Conflict Analysis Reflections - Essay Example

146192 As an international studying in United s of America, I have complex experiences to relate and one such experience is in the shape of Olek, my flatmate. Olek is Polish, a pianist, and we are bound by a year's contract. He is selfish, lazy, insensitive, and conniving to the point of criminality. He is part of my US home and we had been living with this conflict for sometime. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and he has to smoke inside. He has to play Mozart when I crave for my 5 hours' sleep. After 15 minutes of a thorough cleaning of kitchen, he has mess around. When I go home after a hard day, I have to pick up unending coffee cups, ash trays, cushions, close open windows, secure locks and switch off lights, before washing the used dishes, as I need them for cooking and eating. Actually they are my own and he does not have many earthy possessions. He would rather spend money on male perfume, pointed shoes and manicure. Karl Marx said: "For conflict theories, basic questions about a social structure are "Who gets what and why" http://www94.homepage.villanova.edu/peter.knapp/THgreats.htm Our conflict cannot come under philosophical, demonic, classical theories. It is definitely not ecological. It comes under the Functional theory and perhaps this kind of conflict is needed for the social functioning. Also it comes under Anomie theory, because both of us are confused about how to treat the other. "This meant that rules on how people ought to behave with each other were breaking down and thus people did not know what to expect from one another. Anomie, simply defined, is a state where norms (expectations on behaviors) are confused, unclear or not present. It is normlessness, Durkheim felt, that led to deviant behaviour" http://www.criminology.fsu.edu/crimtheory/week8.htm WILMOT HOCKER CONFLICT ASSESSMENT Triggering events that brought conflict into mutual awareness were his smoking inside flat, not cleaning, leaving used dishes all over, being unreasonable about buying things for flat, and arguing on every possible matter. According to him, they are my obsession with cleaning, tidiness, my overbearing desire to have my own way, shrill reaction to smoking and dominating behavior. Historical context on this ongoing relationship, could be from my point of view Communism produces only selfishness and cunning behavior. According to him, Asian people are overbearing, fastidious, without any scope for easy, laid back relationship. External events could be his late hours of work, his unhappiness over not getting a musician's job paying $300 per day, his failure in finding permanent, caring (read money spending) provider in the form of a girl friend and external environment that makes him hesitate to mingle, and thus, more aggressive. He believes that my external events are study pressures, my inability of generating a steady income, my being short of money perennially, and nervousness in completing my degree. I am sure I do not have any prior assumption about conflict, though, could have been a bit biased about erstwhile communism, and the way of expressing the particular bias, whereas Olek definitely has an annoying way of putting things across about colonialism, middle European male supremacy, and Eastern ignorance and poverty. I express the struggle by being grumpy, silent, unresponsive, cleaning the place with obvious unhappiness and by being unfriendly. Olek shows it with supreme indifference while continuing same attitude that is bound to raise my hackles. Perceived incompatible goals mainly are smoking, uncleanliness, loud music, unending heating of the flat, disturbance, using things without asking, and leaving them to clean themselves and find their own way to their proper places etc. Perceived scarce resources are gallantry, carelessness, sensitivity, co-operation, fellow-feeling and genuine friendship. We, being flat mates, are interdependent on mutual harmony and peace in the flat, paying of bills, maintaining a level of mutual respect and concern for one another. We are interdependent for each other's well being, returning to flat, security and safety of flat and ourselves. There is no concern right now, and no worry about each other's safety, because proper communication does not exist. Paying the bills becomes a major conflict because Olek uses heating for 20 hours and is at home the entire day. His friends lounge around and they all work at night, whereas I leave the flat at 8am and return to it after 12 in the night and go to sleep straight away. Olek insists that I should pay half the bill, even though 95% usage is his. Conflict is in motion because the issues have not been withdrawn, shelved or regretted. Conflict has not vacillated, but has remained stagnant and there had not been any creative solution as yet. We hold the same antagonistic attitude towards conflict. Conflict had been mostly negative and never neutral. I can use 'unfortunate and disturbing' as my metaphor, and Olek says it had been 'unthinking and unsocial'. Olek's cultural background is Polish, communist, conniving and hard. Mine is Asian, peace loving, intellectual and conflict takes place, because Olek does not see me that way. Gender is working in an atrocious way, because to me, Olek is simply a flatmate and I have my own boy friend, whereas for Olek, I could have been something further and it would have contributed to his contentment in life positively. That being unavailable makes him grumpier. I clarify my goals in individualistic way, while Olek does it in a community way, and says Poland, in spite of being the biggest country in Europe had been always neglected, though I cannot fathom what anybody