Personal Development Assessment - Essay Example

Personal Development Report Assessment Essay Introduction Personal development incorporates the activities that advances the identity and awareness, progresses the potential and talents, build human capital and facilitates employability enhances the quality of life and contributes to the realization of aspirations and dreams. The concepts are not limited to self-help but also include informal and formal activities for developing others, in roles such as guide, teacher, counselor, mentor, or coach. The initial impact in entering this new personal and professional development group was somehow different from the one I was used to in my foundation course. Even though I was in the same room painted the same colour and with a wall clock there were much to discuss and I sometimes hoped the time would move faster and at other times I was unaware that it even existed if the discussions got interesting. The familiar blue chairs were positioned in a conspicuous circle, in which the characters, with novel anxieties and anticipation of optimism, were accommodating, but I had yet to get introduced to so as to know their names. The familiar spacious room made me feel less anxious but the mutual feeling faded once the circle became almost completed and all the chairs were nearly occupied, except for two empty ones that I later understood were to be taken by two students who were to join the group the following week. The deafening silence during the first session was culpable and you could have heard a pin dropping. This made me feel uncomfortable than during the previously while in my foundation course and I was well aware of it, as in the past, I got into the mood of getting engulfed with it, but somehow I managed to overcome the fear of the silence and stayed put. While I made some concerted effort and the resisted the urge of making some conversation with my colleagues, I interestingly found silence peaceful. Just by staring at my colleagues was enough for me and as the effort made the time to move quickly and by the end of session I was able to recall the names of my colleagues’ but interesting enough, nothing else remained in my mind. As it takes ample time for any new group to make any progress in a new venture, the first two of our late afternoon meetings had nothing of important that happened. I was contented to know the other students and we shared with them the conventional conversations. At this stage two new members joined us but a third one was going to join the following week. I felt that until all the members of the group were present it would have been difficult for me to initiate any kind of course. I expressed my concern about trust, since I felt that the group was still very much disconcerted and I needed some time in order to feel more responsible. It so happened that in the next session Naomi joined the group but there was the absence of Costantinos, which made group incomplete. An interesting discussion arose which did not resonate well in me as I had experienced some difficulties, right from my past, of trying to please everyone and finding it impossible to say the ‘no’ word to anyone. The ‘no’ that I still struggle to say in particular towards the loved ones started to get reflected on me once more. I had this uncanny feeling that Michael was pushing the group to a next level but nevertheless, I felt some resistance by some members of the group that the trust that I was seeking for amongst the group was not there just yet. Finally after a few more sessions, everyone in the group was present but nonetheless, I felt that since there were new dynamics brought about by the presence of everyone, it failed to arouse or initiate any process but on the contrary I still found it difficult to connect well with the group. As far as I was concerned the PD was uneventful and it made me feel empty after the session. This time around the only sound I heard was the tic tock from the clock which slowly dragged the hour to an end. I walked back home that day with a mixed feeling of anger and disconnection towards the group, but unfortunately I was unable to gather where the feelings of anger emanated from but be it as it may, the sense of isolation and the feelings of anger stayed with me for a couple of days. After the uneventful PD group of the previous week and my demoralised I could not contain my discontent and for this reason I started the new session by expressing my dissatisfaction for the way the group was going and the futile use of the time that we had in our hands but nonetheless, I encouraged the group to strive to do something more meaningful out of it rather than what I termed as some ‘pub conversations’ As would be expected, the first reactions from some members of the group were not of ‘polite’ nature and I could see that some of them were offended by my words. On the other hand, some students intervened and expressed their discontent in the way the group was being used. After initiating that discussion I was compelled to disclose that for the group to have trust between us in the group there was the need for me to share with the group the anxious feelings which had been bothering me for last few days. I had an important appointment for a health check up the following week and the results were very significant since I had been suffering from nocturnal epilepsy for the last ten years, which had been difficult to accept but with time and lots of work and understanding I had managed to overcome cumbersomeness of the disease and lead a normal life. I was now presented with the examination which was going to be negative, and this was a very difficult decision to make, whether to stop medication or carry on taking it. It may appear an easy choice to make but the former needs to be taken into account the fact that I live alone and that the security of the free seizure maybe not be there if the medication is going to be stopped. While sharing it to the group the anxious feeling was still present but it was not overwhelming anymore, but I felt supported and somehow happy to share with them part of who I really am. My last group after returning from my sickness, I felt somehow I missed the group and I thought that after explaining to them the reason for my absence I then apologised. I was able to reconnect to what I felt as a fragile team that was just starting to get a sense of moving towards to a deeper understanding. Many of my colleagues started absenting themselves from sessions and this resulted in the group getting reduced to four people and this small number made it easier for them to open up and be able to gain some more trust amongst each other. In the next few sessions that followed I felt that the group was struggling again to find some new direction, and I someway got disconnected again and almost went back to the beginning of the journey. My physical and emotional presence was limited and again that sense of isolation and anger resurfaced in me. In our penultimate session before the Christmas break for the second time I made the group aware of my dissatisfaction in the way we were shifting again to territories that had little to do with our development. This second time around I felt that my remark was more understood appreciated instead of being criticised, probably because I was getting to know the group and thus was more confident in it. This initial discussion prompted Kirsthy to join in and agree, but what followed after this was an emotional turmoil that the group was trying to contain, and the empathic and I could not stop to think about the pain and the difficulties which she was going through after having her grandmother hospitalised, and with little chances to survive, and then having to deal in a daily basis with a mother suffering from depression and who harmed herself unknowingly by her constant suicidal attempts. It was not easy to listen to her ordeal and so many emotions run through my mind that it got me thinking about my mother and the documentary that we saw earlier in the day about the attachment theory in which a child was left for ten days without having the comfort and the presence of her mother. Emotions and an anxious feeling had overwhelmed me while I was watching the documentary and it made me feel vulnerable and lost, as I thought about her mother and my own story when at the age of two I was left for seven months in the care of my grandmother since my mum was required outside the country to look after my critically ill dad. On her return she found me but I could not recognise her and did no longer want to be with her. This story of great pain was well hidden away in my subconscious so much that I only managed to recall it when it was narrated to me in my late teenage. That sense of bereavement was present again that day and in the room and I was with the group and sharing the story was not as hurtful as sharing the pain that I felt at that present time but a warm empathic feeling from the group was enough for me to feel better. On my wayback home after the very intense and difficult day I was reflecting on of my relationships and the reason I chose to be close with certain people. I started to consider that in some of my important relationships I had been the initiator of disturbance so that I would re-encounter the same feelings of loss and pain. This thought is still on within me today and is something that I am constantly working on and I am aware that I will bring back to the group so as to explore the PD. Read More