Research Paper Example

Build Your Relationship Excellent Interpersonal Communication is an inevitable ingredient in building relationships, be it on a personal level or professional level. This paper attempts to explore the significance of good interpersonal relationships in building healthy relationship, while explaining the concepts of the topic. Interpersonal communication builds relationship in much more positive way. It changes the dynamics of the same and in fact lays a very strong foundation for a healthy relationship. Open and healthy communication definitely enhances performance of an organization, but it also builds excellent relationships between employees of the same. On a personal level, if you understand the principles and basic framework of interpersonal communication I am very sure you would be able to apply those very constructively in your relationship. Let us now understand what it means by interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication as the name indicates is the communication between two or more people on a one to one level. The elements of communication such as sender of the communication, message of the communication, receiver of the communication and feedback on the communication apply in this case as well. There are multiple facets of interpersonal communication. However to build a strong and solid relationship I would recommend you a following few perspectives which you ought to consider. Concept 1: Principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communication 1. Interpersonal communication is inevitable: Even if you don’t want to communicate with each other you will still communicate with each other. You really don’t have to say so many words in communication do you? In a relationship one tries to not to communicate but cannot escape communication altogether and one should not try to escape communication as well. Communication is the very basis of a relationship and you do try to communicate with each other constantly. 2. Interpersonal communication is irreversible: Words are like an arrow shot from a bow. Once said you would never be able to take it back. So especially be careful in what you communicate with each other. Is this what you want to convey is the question one should ask before communicating with each other. 3. Interpersonal communication is contextual: This is so true especially in interpersonal communication. The way a person has been brought up impacts the thinking of a person in a very profound way. For ex: Jessica you may want to buy a household gadget which is needed but not urgent and Anthony thinks you can do without it for a while. Now if you are brought up with the thought of mutual understanding you both would understand each other’s perspective and would resort to amicable solution to the situation, else it is very likely that you are going to end up feeling that the other person simply doesn’t understand you. 4. Interpersonal communication is symbolic and complicated: Communication is a process that happens on various levels for a person. What you think your perspective is and what other person “thinks” your perspective is becomes just one part of the complication. It is not possible for an individual to match all the perceptions he or she carries for clarity in communication. However one can try and match as many as facets as possible for effective interpersonal communication. Although communication is essential in a relationship there are also misconceptions about how does effective interpersonal communication take place. Let us understand a few so that we do not take communication for granted. 1. It is not necessary that more you communicate it is better for a relationship: It is not true that you are being open and communicative it is always going to result in a positive impact. In fact it can result into stress for the other person resulting into him or her closing his mind towards your communication. In fact after the communication is done, one takes his or her own time to decode it and understand it. Too much of communication damages this process of decoding and understanding and in fact hamper the effectiveness of the communication. 2. Words don’t communicate alone: A perfect example is in the saying that goes “Your actions are screaming so loudly in my ears that I am not able to understand what your words say”. When we communicate we communicate with words, gestures and actions. Either of it mismatches with each other the meaning of communication is lost. This is how we catch each other lying. 3. More the communication more the understanding: Not necessarily true! Sometimes Jessica you would not like the shirt Anthony is wearing, but you would not want to tell him openly because you do not want to hurt him. Are you communicating openly here? Certainly not. If he will ask you about the shirt you will give him a vague reply and expect him to understand that you are in fact not appreciating the shirt. The example is a small one but goes to prove that even if we have more the merrier communication with the other person it does not always involve great understanding. In fact less than perfect relationships always are covered up with excellent and affluent communication. 