Understanding my Sexuality - Term Paper Example

?Running head: UNDERSTANDING MY SEXUALITY Understanding my sexuality (school) Understanding my Sexuality Self-awareness encompasses the awareness of one’s sexuality. This awareness is often based on a person’s distinct acknowledgment of one’s sexual orientation and comfort in one’s sexuality. For the most part, our sexuality is often clearly defined by our physiology – male or female – however, science and society has already acknowledged the presence of other sexual orientations, mostly not dependent on biological features. With these considerations, this paper now seeks to establish my understanding of my sexuality. For those who are in the helping professions, it is important for them to be self-aware. This paper now seeks to assist me in looking into my sexuality and the development of my sexual values. Its overall goal is to help me gain awareness of my sexuality, sexual development and sexual values and how such values were obtained. This paper is being carried out in order to establish a clear and comprehensive understanding of sexuality as it applies to my situation and personal understanding. I grew up in a conventional family set-up with one set of parents, and siblings – one brother and one sister, myself being the middle child. I was closest to my older brother who was my greatest confidante, but I was also close to my mother. My sister was closest to my parents. For the most part however, we were more or less tightly knit as a family unit. Our parents showed affection to their children through hugs, pats on our backs, kisses, and with words like, “good job,” “I love you,” “I miss you,” “be careful,” and similar phrases. We showed our affection to our parents by telling them we loved them and giving them hugs and kisses. No emotions were censored in our homes as we were encouraged to be affectionate with each other and also to openly express our anger, disappointment, embarrassment, and fears. Our parents resolved their arguments by talking with each other. First they would argue loudly about an issue and then would not talk to each other at all. This would go on for days, and then one of them would bring the issue up. Eventually, they often just agree to compromise or to come to a more agreeable resolution of the issue. Arguments among us siblings are often not as easily resolved as we would also argue loudly first and then not talk to each other for days. Eventually, after days, even weeks of cold-shouldering each other, we end up talking with each other, but not about the issue at all. In this way, some of the issues do not get resolved at all. With our parents, we usually end up just following their rules and their decisions on issues even if we do not agree with their decisions. We trust their judgment on most matters and we trust that even if we do not agree with their decisions that these are for our future benefit. My parents’ marriage is enduring. It is also full of compromise and is very much open to communication. When we were growing up, we would hear our parents argue all the time and these arguments mostly revolved around financial aspects, household chores, and matters related to our discipline and rearing. But we noted how they eventually tried their best to resolve their issues as soon as possible and how they were considerate of each other’s feelings on the issues. They were very affectionate with each other as we often saw them kiss, hug, and hold hands. They both liked the same music and same books, but they often did not agree with movies to watch as my father went more for war and western movies and our mother favored dramas and comedies. My father was also very much into sports and my mother liked going shopping. These interests were subjects of their arguments when we were growing up, but they eventually agreed to allow each other atleast one time a week to explore their separate interests. I realized I was a boy when I was in my first grade when we were grouped as boys and girls. I did not understand the grouping at first but when I saw that we were given different toys – the girls were given dolls and stuffed toys and us boys were given toy soldiers and toy cars – I realized that we were different from the other gender. I observed that during my childhood years, when I played with my friends in school, the girls were the “mother” and the boys were the “father.” In playing house, the girls were often the ones who “cooked the food”, while the boys were the ones who went to “work”. I was a sometimes also the “doctor” or the “soldier” in these play acting activities. When I was growing up, I admired my teachers very much. I remembered how I would often insist to my parents that I needed to do some things a certain way because “teacher said so.” As I grew into my adolescent years, this admiration shifted to rock singers and action stars. I first learned about sex from my parents when I was 7 years old when I asked them where babies came from. What they told me though was very vague and was insufficient to educate me well about sex. I had a more crude understanding of sex from my friends when I was about 12 years old when they started discussing about sexual intercourse and their crushes. My father gave me a more clear and accurate discussion on sex when I was