He Said, She Said - Essay Example

HUMAN COMMUNICATION: CASE OBSERVATION AND ANALYSIS Human communication is an important part of human development and human relations. However, as humans do have different separations between each other that identify their individuality, there appears to be a series of roadblocks to communication that exists as practical hindrance to good communication between human individuals. Communication roadblocks could be identified to fall into three major divisions. These include judging, sending solutions, and avoiding other’s concerns. These three divisions are then subdivided into few more 12 subsections. At some point, these destructive procedures of communication at times happen when two persons are in a discussion that is involving problems or personal troubles. Because of the tension that is usually built up due to the problem being talked about, the sense of right reasoning is usually lost because of the lack of understanding that exists due to the tension. To be able to understand everything, the twelve roadblocks should be discussed herein in a clearer pattern:
Judging
Criticizing
This is the way by which a person intends to manipulate the thinking of the other person through questioning the attitudes of the other. Not only that, the situation usually aggravates the questioning of the attitude of the other towards the other person. Robert Bolton comments on the matter saying: “Many of us feel we need to be critical, or other people will never improve we make a negative evaluation of the other person, for his or her actions, or attitudes.” (1999)
The attitude of man to even aggravate the situation being faced by the other because of some emotional attachment to the issue makes this particular roadblock an effective way of stopping or heating up a particular conversation.
Name-calling
At some point, when people get pissed off because of a heated conversation, they tend to course the other or at times they name-call the others with insulting titles that makes it hard for the other party of communication to understand clearly what is happening. The result then leads to a more aggravated heated conversation. Bolton further adds, “Name calling and labeling usually have negative overtones to both the sender and receiver. Labeling prevents us from getting to know ourselves and other individuals.” (1999)
Diagnosing
At some point, when people argue over something, they become too much sensitive with how the other reacts upon a certain situation or how a person intends to talk back to them. The sensitiveness results to diagnosis of the reaction of the other and the way of speech that he or she uses within the conversation. Instead of simply listening to what the person says, reading between the lines becomes another way of decoding the bodily message of the person who is speaking. Another comment from Bolton reads: “We analyze why a person is behaving as he or she is. Playing amateur psychiatrist. Diagnosing is a form of labeling. Instead of listening to the substance of what a person is saying, some people play emotional detective."
Praising Evaluatively
Praising others with the good things that they do is not wrong. However, praising them with hidden motives of insulting them is a major roadblock in communication. Particularly, people tend to do this through disposing the message in double meaning. This procedure of speaking is made through over-praising that is usually based on fraudulent backgrounds.
Sending Solutions
Sometimes, when two people are talking to each other, they have the tendency of giving each other an advice, which they think, is necessary for the situation being dealt with by the other. However, it appears that at times, listening is better than giving one’s opinion on the matter at all. It could be observed through this that the importance of listening is really appreciated during times of low emotional situations of other people.
Ordering and Threatening
Most likely, when a person gets overwhelmed with a situation whereas another close person is involved with, he tends to create a possibility by which he could fix the situation for the other person. He intends to order the other to take some steps and later on threaten him with the consequences that might face him if he does not follow the orders given to him. The motive is good indeed but the process of sending the proposed help for the other is wrong making the conversation less refreshing than expected.
Moralizing and excessive Questioning
To straighten up the path of the other, one tends to moralize him through giving him advices, which he thinks would help him clean up possible mess that he made. Aside from this; excessive questioning regarding the situation even makes the moralization procedure a bit more irritating as it intends to increase the tension, which is already felt by the other person.
Advising
As mentioned earlier, at times, a person simply needs somebody who would be ready to listen to him. Consequently not all who are becoming the confidant of others realize this. Hence, they tend to advice the person of what should be done, when actually it is not that necessary. The confusion then occurs and the disagreement develops. Bolton again says: “We give the other person a solution to their problems. The advice-giving trap is a rather constant temptation to us, and we find we are most apt to give in to it when someone we love talks over a problem with us…Advice is often a basic insult to the intelligence of the other person. It implies a lack of intelligence in the capacity of the person with the problem to understand and cope with their own difficulties…another problem with advice is that the advisor seldom understands the full implications of the problem, the complexities, the feelings, and other factors that lie hidden beneath the surface.” (1999). Yes, sometimes, people already know what to do; they just need somebody to hear them out.
Avoiding other’s concerns
Diverting
Sometimes when people are so eager to share something, they tend to talk and talk and talk. When it is the time of the other to talk, they intend to divert the conversation back to where they started and talk about their own story again. To many, this is quite insulting especially because it denotes that the other is not really that interested in listening to what the other person has to say.
Logical Argument
To display intelligence, some tent to be sarcastically logical in evaluating the conversation. Primarily this would insult the other speaker making the conversation less productive. Moreover, these comments are less emotionally concerned. People tend to talk and talk continuously without actually giving concern to what the others are saying.
Reassuring
At some point, when someone becomes the confidant of a certain person, he feels the need of being able to be of help with the person and the situation that he is dealing with. He then tends to help the other by reassuring him when actually he fears of the pressure placed upon his responsibility because of the conversation.
These twelve roadblocks to effective conversation certainly make it harder for people to resolve the problems that they are dealing with. In the case that involved Marie, Lenny and Mike, the intensified reason for their communication issues have been directly involving the different factors contributing to the relationship that they share with each other. Marie, being the mother of Lenny and the wife of Mike who thinks she knows the best things for her young son since she is the legitimate mother and disregards the fact that Mike to is a grown man and has been through the different things that her son Lenny is going through at present. On the other end, it could be noticed that Mike simply wants to be a part of the family and wants to have a say since he thinks he know what needs to be done so far simply because of the fact that he too is a man and has been a boy like Lenny is at present; however Marie’s putting him out of place actually makes him quite small and unable to do his real responsibility as Lenny’s step father. Lenny basically is a young man who is simply trying to live his life with his friends and enjoying his youth the way that he knows is best.
This family communication case could be solved only if the couple first try to sit down together and try to settle things especially about the way that they are to deal with disciplining young Lenny. Each should be able to establish their role as parents and not just as a couple living together. To talk to Lenny, both of Marie and Mike should call for a family meeting and tell Lenny how he should deal with matters of growing up and how he should see his responsibility in the family as the young man who is growing up to be a matured adult and as a member of the family.
References:
Kevin Hogan. (2000). Cant Get Through: 8 Barriers to Communication. Pelican Publishing Company.
Evelyn B. Dandy. (1991). Black Communications: Breaking Down the Barriers. African American Images; 1st ed edition.
John O. Burtis. (2005). Group Communication Pitfalls: Overcoming Barriers to an Effective Group Experience. Sage Publications, Inc. Read More