The Couple of Mr. and Mrs. Smith - Lab Report Example

 SESSION 1 Background session: The couple, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, have been married for five years. He is 30 years old and she is 32. They drove to the session together. They said that they had not talked much lately and were silent during the drive over. They both had agreed that therapy would be a good thing at this point in their marriage but both are a little skeptical of it. There are a number of issues that they wanted to deal with, which they have discussed with each other before consenting to attend therapy together. Starting therapy: They both said that they were happy in their marriage. They both agreed that they tend to look at some things differently, which can cause strain between them, but they also said that it was their differences that had drawn them to each other in the beginning. Narrative Summary of Session: The couple sat side by side during therapy. Mrs. Smith kept looking down at her hands instead of at me, but when her husband talked she always turned her head to look at him. Mr. Smith’s eyes remained locked with mine. He appeared self-confident and very comfortable with himself, unlike his wife. When his wife talked Mr. Smith did not turn his head to look at her, but he did respond to some of her statements which indicated that he had been listening closely to her. As was stated earlier, the couple talked about how they have been married for five years. Mrs. Smith spoke of the age difference between she and her husband. She is two years older then Mr. Smith, but in terms of experience she feels younger than he does. I asked her what she meant by that. Mr. Smith did not speak up for his wife, rather he looked at her briefly before turning to stare at me and waited for her to respond to my question. Mrs. Smith said that she was a virgin when she met Mr. Smith and he was not. In fact, she admits that she knew he had quite a bit of experience with women. She also mentioned that Mr. Smith traveled a lot in his twenties to Europe and throughout the United States. Although Mrs. Smith has traveled, it has not been to the extent that Mr. Smith has. She admitted that Mr. Smith has more self-confidence in himself than she and people seemed more drawn to him as opposed to her. She describes herself as introverted, her husband as extroverted. However, she is quick to point out that it was these differences that drew her towards him. Mrs. Smith also said that Mr. Smith was closer to his family then she was. I asked, “Does it sometimes cause problems between the two of you?” Her answer was that it just made her realize what she was missing. The most important thing that Mrs. Smith had said in the intake session was that she always believed she loved her husband more than he loved her. Mr. Smith spoke up at this point. He said that she always says that but it is not true. Mrs. Smith makes eye contact with him before turning to meet my eyes and tells me that it is true. Mr. Smith looks at me saying that a big part of the reason they decided to go into therapy was that Mrs. Smith is insecure, and as a result of this she withholds a part of herself from him and does not completely trust him. Then there is the issue of children. Mr. Smith wants at least one, while Mrs. Smith is wary of having children. She never thought she would have children because she always believed that she would be a bad mother. Mr. Smith jumps in claiming that she would be a great mother and points out that Mrs. Smith is amazing with her niece. The session ended here. End thoughts: Mrs. Smith seemed more emotionally controlled than her husband. Mr. Smith found it easier to meet my eyes. They are both physically attractive. Mrs. Smith brought up briefly in the session that her husband is very attractive to women. What was interesting was that Mr. Smith did not deny it, which made me think he knows how attractive he is. Mr. Smith’s reaction to his wife saying she loves him more than he loves her was to admit that it hurts him. At that point Mrs. Smith looked somewhat surprised at his admission, but this is speculation because she did not articulate it. They both seem very self-aware as individuals so it is surprising that she does not know she hurts Mr. Smith when she says that. However, she immediately put her hands over his to offer him comfort. He responded by intertwining his fingers with her. I asked them about the Pair Test Results, explained why the test is important, and that we will discuss the results at the next session. I asked them how they think they did and they said they were curious as to how each other answered some of the questions. I asked them if they remembered some of the questions. They said yes, and I assigned them the task of discussing the questions they thought each other would have answered differently and they agreed. SESSION 2 Date: July 24 2006 Time: 1:00 p.m. Location of session: 405 Toussaint ST. Oak Harbor OH 43449 Background: Mr. and Mrs. Smith