Relationship Infidelity - Article Example

?Running head: Relationship Cheating Relationship Cheating [Institute’s Jealousy, infidelity and deception are a real problem in most relationships. The psychological and social consequences are often devastating and may even become a public health problem if not treated on time. The commercial and scientific literature is varied and wide since these have become controversial issues, social, psychological and even religious. Although many clinical health areas have been devoted to understanding these issues, yet they are treated lightly at conferences and institutions, often being left aside without considering that they are true "monsters" accepted lightly by sympathy and up causing innocent mischief. The reality is that there are various opinions regarding these issues and even these, apparently, were not studied as sensitive issues. Jealousy, infidelity and deception are often treated depending upon the style of the couple and beliefs of each society. Different studies of various communities as swinger, polyamorous, polygamists and others have provided different views and approaches to the understanding of these issues. This paper is going to look at the definition of infidelity and the different views people have regarding the issue. The paper will further look into the differences between men and women regarding their stance and possibility of cheating on their partners. Furthermore, the paper will describe the causes that are usually termed to be responsible for a person doing acts of infidelity. Relationship Cheating Introduction Infidelity has started becoming extremely common in marriages and it is estimated that the lifetime prevalence for extramarital affairs in the US range from 20% to 40%, depending on the age and gender of the deceiver (Atkins, Marin, Lo, Klann, & Hahlweg, 2010). We can define infidelity as the breaking of a contract, agreement, implied or explicit covenant, in which one of the two members of a pair has some kind of relationship with a third person. While this may sound very clear, sometimes the limits of what is considered infidelity varies from person to person. There are many people who think that infidelity is not committed unless the person has had sex with someone other than his partner; they do not count kisses and romance. On the other hand there are those extremists who feel that just thinking or fantasizing being with another person is enough to commit an infidelity. The fundamental issue to talk about infidelity is the breach of the contract that had been established. This contract is rarely made ??explicit, often implicit in most cases and in it, both partners often agree to maintain a sexual link and emotional exclusivity. When this contract between the two is broken or breached, the deceived person calls into question the trust and word of the deceiver, damaging the relationship. The confidence of the people is what is the most injured after an infidelity is discovered; the deceived person will have difficulties in believing and trusting again when not complied with what they had agreed on. The psychological and social consequences are often devastating (Wilson, Mattingly, Clark, Weidler, & Bequette, 2011). A point to remember is that these contracts are implicit arrangements – they are rules that are accepted by both members, where exclusivity is usually a common factor in most relationships. There are also couples that have between them a different type of a contract, for instance swingers. These people do not have any kind of sexual restrictions placed on each other. For example their implicit contract states that they are allowed to have sex with others and whomsoever they want to. In every relationship there are always things that are permitted or forbidden. The problem arises when the rules are not clear to one or both member or when one violates or breaks the contract. Difficulties also arise or problems when there are misunderstandings, the case where one thought one thing and another something different. One more issue that needs mention is that infidelity has become easier with the advent of cell phones and internet (Singh, Singh, & Goyal, 2008). Before proceeding further it is important to clarify the definition of infidelity that will be used for this paper. Most of the studies share the idea that infidelity is understood as an immoral act or having a sexual relationship with someone other than your partner in marriage or another committed relationship. Fidelity, infidelity: Etymology of words Both words derive from the word Faith, which in turn derives from the Latin word fides, which has among its meanings: faith, trust, credit, good faith, word. Its use is recorded since the year 1140. The word faithful has also been derived from that. Fidelity is accuracy in performing something, or agreement. The unfaithful person is one who neglects his commitments, whatever promises are. Cheating is to believe something that is not true; it is to see something different from how it is. For most couples what hurts most is deception, not so much the action per se. This is to avoid the consequences of a potential confrontation and conflict between partners and therefore mainly deceives the couple. Infidelity is closely related to deception, and that infidelity is lack of accuracy, really. The unfaithful person is a subject that does not express inexact truth or reality, and that is cheating. Jealousy, deception and infidelity are generally linked, because many people are not honest about their attraction to other agreements and unilaterally break their monogamous to having secret. In open relationships it is found that swingers specifically do not involve "deception". This certainly does not imply swinger infatuation with its external relations, but in the style of polyamory if there is affective involvement and the person is committed in all their relationships. Infidelity and Gender Currently studies on gender are being advanced and have provided important information to think about the construction of identity. This section will try to point out the similarities and differences between men and women in relation to infidelity. Infidelity is usually associated more with males than with females (Vail-Smith, Whetstone, & Knox, 2010). The males in all cultures (Brand, Markey, Mills, & Hodges, 2007) and in all times were more