The Best Practices in Parenting - Term Paper Example

?The Best Practices in Parenting Having a baby is not a joke. It is a heavy responsibility for every parent and requires a great deal of attention toensure meeting the needs of a child. Every couple who plans to have a child should know the proper treatment and caring for their child. Oftentimes, applying the practices that couples saw from their parents is not enough to be good parents. This paper reviews the current literature on the best parenting styles that every parent may adopt for his or her growing children. Parenting is a life-long mission that starts as soon as a mother conceives a child. Contrary to what others believe that parenting starts only when the baby is born, parenthood actually commences at the onset of pregnancy. In fact, following the principle of nature parenting, being a parent starts from the time of every person’s birth because genetic predisposition or heredity. As such, every person who is physically capacitated to be a parent starts with parenting the moment they are born. As they grow and eat proper nutrition, they set out the good habits and physical health that their future children deserve to have. This is so because the food or substance that they take in may affect their physical bodies and will in turn affect their child. For example, a man in his adolescent years who learns to smoke or takes drugs puts his future children at risk for some sickness due to the negative substance he inhales during smoking or taking illegal drugs. Nature parenting involves the genes and other physical qualities a person has. This includes the child’s complexion, hair, height, voice, and physical conditions that children take from their parents. However, aside from physical qualities, children may also exhibit behaviors of their parents even without being taught. For example, children may be talkative just like their parents, smiley, excel in math, etc. There are cases when behavioral attributes are manifested even at a very young age. Such cases explain the role of heredity in the development of the child. Taking traits from parents is usually a psychological or behavioral concern, but as the nature debate confirms, heredity and environmental factors come into play in the development of a child. There are always two sides of a coin in parenting beliefs. On one hand, parents who believe in the nature debate will do what is good for their baby even while the baby is inside the \ mother’s womb. On the other hand, they may also think that having no abnormalities in the family lineage will result in having physically and mentally normal children. The nature debate supports the idea that children are predisposed to certain qualities that their parents manifest despite receiving different training. In this regard, the nature debate supports the entity belief (Dweck, 1999) that limits the qualities of a child. For example, parents who are good in mathematics may expect their children to be good in the subject, while those who are poor in mathematics may expect their children not to excel in the said subject. Thus, there are positive and negative sides as regards the nature debate. Parents who think that their child takes from them will easily understand their children and guide them well, provide support in areas of weaknesses, and so on. Similarly, parents who think that their children take from them their negative attitudes may either find it easier to understand those traits or put off attempts to make their children better. The existing literature confirms the role of heredity and environment in the development of a child regardless of age. In contrast, the nurture debate supports the idea that children should be nurtured and cared for in order to grow healthy and possess good character traits. In particular, this belief may inspire parents to maximize their efforts to make their children achieve their highest potentials. The nurture debate leads parents to learn good parenting styles that usually work for children nowadays. Baumrind (1991) identifies four parenting styles, namely, authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful parenting. Although the current literature mostly recommends only one of those parenting styles, it is still important to know how each works for the benefit of the children. The next section discusses the characteristics of these parenting styles and the pros and cons of each. Towards the end, the paper reveals the best practices and most recommended parenting style that parents should adopt at present. Authoritarian Parenting Authoritarian parenting style makes use of power and authority over the children. In this kind of parenting style, children are subject to the command of the parents who usually act as the rulers at home. Authoritarian parents identify the roles of their children in the family, especially the need to obey. They establish these roles and expect their children to go by the rules. By doing so, authoritarian parents usually produce respectful and obedient children (Bradley[a], n.d.). However, authoritarian parents tend to expect that their orders be followed even without explanations. As such, children coming from authoritarian parents can either become unassertive or rebellious. Authoritarian parents have the need to establish distance between them and the parents in order to attain respect. This means not showing children their human weaknesses and making the children feel that the parents are always right in order to gain respect. However, respect in this kind of home is characterized by fear. Children respect their parents out of fear and not out