Conflict Management - Essay Example

Running Head: CONFLICT MANAGEMENT REFLECTIVE ESSAY Conflict Management Reflective Essay [Writer’s Name] [Institution’s Name] Conflict Management Reflective Essay Introduction Conflicts are considered to be normal and inevitable consequences of social and organizational life that no human society or social group exists that do not possess some conflict between the wishes of individuals. Research supports the notions that conflict is essential to development. Conflict is not necessarily destructive; Conflict can have constructive functions and may enhance the unity of a relationship if managed successfully. Many variables, including the type of relationship gender and age of partner, and situational factors (e.g., not agreeing on a particular point of view) may influence the nature of conflict. The conflicts that I have focused in this paper are with my sister and therefore I am particularly interested in sibling conflicts. The paper will give theories on sibling conflict as well. Sibling relationships are more complementary in nature, and thus, may contribute toward the development of leadership and teacher roles. In addition, sibling relationships play an important role in the development of self-identity. As with any close relationship, conflict between peers and siblings is inevitable. This assignment shall consist of an analysis of cases involving conflict with my sister. These cases are present in my personal journal. Analysis: Case 1 My first case of conflict was with my second elder sister. As she is elder she believes that she should have all the authority in our relationship. When things do not go her way she starts feeling that she is losing her power in the relationship, due this she starts insulting me and acting like a 4 year old. .It is a known fact that sibling relations consist of both intimacy and mismatched goals (Deutsch & Coleman, 2000). There are significant differences in how individuals approach conflict situations. However I knew that I would have to find a way to resolve this issue. So I decided to use assertiveness vs. aggression style of communication with my sister, as this would put me in a win- win situation. I knew very well that by being assertive would be able to put my point forth. So I decided to just walk away, fleeing from the situation would help me in getting prepared for other such conflicts. This can be described by Walter Cannon developed the 'fight or flight' theory of stress in 1932. Cannon theorized that when an organism sees a threat, the body becomes aroused and mobilizes the organism to either attack the threat or flee from it (Taylor, 1998). This theory believes that this method of dealing with stress is positive in some ways, as it allows the individual to be prepared. I knew very well that these kinds of conflicts may be able to provide an opportunity for persuasive negotiation later on as this would help in clarifying the difference in perspectives and thus come to a good solution (Howe etal 2002). This kind of negotiation is usually useful where active listening is required, as it allows broths parties to listen to each other carefully then speak as if they understand the other party’s problem. I knew that if I would be assertive at the time when she insults me I can later on use a win win style of conflict management. I wanted to wait for the right time to use this kind of conflict management as it requires all the issues to be discussed openly and both parties views are taken into consideration (Thomas 2002). My sister was basically using a destructive conflict approach. Destructive conflict is pretty self-explanatory. A group can deconstruct from the inside out. Constant complaining, personal insults, conflict avoidance, and loud arguments or threats all contribute to destructive conflict (Crater etal 2002). This kind of conflict gives rise to hostility, and the problem remains unresolved, while I preferred to use a positive approach, conflict which consists of reasoning, resolutions of conflicting objectives, and building strong relationships with peers and siblings (Crater etal 2002). This also helps in managing emotions and enhances active listening. I knew that at the time my sister was insulting me it was hard to show any active listening skills. Many theories have given many theories regarding conflict negotiation; each theory highlights the importance of the other party’s identity and different goals while managing relationships with them (Shantz & Hobart, 1989). I choose to ignore her and use a constructive conflict management style in order to develop to mutual understanding with my sister. I knew that my sister and I would always remain sisters, and so to resolve all misunderstandings I decided to use a constructive conflict management style. I knew that if I would act like she was then it would affect my entire family, as continuous sibling squabbling gives birth to an uncomfortable family environment. I knew that this was not end of my conflicts. I knew that my sister did not believe in this kind of management, and thus I knew that she would continue to use destructive conflict methods