unfaithful than women, although infidelity is now becoming increasingly common among females. Western urban societies note that percentages tend to be mated yet levels of deception and infidelity are lower in women. Women have come a long way socially in terms of recognizing their rights, but discrimination still exists - in some cases it is marked and at other times is more subtle. Yet social pressure does not allow women to live sexually as freely as man. Women from traditional social values usually can only enjoy their sexuality in a monogamous relationship. Typically it is argued that men are unfaithful by nature and infidelity is in their genes and characteristics. While this may be true in a sense, it is also true that social acceptance and permissiveness that some societies have about male infidelity promote it. Considering this point it is understandable if we say that men have an increased sexual facility from the biological standpoint and they can be more quickly prepared to have sex than women. While sexual disposition varies individually and even for the same person at different times, usually sexual response, arousal and preparation of the genitals for sexual intercourse occurs more rapidly in men than in women. From the social point of view we can say that man has a social facilitation for infidelity and deceit that women normally do not. There have been brothels since time immemorial where men have been going to get sexual pleasures. Currently men have saunas, cabarets, brothels, cinemas and so on, where they can find sex for money. Although such kinds of places do exist for women as well they are relatively few and it is the men who are the largest consumer of such a kind of service. Besides, in our society, the image of a man cheating is tolerated better than when a woman cheats. If a wife cheats on her husband she is condemned and frowned upon. Men generally live infidelities differently from women. Women associate love and sex closely while men do not think that there has to be necessarily any relation between love and sex. If a woman cheats on her husband with another man on the basis of being sexually attracted to him, she is condemned. However, this very same excuse proves to be a valid and very common reason for several men. The male specie has more social permission to enjoy their sexuality while the women still have certain restrictions and although they may open their doors of sexual pleasure they are still confined to enjoy it within a stable relationship or a marriage. One of the main reasons that lead men to be unfaithful is simply that they want sex. This cause is very masculine and hardly a woman would cheat on her husband just because she wants sex. Men can go out and have a casual one night stand but this is not very likely with women. And males are not even socially condemned for having such meetings. In fact, they do not even feel a lot of guilt in doing such an act. Women, on the other hand, are generally frowned upon by society if they indulge in such acts and have to live with a lot of guilt and internal questioning. For women who are unfaithful the main justification is usually love and sex comes much later on, while it is the opposite in the case of men. When women get into relationships they normally look for love, containment and affection rather than a passing adventure. When they fall in love with another man they want to end their relationship with their husband. On the other hand, when men have extra marital affairs they are much reluctant to end their marriage. Apparently, women cannot share their love with two people but men find that easy. Also, generally women get more anguished by their husbands falling in love with another woman than if they just have sex. The reverse is normally true of the men. Besides that, men are also less likely to forgive their partners for sexual infidelity as compared to women (Gunderson & Ferrari, 2008). One more thing to be considered is that men are more suspicious of their partners’ future infidelity as compared to the women, and this could be because they themselves are more likely to commit such an act and expect their partner to as well (Goetz & Causey, 2009). However, snooping on their partner was found to be more common among females than males (Derby, Knox, & Easterling, 2012). Causes of Infidelity The causes that lead to infidelity are many and people try to note simply the most frequent ones (McAnulty & Brineman, 2007). Sexual Dissatisfaction A very important reason behind people going for sexual infidelity is that they are not satisfied with their partners (Whisman & Snyder, 2007). Boredom and Routine Task This is one of the most common reasons that people claim to be the main motivation that impel them to infidelity. Feeling slightly bored with their partner or relationship can make them want to seek other connections to reduce the boredom of their lives. This cause is usually for the ones who need constant stimuli and cannot find or generate sufficient incentives in their relationships, which leads them to look into another. Vanity This can be an important motivation in people with narcissistic traits that they constantly need to seduce others. Vanity and pride of being attractive and wanting to be in the race to win power over other people lead to the person committing constant infidelities. They only want to raise and maintain their ego with no intention of separating from their partner (Hunyady, Josephs, & Jost, 2008). Lack of Control Many simply state that the reason behind them indulging in infidelity was that they could not help it, or the attraction towards the person was very strong (Pronk, Karremans, & Wigboldus, 2011). “For Once” This is also a very common excuse people committing infidelity make. It seems that to them the number of times minimizes the fact that they are doing something wrong. However, the most striking fact is that this belief still appears even if the person is on their way to the wrong act for the eighth time. “Just does not have to learn” A large majority of the people feel that their partner is never going to find out that they were cheated upon. The truth, however, is that in many cases this is not true and the people learn about the deception. “Everybody does it” This is another common justification that is put forward for infidelity. The belief is that if everyone does it why can I