of love. Children also obey their parents for fear of being punished and not to gain rewards from their parents. As such, authoritarian parents rely more on punishment to have their orders done immediately. Likewise, authoritarian parents do not give options to choose from. Instead, they decide for their children, believing that they know the best and their children are powerless and incapable to judge. Authoritative Parenting According to Baumrind (1991), authoritative parenting is characterized by a combination of warmth, encouragement and control. Unlike authoritarian parents, authoritative parents set expectations that are proper for their children’s age. They believe in giving positive reinforcement more than punishments. Additionally, authoritative parents believe in having “a close and nurturing relationship with their children” (Bradley[b], n.d.). This means making themselves accommodating and always striving to attend school activities to support their children in their extra-curricular activities. Authoritative parents develop clear and fair guidelines of behavior, and seriously implement those but they also value the freedom of their children to make choices because doing so would guide children to make life decisions later on. Moreover, authoritative parents teach their children to be responsible and independent, thus model those behaviors for them. This implies apologizing when the needs arise, which authoritarian parents will never do for their children. Permissive Parenting Based on the term itself, permissive parenting is an even more relaxed style of parenting compared to authoritative parenting. However, this does not necessarily make it a more ideal parenting style than authoritative or authoritarian parenting. Permissive parents value the affection they share with their children. They believe in encouraging their children to strive and do good and support them with overwhelming efforts even though such could mean pampering the child, spoiling them, and giving leeway despite the need to correct them in their mistakes. Permissive parents express their love for their children through touch, hug, kisses, and words of commendation for whatever good thing children have done regardless of how little those things are. As a result, permissive parents are highly bonded with their children (Bradley[c], n.d.) and often treat them as friends. Due to the lax way of disciplining their children, permissive parents usually need to use gifts, bribes, and other motivators to make their children obey their rules (Bradley[c], n.d.). This implies the difficulty to make children follow rules set at home, which could be a problem when they go out in the real world. Children of permissive parents often get what they want because they can easily manipulate their parents. However, they find it difficult to cooperate with others because they are used to having things their way and not leaning towards the decision of others. Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is another parenting style in which parents are seen as too consumed with their own needs that they do not have time for their children (Miller, n.d.). In this kind of parenting style, parents usually establish a buddy-buddy relationship with their children for fear of being blamed by their children for the things they cannot provide or the times they missed. Due to their lack of time and means to be with their children especially on special occasions, neglectful parents find it difficult to discipline their children and teach them proper behavior. Although neglectful parents fulfill the basic needs of their children, they often fail to sustain the emotional and spiritual needs As a result, children of neglectful parents are often seen as lacking in social skills and struggling in academics. Moreover, they are often noted with low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation and loneliness. As Miller (n.d.) argues, neglectful parents usually leave their responsibility to another adult or an older sibling. Nevertheless, this practice still results in problems because emotional needs of children may have difficulty seeing the surrogate parent as a role model and someone they can count on. Furthermore, children of neglectful parents tend to resent their parents as they grow older and realize the negligence of their parents. In the long run, these children tend to rebel against their parents and even their society. Recommendations Based on Research The many roles that parents have to fulfill in the lives of their children could leave them confused with what parenting styles and decisions they should adopt. Parenting could be overwhelming to parents, especially those in the working sector and low economic status. Therefore, parents who are struggling in their roles especially those who are young should seek support and advice from counselors, community servers, and other relevant authorities if they feel they need to receive guidance. The current literature also provides some advice to parents on what parenting style is appropriate for children these days. According to Chen, Dong & Zhou (1997), Dornbusch, Ritter, Leiderman, Roberts & Raleigh (1987), and Coplan, Hastings, Lagace-Seguin & Moulton (2009), authoritative parenting is the most ideal parenting style for children nowadays. Authoritative parenting is reported to help increase school performance and exercise of independence, making children more secure and healthy individuals as they grow older. In their study of Chinese students Chen, Dong and Zhou (1997) proved that parenting styles had a great impact on school performance of students. In