The Best Parenting Style - Research Paper Example

? The Best Parenting Style Barbara Howard-Shump October 27, COMP III Randell Wolff South Online “I cannot be just any parent, I want to be the best one, so that my kid will also the best that he can be,” says one parent (C. Weiss, personal communication, October 21, 2012). Like other parents, Cathy is aware that her parenting style can shape the future of her children. She is anxious that she might be too lax or too authoritarian, which will result to her “stifling” the growth of her children (C. Weiss, personal communication, October 21, 2012). Several studies discovered that parenting style can affect the personalities and behaviors of their children (Evans, 2012; Baldwin, McIntyre, & Hardaway, 2007). To determine the best patenting style, a number of secondary sources and one primary source have been used. In several cases, the best parenting style is authoritative parenting, although other factors, including culture, family dynamics, and children’s traits can affect the decision for choosing the style that fits the context and individualities of children. Authoritarian parents are not very good in raising happy, confident, sociable, and high-achieving children. These parents integrate high control with low warmth or parental involvement (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010, p. 250). They want to nurture the values of hard work, compliance, and discipline among their children (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010, p.250). Clinical psychologist Block described that authoritarian parenting focuses on maintaining control and authority (personal communication, October 20, 2012). She stated: “[Authoritarian parents] use their authority to control their children. They make rules that are explained through the need to be obedient to authority” (personal communication, October 20, 2012). She explained that authoritarian parents are strict and demanding because they expect their children to act as adults. Their punishment tends to be physical and punitive: “They punish children who do not follow their rules, sometimes through spanking them” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Furthermore, authoritative parents rarely show warmth toward their children because “many think that warmth will make their children weak” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Authoritarian parents think that control and less emotional interaction is the best way to raise children. Kail and Cavanaugh (2010) noted from their review of studies that authoritarian parents raise children who tend to be unhappy and overly aggressive, while permissive parents tend to have children with poor self-control and are very impulsive. Block explained that the children of authoritarian parents can have extreme behaviors (personal communication, October 20, 2012). On the one hand, some are “rebellious and have been involved in alcohol and drug abuse” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Some have developed “bullying behaviors” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). On the other hand, others are very “obedient and efficient in following rules” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Block underlined that they follow because of “fear for punishment, and not because they believe that it is right” (personal communication, October 20, 2012). Happiness is elusive too: “I have interviewed these children and none of them are happy. They may project high self-esteem, but they are very uncertain in discussing their goals and identity” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Hence, children of authoritarian students are not always happy and successful in their chosen fields, probably because of their reaction to their parents’ authoritarian control on their lives. Permissive parents may be too lenient, although they can raise self-assured and disciplined students too. Permissive parenting has little rules and demands; these parents are very responsive to their children’s emotional needs (Shaffer, 2009, p. 378). The idea is to give their children the autonomy to find their identities and happiness (Bernstein, 2011, p. 369). Their children can have different attitudes, depending on how they perceive their parents’ disciplinary measures or the lack thereof (Bernstein, 2011, p. 369). Block narrated that permissive parents tend to spoil their children because they do not have strict rules (personal communication, October 20, 2012). She said: “They are extremely responsive to the needs of their children. They want to give almost everything that their children want” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Permissive parents do not expect their kids to follow rules well because they are seen as having “low self-control” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). These parents want their children to see them as “friends more than as parents” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Block explained that the effects of permissive parenting on children’s behaviors vary from being sociable and happy to being insecure and not being independent (personal communication, October 20, 2012). She said: “Some children are doing quite well. They are happy, sociable, and assertive. They do well in school too” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). She noted that: “Others are not doing so well. They have become too assertive to respect authority. They are very reliant on their parents too” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). These different sources show the potential of permissive parenting to raise successful children who do well in school, although too much spoiling can result to children who do not have the capabilities needed to have good emotional skills in life. Neglectful parents tend to raise children with high aggression and other social and cognitive problems. Shaffer (2009) stressed that uninvolved parents are either overwhelmed of their responsibilities, or they are inherently not responsive to their children (p.378). Block argued that neglectful parents demand nothing from their children because they do not really give anything to them (personal communication, October 20, 2012). She said: “I interviewed one father who says it is enough to just give the basic needs to his children. He says that it is all they need in life because it’s up to them who they will be.” She believed that he said this because: “He is focused on his work and loves his high-powered career as a lawyer” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). These are parents who are not emotionally involved and concerned of their children’s overall development. Shaffer (2009) noted that by age 3, children of uninvolved parents have high aggression levels and externalizing behaviors through tantrums (p.378). In the class, they are more likely to be disruptive and have poor grades because of their behaviors (Shaffer, 2009, p. 378). Block observed that most children of neglectful parents have learning and behavioral problems. She stressed: “I believe though that they have learning problems because of their behavioral problems. Some of them look tough, but they are very distant to others that you know that they are hiding inside a shell.” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). She added: “This alienation impacts their ability to learn at school” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Shaffer (2009) mentioned that some of these children become hostile and rebellious adolescents with no long-term goals in life and become involved in substance abuse (p. 378). Block explained other rare circumstances, however: “Other neglected children have found sanctuary with their grandparents or aunts and uncles, so they don’t always experience the same behavioral or learning problems as others” (personal communication, October 20, 2012). Most cases, however, show negative consequences on the social, emotional, and mental abilities of children with neglectful parents (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). These secondary and primary sources agree that neglectful parenting is bad for children because they need love and guidance to grow properly. Authoritative parenting, most likely because it balances warmth and control attitudes, tends to raise happy, sociable, and high-achieving children. Kail and Cavanaugh (2010) offered a summary on the common parenting styles from Baumrind’s original study. It mentioned recent studies that showed that authoritative parenting is best in most situations, and that authoritative parents raise dependable and self-reliant children with good school grades (Kail & Cavanaugh, 2010, p. 250). Using several studies, Bernstein (2011) indicated that authoritative parenting is effective in raising children with positive attitudes and prosocial behaviors (p.369). Authoritative parents provide their children the leeway to develop their identities, based on their emerging abilities and personalities (Bernstein, 2011, p. 369). Baldwin, McIntyre, and Hardaway (2007) studied the relationship between perceived parenting styles and levels of optimism in undergraduate college students. Their sampling had sixty-three participants. Baldwin, McIntyre, and Hardaway (2007) learned that both perceived maternal and paternal authoritative styles enhanced their children’s optimism, but not the authoritarian style. They added that authoritative parents use modeling to show optimism to their children, where it pertains to showing good behaviors in managing conflict and in communicating with others. Baldwin, McIntyre, and Hardaway (2007) stressed that fathers have a large role to play in shaping positive behaviors among children. Authoritative parenting does not only concern mothers but fathers too. These studies suggest the importance of being responsive enough to children’s diverse physical, emotional, social, and intellectual needs. Authoritative parents want to respond to these needs and try to extend their influences, where they can. However, they also allow their children to grow and to learn from their mistakes (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Authoritative parenting is not the perfect science for the best parenting style, but existing studies show the promise of balancing discipline and love in raising good children. Weiten, Dunn, and Hammer (2012) underlined that these studies on parenting styles are all correlational studies and cannot argue that parenting style directly caused positive effects on children’s attitudes and behaviors. Authoritative parenting cannot always cause high self-esteem, in the same way that permissive parenting can always produce low self-esteem (Weiten, Dunn, & Hammer, 2012, p. 169). Weiten, Dunn, and Hammer (2012) emphasized that cultural differences and traditions can impact the effectiveness of parenting styles (Weiten, Dunn, & Hammer, 2012, p. 169). Bernstein (2011) agreed with Weiten et al. (2012) and noted the limitations of these studies, including their inability to find cause-and-effect connections and they did not sufficiently include the individual traits of children in their research designs. He emphasized that the fit between parenting style and children’s individual traits will determine the best parenting style. Context and individual factors shape the best parenting style. Several more studies contextualize the effectiveness of authoritative parenting. Block explained that the children of authoritative parents tend to be disciplined and socially active. She said: “Some children get very high grades in school and are class leaders. They are very independent. They also report high levels of happiness and self-esteem” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Block underlined that these children are sociable and tend to be great leaders. Block argued that the best parenting style is either the authoritative or permissive parenting style. She said: “It depends on the family dynamics and their culture. It also depends on the traits of the child. Some children need more discipline so they are better off with authoritative parents, while others grow more under the wings of permissive parents” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). In the end, the best parenting style is flexible and depends on various factors: “The best parenting style fits the needs and personalities of the children and what their parents or other adults can provide to them” (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Evans (2012) agreed with Clock (2012), as the former summarized the findings of a study from Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. This study showed that authoritative parenting is best for adolescents because the latter want some space to exert their free will and to make decisions on their own. Evans (2012) noted that children from permissive and authoritarian parents experienced emotional problems, including anxiety and depression. Evans (2012) also explained the characteristics of authoritative style, including their communication and decision-making styles, which may be the reasons why it is effective for children who want democratic rules. Bornstein and Zlotnik (2009) agreed that authoritative parenting is the most successful parenting style in raising socially responsible and successful children, at least among European American children. They observed that the particular characteristics of authoritative parenting are related to the outcomes for these children, where the main point is that these parents are more equipped to manage stress and to discipline their children in a way that does not discourage their growth as individuals. As mentioned, authoritative parents can serve as good models for good communication, interpersonal, and discipline skills. In terms of attachment theory, they nurture their children enough to make them feel secure in the world. They prepare them to be independent by guiding them toward their talents and abilities. Moreover, authoritative parents share power with their children, who later develop the responsibility of handling power. These children understand that power means accountability for their actions and the consequences thereof (B. Clock, personal communication, October 20, 2012). Authoritative parenting has components that help children learn positive values and practices in life. Numerous parents want to know the best parenting style, in order to be better parents and to maximize the best futures for their children. Based on these studies, authoritative parenting is the best style because it offers a balance between discipline and warmth. It is the middle way between permissive and authoritarian parenting. Authoritative parenting is not the only successful parenting approach, nevertheless, and parents should also consider social and individual factors. Parenting, after all, is a product of social forces too, and an interaction between parents and children, who have personalities of their own. References Baldwin, D.R., McIntyre, A., & Hardaway, E. (2007). Perceived parenting styles on college students' optimism. College Student Journal, 41(3), 550-557. Bernstein, D.A. (2011). Essentials of psychology (5th ed). California: Wadsworth/Cengage. Bornstein, M.H., and Zlotnik, D. (2009). Parenting styles and their effects. In J.B. Benson (Ed.), Social and emotional development in infancy and early childhood (pp.280-293). California: Academic Press. Evans, W. (2012, April 1). Authoritative parenting' is best for young adults, studies say. Deseret News. Retrieved from http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765565085/Authoritative-parenting-is-best-for-young-adults-studies-say.html?pg=all Kail, R.V., & Cavanaugh, J.C. (2010). Human development: A life-span view (5th ed.). California: Wadsworth/Cengage. Shaffer, D.R. (2009). Social and personality development (6th ed.). California: Wadsworth/Cengage. Weiten, W., Dunn, D.S., & Hammer, E.Y. (2012). Psychology applied to modern life: adjustment in the 21st century (10th ed.). California: Wadsworth/Cengage. Read More