came together again to our session. They both seemed relax. The said they did the assignment I gave them last week and they were not too surprised at the questions they answered differently. Narrative Summary of Pair Test results: When it comes to Social Status (SS) Family Cohesiveness (FC) Monetary Concern (MC) Mr. and Mrs. Smith scored almost identical on the Pairs Test. The major differences that showed up in the Pair Test results actually coincided with what they discussed during the intake session. The five scales that had the biggest difference were Social Extraversion (SE), Mr. Smith scored a 14 in the number of true answers, while Mrs. Smith only scored a 3. That is a 26 point raw score difference on the relationship profile. In the area of Self-Rejection (SR), Mrs Smith scored a 15 and Mr. Smith scored a 7, which is a 16 point raw score difference on the relationship profile. In Aggressive Hostility, Mr. Smith on the relationship profile raw score is 55 which is average, and Mrs. Smith raw score is 41, which is below low average. Their scores indicate they are very compatible in this area. This compatibility extends to their DL/DS raw scores. Mr. Smith scored high on the DL scale, while Mrs. Smith scores high on the DS scale. Respectively the numbers are 53/23 DL scale where Mr. Smith is the highest number, yet on the DS 44/58 Mrs. Smith scored the highest. The one place they seemed to not be compatible with each other was the Passive Submissiveness (PS) scale. Mr. Smith’s raw score was 44, while Mrs. Smith’s raw score was below average at 42. Another thing that is important to mention is their individual SA/SR. Mr Smith scored very high on the SA, but his self-rejection score was averaged. 80/46, while as Mrs. Smith scored the same on SA and SR 62/62. It seems that Mrs. Smith, although having confidence in some of her abilities, as a writer for example, rejects herself in many other ways, which is probably why she is so insecure in her marriage. It might also explain why she is unwilling to believe that her husband could love her like she loves him, which seems to be a great deal. There are also two other scores that are significant. Physical Affection (PA) scores differed greatly. Mr. Smith scored an 80, which is way above average and Mrs. Smith scored a 26, which is way below average. When it came to the Change and Variety (CV) scores, Mr. Smith also scored way above average with a 79, while Mrs. Smith scored an average 46. At the session Mr. Smith wanted to go over what Mrs. Smith said last week about her loving him more then he loved her. He mentioned they talked about it once during the week. He says that he has known she felt this way since the first time they had gotten serious with each other. He contends that he has assured her that this was not true but she won’t believe him. Mrs. Smith did not interrupt her husband while he spoke, she just stared at him. Who pursued who seemed to be the basis of Mrs. Smith’s insecurities concerning her husband’s level love for her. Mrs. Smith pursued Mr. Smith at the beginning of their relationship. She was very attracted to him and decided to go after him. It took her close to two years. She says that at first, she came on too strong and it scared him. Then they had no contact for awhile and she let it go. Instead, she focused on building up her writing career. She saw some of his work and contacted him from an old e-mail address to say hi. That is how it started, but nothing came of it for a long time. Mr. Smith agreed with his wife but he says what she says, but that does not mean he does not love her. When asked what he loved about her it only took him seconds to tell me. He liked her perseverance, intelligence, attractiveness, and sensitivity. Mrs. Smith said that Mr. Smith has told her this before but she just can’t believe what he says. Having a baby was also discussed in the session. Mrs. Smith has deep doubts about herself, as her SA test shows. This also has manifested itself in having children. She is not close to her family and she feels like she will not be a good mother. Her mother was not a good parent to her. Mr. Smith says that he has told her over and over again that this is not true. If she did not want to have children because it was not something she really did not want that was one thing , but do it because of her insecurities was something else. Mrs. Smith says she would have one if Mr. Smith really wanted one. Mr. Smith says he wants her to want a baby as much as he does. End thoughts: The couple seemed compatible in a lot of ways but Mrs. Smith’s willingness to not believe her husband loves her as she loves him is getting in the way of Mrs. Smith’s decision making skills. It seems she is acting out of fear and insecurity more then anything else. THE PAIR TEST RELATIONSHIP PROFILE SCALE ABBREVIATION DL DS AH SP NH PS SA SR PA EC CV OR EP SE IR SS FC MC PC OI SCALE----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NUMBER 11 18 7 15 12 16 20 6 8 17 10 13 