Giving Negative Feedback - Essay Example

 When it comes to negative feedback or criticism, no one relishes being on either the giving or the receiving side. The experience is usually considered unpleasant --- something that one would rather not have. This is exactly how I felt when I took on the task to provide a negative feedback to a very close friend. It was, however, a bit exciting because I will be able to apply some good practices in providing negative feedback. I remember my friend (Kat) having a somewhat heated conversation with another friend (Pao) just a few days prior. Kat criticized Pao regarding the latter’s fickleness in accepting work opportunities. I know the conversation ended badly, with Pao walking away and not speaking to Kat until today. I decided to talk to Kat to provide her a negative feedback on what she did, and at the same time to make her understand the impact of her words and actions to Pao. I wanted to apply the tips I read about giving criticisms. The result is a success because Kat accepted the criticisms constructively, and even decided to talk to Pao again using the same techniques as I did with her. Criticizing Constructively Behavior versus Person It was somewhat expected that Kat will immediately react negatively one I start with the criticism. However, I still tried to diffuse the possible initial negative reaction by making sure that Kat understand I am criticizing the action and not the person. I told her, “Kat, I felt that Pao was hurt and offended by the words he received the other day.” Kat was surprised and immediately showed interest in what I was about to say next. This is most probably because of the subtle emphasis on the fact that we are going to talk about the wrong action, and not the person who did the wrong action. She reacted positively because she felt it is not a personal attack aimed at her. I can therefore say that “focus[ing] feedback on the behavior rather than the person” (Hunsaker, 1983, p.5) will have higher chances of positive reception. Description versus Judgment The second strategy I used is “focus[ing] feedback on description rather than judgment” (Hunsaker, 1983, p.5). I feel that this is very important to avoid making Kat feel that I am judging her immediately. So, instead of telling Kat that, “You were harsh with Pao when you told him he is so fickle minded.,” I instead told Kat that, “Your voice was really higher-pitched and louder than usual, and you were pointing you finger at him on several instances.” I felt that this was an effective way to emphasize to Kat that her actions were offensive. The clear and objective description made her open to imagine her own actions and objectively evaluate if they are offensive or not. The strategy prevented Kat’s defense mechanism from acting up; especially because she knew that I was making a factual narration of my observations. There was actually no way for her to dispute facts that we both know to be true. It would have been easier for Kat to dispute my words had they been personal judgments. Specific Situation versus Abstract Characteristic The third strategy I used is “focus[ing] feedback on behavior related to a specific situation rather than an abstract characteristic” (Hunsaker, 1983, p.5). My discussion with Kat was based on a specific incident, and not based on a general observation. This proved to be effective because she seemed to be more open to listen on how that incident was wrong in many ways. This could be because focusing on a specific incident made us focus on the actions and words, rather than on the general characteristic of the person (Kat). This takes the sting out of the criticism, because I believe that it is easier to accept a criticism aimed at something you did rather than something you are. Good Intentions and Fair Process The fourth strategy I used was making Kat realize that I “[am] reliable and ha[ve] good intentions toward them” (Manzoni, 2002, p.118). Pao is a common friend, and that made Kat understand that I have only concern for our relationship as friends. I also made sure that the “feedback development and communication process is fair” (Manzoni, 2002, p.118) by allowing Kat the chance to express her reactions and ideas regarding the incident. There were times when Kat and I disagreed, particularly when I noted that there was a slight haughty tone in her voice when she talked to Pao. Still, despite our disagreement on that, I respected her opinion, and she respected my observation in return. Don’t Delay The fifth important strategy I used is the notion of not delaying the conversation. What happened between Pao and Kat was only a few days back, and when I decided to discuss it with Kat, I made sure that it would not appear too long ago. Delaying in giving feedback might make the conversation harder because it could make the receiver think negatively of the reason why it was delayed (Field, 2005, p.4). For example, had I waited for several repeat incidents before I talked to Kat, there is a big possibility that she will not take it positively. There will be a question regarding my true intention because if I really were concerned, I would have intervened earlier. No one really relishes the thought the he or she is observed doing something negative and not being called to attention about it. In this case, Kat even thanked me for bringing this observation to her attention immediately. This also makes it easier for her to correct whatever was affected by her actions and words. Reference Field, A. (2005). Block that defense! Make sure your constructive criticism works. Harvard Management Communication Letter, 3-5. Hunsaker, J. S. (1983). Taking the sting out of negative feedback: How to criticize constructively. Industrial Management, 25, 6, 5-6. Manzoni, J. F. (2002). A better way to deliver bad news. Harvard Business Review, 80, 9, 114-9. Read More