Human Relationships and Behavior - Essay Example

Concept Paper There are many different types of ways in which people interact on both biological levels as well as social ones The purpose of this paper is to explore some of those concepts, both their similarities and differences. By exploring and identifying these concepts, one can become better equipped at recognizing unhealthy behaviors and attitudes as well as how those behaviors and attitudes sometimes span generations. The first concept to be discussed is that of toxic issues, as so many relationships are tainted with such issues from one or more individuals involved in the relationship. Toxic issues may range from alcohol and substance abuse to power and dominance issues. The danger in toxic issues is that they spread to and infect those around us. Abuse of many forms including “emotionally cutting off” can be said to be a toxic behavior. For the purpose of this paper, one must know that our genetic material and biology does not always account for our actions and attitudes. Similarly, toxic issues can be just as harmful in more passive presentation such as codependency or facilitated behavior (agreeing to buy alcohol for an alcoholic family member or friend). In the case of an alcoholic, the family member(s) or friend(s) that remain silent or avoid helpful confrontations, are just as toxic as the person with the addiction (they are facilitating and allowing the toxic issue to spread). The act of emotionally cutting off those we care about as an angry or hurt response, is indeed a toxic issue as well. One does not need to use toxic substances to act in a toxic way to others. When we feel betrayed, hurt, angry or stressed, it is sometimes an easier response to emotionally cut someone off than it would be to deal with the problem or feelings through healthy discussions. Let us assume that a man in particular, Bob, has a very difficult time expressing not only anger or hurt but also love. The reason for this is that Bob’s father John behaved the same way throughout his life and this is the modeled behavior that Bob has learned and modeled his own behavior after. Bob grew up with his father John and never experienced a healthy conversation in times of dispute but rather emotional neglect, the cold shoulder and simply being emotionally “cut off” from his father John. Now Bob has a son Tim who is not unlike his father or his grandfather. In times of conflict, Tim resorts to “cutting off” emotionally, his friends and loved ones as a learned habbi and behavior passed down from atleast 2 generations before him. This behavior of emotionally “cutting off” is in fact a toxic behavior but cannot yet be described as a biologically inherited trait. Tim may share the same color hair as his father Bob and may express the same color hair as his grandfather John, but his propensity to emotionally cut off those he cares for, is a learned behavior and a toxic one at that. There is only so much that can be handed down through the gene pool, additionally there is only so much that one can acquire through learned behavior, but at some point one must begin taking responsibility for the way they choose to act and live. An example from my own life is that my significant other will often respond to stressful situations or disagreements by emotionally cutting me off. There is no dialogue exchange or words being used at this point, just silence and often for days on end. This is often more damaging than a loud altercation with words and arguments. At least in an argument, one is entitled to say what is on their mind and voice displeasure or hurt that the other person has caused them. This is very much a toxic behavior or issue as it spreads to those around us and does a lot of damage emotionally. There is nothing so hurtful or cruel at times, than to feel that not only is your significant other upset with you but that you don’t even understand why and you feel as though they are withholding love as a punishment. Sadly, we find that abuse is a learned behavior. Often times, those that are abused become abusers themselves and the pattern of toxic issues continues. Abuse is not yet determined to be a genetically inherited trait or cited on a specific genetic loci, but it follows generations until the pattern is broken. Emotional “cutting off” is not only a form of toxic issues but is a form of abuse, emotional and psychological abuse. Often times, abuse occurs within family relationships, parent to child, child to elderly, partner to partner and so on, “Relationship researchers have focused on the frequency of conflict in couples’ relationships and the manner in which couples engage in and try to resolve conflicts. Three generalizations arise from this work. First, conflict occurs regularly in most close relationships (Brehm, Miller, Perlman, & Campbell, 2002). Second, dealing with conflict, under some conditions, may facilitate the development and maintenance of intimacy and satisfaction in a relationship (Canary & Cupach, 1988; Fincham & Beach, 1999; Gottman, 1994; Holmes & Boon, 1990). Third, in unhappy marriages, conflict is associated with patterns of behavior (e.g., negative affect reciprocity, demand-withdraw) and thought that tend to escalate conflict and make it more difficult to negotiate a resolution (Bradbury & Fincham, 1990; Fincham & Beach, 1999). Whether conflict facilitates intimacy or exacerbates distress may depend on individual differences in the way in which people interpret and respond to conflict” (Pietromonaco et al, 2004). Close relationships often then become the breeding grounds for toxic issues, emotional cut offs or even abuse. In part, we can blame a biological link between one’s behavior and their genetic information. This can be done through the possibility that some individuals may inherit alleles which cause them to be prone to depression, over testosterone production resulting in anger issues, propensity for bi-polar disorder and so on. However, Biological inheritance is not the same as Learned behavior or Multigenerational Transmission Processes. Multi Generational Transmission Processes are essentially what we saw with John, Bob and Tim. Unfortunately, John’s inability to deal constructively with conflict through emotional cot offs, taught his son Bob to do the same which in turn was passed on through nurture to Tim. These unhealthy practices are Passed down from generation to generation like a family heirloom and leave a wake of emotional damage until they are recognized and replaced with healthy, re-learned behaviors like talking about the issues at hand and facing conflicts by resolving through words. An ongoing and seemingly endless discussion over nature versus nurture helps behavioral specialists to keep inside the lines of science as to what is biological versus what happens in development to an individual in their developmental process from external influence. This is why the recognition and ceasing of such behaviors as emotionally cutting off (a toxic issue and behavior) needs to be recognized and reversed before being exhibited to and then mimicked by the next generation and so on. The chief problem, besides the emotional devistation experienced by the victim, is that it solves nothing. It is like an unpaid bill that will only pile up for so long until adverse consequences ensue. “ There can be undercurrents of bad feelings which dont get talked about. One technique that can bring this out is to do a feeling circle, in which everyone in the group expresses how they are feeling. For this to work some ground rules are needed: Only one person speaks at a time around the circle. No defensive reactions are allowed in the circle. Start your contribution to the circle with ‘I’” (Sandelin, 1997). Triangulation can be a healthy alternative in conflict management. For the individual who cuts off emotionally, those that he/she is close to, triangulation provides a mediator or a referee of sorts. The key to breaking abusive cycles, whether it be emotionally “cutting off” or repeated toxic issues brought into the relationship, verbal and rational discussions (sometimes with a trained professional or mediator) is the only way to break toxic issues and cycles that fester if untreated, and affect generations to come. Works Cited: Pietromonaco, Paula,. Greenwood, Darra, Barret Feldman,. Lisa Conflict in Adult Close Relationships: An Attachment Perspective, Adult attachment: New directions and emerging issues. New York: Guilford Press, 2004. Sandelin, Rob, Interpersonal Relationships and Conflict Resolution, Community Resource Guide, 1997. Read More