The Emotion of Frustration in High School - Essay Example

The Emotion of Frustration in High School The event this narrative essay focuses on is the emotion of frustration I felt during my freshman year of high school that contributed to the only time I became in trouble with the law. While I experienced a number of strong and conflicting emotions during this period, the predominant emotion that underlined and motivated me was frustration. When I was fifteen years old my family and I moved from our old town into a new area and I began at a new school. When I began at the school I struggled to meet new people and find my way within the school structure. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me, and that I had trouble meeting people because I was so extremely different that I would never be able to assimilate. Every day at 11:30 I would get a feeling of dread in my stomach knowing that I would soon have to go to lunch and amble awkwardly around, pretending that I actually had a group of people to eat with, and then subtly sit down by myself at a table outside, eating, and wishing that the next bell would just ring so I could slink away to Math class. Even the quadratic formula would beat this. Mysterious Disappearance I realized that eating by myself everyday and spending my weekends watching Full House re-runs wasn’t the most ideal way to be spending the glory days of my youth. I became frustrated. When I would sit alone I would imagine the life I wish I had. I’d watch the football players laughing with cheerleaders at their table and think they were just lame anyways. I was smart. I thought about things like philosophy and books and Ernest Hemingway. So I’d continue eating my sandwich and watch other groups. One day as I was sitting there, observing people, I noticed two guys walking quickly away from the cafeteria, looking around like they were going to escape from prison or something, and then quickly disappear into the woods. I had no idea where they had gone but I was curious. The next day, after I went through the lunch line and got my hamburger, taitor tots, and milk, I walked around and then saw them standing by the vending machine talking. I had to figure out where they kept going. I sat near where they were standing and put on a happy demeanor. After a moment they stopped talking and one of them asked me what was being sold for lunch. “Taitor tots,” I said. He laughed and then they walked off. A few moments later, to my great surprise, they came back and sat at the table with me and joked around for a bit. After they finished, they motioned to each other and said goodbye and then walked down the same path towards the woods that ran adjacent to the cafeteria. I knew they were going to enter the woods again. I still had no idea why. The next day at lunch I looked for them again, even sitting in the same place, but they weren’t there. I didn’t think much of it and the day after that forgot the incident had ever occurred. I decided I wasn’t Perry Mason and gradually lost interest. Fitting In This isn’t a story about not fitting in, however, and indeed, after a few weeks I started making an effort to talk to more people. I even met a friend name Franz. Franz was born in Austria and I thought his name was a little weird, but he was a cool guy and we both shared the same interests -- we were readers, played basketball, and could undeniably dominate all lesser-beings on the Playstation. Franz introduced me to his friends and eventually I moved to their table at lunch and began joking around and regaining the same social structure I had back in my hometown. The next semester I moved into the International Baccalaureate program at the school. My classes were a lot more difficult, but I appreciated the challenge and for awhile it gave me a real sense of accomplishment and self-esteem. I started participating in class more and found a lot of academic success in my classes. One of the guys that had gone into woods weeks before was actually in the I.B. program and had been in there the previous semester, before I had joined. However, it seemed the more success and enjoyment I found out of school success, the more he exhibited an underlining sense of apathy. He was a funny guy and well-liked by the other students, but teachers hated him because he never participated and always had a sort of ironic distance from the lesson. He didn’t always show up for class, and when he did he was so far behind that it didn’t seem like it even mattered. Frustration Sets in The thing was that even though I felt like I had found some sort of success, this guy’s complete ironic detachment and condescension for these scholastic pursuits I so passionately engaged in, led me to question if he knew something about life I didn’t. He was intelligent -- didn’t always demonstrate it -- but definitely intelligent. As the year went on and I gradually began to grow a little tired of the routine, I began to wonder if my original exuberance was warranted and slowly an incipient frustration began to take hold within my thoughts. I started to question why I ever had become so self-satisfied with my accomplishments in school and what difference would it even make. I was frustrated and wanted a new path, or at least some deeper answers. This is when things changed. I began to look at the guy and he started to make sense. He saw through the crap and dredge of daily life and had overcome frustration with a cooler and hipper paradigm. Slowly, I ended up wanting to be like him. I became entirely convinced that his outlook on life was somehow more accurate than mine and that the frustration I had with my daily existence could be alleviated if I could only understand things the way he did. We slowly became friends and while I was never able to abandon my attention to school, I did gradually adopt his perspective. I needed to find an end to my frustration with school and find something that really meant something. I became curious as where my friend went when we skipped class, as he oftentimes would still be there towards the end of the day. I once asked him. “Skip this period and I’ll take you with us,” he told me. I knew what he was talking about. He was going out into the woods like I saw him that one day months ago. I was assuredly would never be joining him. Even though I was frustrated with it, I still felt an obligation to school. This became a major internal conflict for me -- surely, I couldn’t just skip class. However, as the days passed and I became increasingly bored and frustrated with the daily events of life, I began to reconsider my position. It didn’t help that my friend kept pressuring me into joining him. I also was very curious as to what they were actually doing out there, after they entered the woods. I asked him and the only responses I ever got were vague. “It’s great, c’mon and just skip one day and join us -- you’ll see.” As the days past and the end of the school year approached, I continued to feel an underlining sense of frustration with my life and kept searching for a new type of meaning that could satisfy these void I felt. It’s about this time that I finally agreed to skip class and join my friend in the woods one day, even though I had no clue what they were doing out there. He was ecstatic and I agreed to follow them out there on Friday. When Friday arrived, we met outside of class and off I followed them down the path adjacent to the cafeteria, and into the woods. I thought I would feel a lot more scared than I did skipping school and all, but I’d felt so bored and frustrated with my daily life that it really didn’t scare me as glanced around and then stepped into the forest. I followed the two guys through a path for a few minutes and then we jumped over a fence. When we finally got to the destination there were other kids and they were splayed about acting strange, surrounded by a bag of mushrooms they had collected on the ground. I wasn’t about to eat anything that grew out of cow manure, so I just sat there watching them. I thought this would give me something to be excited about, but after a half hour I realized this was as stupid as sitting in math class, if not worse. As we made our way back towards the school and climbed the fence we had originally gone over, I glanced in front of me and the school’s resource officer was standing there watching us. He later claimed that he had followed us since the moment we entered the woods. I thought we would only get in trouble for skipping, but after we had climbed the fence we had entered private property and the owner had called the school complaining. The officer arrested us for trespassing. Since I had no prior problems in school I only received community service and a two day suspension. The two guys I went with were expelled. They had to transfer to another school and I haven’t heard from them since. My Epiphany As I sat in the lobby of the discipline office I realized that my frustration with life wouldn’t be overcome with stupid rebellious activities, and that I needed to accept personal responsibility for my own life and stop looking to others to give it meaning and save me from frustration. From then on I understood that life is what you make it, and that I need to make it in the best and most legitimate way possible. Read More