4. Good interpersonal communication is synonymous to good interpersonal relationship: This is a classic misconception about interpersonal communication. Anthony, you are standing in a queue in a mall and strike a pleasant conversation with the man in front of you who is a perfect stranger. Now does that indicate that you are enjoying a healthy interpersonal relationship with him? Excellent interpersonal communication does not indicate an excellent interpersonal relationship but excellent relationship is often manifested in excellent communication be it with words or without words. “People commonly believe that they communicate better with close friends than with strangers. That closeness can lead people to overestimate how well they communicate, a phenomenon we term the 'closeness-communication bias,'" study co-author Boaz Keysar, a professor in psychology at the University of Chicago, said in a university news release.1 5. Interpersonal communication always solves problems: You may feel better talking about them to each other as you have someone to share with but interpersonal communication does not always solve problems. There is greater understanding, planning of resources etc. which is also required to smoothen things out. Communication is just one piece of puzzle. Concept 2: Barriers to effective interpersonal communication Barriers are the hindrances that stop us from communicating effectively. Some of the barriers are: 1. Physical barriers: These are the barriers surrounding you. It could be honking of cars, room temperature dropped due to air-conditioner set on a low temperature, unbearable heat in the air, uncomfortable seating arrangements etc. These things keep distracting the listener and effectiveness of communication is lost. 2. Physiological barriers: These could be being physically unwell, having hearing loss, having difficulty in talking with clear speech etc. 3. Psychological barriers: These are simply misunderstandings, perception issues, being an emotional judge and expectations gone wrong etc. These will not allow the listener to understand the message clearly. 4. Semantic barriers: “I simply don’t understand your language”, is the most common example of semantic barriers of communication These barriers could certainly be taken care off and impact of communication can be enhanced. Concept 3: Strategies for active, critical and emphatic listening Now when we know the barriers to effective communication, let’s understand the strategies that can be used to overcome these barriers to communication. Active listening is not only listening to words but also trying to understand the complete meaning of the message that is conveyed. There would be so many barriers to listening, but an active listener will overcome those barriers and derive complete message from the communication. It is very necessary for both of you to understand and implement these strategies as these are going to enhance the quality of your communication with each other. Some such strategies you can implement are: 1. Learn to pay attention: Don’t get distracted. Listen to your partner very actively and with interest. 2. Listen and show that you listen: If your gestures do not show that you are listening then probably you are ‘hearing’ words. The words and active listening should reflect on your expressions. 3. Asking appropriate questions and providing feedback: Please confirm the message and the meaning you have perceived out of it. Chances are you may not listen to it in the exact sense it is conveyed to you. Confirming would only indicate your genuine interest in the conversation and also encourage efforts to improve communication. 4. Do not prejudge the conversation or provide judgement: Don’t assume. The most common trait is to prejudge and talk with prejudice dominating the conversation. It would not help you understand clearly what your partner is trying to tell you. 5. Empathy: Empathy is described as ‘putting yourself in other person’s shoes’. It is not an easy strategy to adopt. It requires an understanding in which you set aside your ego and thinking simply to understand the situation of other person. More than the actual solution of the problem emphatic listening helps a person feel better and definitely contributes to the attachment one feels towards the relationship. Concept 4: How words have power to create, affect attitudes, behaviour and perception Communication is not restricted to words alone. It is often observed that an excellent communication usually goes beyond words and their meaning. Irrespective of it no one can underestimate the power of words in expressing the true intent in communication. Support from family and friends, is an ingredient that repeatedly surfaces in good relationships. You might need someone to take the kids for the night, or help with carpooling. If you have a support system in place, or live near friends and family, don’t be afraid to ask them for a helping hand, a sympathetic ear or advice. “All relationships require effort and attention,” Aron says. “Sometimes that effort and attention is automatic, such as with an infant. Beyond what is automatic, for most relationships, we usually need to put attention and effort into them, and it pays off.”2 Whatever you feel put it in words so that it is understood and appreciated. Share the feelings and build the bridges, is the trick to healthy relationships and no one supports better than your loved ones. Concept 5: Describe strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts Dear Jessica and Anthony, conflicts are the most unavoidable part of any relationship. No matter how hard you try, you cannot really avoid conflicts. In fact if there are no conflicts then there is complacency in the relationship. We tend to worry about conflicts because they bring unpleasantness along with them. The hurt, the pain that comes along with conflicts makes you feel ‘how did I get into a situation like this?’ Besides you also feel guilty about hurting your loved ones. But frankly do you really think all conflicts are necessarily bad? Sometimes it is good to have a conflict situation. It gives a great sense of going to the relationship. What is more important is how do you resolve the conflict? Conflicts rise suddenly and unexpectedly and most importantly when we are least prepared for them. Some effective communication techniques of diffusing conflicts are: 1. The defusing technique: By simply agreeing to other person’s point of view at the outset cools off the heat of the argument. Agreeing immediately does not mean that you are agreeing to everything and letting go off your stand. It helps the other person calm down and see your viewpoint reasonably. 2. Exploration: Allow the other person to talk his or her mind completely. This would give you a complete understanding of other person’s point of view. 3. Using ‘I’ statements: The dialogue in interpersonal communication opens with accepting responsibility of one’s own thoughts in a conflict situation and helps soothe the tension3 Dear Jessica and Anthony, I would sincerely advice you from my personal experience that healthy relationships are based on solid foundation of strong interpersonal communication. Few years ago when my partner was going through a career crisis, there was a lot of tension in the relationship. No amount of understanding would be sufficient to diffuse the tension. Additionally I had my work to take care off and it started taking toll on my health. I however was perfectly in understanding of what my partner was going through. The financial insecurity was affecting the normal sanity of the person. Eventually we both decided to sit and discuss the situation. We decided to give a certain amount of time for my partner to get a new job and get going. Meanwhile I also explained the problems that were being created by his fluctuating temperament in our relationship. I extended all my support in his endeavour to find a new job. I took care of financial crunch we were facing and he decided to help me in achieving home and work life balance. Slowly the tension started dissipating. Earlier we used to get worried by the prospect of returning home after a hard day’s work. Today we look forward to returning home because we know and understand that the other one would be there to open the door with a big smile on the face. The conflict taught us the most important perspective of our relationship. We needed to talk to each other more often and it was not just simple casual talk of running the house or what happened in the office. Today we are glad that we have each other to share as we confide and trust in each other. We would have simply misunderstood that everything is alright between us had we not picked the signs of despair on the way. Those moments of sadness and despair were certainly not said in words that time; they were in fact merely expressed without words. Picking the clue from the same we decided to have open interpersonal communication with each other and soon found out our comfort zone. Even today we have our differences as two individuals would have, but we respect those differences and not let that affect our basic foundation of communication. I have explained the basic communication fundamentals along with various facets of interpersonal communication in this letter to you. I thought of adding my own experience to the letter to emphasise that it is not mere theory that is explained here. It can be definitely said that strategies to build effective interpersonal communication can be implemented successfully in a relationship. All that is required is a view with empathy, and a heart that wants everything to be alright and going great in relationship. References 1. Anonymous. Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication. (2012, March). U.S. News & World Report, 1. Retrieved from ABI/INFORM Global. Document ID: 2270370591 2. Johnson, T. (2012, March). Healthy relationships lead to better lives. The Nation's Health, 41(2), 20. Retrieved from Research Library. Document ID: 2291829641  3. Donna, Bellafiore. Interpersonal Conflict and Effective Communication. Retrieved from http://www.drbalternatives.com/articles/cc2.html. (19th March 2012) 4. Sharland Alan. Principles of Effective Interpersonal Communication. Retrieved from http://www.communicationandconflict.com/interpersonal-communication.html. (19th March, 2012) 5. Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages. McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from ProQuest Newsstand. Document ID: 2240370261 6. Miczo, N., Segrin, C., & Allspach, L. E. (2001). Relationship between nonverbal sensitivity, encoding, and relational satisfaction. Communication Reports, 14(1), 39-48. Retrieved from Research Library. Document ID: 72022836 Read More