Mysterious Disappearance - Essay Example

Short Story When I was fifteen years old my family and I moved from our old town into a new area and I began at a new school. I had never been to California, until two summers ago. My family had always talked about venturing out there but when vacation time came we always settled on other options. The Grand Canyon was ok – slightly overrated if want the truth; New York was exciting a Christmas time and probably had the greatest and largest pizza this side of Sicily; I can’t complain about the week we spent at Disney World either, although do those lines really need to be that long, all day? All these family excursions were great, but I had always wanted to visit California – Hollywood, Rodeo Drive, San Francisco…Alcatraz! I just don’t know that I was ready to completely move there. When I began at the school I struggled to meet new people and find my way within the school structure. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me, and that I had trouble meeting people because I was so extremely different that I would never be able to assimilate. Every day at 11:30 I would get a feeling of dread in my stomach knowing that I would soon have to go to lunch and amble awkwardly around, pretending that I actually had a group of people to eat with, and then subtly sit down by myself at a table outside, eating, and wishing that the next bell would just ring so I could slink away to Math class. Even the quadratic formula would beat this. Mysterious Disappearance I realized that eating by myself everyday and spending my weekends watching Full House re-runs wasn’t the most ideal way to be spending the glory days of my youth. I became frustrated. When I would sit alone I would imagine the life I wish I had. I’d watch the football players laughing with cheerleaders at their table and think they were just lame anyways. I was smart. I thought about things like philosophy and books and Ernest Hemingway. So I’d continue eating my sandwich and watch other groups. One day as I was sitting there, observing people, I noticed two guys walking quickly away from the cafeteria, looking around like they were going to escape from prison or something, and then quickly disappear into the woods. I had no idea where they had gone but I was curious. The next day, after I went through the lunch line and got my hamburger, taitor tots, and milk, I walked around and then saw them standing by the vending machine talking. I had to figure out where they kept going. I sat near where they were standing and put on a happy demeanor. After a moment they stopped talking and one of them asked me what was being sold for lunch. “Taitor tots,” I said. He laughed and then they walked off. A few moments later, to my great surprise, they came back and sat at the table with me and joked around for a bit. After they finished, they motioned to each other and said goodbye and then walked down the same path towards the woods that ran adjacent to the cafeteria. I knew they were going to enter the woods again. I still had no idea why. The next day at lunch I looked for them again, even sitting in the same place, but they weren’t there. I didn’t think much of it and the day after that forgot the incident had ever occurred. I decided I wasn’t Perry Mason and gradually lost interest. Fitting In This isn’t a story about not fitting in, however, and indeed, after a few weeks I started making an effort to talk to more people. I even met a friend name Franz. Franz was born in Austria and I thought his name was a little weird, but he was a cool guy and we both shared the same interests -- we were readers, played basketball, and could undeniably dominate all lesser-beings on the Playstation. Franz introduced me to his friends and eventually I moved to their table at lunch and began joking around and regaining the same social structure I had back in my hometown. The next semester I moved into the International Baccalaureate program at the school. My classes were a lot more difficult, but I appreciated the challenge and for awhile it gave me a real sense of accomplishment and self-esteem. I started participating in class more and found a lot of academic success in my classes. One of the guys that had gone into the woods weeks before was actually in the I.B. program and had been in there the previous semester, before I had joined. However, it seemed the more success and enjoyment I found out of school success, the more he exhibited an underlining sense of apathy. He was a funny guy and well-liked by the other students, but teachers hated him because he never participated and always had a sort of ironic distance from the lesson. He didn’t always show up for class, and when he did he was so far behind that it didn’t seem like it even mattered. Frustration Sets in The thing was that even though I felt like I had found some sort of success, this guy’s complete ironic detachment and condescension for these scholastic pursuits I so passionately engaged in, led me to question if he knew something about life I didn’t. He was intelligent -- didn’t always demonstrate it -- but definitely intelligent. As the year went on and I gradually began to grow a little tired of the routine, I began to wonder if my original exuberance was warranted and slowly an incipient frustration began to take hold within my thoughts. I started to question why I ever had become so self-satisfied with my