Intimacy - Essay Example

Intimacy Webster’s New World Dictionary defines the word intimate as most private or personal, and 2) very close and familiar. Intimacy thereforeis the state of being in most private or personal, close or familiar relationship. In communications theory, intimate space is an area around an individual, which, when violated, causes distress. Thus in a sense, intimacy can also be defined as something, a violation of which causes distress. Every person possesses a space that is open to public view and another kept to self. The veil covering public gaze can be partly lifted to admit some others, allowing intimacy to develop. “Interpersonal spheres of privacy protected from the public gaze are essential for human emotional and sexual life”. (www.nyu.edu). Intimacy is an essential requirement for developing an inner life that involves one or more intimates in learning about feelings towards each other and towards oneself. It provides relief from the public face that people often project. Intimacy helps vent feelings that would otherwise stay repressed. Intimacy is found in relationships between friends and lovers. The formalization of intimacy within a legal framework finds expression in the form of marriage, and it provides protection for sexual privacy. Marital bond is perhaps the most significant relationship for humans because the concept of family originates from there. Everyone is afraid of intimacy because it begins with the first big step of exposing yourself before strangers. Intimacy is possible only when a person makes himself or herself vulnerable through exposing the innermost and most personal matters. Vulnerability involves the risk of not knowing what the other person will do to you. Exposure may be voluntary or otherwise. Voluntary exposure allows a person to be more at ease and better prepared to face any unexpected consequences. Individuals observe others and seek information about others, because they need to judge the appropriateness of their own beliefs and behavior. One explanation for voluntary exposure is that the individual must be known to receive acceptance. There is also an expectation of reciprocity associated with voluntary personal disclosures. Exposure by one individual carries an expectation that the trust will be returned by an exposure by the other. Self disclosure itself becomes a means of access to needed information. The process of exposure can be a very slow and painful one for those with much concern or fear. They feel overly exposed and risk great pain. (www.luckymojo.com). “We all wish to be safe in our relationships and not be judged by our partner(s), friends, or family. Its been said that of all the fears that people face, non-acceptance by others ranks number one. Most of us learn at an early age to judge and deny those parts of ourselves that weve been told are unacceptable. Intimacy requires that we share our hurts with each other so that we can learn from them. It takes a lot of courage to remain open enough to accept those parts of ourselves that are hard to look at”. (www.nhne.com). Though everyone is afraid of intimacy, everyone wants it. Humans being social animals, need someone to trust and open all weaknesses and wounds. “And the wounds cannot heal unless they are open. The more you hide them, the more dangerous they become. They can become cancerous”. (www.fictionwise.com) Conflicts arise in intimate relationships when only one of the persons involved drops all defenses. Sincerity and openness are what the participants in an intimate relationship seek from each other. Acceptance of self and the other in an intimate relationship is thus a necessary condition for an intimate relationship to flourish. Acceptance must be total, spontaneous, and unconditional for the relationship to be intimate. It is not a question of understanding each other, but a state of being in total agreement. Intimacy exists only when there is a true heart to heart bond. True intimacy creates a sense of merging of individuals and a sense of peace, harmony, and unconditional love for partners. It is not self seeking and does not bind the partner by selfishness. The partners have mutual faith in the bonds between them and do not have to hold each other down in bondage. It is expressly understood that the other is present in the relationship due to free will and neither is hostage to any feelings of the other. Ego, manipulation, control or any need to “win” are absent. The relationship is not judgmental and the partners have no divergence of views on any issue including morality or ethics, however contrary it may seem to someone outside the relationship. The partners in an intimate relationship are comfortable with themselves, with each other, and with the world. A feeling of permanency is another aspect of intimate relationships. The partners always assume that it is a lifelong relationship. Intimate relationships can develop between a man and a woman, or between persons of the same sex, between friends or between siblings. It can even be with large groups. Intimacy is often equated with sexual intimacy. Though sex between two people who are in an intimate relationship can be a wonderful experience, it is not a form of intimacy. Intimacy assumes that the other person is always favorably disposed to you and the goodwill is never in doubt. Even when there is scope for interpreting the partner’s attitude negatively, a positive interpretation will be found. Issues that inhibit true intimacy in a relationship include; Lack of trust, respect, or acceptance. Fear of rejection. Fear of being one’s own true self. Lack of self-love and or self-acceptance and self-trust Strong egos Suppressed anger, frustration, blame or guilt. Stress. (http://articles.savvify.com) These are the very factors that make people enter into contractual relationships, and violation of any one of the terms of contract vitiates the relationship. Many of these factors can develop over a course of time and cause distress in a relationship. The very existence of a contract is an indication of the potential for failure of the relationship. Intimacy once lost is rarely regained since feelings stronger than contractual agreements are violated. Contracts can draw on the context of a legal framework as a source of norms to fill gaps in agreement, while there is no equivalent source of norms for intimate relationships. Contracts are governed by self interest while concepts such as cooperation, altruism and a sense of reciprocity rule intimate relationships. The result is that intimate relationships survive long after contractual relationships flounder. Another factor that strengthens the bonds of intimate relationships over time is the strengthening of acceptance, trust, and goodwill as the relationship continues. Disruptive factors weaken, making the bonds between partners stronger, unlike contractual quid pro quo relationships. Works Cited Nagel, Thomas. Concealment and Exposure: Accessed on 4 December 2004. Home Page, Lucky Mojo: Accessed on 4 December 2004. OKeefe, Linda, and Botthof, Lance: Relationships - Recipe for Relationships in the 21st Century: -Ingredient #2: Acceptance: Accessed on 4 December 2004. Rajneesh (Osho): Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other. Accessed on 4 December 2004. Connor, Tim: Creating Intimacy in Your Relationships: Accessed on 4 December 2006. Read More