could have done for Poland. I think Olek's goals are hard cash and money making. He thinks my goals are living a thriving life in US. He feels that he is going to be musician par-excellence and my goals are being a writer in ecology, history, politics and an authority in psychology. (Please fill this according to your goals). I do not have any desire to live in US and hence, we are far away from real goals and our goals are very dissimilar and none of the goals overlap. To me completing my degree and to him, getting fabulously paid for teaching music are immediate goals. No, there is no specialisation on any type, though we had been unrelenting. I do not think identity had been a 'driver' issue, because Olek does not have much of it and I had never been a fanatic self-identifier. Some of the goals are definitely shaping in a different way. For example, my starting writing on internet and his getting a job in one of the kitchens although goals have not shifted till now. We have discussed about power once or twice with disastrous results, because I think, as senior flatmate I should have more power, because Olek came later and he thinks he has equal, if not more power, because he pays the same amount and lives in the flat more than I do. I see my possessions are my own and things came with the flat can be shared. Olek does not have any possessions and keeps using mine (forgets that they are mine), or of landlords. He never developed the habit of requesting for anything. He feels it more convenient to simply take and use. From an external perspective, I can say that Olek is a user and is trying hard to stretch his limits, whereas I am rigid and static. We disagree on the balance of power between us by trying to show that other person is inferior. We do not underestimate each other's influence; but underestimate each other's importance and hence our assessment of power contributes further to conflict. Destructive power balance occurs due to unflinchingly stubborn attitude from me, and conniving approaches from him, that has hardened my attitude over time. My friends naturally support my stance, whereas his friends, who have become my friends too by hanging around the flat so frequently, have mixed reactions against his. Unused sources of power are his endearing ways when he wants to charm and my open friendship when I am not confronted by aggression. "Everything from material goods to quality education to religious freedom is in short supply, and therefore the typical relationship among groups in society is competition and conflict" http://www.d.umn.edu/bmork/2306/Theories/BAMconflict2.htm My style is suitable for a humble student whereas his is more of Beethoven, before he went deaf. I do not think individual styles have changed, ever. He feels I am pig-headed and I am sure, he is too selfish and cunning for an artist. There had been no reinforcement due to individualist styles. Style choices had been parallel. There were only disadvantages like unpleasantness, lack of understanding and mutual respect and affection. Relationship had been a model of conflict. There had been circumstantial strategies, but mostly conflict had been spontaneous. We view the other as a brilliant conflict strategist and not many options were used till now and even if used without self-knowledge, all had been competitive. There had been a very slight hesitation in smoking inside the flat from Olek and an off and on attempt to wash the dishes, and this usually disappears if I smile once. Perhaps we are simply becoming territorial. "We also have a very strong need to believe we are being consistent with social norms. When there is conflict between behaviors that are consistent with inner systems and behaviors that are consistent with social norms, the potential threat of social exclusion often sways us towards the latter, even though it may cause significant inner dissonance" http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/consistency_theory.htm The rules remain repetitive as the basic issues remain the same. Micro events and triangles do not bother this conflict much, as it has become a rigid situation, due to our helplessness of not being able to abandon one another. It is destructive to the extent of nagging unpleasantness. Coalitions affect in the form of my friends and his friends. Till now personal intervention has not achieved much because Olek does not like to spend his own money. Mainly the functional conflict affects us and self-regulation and anger management had been extremely difficult in the face of provocation "Society today no longer reflects the situation in which Marx described class struggle. Some have likened race issues to class issues; some have likened gender issues to class issues. Elements of class can be seen in both, but there are modern complexities of intersectionality which are forcing our theorist to begin to redefine class" http://www.csudh.edu/dearhabermas/lawln06.htm There were many attempts for a solution, but the deeply rooted bias and antagonism have not helped till today. Third parties do not involve as it is not the custom and when they do, they were repulsed by Olek. Conflict had been fairly repetitive as basic pattern remains unchanged with the overall pattern. Unless Olek does not feel that he and his people/country are not targeted and he should not use people as revenge, nothing could be changed. ONLINE SOURCES: 1. http://www.criminology.fsu.edu/crimtheory/week8.htm 2. http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/consistency_theory.htm 3. http://www94.homepage.villanova.edu/peter.knapp/THgreats.htm 4. http://www.d.umn.edu/bmork/2306/Theories/BAMconflict2.htm 5. http://www.csudh.edu/dearhabermas/lawln06.htm 6. Read More