not do it too. And those who believe in such an excuse being valid enough tend to see infidelity everywhere. They remember movies and stories from friends where infidelity is the issue and they keep a track of the relationships of the people they know and prove that they also do this thus it is justifiable. “The word loyalty does not exist in my vocabulary” This belief is normally pronounced and sustained by males and refers to the failure to agree with certain exclusivity. People with such a belief though may be in a relationship and bond, they do not share the idea of possession or exclusive relationships. Sometimes they may be honest and share this belief with their partner, but most of the time they only confide in friends regarding this issue. As long as they have this belief they will continue to have all kinds of relationships, keeping their whereabouts hidden from their partners. Normally those who have a family and a mature thinking are faithful. “Men are like that” With this allegation the human nature tends to support the idea of them being what nature made them and it cannot be changed. They feel that everyone should simply accept this fact. With this argument is the fairly widespread belief sustained from different disciplines like psychology, anthropology and sociology, all trying to justify infidelity. It is found that the male specie is statistically more unfaithful than women, but this data can draw different conclusions and it can be argued that it is a matter of nature or characteristic of men. It is true that in many cases the “alleged human nature” serves to justify infidelities in many people, particularly in males. “While I am not emotionally involved all good” There are people who think that as long as they are not involving their emotions in the physical relationship there is no problem. Their belief is that they can indulge in occasional out of marriage relations while the link is primarily sexual. If feelings start to emerge the situation would make them unmanageable. “He/She would also” Several people have this belief too but it can only be justified in the case of their partner also having the intention of deceiving the person. The thinking seems to be that “whoever strikes first strikes twice”. Such people prefer to anticipate a scenario or in some cases simply use this as an excuse to get rid of the guilt that they might be feeling, claiming that there is equity anyway because the other party would have acted likewise in the same condition. “I am just giving back what he/she made me” Here the major motivation behind infidelity is revenge or trying to match a relationship by the infidelity of their partner. Such infidelities made in the form of “return favors” may be due to different reasons, such as the desire for justice, revenge or spite, but can also be a way to realize a desire to act like their partner did. Personality Traits of Deceivers It is difficult to characterize an infidel because anyone can potentially reach that position. However, those who are consistently unfaithful their features are a little more defined. Also, it should be noted that although people have traits and characteristics more or less stable, it is also true that we all go through periods or times of change and fluctuations. Generally infidelity appears in such phases or moments of change, which makes it difficult to speak of the “personality of the deceiver” and it is better to talk about features or trends that frequently appear in these periods. Overall, male and female infidels have a rather extrovert personality and they tend to be sociable and popular. Such people tend to avoid confrontation and solving problems related to emotional issues or their partner. The unfaithful are usually the ones who prioritize their needs and wants over their partner. Such people avoid commitments and responsibilities or feel like it would cost them. Those infidels who are responsible do feel guilty compared to those who are irresponsible. Those who get caught up in infidelity or deception may be going through a stage of low self-esteem, or feel ugly, unelected, undervalued, and can choose to solve these problems through an affair, raising their self-worth by their achievements. These people score high on anxiety tests (Fish, Pavkov, Wetchler, & Bercik, 2012). They are insecure and to compensate for that feeling they indulge in infidelity (Bogda & Sendil, 2012). Usually they are nice people and in general have adequate social management. Those people who cheat systematically have a double life. They may have a problem of personality traits such as narcissistic, psychopathic or abusers (Hunyady, Josephs, & Jost, 2008). For others, the state of infidelity can become their ideal life, and they get stability and containment through affairs. They have passion and become an adventure lover. Sometimes the unfaithful are trapped in a triangle - On one side is the partner who gives security and meaning to the family and on the other is the lover who brings passion and freshness to their life. Overall, the deceiver obtains two different things and sometimes fantasizes about having aspects that are separated in each or integrated in one person. Internet Infidelity Infidelity is the great fear of every couple, and today we live surrounded by technology, the art of deception is transformed and used as the transmission channel. The Internet, in particular is a breeding ground, or rather, a new field of action by which the, or cheating, can give free rein to their instincts not only stay with a partner (Wysocki & Childers, 2011). The deceiver will think everything was on the keyboard and the monitor and no real meeting is saved. However, the intent is the same, falsehood is the same, and the damage generated in the official partner and family and those around them is the same. No damage, as in the traditional infidelity. References Atkins, D. C., Marin, R. A., Lo, T. Y., Klann, N., & Hahlweg, K. (2010). Outcomes of couples with infidelity in a community-based sample of couple therapy. Journal Of Family Psychology, 24(2), 212-216. Bogda, D., & Sendil, G. (2012). Investigating Infidenility Tendency and Conflict Management Based on Attachment Styles And Gender. Electronic Journal of Social Sciences, 11(40), 205-219. Brand, R. J., Markey, C. M., Mills, A., & Hodges, S. D. (2007). 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