Is Dysfunctional Communication Harmful - Assignment Example

Dysfunctional Communication Some years back I was working in one of the very reputed s of my It was an educational organization. I had a colleague who had detestation in his mind for women. His way of thinking and his attitude towards the woman was very atrocious and it would make all of us very disgusting and irritating. Many times he would say openly, “Had it been in my hands, I would have definitely kicked the women out from all working places. They really don’t need job and they have detained the space of men and thus are just snatching men’s jobs opportunities. And his actual behaviour was very contrast to what he was stating. His wife had a very good job and she was earning more than he. All the ladies from our organization would cross question him why he was then allowing his wife to work and why he didn’t keep her at home. His behaviour on the workplace was similar to whatever he would say. He used to neglect the ladies deliberately or tried his best to show them inferior. Such dysfunctional attitude of males is there in most of the traditional male dominated families. It is necessary to know what is dysfunctional communication before discussing on this issue. Dysfunctional communication is defined as “a communication that results from inaccurate perceptions, faulty internal filters (personal interpretations of information), and social isolation. Communication behaviors of emotionally ill persons may have characteristics that prevent their establishing and maintaining relationships with others.” (Free dictionary by Farlex) Dysfunctional Attitude and Male Ego: This dysfunctional attitude is seen everywhere. Even if a lady overtakes the man on the road while driving, some men think it as an insult. This attitude is the manifestation of their male ego and the tendency to think woman as an inferior. The women have to face male ego while in her house or while at her workplace that her male colleagues always try to damage her confidence by suppressing her. This male approach is particularly known as dysfunctional approach. In such communication men generally tend towards ignoring woman’s existence deliberately. Through their behaviour they constantly make the woman feel that you are unimportant and as a man I am the superior person and he expects that the woman should always be below him. In the family also same thing happens, especially in typical stereotype family. Here the male partner is more dominating. “The wifes role is seen to be of less significance and therefore she is viewed as having less personal value.” (Sieglinde A. Saenger, 2002) It is not always the men but sometimes the women also have the same approach. They show it through their possessive attitude. “numerous studies now document that dysfunctional communication patterns differentiate distressed couples from satisfied couples. (Noller & Fitzpatrick 1990 and Noller and Guthrie 1991). In a survey of two localities- one rural and one urban – 70 percent of rural men and 80 percent of urban men, compared to 39 percent of urban women, agree with the statement that “It is natural right for women to have inferior status to men” (Author’s election survey)(Willem Adriaan Veenhoven Stichting 1976,Pg 544) In the life of many couples because of this dysfunctional communication many problems occur and sometimes there are maximum chances of spoiling the relationship between them. The dysfunctional communication is dominant not only in urban and educated couple but it is there in the uneducated, illiterate, slum dwelling people also. It is a common picture in this underprivileged community especially in India that the wife works as a maid or any low class work and earns money and the husband snatches her earning at the end of the day and wastes the earning on drinking wine and then comes back home, hits his wife and children. Symptoms of Dysfunctional Approach Dysfunctional approach is developed particularly to those men and women who have a problematic family background. The dysfunctional communication is based on the feeling of obsession rather than love. When the relationship between the couple is based on obsession rather than love the dysfunctional communication is dominant in their life. Some of the characteristics of such people are as follows: (Pg15, John Moore 2006) “We trap the partners into relationship by withholding emotions or finances, or through other means of manipulation.” We engage in acts of revenge against people we perceive as a threat to their relationship. We “restrict a partner’s ability to communicate with and/or have friends. We use food as a way of keeping a partner overweight, hoping that he will appear unattractive and thus undesirable to others. In short this is type to revenge upon the partner by unpleasant deed and to irritate the partner. Here in the couple you never find the love but on the contrary there are only revulsion, dislike and the feeling of revenge. It is the act where one of the partners always wants to take complete control of the other’s life, emotions, and psyche. It is not only being obsessed but also been autocratic giving least consideration even as a human being. It is the common thing in the dysfunctional approach that the person constantly monitors the partner. This attitude is nothing but possessiveness towards the partner. In such situation sex is always used as a tool to keep the partner under control. Reasons for the development of Dysfunctional Approach There are several reasons for this behaviour of the person. His or her past life matters a lot in developing this relationship in the person. As told by John Moore about Nancy’s past that her childhood was spend in a dysfunctional family. Her parents used to fight with each other and so the feeling of security was there constantly in her mind. She had experienced immense trauma and pain from her parent’s constant fight, abusive words and their negative attitude. This can be one of the reasons which develop the dysfunctional behaviour in human mind. Somehow indirectly the parents are responsible in pandering the dysfunctional attitude among the children which later on developed and hampers their adulthood. Here in this context I would like to give a very apt example of dysfunctional communication especially between the couple. Some years back a very fantastic Hollywood movie was released. The name of that movie was “Sleeping with the Enemy.” This movie was based on the dysfunctional approach of the husband while behaving with his wife. Her possessive husband Martin tries to control her by abusing and torturing her. He strikes her kicks her for her casual interaction with the neighbor. After her hitting and kicking she is shown lying helpless on the floor. He always becomes suspicious about every activity of his wife and tortures her for no reason. It is the height of obsession and possessiveness. As John Moors says that the person makes mistake in love and obsession. Sometimes whatever he calls a love is not a love actually but it is an obsession which tries to take full hold on the partner. Most of the time in traditional families, especially the husband is dominating, because he is the bread winner. He thinks himself to be superior to his wife. He