The Most Effective Communication, Interpersonal communication - Essay Example

Mengze Chen Communication 102 Final Assignment (Draft) Most Effective Communication – Interpersonal communication How many times do we really pay attention to the way we communicate with others? We often really think that the way we communicate is great enough and is perfect. We seldom realize that it can be more effective if we decide to make changes in the way we communicate by following a basic framework of communication. Communication is further divided into numerous branches such as interpersonal communication, nonverbal communication, group and team communication etc. These branches are interconnected and are mutually effective when connected rather than being mutually exclusive. In this paper we are going to discuss effective interpersonal communication and how it helps in developing effective communication in our lives. We are also going to study roles of self-disclosure, non-verbal communication and listening in building effective interpersonal communication. For this purpose we will be considering three aspects of interpersonal communication and how these branches of communication are connected to have an effective communication. What is interpersonal communication? McCornack (2012) says interpersonal communication is a dynamic form of communication between two (or more) people in which the messages exchanged significantly influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships. It is a process of give and take and is extremely impactful. Communication is multi-dimensional. Various aspects such as nonverbal communication, self-disclosure, and listening impact interpersonal communication great deal. To understand correlation of these key concepts, we have to understand definitions of these concepts. Self-disclosure – McCornack (2012) Revealing private information about yourself to others is known as self-disclosure. How much information you are willing to share about yourself plays a vital role in building relationships with people. We are not very comfortable about sharing our personal experiences and life events with anyone as we fear that it could alter the image I have created in the mind of the listener. However it is also observed that in interpersonal communication, effective self-disclosure along with implicit trust has often helped strengthening relationships and mutual understanding. Wood (2007) states that one way to get information about yourself is through self-disclosure, which is revealing information about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover on their own. Self-disclosure is an important way to learn about ourselves. Wood suggests that as we reveal our hopes, fears, dreams, and feelings, we get responses from others that give us new perspectives on who we are. In addition, we gain insight into ourselves by seeing how we interact with others in new situations. Nonverbal communication – communication that happens without saying a word written or oral is nonverbal communication. We say so many things with the help of gestures, eyes and body language. As nonverbal cues keep giving away what is going on in our minds, it is often said that we cannot; not communicate. Hence we do not believe only on words said in communication, and it becomes imperative that it is accompanied by appropriate body language. (Knapp, & Daly 2002) state that interpersonal communication scholars have probably always recognized the vital contributions of proxemics, kinesic, olfactory, vocal, and verbal signs to the understanding of interpersonal communication, but the early emphasis was clearly on verbal behaviour. As the number of scholars studying non-verbal behaviour increased, it gradually became a separate area of study. (Knapp & Daly. 2002) state that the study of verbal behaviour and non-verbal behaviour appeared, for practical purposes, to be independent of one another. Listening – listening is not hearing words. It is hearing words, understanding their context, processing them and reacting or offering communication accordingly. Normally Listening is considered to be an essential quality for those who lead from the front. Collins (2008) suggests that in whatever capacity you lead, you lead better by listening more effectively. He states that by using active and empathic listening techniques, you establish both rapport and trust with your stakeholders, which lead to honest communication. In the citation above stakeholders are within and outside the organization. As a leader of the organization one has to talk and listen to employees, management and all those inside the framework of the organization. As a leader one also has to be the representative of the organization to the outer world and talk and listen to people who have contributed to or are vital to organization’s growth. Although listening is stated as a quality essential for leaders in citation above its importance is well highlighted for a person who wants to have effective interpersonal communication skills. We have seen that various aspects of communication connect with each other and also impact each other. They also affect interpersonal communication a long way. There are various aspects of interpersonal communication on needs to take into account while analysing the impact of these three facets on the same. 1. Interpersonal communication is dynamic – by dynamic we mean that it is a continuous process and it changes with time. Dynamism of interpersonal communication also comes because of its contextual nature. As the contexts change with time, nature of interpersonal communication changes with time. While studying at community college, I was a member of a group which had six members, two of them I was very close with. The other three members were good friends too but it really worked for me with these two members as my comfort level with them was very good. Over a period of time I realized that the rest of the three members were drifting away. Since they were good friends I decided to sit with them at cafeteria to have lunch, eventually sharing my fear for water, and how I really don’t like math but I am ok with science subjects etc. This resulted in us bonding together again and the dynamics of our communication changed greatly after that. The sharing may seem trivial now, but back then it helped bring all six of us together. The context of communication then was sharing fears that we felt but it improved interpersonal communication greatly between us. Today when we reunite the context of discussions are different but it has helped us continue the open communication we have had. I agree that non-verbal communication changes the dynamics of the communication completely. My younger brother was very short-tempered and while playing football with his team mates he used to lose his temper very often. Once worried of his temperament my dad decided to accompany him to football ground. The only instruction he provided to my brother was that whenever my brother will start getting angry, he should look at my dad who was standing on the border of the ground but nearby and then decide any action further. More than once throughout the game he lost his temper but as suggested by my dad he looked at him every time. Upon which my dad used to shake his head as ‘No’ and give him a smile. This went on for almost a month. Eventually my brother calmed down and started playing the game with true sportsman spirit. My father never said anything to him on the ground but he still managed to communicate to my brother changing dynamics of his interpersonal communication completely. Whenever I have faced any difficult situation I have always shared them with my grandfather, who always had patient listening ear for me. Whatever the context of communication, he never lost his patience with me and was always ready with a word of wisdom to share. There were a few instances which were probably awkward to share but he managed to get them out of me with ease and smile. This changed the way I communicated with people and today I understand that if I have to change the dynamic of the interpersonal communication with people around then I need to be a good patient and responsive listener. 