Resolving Conflicts by Communication - Assignment Example

Resolving Conflicts by Communication Conflicts in relationships are almost inevitable, in fact stronger relationships experience more of both satisfaction and conflicts (L’Abate & Weinstein, p147). A conflict, in itself, is not a problem; the way it is handled is what decides whether the relationship will hold or tear apart. Disagreements, misunderstandings and poor communication skills can either cause distance and anger or be the springboard to stronger relationships and blissful futures depending on how they are handled. This essay seeks to explore ways of resolving conflicts in relationships by use of effective communication skills. During conflicts in relationships, sometimes it becomes very tempting to dig back past conflicts that are apparently related to the current conflict. This unfortunately, often clouds the issue at hand, making it more difficult to arrive at a mutual understanding and solution and the end result is a more confusing and taxing discussion. It is important not to bring up other topics and past hurts if the conflict is to find a prompt solution. Staying focused on the present topic and understanding each others points of view is a quicker way of ending the conflict (Touliantos, Perlmutter & Straus, p107). Listening keenly is an essential ingredient in communication. Often people pretend to be listening to the other party when in the real sense, they are thinking of what to say when the other party stops talking. Employing honesty in conversations swigs both ways. While it may be difficult to listen, effective communication demands of one to really hear out the other party without interrupting or getting defensive. When individuals listen to the other party and reflect back on what they are communicating, they are more likely to properly understand the other party and make them develop interest the individuals are saying (Robinson, p8). During conflicts, most people primarily want to feel understood and heard. People focus on their points of view and try making the other party view things like they do. Ironically, always doing this reduces focus on the other party’s view point further diminishing their chances of having interest in the individual’s view point. One has to learn to view the situation from the other party’s side so as to know how to better explain their views. Should one experience difficulty in understanding the other person’s views, it would be better to ask more questions until the point gets home (Knox & Schacht, p124). When they feel heard, individuals are more likely to listen. When is criticized, it becomes very easy to get defensive and feel like the other party is wrong. It is not very easy to keep listening to someone criticizing you, especially if the criticism is exaggerated and colored by emotions of the other party. It is vital that one listens to the other party’s pain and reply by empathizing with their feelings. The criticism may not sound good to the ear but there could be some truth in it. It is important to seek the truth in their words as this may turn out to be very valuable information. There are those who view taking personal responsibility as a sign of weakness but the contrary is true. Realizing personal responsibility is in actual a strength. Effective communication means admitting one mistakes and apologizing accordingly. In most conflicts, both parties share some responsibility and takes strength. Admitting one’s share of responsibility diffuses tension, sets a good example and shows maturity. In addition, in many instances, it inspires the other party to do likewise, resulting in both parties being closer to attaining mutual understanding and finding a solution to the conflict. People tend to use accusatory statements in trying to seek the origin of the issue at hand. One or more likely to get the other party listening by using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements as they sound less defensive and accusatory. For instance, saying that “you did this and that” sounds more accusing than “I do not like it when this and that happens”. Humans tend to stop listening to the other party when they feel they are being blamed for the situation (Robinson, p6). Avoiding the blame game will go a long way in helping the other party understand one’s point of argument rather than feel attacked. A person who does not feel attacked is more likely to react rationally. Instead of trying to emerge victorious in an argument, one should seek for a solution that best satisfies the needs of both parties. This can be achieved either by looking for a new solution where everyone wins or by both parties settling for a compromise. A conversation that leads towards these directions is more effective than one that one gains at the expense of the other individual. Healthy communication centers on seeking for a solution that is satisfactory to both parties. Arguments may once a while lead to heated tempers that may make one utter works that can easily spark an abusive argument or, in the worst case scenario, a fight. When one gets the feeling that the conversation is getting too heated to be constructive, or heading towards destructive communication patterns, it would be a nice idea to take a break until the situation cools down (Blood, p353). Good communication skills mean knowing when it is time to suspend a conversation. Suspending a conversation need not necessarily mean putting a complete stop to the conversation. Taking a break is a good idea but a better idea would be to go back to the conversation latter on so as to solve the dispute so it does not come up in future to cause problems that could weaken the relationship. When returning to the conversation, it will be helpful for both parties to take a constructive attitude, seek mutual respect and be willing to view the situation from the other party’s point (Barnett, p14). These efforts will definitely make progress towards the achievement of the goal of conflict resolution. Unless the relationship has come to an end, both parties should not give up on communication. However, when one or both parties always experiences difficulty in staying respectful during conflict resolution conversations, or both parties come to realize that their efforts to resolve their conflicts on their own seem not to be bore any fruits, a few counseling sessions with a therapist may just be the solution (Barnett,p 10-11). Family therapy and couples counseling provide altercations and teach skills that come in hand in resolving future conflicts. If one of the partners is not willing to seek counseling, one party can go and benefit from skills that would enable him/her to know how to handle the other party. Conclusion It is important to note that the key to effective communication lies with mutual understanding. Communication is not only the spoken conversation but is also made up of the non spoken part. Non verbal communication includes body language, facial expressions, emotions in the voice and attitude, mentioning a few. It is important to coordinate both the non spoken and spoken parts of the conversation to as to make sure one is passing the right message during any conversation, including conflict resolution. In some situations, when a couple is experiencing a conflict, it may help to stay physically connected like for instance, hold hands, so as to remind each other that they still care about and generally support each other despite the conflict. Good and effective communication also entails remaining respectful of the other party even if one may not like their actions. Works Cited Barnett, Doyle, 20 Communication Tips for Couples: A 30 Minute Guide to a Better Relationship. Canada: Publishers Group West, 1995. Blood, R.O. Marriage (Second edition).New York: Free Press, 1969. Knox, David and Schacht, Caroline Choices in Relationships: An introduction to Marriage and family (Tenth edition).Belmont, CA: Cengage Learning, 2009. L’Abate, Luciano and Weinstein, Stephen Structured Enrichment for Couples and Families. New York: Brunner/ Mazel, 1987. Touliantos, J., Perlmutter, F. and Straus, M. A., “Handbook for Family Measurement Techniques”. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 56,705-722. 2001. Robinson, Jonathan Communicating Miracles for couples : Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict. York Beach: Red Wheel, 1997. Read More