against me. Case two: Second conflict As given in the in the second situation which I recorded in my journal, a conflict arose because my sister gossiped about me to my cousin, this led to a conflict between my cousin and myself. This time I did not compromise. I thought that in this case no active listening was required. I think this is due to the fact that people consider the conflicts they are having from their own point of view. It is often difficult, particularly when both individuals are in the middle of a battle, for them to even try find out what their opponent’s motivations are, and to recognise the destructive outcomes of their actions. This is exactly what happened with me. I did not even try to listen to my cousin. I just shouted at him without even realizing what destructive results my actions would have. Thus here as mentioned before I did not even think of using a win win strategy. Later on I felt sorry about my actions. As like all combatants I presumed that my objective and actions were just at the time and thought it was good that I shouted at him. I realised later that this was not a productive approach and felt sorry. Since I considered my cousin’s opposition as egotistical and aggressive; I too used was not assertive I used an aggressive aggressive strategy. In short, my management of conflict in this case was related with a state of mind which was more towards destructive conflict and less towards compromise. Overt opposition is something which is quite common for people in conflict: acts which enable people to fulfil their goals mostly hinder the other’s goal attainment. This type of opposition mostly changes, and also gives rise to differences between both the parties. each person has a different way of handling conflict, and thus in some cases like mine aggressive or compassionate actions are returned accordingly, It may lead to successful negotiation or hostile behaviour. Some people take risks like I did with my cousin and this harms their relationship with the other party. I did not consider the interpersonal consequences, me and my cousin was blaming each other of wrongdoing and deride and not listening to each other’s arguments. According to Howe et al. (2002) the behaviour I mentioned was quite common in this kind of conflict management. Thus in this case I made quite a few mistakes, my conflict management was quite faulty and I risked the relationship with my cousin. I should used a lot of assertive listening and first asked my cousin what really happened. I should have used an assertive vs. aggressive strategy like I did in the first case. I let the emotions take the best of me. I exploded at my cousin without even listening to a word he said. Case 3 In my third case, my eldest sister tried to patch up things between me and my second sister she adopted strategies by which she could lessen the hostility by making both people meet and lessen the hostility . My sisters wanted both of us to give explanation for our positions and she made both us tell our side of the story. This helps opponents understand each other’s position and thus lessen the hostility. In this case my elder sister used her assertive listening skills to help us tackle the problem. I knew that here also I would have to remain calm. I used assertive vs. aggressive method of managing conflict. There is little reason to presume, nevertheless, that such negotiations will facilitate siblings to attain equally suitable conflict resolutions. In discussions, based on behaviours will most probably help the situation. The Memories of my second elder sister’s interpersonal actions were quite painful. My sister had given my eldest sister her own self-serving account of previous events will crying and thus she showed herself to be more innocent and hurt then the opponent. Our negations were not very successful as in order for conflict negotiations to be successful both parties have to accept a lot of changes in order to adjust to the new situation which has caused the conflict (Stein et al., 1994). Another complex factor in this case was is that the role of my sister related to the sibling conflict we were having are were basically facilitating my second eldest sister’s interpersonal behaviours. The fact that she was pregnant and like all females used tears in front of my sister meant that it bought about powerful role demands and behavioural expectations of my first eldest sister. Furthermore, the situation of this case which might have distinguished the different sibling positions which interfered with my conflict management i.e. position, responsibility, interpersonal insolence, capability or accomplishment As for the fact that my sister’s tears were quite a powerful tool , and might have affected the decision making of my elder sister . Thus here also I showed good conflict management skills. One can completely expect better prospective role conflicts for from my side in this case and an equally better indication of the traits of the relationship amongst me and my second eldest sister. In fact the fact that my sister was pregnant made her use this as a tool in the conflict resolution process, gain