2. Interpersonal communication is transactional in nature – as interpersonal communication is always between two or more people it is a process of give and take that goes on in the communication. At times it can lapse into communication getting one way and closed but even the cold response is still a response to the communication initiated. Wood, J. (2011) has reflected on transactional nature of interpersonal communication that, interpersonal communication is a process of transaction between people. As you speak to a friend, your friend smiles; as your supervisor explains an idea, you nod to show you understand; as your parent scolds you, you wrinkle your brow resentfully. In interpersonal encounters, all parties communicate continually and simultaneously. When we talk about ourselves or are into self-disclosure, there have been difficult things to say about ourselves. We are not comfortable talking everything about ourselves however close the relationship. If the person on the other side also wants to share some difficult experiences as well then sharing becomes easy and fluid. If there is a mutual sharing and understanding each other’s experience, we end up having a contextually rich interpersonal communication. Crying is a non-verbal communication associated with interpersonal communication. Whenever I was reprimanded for any mischief I used to lapse into bout of crying, which often drew more attention to the matter. The give and take of communication would either result into more scolding or if the matter was serious then into an explanation as to why whatever mischief I was planning was wrong. There have been numerous occasions when I have given a patient listening to my best friend’s worries about career, life, studies etc. very often giving responses here and there. Today when I look back I realise that although I was not really saying much in the interpersonal communication we shared, I was still a part of the communication making it two ways with my meaningful responses and fulfilling the listening process completely. 3. Interpersonal communication impacts the participant of the communication – it helps in creating bonds with people and changes their behaviour, emotions, responses etc. The differences between people are lessened and communication participants find it easy to arrive at a common ground which is mutually convenient. As a student I always had a secret fear for math. I used to think that I am not good at it and because I am inclined towards languages it would be easier to go ahead with studying languages further. Math to me was pointless. The feeling was so extreme that I started losing marks and grades in math considerably. My math tutor then decided to have a word with me regarding the same. We had a lengthy discussion on the topic and today I don’t really look at math with such a lot of hate. It is an ok subject with me now. Whenever I used to come home after writing my exams my mother used to be home to open the door for me. She was a working woman and had a hectic office schedule. Matching her schedule with my exams used to be very tough for her which I realize now. But seeing her at the door and receiving a hug from her at the end of the exam day meant a lot for me. Alternatively I felt bad once or twice when I scored really well and she came home late on the day of my result. Today I feel a hug on the day of exams have enriched my feelings for her because she was there when I was facing a difficult time. My annoyance towards her for not being there on my result day has also vanished because through that hug she always conveyed her belief that I would be doing well in my exams. It was perhaps greatest nonverbal communication input I have received from her and has enlivened my interpersonal communication with her. We are a group of cousins in the family and we grew up together. As adults when we look back at our childhood memories we all realize that we always relied on each other for a word or a small talk. Listening to each other’s problems and happiness always bonded us together which has lasted till date. We have also actively taken lead to clear misunderstandings if any in relationships with each other and this could be accomplished because of our good listening habits. Today when I look back at all these incidents, I realize they have taught me to be an effective communicating person. I have given same patient listening ear to people who at times have approached me just because they felt like ‘talking’ to someone. My open approach to sharing has helped me solve issues in relationships which otherwise could not have been resolved and a friendly hug to closed ones really does wonders than saying it with words. Conclusion McCornack (2009) summarizes that interpersonal communication is our primary vehicle for exchanging meaning, connecting emotionally, and building relationships with others. This makes it essential that we base our interpersonal decisions on the best knowledge to which we have access. No one would consider making choices about collegiate majors, future careers, or monetary interests without first gathering the most trustworthy information available. Interpersonal communication should be no different. Interpersonal communication is no doubt the most effective communication. It is a communication which will never cease to exist as knowingly or unknowingly we are constantly communicating with each other. The dimensions of communication change constantly. Aspects such as self-disclosure, nonverbal communication and listening helps us bond with people. Being dynamic interpersonal communication changes with time however if it does not then it becomes static and loses its charm. Communication continues to flow in multi directions and in multiple forms. Interpersonal communication is complicated and yet very simple to establish and as we understand basic aspects of the same, we can surely make it lively and rich resulting into better relationships in our lives. References Collins, S. D. (2008). Interpersonal communication: Listening and responding. (2nd ed.). Mason, USA: South-Western. Hargie, O. (2011). Skilled interpersonal communication: Research, theory and practice. (5th ed.). East Sussex, Engalnd: Routledge. Knapp, M. L. & Daly, J. A. (2002). Handbook of interpersonal communication (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, California, USA: Sage. McCornack, S. (2009). Reflect and relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. (2nd ed.). Boston, USA: Bedford. Purdy, M. & Borisoff, D. (1997). Listening in everyday life: A personal and professional approach. (2nd ed.). Maryland, USA: University Press. Wood, T. J. (2007). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters:  Belmont, USA: Thomson. Wood, T. J. (2011). Interpersonal communication: everyday encounters. (7th ed.). Boston, USA: Wadsworth. Read More