14 4 2 1 3 9 5 19 _---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RAW SCORE 53 44 55 38 22 44 80 46 70 79 69 64 41 80 58 24 44 37 62 31 45 80----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------80 75------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------75 70-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------70 65--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------65 60--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------60 55---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------55 50------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------50 45-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------45 40--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------40 35-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------35 30-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------30 25----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------25 20------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------20 SCALE ABBREVIATION DL DS AH SP NH PS SA SR PA EC CV OR EP SE IR SS FC MC PC OI SCALE----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NUMBER 11 18 7 15 12 16 20 6 8 17 10 13 14 4 2 1 3 9 5 19 _---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RAW SCORE 23 58 41 46 36 42 62 62 26 66 46 60 60 32 46 34 37 53 39 62 Opposite/Balanced Individual Alike individual Alike RED: Name: Him Age: 30 Sex: Male Date: July 17, 2006. BLUE: Name: Her Age: 32 Sex: Female Date: July 17, 2006. Termination Session Date: August 4, 2006 Time: 1:00 p.m. Location: 405 Toussaint St. Oak Harbor OH 43449 Background Session: When Mr. and Mrs. Smith arrived at the termination session together, they said that they did not talk on their way over to the session, but that they were lost in their own thoughts. Narrative summary of session: Although they have not completely resolve the baby issue, Mrs Smith says she is seriously thinking about having one. She seems to not want to make a decision on having a baby based on fear. She also mentioned that she thought that her feeling that Mr Smith did not love her like she loved him was because she felt she had to work to hard to get his attention and he effortlessly got hers. Mr. Smith says he loves his wife, he really wants to have a child, and that she seemed to be more open to it. He also says that her need for emotional control is something she needs to work on a little bit more. He understands that their differences while a good thing, if they are not careful they may put distance in their relationship, and he does not want that. End thoughts of Session: Mr. and Mrs. Smiths’ main problems stem from Mrs. Smith’s self-rejection and she worships her husband too much. There is a sense with Mrs. Smith, although as successful as her husband when it comes to their work, unlike him, she rejects her successes while her husband uses his to build up his confidence. Mrs. Smith seems to be more aware of this and is willing to work on it. Although Mr Smith is aware of his wife’s lack of self-acceptance, one wonders if this is a reason as to why his wife loves him so much. Mr. Smith says he wants his wife to learn to accept herself more, but that may cause him to lose an adoring wife who just about do anything for him, including having a baby she might not want. What I have Learned from this Exercise Sometimes, I found it hard to keep my distance when either Mr. and Mrs. Smith said some things I disagreed with. I was surprised at how much I liked the couple as individuals and how much the Pair Test accurately pointed out their individual weaknesses. Mr. and Mrs. Smith are an articulate and interesting couple. This may have to do with her being a writer and him an artist. They both have done well in their careers and are have been very focused on it, but they go about achieving their career goals in different ways. Mr. Smith is more involve the artistic community. He travels a lot and is involved with multiple projects. Mrs. Smith is alone most of the time writing. She seems to have only a few close friends, but nothing to the amount her husband has. Also, Mr Smith has a closer connection to his family than Mrs. Smith. This may play a part of his desire to have a child and the reason why Mrs. Smith does not. I want them to stay together and I want Mrs. Smith to have a child because I think she would be a good mother. I am actually sorry that I can’t spend more time with them. It is amazing how a test and a couple of question can tell so much about a person. It is also amazing that a this couple, who are bright and successful, can still be blind to their own emotions. Lastly, I was amazed at how honest the couple were with each other and how aware they were of each other faults. Maybe the most important thing I learned from this exercise is that a counselor can learn from his patients as much as they can learn from him or her. Also, to try and get any patient to change takes time and they have to want to change themselves. Read More