she was turning to destructive conflict management. Not only do siblings have the difficulty of integrating two rather incompatible relationship models, they are likely to be unskilled at implementing either. The complementary role requires maintenance and utilization of power, status and competence differences. The whole attitude of both my sisters showed that, without adult help, older siblings are typically reluctant and incompetent caregivers. They lack the skill to assert their superiority with subtlety, hence, younger siblings feel dominated and misunderstood. At best, this type of relationship between siblings results in overt calm and quiescence. With both my sisters in this case at worst, it led to authoritarian tactics, and resentment and resistance On the other hand, the fact that my sister involved my elder sister meant that she had lost all chances of having an extremely reciprocal relationship with me ., since the developmental inequalities related with ordinal differences, the both of us do not have are not of suitably equal ability or status to work together as friends . Like all sibling relationships, my eldest sister played a complementary roles, as she was the older sibling and was being something like a being the manager and teacher. In managing me as the younger child, one would expect my elder sister to use more commands and to condemn and complain the about my bad behaviour. Thus as my sister was the older sibling initiate more agonistic behaviours then my behaviour. I was supposed to resolve the conflict by accepting the manager role of my eldest sister and, so, they thought I would not react to her behaviour. .my conflict management in this case was quite good. Even thought my eldest sister got involved in the whole scenario One view of how individuals respond to conflict situations is that they tend to use a particular style as based on their personality or other individual factors. In this sense, I ordered my responses to conflict in a hierarchical fashion such that my most dominant style, as based on social or psychological characteristics, is the approach I used in reaction to this conflict episode. Of the four basic strategies for conflict handling, problem solving is considered as a constructive one because it copes with the conflict by taking both parties' preferences into account this is what my eldest sister tried to do but failed as she gave more importance to my other sister due to her pregnancy and crying. Therefore, research has paid a lot of attention on identifying situation that increase concern regarding the opponent’s objectives and thus, that support the inclination for problem solving as a means of conflict management. Rubin (1994) made sure that the need for the needs of the opponent is increased by interpersonal bonds like friendship supposed comparison and most significant to the present research. However in this case my eldest sister played a very important role in trying to resolve and manage the conflict. I believe that in this case, I and my elder sister both used a win win strategy. She also used her assertive listening skills to revolve the problem between us. Even though my sister acted like the victim I kept quite calm. After the incident with my cousin I had decided never to use an aggressive strategy, so I used an assertive vs. aggressive strategy. In conclusion conflict management is something which is important in every field of life. Conflict can also be positive; however the negative kind of conflict i.e. destructive conflict tends to spoil good relationships. In every case I was going through what is known as sibling conflict with my second eldest sister. I used up all my conflict management abilities to manage the situation, I used assertive listening, win win strategy and an assertive aggressive strategy but still I was unsuccessful. The reason behind this could be that I paid less heed to the kind of conflict her using. However it is safe to say that conflict management is something which has to be used a lot in sibling rivalry this is the most common kind of conflict and is present in every family. References Howe, N., Rinaldi, C., Jennings, M., & Petrakos, H. (2002).No! The lambs can stay out because they got cosies: Constructive and destructive sibling conflict, pretend play, and social understanding. Child Development, 73,1460 – 1473. Rubin, J. Z. (1994). Models of conflict management. Journal of Social Issues, 50, 33-45. Shantz, C. U., & Hobart, C. J. (1989). Social conflict and development. In T. J. Berndt & G. W. Ladd (Eds.), Peer relationships and development (pp. 71 – 94). New York: Wiley. Stein, N L., Trabasso, T., & Liwag, M. (1994). The Rashomon Phenomenon: Personal frames and future-oriented appraisals in memory for emotional events. In M. M.Haith, J. B. Benson, R. J. Roberts Jr., & B. F. Pennington (Eds.), The development of future-oriented processes (pp. 409 – 435). Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. Taylor, E. (2003), Stress, Health Psychology, pp 178-215, McGraw-Hill, New York. Thomas, Kenneth W., (2002), Introduction to Conflict Management. Mountain View, California: CPP. Read More