The Knowledge and Standards of the Difference of Genders - Essay Example

16 October Conversation between men and women Conversation is the of exchange of views, opinions and experiences between two or more individuals. Conversation is unbiased and pure when the thoughts of parties participating in it are not controlled by preconceived notions of one another. This is what makes conversation between men and women a complicated process wherein both genders have to put in extra effort to break free of the external influences and concentrate solely upon the subject under discussion. External factors that conventionally influence the conversation between a men and a woman include sexuality and emotional mismatch. Men and women generally think on different levels. Although both assume great tendency to achieve perfection in the oratory skills, yet their ideas originate in their respective masculine and feminine points of view. The physical, emotional and intellectual difference between the genders complicates the conversation between men and women who play gender-specific roles while conversing with one another. The difference between the way men and women converse with one another fundamentally originates in the difference of their natures. Men are rough and tough, careless and insensitive while women are delicate, prudent and sensitive. The conflicting qualities of the two genders often become the cause of misunderstanding between the two when they talk to each other. Owing to their knowledge of the extreme sensitivity of women, some men tend to be more polite in their tone while talking to the women as compared to men, though there is also a significant population of men that don’t alter their manner in relation to the sensitivity of the women. Although there generally exists a difference between the conversing styles of men and women, yet it is false to assume that all men converse in the same way or all women have the same style of conversation, there are variations obviously (Lieberman). When a woman asks a male colleague for a compliment upon her work, she expects him to make a soft response preferably in her favor, but men are attuned to critically evaluating the work. When the male colleague starts being truthful in his analysis, saying something like, “It could have been way better” the woman gets hurt while the man doesn’t even realize that he did something wrong. Women are way more prudent in the selection of their words while they are analyzing somebody else’s work, be that a man or a woman. The feelings of the other person are of prime importance to the women and they judge their words by the severity of impact they would have on the other person’s nerves. If a woman thinks there should be certain alterations in the work, she would have that said but not without appreciating the efforts the other person put into the work thus far. Rather than elaborating the mistakes, the woman analyst would be more comfortable identifying the strengths of the work. She would start the discussion with words like, “What I like about this report is …… I suggest that to add to the strength of the argument, you kindly incorporate things from….” Although it is good to respect other’s feelings while talking, yet women need to understand that feelings are not the prime concern of many in general and men in particular, so they must take their advice rather than reacting emotionally or otherwise to their straightforwardness. Eye-contact plays a fundamental role in enhancing the communication between two partners. However, when the two partners belong to opposite genders, eye-contact may lose its significance as a driver of communication. It is not unusual for the lust to reflect in the eyes particularly when the man and the woman who are talking are not related to each other i.e. when they are not mother-son or father-daughter, brother-sister, aunt-nephew or uncle-niece. Eyes depict what is in the heart. Internet feelings can be easily read from the eyes. Therefore, in an attempt to safeguard their modesty, some women and even some men tend not to look into each others’ eyes while conversing. Nevertheless, this may generate negative impulses for some. Some people get offended when the person they are talking to does not look them into the eyes. In fact, the more a woman interacts with men, she increases her tendency to free herself from the influence of lust. Same holds true for men. Thus, when a social woman talks to a man that is not looking into her eyes, she may get offended. The reason people belonging to opposite genders may not look into each others’ eyes may not necessarily be the attempt to escape from sexual cravings. There can be several other reasons for the same. Deborah Tannen illustrated a very rational reason why husbands don’t like looking into the eyes of their wives as the wives are talking to them. (Deborah) said that every time a young woman wants to have a conversation with her boy friend or husband, he would lie down on the floor, close his eyes and put his arms upon his face and the reason why he does that is because he is listening extra hard. “In short, the image that best represents the current crisis is the stereotypical cartoon scene of a man sitting at the breakfast table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, while a woman glares at the back of it, wanting to talk. Linguistic Battle of the Sexes” (Deborah). My teacher Mrs. Williams said she found that hard to believe because when you are talking to someone, you should look that person into the eyes. The reason men and women find themselves at different levels while talking is the conflict of their patterns of socialization and the underlying assumptions as they socialize in their respective circles. To women, the subject of discussion is not quite important as they talk. They tend to look for a sense of closeness with the other person in their talk. Men, on the other hand tend not to look into the eyes of women because maintaining eye-contact and yet listening gives them a feeling of subordination and submissiveness, which is quite incompatible with the integrity of their manhood. But this does not mean that they are passive listeners. I personally believe that eye-contact is not quite important for some people. I can say so because whenever I have a conversation with my boy friend, I hold my head down and play with my fingers in an attempt to express my feelings. I am always so afraid that if I look him into the eyes, I might stumble over my words. Men are attuned to conversing within their circle of friends that primarily includes men. In their conversations, there is no regard for feelings. In fact, male friends keep mocking one another all the time. They criticize one another to such an extent that sometimes it is hard for an outsider to believe that deep down their hearts, they are friends. The words “feelings” and “sensitivity” have no existence in the men’s dictionary of conversation, at least as long as they are conversing with men. Women, on the other hand, frequently incorporate terms that are the insignia of formality such as “thank you”, “pardon me”, and “so nice of you.” Men tend to outshine one another in their conversations, so nobody wants to give the other person the chance to finish the conversation. Every man wants his stance to make the concluding sentence to which nobody else raises an objection. That is why men tend to look for friends that would listen to them more than talk to them. A class mate of mine named broody said he enjoyed having conversation with his female friends because they listened to what he had to say. In addition to their natural roughness and lack of sensitivity, one potential reason why men are not as sentimental in their conversation with the women as they expect the men to be is the urge to be self-sufficient that is inherent in the men’s nature. Men think that by sharing their inner feelings, they would submit themselves in the hands of the other person. This is not acceptable to men as they consider it an insult to their manhood. No matter what the circumstances are, men would not like to express their emotions. This is the fundamental reason why men keep control over their nerves in situations in which women normally crash down emotionally and start crying. Contrary to this point of view, my child father said that it is basically not men that feel gay while expressing their feelings in front of the women. Instead, the truth is that the man and the woman come from two different planets and thus lack emotional connection with each other. The knowledge of the difference of genders remains at the forefront whenever a man and a woman talk to each other. Both are conscious about complying with the standards of their respective genders. Men find it difficult to look at things from a feministic perspective and women also have a hard time judging things from a masculine perspective. The man’s manhood lays certain constraints remaining within which, he has to converse with a woman. The emotionally driven feministic nature of a woman puts her down when she doesn’t get the expected display of emotions from the man. Hence, when a man and a woman talk to each other, gender controls their interaction. Works Cited: Deborah, Tannen. “Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” The Washington Post. 24 June 1990. Web. 17 Oct. 2011. . Lieberman, Simma. “Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles.” n.d. Web. 17 Oct. 2011. . Read More