particular, they determined that authoritative parenting had a positive effect, whereas authoritarian parenting resulted in negative outcomes such as aggression, poor peer acceptance, social skills, and low school performance. Meanwhile, Dornbusch, Ritter, Leiderman, Roberts & Raleigh (1987) discovered that authoritarian parenting is negatively correlated with school performance of adolescent students. Rudy and Grusec (2001) claim that authoritarian parenting is particularly present in individualist and collectivist cultures such as Egyptian-Canadians and Anglo-Canadians. In the study, the authors discovered low levels of warmth, traces of fear in children, and negative attributions about children in families with authoritarian parents. Messer (2005) claims that children have different needs of their parents. Therefore, parents should vary their parenting style based on the need of the child. Messer provides the example of an infant needing caress in the middle of the night after being awakened from a scary dream. In such a situation, Messer (2005) suggests soothing the child and talking to him/her softly, cuddling him/her until he/she feels comfortable and secure. Particularly, it can be noted that such a parenting style is neither authoritarian nor authoritative but permissive. The emotional attachment that Messer cites is characteristic of a permissive parent, who tries to connect with the child through strong emotional and physical bond. As Messer (2005) suggests, acting as a permissive parent is ideal in the infancy years when the bond between parents and child should be established especially physically. Nevertheless, authoritative parenting, which could be implemented through talking frequently with the child and making the child realize possibilities is ideal for children who are big enough to understand and communicate. In contrast to being a permissive parent, Bradley (c, n.d.) cautions parents of being left alone and neglected when their children have grown up. This confirms the suggestion that permissiveness should be limited to infants and small children. As children grow, parents could shift slowly to authoritative parenting to avoid pampering or spoiling the child. As regards giving punishments, Messer (2005) claims that punishments are usually given not to suit the need of the child to learn or correct his/her mistakes, rather to suit the need of the parent for satisfaction. Therefore, parents should bear in mind not to give punishments but give rewards, encouragement, and praises instead. Such style dismisses the role of the authoritarian parent but confirms the applicability of authoritative and permissive parenting styles. Conclusion The need to determine the right parenting style for one’s children usually comes as a challenge to every parent. Preoccupied with their whole-day work, household chores and other family concerns, parents, especially working mothers find it very difficult to be with their children and spend quality time with them. In addition, peer influence, media interventions and other environmental factors make the situation worse. Given this, parents are left confused and isolated in their attempt to raise good-mannered and healthy children. In worst case scenario, some parents give up their roles and abandon their children in caring institutions, hence making their children grow in devastation due to the absence of parental love and emotional support. Having noted the ultimate challenges of being a parent, this paper echoes the recommendations made by some authors, which include taking the role of an authoritative parent, varying parenting styles according to children’s needs, and avoiding the possibility of becoming a neglectful parent. As the current literature recommends, parents should be sensitive to the needs of their children and always strive to be loving yet firm in their decisions. References Bradley, N. (n.d.). Authoritarian parenting: An overview. Retrieved from http://parenting.families.com/blog/authoritarian-parenting-an-overview Bradley, N. (n.d.). Authoritative parenting: An overview. Retrieved from http://parenting.families.com/blog/authoritative-parenting-an-overview Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1); 56-95. Chen, X., Dong, Q. & Zhou, H. (1997). Authoritative and authoritarian parenting practices and social and school performance in Chinese Children. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 21(4); 855-873. Coplan, R., Hastings, P., Lagace-Seguin, D. & Moulton, C. (2009). Authoritative and authoritarian mothers’ parenting goals attributions, and emotions across different childrearing contexts. Parenting, 2(1); 1-26. Dombusch, S., Ritter, P., Leiderman, H., Roberts, D. & Raleigh, M. (1987). The relation of parenting style to adolescent school performance. Child Development, 58(5). Dweck, C. S. (1999). Self-theories: Their role in motivation, personality, and development. Philadelphia: The Psychology Press. Rudy, D. & Grusec, J. (2001). Correlates of authoritarian parenting in individualist and collectivist cultures and implications for understanding the transmission of values. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 32(2); 202-212. Miller, M. (n.d.). Neglectful parenting: The impact on children. Retrieved from https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:iEJyAz_ArDcJ:www.cccrd.org/pdf/NParenting.pdf+neglectful+parenting&hl=tl&gl=ph&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESjJAMMrmGkomJ0HItKK9NUGgagyKl1KFsad5WdvIZh9LYfaM3I0CptB0yZKSPCP6l5sDmTCqIZjkp3lwuiiLNEMiJrGq6UAxNOp6E8eVsJGM_iPVvy7cQgSz2MoftG9_ZLkXCLf&sig=AHIEtbTaFqrBecUFE2LmndyNYERa4jeR3Q&pli=1 Read More