thinks that he has possessed the ultimate power and no one dares to oppose him. Forte, Franks, Forte, and Rigsby (1996) believe that there is a significant difference in "role- taking" between the oppressive batterer and the victimized partner (p. 60). In a violent relationship, "role taking is asymmetrical" (p. 60), which means that the dominant partner is unable to put himself or herself in the shoes of “weaker” partner? The battered victim on the other hand always tries to please her partner by putting her or himself in the role of the perpetrator (p. 60), which easily can lead to self-blame and acceptance of the perpetrators inappropriate behavior. (Forte, J. A., Franks D. D. 1996) There are many ways to control over the partner which is done by the dominant partner. The dominant partner sometimes punishes the other one by being different to him or her, by discouraging her. They feel happy if their partner continuously remains dependent upon him or her. Dysfunctional communication and its impact on children: Dysfunctional communication affects the relationship between the family members. This type of relationship sometimes results into family violence also. The children are prone to yield this negative atmosphere. “Children raised in dysfunctional families bear the most negative consequences of violence that they observe and have experienced continuously. Long-term exposure of violence can cause significant brain damage in children.” (Perry, B. D. 1997) They are the worst sufferers in such conditions. A Review Of the Literature, Rudo and Powell (p. 6) state that children who experience and/or witness violence in their home “become tomorrows murderers and perpetrator of other crimes of violence." (Rudo, Z. H. &Powell D. S 1996) In this dysfunctional communication between the parents the children also sometimes are targeted by the parents in the outbreak of rage. The children are abused by their parents constantly and that impact severely on their tender minds. “Abusive words and expressions from the parents, including “You are worthless” and “You will never amount to anything,” The most devastating: “I wish you were never born.””(Pg. 20, John Moore 2006) Sometimes some children cannot face the dysfunctional behaviour of the parents and they always remain under a great pressure and tension. The impact on the children is so intense that sometimes it compels them to take a drastic step of committing suicide. “Typically families of suicidal youngsters are troubled by dysfunctional communication.” (Dave Capuzzi, Larry Golden Pg 10) The Impact of Dysfunctional Communication: Dysfunctional communication is definitely not a good thing for the entire family. It can break the entire family. It is the clear indication of the unhealthy relationship between the two people. On domestic level it is harmful to every person who is the member of the family. It losses the rationality of the person and the impact of this is very serious and long term. The husband and wife because of such type of communication cannot be comfortable in the company of each other. They avoid each others company as much as possible. Dysfunctional attitude of any of the person can result into damaging the confidence of the weaker partner. In such circumstances the transparency between the relationships totally collapses. If the husband is behaving like Hitler to his family members then the tendency of hiding even the simple thing from him grows among the family members. Thus the husband and wife always became dishonest while dealing with each other. There is already a lack of communication between the husband and the wife so the husband and wife in stead of solving the problems between them start complaining about each other to other people and thus the enmity between their relationships takes birth. Officially they are husband and wife but in real life they hate each other. The impact of this relationship can happen in the day today life of two of them. It is the love and encouragement from the spouse makes them energetic and enthusiastic actually but if this love is no more there in their relationship then the charm of life suddenly go away from their life and both of them become unenthusiastic about their life. The brain lost its capacity of positive thinking. The mutual trust between both of them disappears. Even a small thing also can become a big issue if the relationship spoils because of the lack of trust between them. Fighting against Dysfunctional Communication With the initial symptoms on the surface dysfunctional communication can be treated by leaving open all the channels of communication. It is very imperative that the reason behind dysfunctional communication are understood and appreciated in the form they are. It is very necessary that the person who is suffering from dysfunctional communication comes to term with his or her dark side. The family plays an important role in the well-being of such person. Love and care from the loved ones changes the most toughened and hardened persons. This actually plays a two way role in the person’s life who is suffering from this. The acceptance from the loved ones makes the person less insecure and helps him develop understanding towards them. It also impacts the person whenever he or she sees his loved ones in trouble and tries to rectify his behavioral pattern. Professional counseling plays a significant role but the effect of such treatment accelerates when there is support from loved ones extended. Conclusion Dysfunctional communication is definitely harmful for the individual, family and of course to the society also. Many remedies are available to overcome the attitude and proper action should be taken to avoid the dangers likely to be occurred in future due to dysfunctional communication. After all healthy relationship between husband and wife brings the happiness, comfort and security in the life of the couple as well as their entire family. References: 1. Dysfunctional Communication definition Mosbys Medical Dictionary, 8th edition. © 2009, Elsevier. On the website: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/dysfunctional+communication 2. Sieglinde A. Saenger, 2002) Family Violence: A Review of the Dysfunctional Behavior Patterns, Published: 2000, Copyright © 2000 Sieglinde A. Saenger 3. Forte, J. A., Franks, D. D., Forte J. .A., & Rigsby D. (1996). Asymmetrical role-taking: comparing battered and nonbattered women. Social Work. 41, (1), 59 - 72. 4. Perry, B.D., (1997). Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence In: Children, Youth and Violence: The Search for Solution (J. Osofsky, Ed.), Guilford Press, New York, pp. 124-148. 5. Rudo, Z. H., & Powell, D. S., (1996), “Family violence: a review of the literature.” Florida Mental Heath Institute, University of South Florida 6. John Moore 2006, “Confusing Love with Obsession: When Being in Love Means in Control, Hazelden Publishing copyright 7. Dave Capuzzi, Larry Golden Pg 10, “Preventing Adolescent Suicide,” Taylor and Francis Copyright, 1988 8. Judith Kuriansky, (Pg5) “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a healthy Relationship,” 9. Willem Adriaan Veenhoven Stichting, Pg 544, “Case Studies on human rights and fundamental freedoms: a world survey,” volume 5 Read More