accomplishments in school and what difference would it even make. I was frustrated and wanted a new path, or at least some deeper answers. This is when things changed. I began to look at the guy and he started to make sense. He saw through the crap and dredge of daily life and had overcome frustration with a cooler and hipper paradigm. Slowly, I ended up wanting to be like him. I became entirely convinced that his outlook on life was somehow more accurate than mine and that the frustration I had with my daily existence could be alleviated if I could only understand things the way he did. We slowly became friends and while I was never able to abandon my attention to school, I did gradually adopt his perspective. I needed to find an end to my frustration with school and find something that really meant something. I became curious as where my friend went when we skipped class, as he oftentimes would still be there towards the end of the day. I once asked him. “Skip this period and I’ll take you with us,” he told me. I knew what he was talking about. He was going out into the woods like I saw him that one day months ago. I was assuredly would never be joining him. Even though I was frustrated with it, I still felt an obligation to school. This became a major internal conflict for me -- surely, I couldn’t just skip class. However, as the days passed and I became increasingly bored and frustrated with the daily events of life, I began to reconsider my position. It didn’t help that my friend kept pressuring me into joining him. I also was very curious as to what they were actually doing out there, after they entered the woods. I asked him and the only responses I ever got were vague. “It’s great, c’mon and just skip one day and join us -- you’ll see.” As the days past and the end of the school year approached, I continued to feel an underlining sense of frustration with my life and kept searching for a new type of meaning that could satisfy these void I felt. It’s about this time that I finally agreed to skip class and join my friend in the woods one day, even though I had no clue what they were doing out there. He was ecstatic and I agreed to follow them out there on Friday. When Friday arrived, we met outside of class and off I followed them down the path adjacent to the cafeteria, and into the woods. I thought I would feel a lot more scared than I did skipping school and all, but I’d felt so bored and frustrated with my daily life that it really didn’t scare me as glanced around and then stepped into the forest. I followed the two guys through a path for a few minutes and then we jumped over a fence. We began walking along a long this long fence for what seemed like eternity. When we finally got to the destination there were other kids and they were splayed about acting strange, surrounded by a bag of mushrooms they had collected on the ground. I wasn’t about to eat anything that grew out of cow manure, so I just sat there watching them. I thought this would give me something to be excited about, but after a half hour I realized this was as stupid as sitting in math class, if not worse. We soon began to get move around and started to walk back. At one point we stopped and sat down on a log and talked about random things. At one point we started talking about the meaning of life and things like that. It was something that I hadn’t given much serious thought, but as the others sat there talking about it I began to reflect on my existence. I guess until that point I had just assumed that my parents’ religion had all the answers, but for the first time I started to realize there might be more out there. One of the guys started talking a lot of random stuff about space; how he had heard there were things like parallel universes and how time wasn’t real and how you could fly in the fastest man built thing for your entire life and not even reach the closest star. These things really made me think about my life and how small it was. I mean surely there must be other people on some other planet. Then someone else started talking and wondering about who created everything then. I felt in over my head because I really hadn’t given it so much thought as the others; like I said, I figured it was figured out or not even that important. One guy argued that it was all created after some scientific event, like there was some big physical crash and then the universe emerged. Then I asked how did that crash start then, like what was the cause of it all. There was a silence that wasn’t awkward and we laid down and looked toward the horizon and forgot about what we were talking about. I remember the moment passing slowly and an intense feeling coming over me. We stared at the horizon for what must have been a while because the sun started to change and the day began to grow. I realized school was going to be over soon and that we had to start walking back. On the walk back I remember feeling a sort of hazy apathy about everything, as if the last few years of my life had been an illusion and that I now understood some deeper truth or reality of existence. As we made our way back towards the school and climbed the fence we had originally gone over, I glanced in front of me and the school’s resource officer was standing there watching us. He later claimed that he had followed us since the moment we entered the woods. I thought we would only get in trouble for skipping, but after we