The Use of Sexual Fantasies in Relationship - Essay Example

Sexual Fantasies Sexual fantasies con a series of thoughts or images in one’s mind that enhances or induces sexual arousal. Sexual fantasies are not physical aspects but are within the persons mind or thought. At times this fantast may be triggered by an external object such as sexual imagery or sexual literature. It can also be brought about by attraction to another individual. Sexual arousal and sexual fantasies are closely related and one often leads to the occurrence of the other (Friday, 45) The subject of sex in most communities is a taboo topic. As such, most sexual fantasies are confined to one’s thoughts. Sexual fantasies may also be extreme and for this reason, very few of them are actually tried in reality. In the past, such fantasies were seen to be symptoms of mental and sexual frustrations and sexual starvation. They were considered unhealthy aspects of life (Bader, 58). It was believed that sexual fantasies caused tenets such as homosexuality, rape and incest. However, recent research on this subject states that people should not be ashamed because they have sexual fantasies. Such thoughts are healthy and when communicated to one’s partner can lead to a very satisfying relationship. Sexual fantasies exist among both men and women. However, their nature is completely different given the natural differences between them. This is further illustrated by the difference in sexual fantasies between men and women. Men are attracted by visual things. This is known as voyeurism. Men are sexually stimulated by what they see and this gives them a lot of pleasure. They just want to watch something stimulating, whether it is sexual content or just their partners. It is not uncommon to find men watching sexual content; this is not to be seen in the negative light but as an expression of sexual desires. A threesome refers to sexual activity between three people. Most men fantasize about having two women at the same time. It is a common fantasy and many would gladly indulge in it if given the go ahead by their partners. This activity can make them feel more masculine and boost their egos (Bader, 29). Role playing is a form of sexual fantasy that is common between men and women. This involves partners taking up various roles such as nurse- patient, cop- bad girl, teacher- student and many more. No matter the partners’ roles, they have to look sexy to each other. This boosts their sexual morale as they play out their fantasies with each other. A woman would want to take part in sexual role play so that she gets to tease her partner while giving him something visually stimulating to turn him on. A common sexual fantasy is associated with thoughts sexual activity with someone who cannot be easily accessed. For the case of men, this might be a boss or just a neighbor. Having sexual activity with such a woman is the pinnacle of one’s sexual prowess and the thought is sufficient to arouse the sexually. Men love ladies who take control when it comes to sexual affairs. They often fantasize about a lady who will pin them down and initiate sex and proceed to perform sexual acts. This series of thought is sexually arousing for many men. A dominating woman is an important part in their fantasies. Domination is also a female sexual fantasy. Many women would love the idea of a man worshipping them sexually and one who is willing to meet each and every desire she looks forward to. What is interesting is the fact that women also fantasize about a dominating man; one who is able to use his masculinity to engage and involve her in the sexual act. They like the idea of a man who is entirely in control in the bedroom. Few people would engage in sexual activity in public. However, many people fantasize about having sex in places where they can be caught by someone else. Just the thought of being caught in the act is quite thrilling for very many individuals, both men and women. Many people can agree that they have fantasized about having sex in public toilets, the cinema or in a street corner. Women on the other hand experience semipublic arousal. They have fantasies of acts public such as the touching of thighs under the table in restaurants. Such small acts can make the woman highly aroused and lead to a great sexual encounter later (Bader, 72). Sex is usually an emotional act for most women; however, most men fantasize about having sex with strangers in a one-off encounter. This is commonly referred to as a one night stand encounter. In this scenario, it is thought that they can do whatever they want without fear of being rebuked by these individuals. It is also stimulating for a man to encounter a beautiful woman and have the opportunity to take her to bed soon after making her acquaintance. What is surprising is that some women also fantasize about random sexual encounters with strangers. This anonymous type of sex is seen to be stress free and highly erotic because it is not complicated by other factors that are ascribed to serious relationships. Fantasies have various advantages and disadvantages. Such