about 13 years old. I played gender-oriented roles with my siblings while playing “war” or in the case of my sister, by playing “house.” I sometimes also played these games with my playmates in the neighborhood. I now feel that these games fit me into a gender stereotype, telling me how males and females should behave and what they should be in the future. The sexual double standard affected my gender development as it gave me fixed expectations of gender roles, teaching me that girls were meant to stay at home – or be mothers, nurses, or school teachers while boys were meant to be soldiers and providers for the family. I received sexual education in school when I was in junior high school and we discussed about the male and female reproductive system and about sexual intercourse. I learned about how males and females reached sexual maturity, how babies were conceived, and how to prevent the conception of babies and the transmission of sexually-transmitted diseases. These information helped paint a clear and accurate picture of sex and the reproductive system. I first started dating at the age of 14. My first few dates were awkward as my date and I did not know how to go about “dating.” After a few more dates, I learned how to be more comfortable and to make the activity less awkward. I started sexual touching and sexual play during dates when I was about 15 years old. It took a while for me to get comfortable with such activities, but eventually I did. Sex and sexuality is more or less a comfortable topic for me to discuss. Among friends and other individuals nearer to my age, I am more comfortable discussing sex; however, with older individuals and with my parents and siblings, I am less comfortable discussing sex. I can discuss sex with my partner and can tell my partner what I like and dislike about sex and sexual activity. I feel comfortable being touched in a nonsexual way as I have grown up in an affectionate environment. With a partner I have gotten to know and have grown comfortable with, I feel comfortable being touched in a sexual way. I have not had sexually transmitted diseases at all, but my partner (and with others I have had sexual encounters with) and I have always taken the proper precautions to prevent transmission of these diseases. I would describe myself as a sexual person who is comfortable in my sexuality. Sex is important to me as an expression of affection and as a means of establishing a deeper connection with someone. Beyond that, sex is not an important exploration for me. Affection is important also as a genuine expression of care for someone I love and someone close to me. Commitment in a relationship is also important to me in the sense that I cannot enter into sexual relations with someone I am not committed to and someone not committed to me. My ideal mate is someone whom I share similar values with, someone who can be with me during the tough and challenging times. I have more or less found these qualities in the relationship I have now. In terms of sexual values, I feel that contraception should be a major point of discussion for any couple. I feel that it is a decision all couples must discuss and agree on. I have strong feelings against abortion, that it should not be made legal. I also feel that only under limited circumstances can the morning after pill be used. I feel that pre-marital sex must be a personal and responsible choice and undertaking for any individual. Couples can live together outside of marriage, but it must be something they both agree on as a couple. It must not be a lopsided commitment. Nevertheless, in a live-in situation, both couples must have strong commitments to the relationship and their roles in the relationship. I do not agree with sexual encounters outside a committed relationship or marriage because it is a violation of the commitment to the relationship. It is not ever the right thing to do because it degrades the commitment into something trivial and the sexual act into a thing sought for sexual pleasure alone. I would never pay money to have sex or accept money for having sex. It is below my dignity and it is a trivialization and commercialization of the sexual act. In the same vein I also believe that it is not acceptable to accept gift or pay bills for engaging in sexual activity. My attitudes about sexual orientation affects my sexual behavior in the sense that I sometimes expect some people to behave according to gender-defined roles. When topics in public turn to sexual orientation, I am mostly comfortable with it. I do not have issues about people’s sexual orientation. I believe that these are personal choices which people must be respected for. I do not worry about being considered attractive by someone whose orientation is different from mine; I would find it flattering, but I know it is something I would not act on. These beliefs have mostly been the product of my parents’ teachings. They have always encouraged us to make our judgment about other people beyond the superficial trappings of society. My education has also not been restrictive in terms of sexual values. My religion has taught me to consider sex as something which transcends the physical plains. These teachings and orientations combined have shaped my current understanding of my sexuality. Read More