You Just Dont Understand by Deborah Tannen - Book Report/Review Example

 Summary of Damned If You Do The book You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen deals with the behaviors, actions, reactions and interactions amongst various groups of men and women. Consequently this chapter explores some of the major hurdles that are faced by women not only in the corporate world but also in their personal lives because of gender discrimination these problems include peer pressure, personal complexes and insecurities, gender roles and stereotypical norms of the society and the duplicity of the norms in interpreting body language and style of men and women. According to the norms of the society the first and foremost duty of a woman is to retain her image of delicacy and elegance without a shred of pride and arrogance. Resultantly such a brought up teaches them to be docile and it is a violation of norms if a woman is boastful of any special skills or of her success in any field of life because it is attributed as arrogant and rude. Women are observed to be extremely conscious about the manner in which they behave around other people because such a brought up develops an inferiority complex in them hence they consider themselves inferior to men. Moreover this further makes them insecure as they think that they might hurt somebody else’s feelings by flaunting their achievements and hence they tend to avoid discussing their success. While on the other hand if a man boasts about his success it symbolizes his accomplishments and expertise in his particular field. Another common problem that women face is that in this male dominated society their opinion holds low or no value. Women are equally intelligent as men however since they are expected to be subservient so their individual perspective has no importance. Even when they work as executives they have to keep in mind that their opinion will always be over ruled by men and they can never take actions without the consent of their male colleagues as men have an upper hand in everything. This chapter also explores the different interpretations of the body language and style of men and women. For example if a man has domineering personality it reflects his power and masculinity. While on the other hand if a woman adapts to a manly persona she is criticized for her lack of feminine demeanor. Another interesting fact that this chapter deals with is that it is a cliché that women should mould themselves according to the man’s will. A man is never expected to change his life style or habits it is always a woman who has to tolerate as well as conform to a man’s wishes. Hence although women have attained their independence and the status of an individual in the society yet unwittingly they act like puppets that are governed by men because in this male dominated society it is near to impossible for women to achieve full freedom and independence. Summary of Look at Me When I’m Talking to you This chapter is depicted in the setting of a video which reflects the reactions of men and women of different ages, when placed in a room with their fellow mate of same gender. Boys from grade two appeared to be uncomfortable when they were asked to sit in a room and carry out a discussion on a serious matter. They taunted, teased as well as passed jokes on each other. Time and again they made an eye contact or else impatiently kept on exploring the room and the only topic of their interest was games and sports. Whereas the girls sat face to face and shared their stories about the people who were close to them. They supported each others point with a story from their own life. In fact they were more at ease unlike boys who were in search of a physical activity. Neither the girls playfully attacked each other nor did they tease each other. This different reaction of girls and boys of same ages is one of the reasons that in schools girls never have any trouble in maintaining discipline as in school as good manners and behavior is like their second nature. While on the other hand boys are always fidgeting all over the school because they are in a habit of revolting against orders and discipline. As the film precedes two boys from grade six are then placed in a room. They appear to be as restless and uncomfortable as the second graders. In the beginning they are a little shy however later they try to make small talks. They discuss the matters of their own interests about their aims and social lives. However when two girls of same age sit in the room together, they were more interested in discussing their personal problems for example differences between them and their friends. Then when the girls of grade tenth are placed in the room, they talked about the same matters as the sixth graders. However, boys of the same age discuss about their personal feelings and depressions and their desire to relive the past times of fun and joy when all their old friends were together. Although they have problems yet they preferred not to explicitly talk about them. When the twenty five year old women were placed in the room they seemed to be a bit uncomfortable and struggled hard to make small talks. They do not discuss any serious topic instead they talked about their personal matters just like the girls from second, sixth and tenth grade. They shared different opinions but somehow supported each others point of views. Whereas when the two men of same age spent some time alone in the room together they found it difficult to make small talks. They appeared to be at ill at ease to interact with one another and hence preferred to discuss a serious matter like marriage. The one thing they had in common with the tenth grade boys was that they did not want to show their concern about the discussion even though they were quite engaged in it. This chapter illustrates the differences between men and women. Such differences include the interests of women in creating new friendships and to show their support and state their personal opinions regardless of social differences. While on the other hand men appear to be more status conscious as compared to women. Hence Men and women belong to two different worlds although they live and breathe in the same environment. Moreover they also have different standards and principles on the basis of which they form new relationships and interact with other people. Reference: Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don’t Understand. New York: Ballantine Books, 1990. Print. Read More