had climbed the fence we had entered private property and the owner had called the school complaining. The officer arrested us for trespassing. I sat in the front office for a long time, outside and watched the other students walk through. Eventually we went into see the school resource officer. It was a terrifying experience as I had never been in serious trouble before. The others actually stuck up for me and one of them even said that it wasn’t my idea and that they convinced me to do it. It didn’t make much difference though, we were all caught together and that was what mattered. Since I had no prior problems in school I only received community service and a two day suspension. The two guys I went with were expelled. They had to transfer to another school and I haven’t heard from them since. My Epiphany As I sat in the lobby of the discipline office I realized that my frustration with life wouldn’t be overcome with stupid rebellious activities, and that I needed to accept personal responsibility for my own life and stop looking to others to give it meaning and save me from frustration. From then on I understood that life is what you make it, and that I need to make it in the best and most legitimate way possible. When considering stories such as this that shaped my personal development I understand that the narrative we tell ourselves and others is extremely fluid and shifting and is constantly altered in ways that coincide with recent developments in our lives. However, there was something about this instance that not only shifted my perceptions towards a different, or ‘better’ path, but also removed so much of the elements of my past existence. It was in this experience that expanded my horizons and led me to understand that life and the universe is quite extraordinary. At the instant looking up at the sky I feel like I experienced a true moment of change and that no longer were my horizons restricted to one continent but that there was a world that extended beyond the mere confines of my parents’ belief system that not even the brightest individuals fully understood. When reflecting on how I became the person I am, I am constantly drawn towards experiences like these. I once interviewed for a job at a library and prepared for the interview by thinking about all the books I had read and all the time I had spent searching through library shelves and catalogues. I convinced myself that my life was composed of reading and researching and the only viable job option for me was to become a librarian. When I didn’t get the job I had a minor moment of existential confusion, until I got an interview at the organic grocery store adjacent to my home. I talked about how my first job was bagging groceries at Winn-Dixie when I was 14 and how I had later worked as a cashier. How I was perfect for the job because I lived close and had experience and was a connoisseur of organic produce. A few months later I quit because I didn’t feel the job was right for me. Times when I defined myself against a solid identity and realized through that experience that it wasn’t truly me. I now realize it was those times that actually made me who I am. I believe these experiences haven’t formed me as much as they have made me realize my limitations and dislikes. Maybe one day I will definitely discover myself, but currently I am lost in a sea of ideas and possibilities, swimming towards land. I am what I am not, and not who I want to be. END Reflection on Becoming an Author There were a number of things I discovered in my attempts to construct this short story. One of the first things I realized is that it’s important for what is written to advance a plot or story. While oftentimes it seems that authors digress when writing and reflect on random things, underlining all of these things is the reality that they are advancing the plot. In my story I tried to pace the plot so that it developed along lines that would interest the reader. I tried to start at the beginning of my tenure at the school and then show my development as a person and illustrate some of the factors that influenced me to become that way. In writing this I came to realize that the more compelling stories are stories that not only show a change in the plot but also a change in the character’s development. I tried to emulate this style in my story by showing how the incident was a life changing experience in my life and to try and demonstrate the ways that it changed my perception of my path in life and views of the universe. I realized that literature is meant to go beyond merely telling a story though, so I attempted to construct my story in a way that included personal reflection and self-reflexivity. I included the ‘Epiphany’ section to demonstrate this and to add an extra dimension to the story itself. Similarly, in the discussion of the universe I tried to add another element to the story. That section was influenced by stories in Plato’s dialogues where individuals share various perspectives on philosophical issues. I would have liked to have been able to incorporate these elements more seamlessly into the plot of the story, but I am not a skilled enough writer to do so yet. I realized that this is perhaps the most challenging aspect of crafting compelling literature; that is, constructing a story that is gripping and interesting while still including intelligence and things of intellectual worth. Read More