effects may not be witnessed but manifest themselves in the day to day interactions of individuals. Some affect individuals’ interactions with other members of the society while some affect individuals on an individual basis. They influence interpersonal relationships. In most cases, they guide the nature of relationships that individuals form. For instance, when a man likes to be domineering in his fantasies, the female that he will look for will be one who likes a domineering man (Bader, 83). This occurs subconsciously and the partner must be ready to play that role. Such reciprocal fantasies have been the foundations of many strong relationships. Fantasies also help restore long term relationships. When a person has been with a certain partner for a long period of time, there is usually a sense of complacency. The act of sex becomes more of a chore than a pleasurable activity. When the partners share their fantasies with each other, they are able to increase their excitement levels with regard to sex. This leads to more fulfilling relationships in all other aspects. Fantasies, however, have various disadvantages on both couples and individuals. Some couples become too used to sexual fantasies, and, therefore, cannot have sex without them. This makes fantasies part of their everyday lives and this may lead to a strenuous relationship. Some fantasies are also extreme and as such one of the partners involved may be hurt emotionally or physically by the acts associated with playing out the fantasy. To ensure that this does not occur, partners should be able to communicate freely and share their thoughts. There should be boundaries that are placed when performing such acts and these should be understandable to both the parties involved (Friday, 56). In light of individuals, sexual fantasies can lead to a lot of guilt. This is highly dependent on the immediate environment which might have strict moral guidelines. This can be manifested in various ways in both men and women. In men, it can be in the form of erectile dysfunction while women might experience pain when engaging in intercourse. People’s sexual fantasies also change with time. This can be attributed to several factors such as age and the experiences that one has undergone. A clear example is the difference in sexual fantasy between a teenager and a mature individual. A teenager may have fantasies about having sex with older mature women (Friday, 104). These thoughts are likely to turn them on and the sight of an attractive, older woman can cause an excitement to them. On the other hand, a man in his forties may fantasize about engaging in sexual acts with women who are in their twenties. The sight of attractive women in their twenties makes their minds go wild. This shows that sexual fantasies vary with time. People also experience a change in perception based on the environment that surrounds them. An individual may have sexual fantasies about role playing a patient nurse. Due to uncontrollable circumstances, they might go to a hospital and encounter first hand a doctor patient interaction (Bader, 67). This may change their perception about nurses and stop further sexual fantasies regarding them. Such an individual is most likely to adopt other sexual fantasies to replace his earlier ones. The influence of gender and culture is also clear when it comes to sexual fantasies. Most of our cultures are conservative and therefore expression of sexual thoughts is not encouraged. In such a scenario, an individual will keep their thoughts in secret or act them out privately. This can wreak havoc on his esteem as there will be the constant fear of being caught. The punishment that one can be subjected to also makes people scared of sexual expression. Gender also plays a critical role in sexual fantasies. This is based on several factors. One, what stimulates men and women vary significantly. Men are more attracted to what they see. Women on the other hand, are more attracted to what they feel. They have many emotions especially when it comes to sexual matters. Society has also placed men at the head of most households and it is expected for women to be below them or act as inferior beings. As such, it is normal for a man to speak openly about his sexuality. This can be shared with his peers or his spouse. On the other hand, a woman who expresses such thoughts is viewed as being perverted and immoral. Women are not expected to take time to engage in such thoughts. Research has shown that over 65% of women and 80% of men have sexual fantasies at one point or the other in their lives. They are a part of us and have an important role in our lives. Such thoughts can prove to be beneficial but problems arise when we try to control such thoughts. It is important for all of us to embrace our sexuality to that we can live longer and more fulfilling lives. Works cited Friday, Nancy. Men in Love: Mens Sexual Fantasies : the Triumph of Love Over Rage. London: Arrow, 2003. Print. Bader, Michael J. Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies. New York: St. Martins Griffin, 2003. Print. Read More