Why Men and Women Communicate Differently - Research Paper Example

Assignment The emergence of globalization concept in 1990s has not only impacted the people but also businesses all across the world. Indeed, the use of internet, telecommunication networks and media has led this world to become a ‘Global Village’ where Information, socializing and relationship-building through communication are considered as major assets for business growth and success. It is worthwhile to mention that information and knowledge is created through communication (transfer and sharing of thoughts, ideas and opinions in any form including written text, videos, email etc) among people. It is worthwhile to mention that communication gap occurs due to different barriers and hindrances that in turn result in failure of communication process. Why Men and Women Communicate Differently: This section will demonstrate the differences in gender communication in the light of two different explanations or arguments as raised by proponents and previous researchers. The section will throw light over Evolutionary or Darwinian Perspective and on Social Role theory that will the readers to understand why men and women communicate differently. (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 410-412) Thesis Statement: Women tend to be more relationship oriented whereas men are highly results and job oriented. Women, therefore, are more polite, soft and assertive whereas men are naturally aggressive and believe in stability and control. In short, these mentioned differences impact their communication styles and conversational habits. Evolutionary Psychology or Darwinian Perspective: Men and women also communicate differently although researchers are unable to reach consensus on any single cause for this difference. Some researchers have argued that men and women communicate differently because of ‘biological differences’. For explanation, it is worthwhile to mention that men produce from outside whereas women produce from within. Men, in turn, consider themselves as superior due to paternal factor and thus tend to be more task / result-oriented, aggressive and rigid in their beliefs and standards they have set in their lives. Women, on the other hand, have to born a child that in turn forces them to be more kind, loving and relationship oriented. Indeed, this paternal / maternal factor is perhaps a major reason that causes differences in style of communication. The above mentioned perspective is also known as Darwinian perspective or Evolutionary psychology that explains the fact that communication styles differ because of ‘drives, needs and conflicts associated with reproductive strategies.’ (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 410-411) The aforementioned argument could be endorsed by the fact that men aggressive interrupt other people and hide their weaknesses in comparison to women mainly because they want to showcase themselves as impressive, manly, perfect and attractive before women. In addition, communication styles also differ because a man has to select his life partner(s) and create a family that depends on his income, guidance, direction, supervision and leadership. So, this also compels a man to be more controlled, sturdy, confident and powerful to portray himself as a ‘macho-man’ (a term used to represent physically and mentally strong male) or ‘leader’ who his solely responsible for right and wrong of his family. (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 412) As far as the validity of above mentioned reasons are concerned, it must be highlighted that family background, personal life experiences, attitudes, behaviors, lifestyles and perceptions also tend to affect communication styles of sexes. For example, a man who has lived a miserable life due to financial weaknesses, interpersonal family conflicts, and poor relationships with peers and coworkers etc. may consider himself to be the most unfortunate person in this world. This would simply impact his communication style and pattern as he is a person with low self-esteem, self-efficacy and self-confidence. Obviously, one can not expect this type of person to remain frank and sympathetic but shrewd with any other person during entire communication process. Similarly, a woman who has suffered with acute mishaps in life might be unable to communicate effectively with peers, friends, coworkers, relatives and neighbors. In turn, this would decrease coordination and cooperation besides sabotaging relationships. Deborah Tannen in her book “That’s Not What I Meant!- How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships” (p.12) has pointed out the fact that was quoted by Chamberlin (p.4, 2007), “Our personal worlds are shaped by conversations- not only with family, friend and co-workers, but also in public” The above quote explains the fact that personal experiences are impacted by information sharing from family members, relatives etc as well as from the interactions in external world i-e from communication people with diverse backgrounds and cultures whom one has not met previously. In short, we modify and adjust our experiences with new information that later impact our communication style. Emma Chamberlin (p.13, 2007) has quoted the following in her paper from Deborah’s Tannen book, “reason we can’t solve the problems of indirectness by being direct is that there are always unstated assumptions” (Pg 66, Tannen). The above quote is an excellent explanation of the argument that building cordial relationships through friendly and assertive communication is the best strategy to resolve various issues that can not be solved through aggressive or direct behavior. Social Role Theory: The social role theory endorses the fact that males and females learn communication styles and conversational tools during their childhood as this is the most important period of their mental leaning and development of personality. It is worthwhile to mention that whatever learnt by their in their early childhood becomes an inevitable part of personality and is remembered even in the later life stages. Girls learn styles and communication strategies that are more useful to build relationships and reputation among people. In simple words, this point is also supported by Evolutionary Psychology or Darwinian Perspective. Boys, in contrast, focus heavily on skills and knowledge that will help in ‘status building and forming hierarchies’ to gain an upper hand and prestige in society. (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 412) According to this theory, Women in turn consider the communication process as a source of building relationships through negotiation, mutual formal or informal discussions, mediation and arbitration; for conflict management and for creation of a we-feeling including both socio-emotional and instrumental cohesiveness. In short, women support their family members, peers, coworkers, and friends in various matters to ensure peace, harmony and mutuality that later result in progress. In contrast, men believe that communication process; especially the negotiations are a way through which people with greater bargaining power tend to manipulate those with a relatively weaker position for their personal gains. This compels men to be more aggressive and attacking than being defensive to avoid any loss of position, goodwill and prestige. Hence, achieving consensus, agreement and compromise is not as easier to accomplish as it would be in conversations or negotiations among women. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) Eleven Major Communication Differences: Researchers have identified the following major reasons that trigger differences in communication styles and patterns among men and women. However, it must not be forgotten that one can not apply these reasons on every single man and women because these differences vary due to distinctive natures, demographic, psychological and social factors such as age, perceptions, attitudes, behaviors, lifestyles, confidence, competence, adeptness (dexterity) and authority among individuals. 1) The first major difference is that men are less interested in asking for additional information or clues in public situation even if they do not understand information or case. They consider it again their nature and think that this will reveal their lack of knowledge. In comparison, women are more open and consider that this will not create any negative impression rather will help clarifying any ambiguous cases. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) 2) As far as decision making process is concerned, women are more likely to showcase their certainty and are determined to reach a solution. In contrast, men tend to portray their doubts, raise objections on certain alternative solutions and criticize openly on the alternatives provided by other colleagues. Since, women are more relationship oriented; they even accept criticisms and objections raised by men workers on their feasible solutions just to reach an agreement. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) 3) Men are reluctant to compromise on their weaknesses against women just because they have superiority complex against women because of their natural physical strength. Hence, they disregard the idea of apologizing on their blunders or mistakes that sometimes may even lead to negative consequences. In simple words, they try to defend themselves by providing justifications for their decisions, actions and deeds. Women, on the other hand, are more apologetic and accept the responsibility in case they have taken an incorrect decision, failed to meet the set criteria or accomplish their assigned goals and targets. They believe in concession and bargaining because of their natural maternal factor, politeness and softness in behaviors and actions. (Tannen, pp. 110-115) 4) In addition to above mentioned differences, men refuse to accept any blames, accusations or allegations on their personality weaknesses by any other person and attribute it to some external factors. This does not mean they observe external locus of control rather they tend to ignore objections and criticisms. Women, in contrast, even accept blame on themselves despite the fact they have not violated any laws, rules and regulations. They are interested in reaching a consensus and in smoothing relationships and matters to avoid any combats and future interpersonal disputes or conflicts. (Tannen, pp. 110-115) 5) Men are more interested in using aggressive style when providing any negative feedback to their subordinates within an organizational setting mainly because they want to use their position power, expert power and authority to maintain decorum and discipline in a corporate environment. In short, their feedback is direct and destructive in nature as it is not supported with positive motives and direction to avoid any future mistakes. In comparison, women are more polite and thus temper their criticism to maintain relationships as well as rebuilding trust and confidence of those who flunked to achieve their assigned jobs or tasks. They indeed believe in constructive feedback that not only pinpoints the weak areas but also reinforces people to enhance their performance in upcoming future. (Tannen, pp. 110-115) 6) Another unique communication difference between sexes is that men carefully insert thank / welcome statements or dialogues in their conversation. Women, on the other hand, tend to offer unnecessary and unwarranted thank / welcome statements as they consider it will be quite helpful in building trust based relationships with people. However, men disregard this concept and may consider it as a sign of weakness to offer thanks to people every now and then. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) and (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 412) 7) Men may not be interested in asking for opinions and expression of ideas openly from others. Indeed, they consider the questions such as “What do you think” or “What according to your understanding would be better to resolve these issues” as a sign of incompetence, of ineffectiveness, an absence of self-confidence and self-dependency. They refuse these questions and portray themselves as to be in complete control, highly confident and self-reliant to create an impression on others. Women, however, view these mentioned questions as an important tool to build trust and confidence of people. In addition, they could use it to increase participation, open information sharing and expression that in turn result in a friendly environment. In simple words, they could this technique for ice-breaking and initiating discussions with peers. (Kreitner and Kinicki, p. 412) 8) Another important communication difference is that women tend to give clues, hints or directions in an indirect manner to enhance communication process and make it relatively effective. On the contrary, men tend to perceive this strategy as though useful for interaction yet confusing, manipulative, lack of confidence and against their manly nature. They, in other words, are not inclined to stretch communication process in case the other person does not match their standards and beliefs. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) 9) One of the most apparently negative differences is that men tend to steal useful ideas of women and then regard or claim them as their own to retain their position and maintain their image in front of supervisors or bosses. This is mainly attributed to the fact that men do not permit women to take their position in a corporate setting and advance within a business organization. Women, in certain situations accept these illicit claims and plundering of ideas, however, refuse to involve in any physical combat or protest to avert any possibility of conflicts. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) 10) It has been observed that men prefer to use a louder voice (that somewhat becomes taxing) to entice people towards their speech and presentation. Another major reason behind this crescendo strategy or tactic is to ensure control and stability during communication process. On the other hand, women speakers use softer voice volume as part of their friendly conversation strategy. It is worthwhile to mention that speech or presentation must be viewed as a part of communication rather a type of performance in front of audience. Women are more likely to encourage discussions, persuade their audience and seek approvals through a polite, calm and soft yet controlled presentation style. (Smith, p. 26-32, 2000) 11) Another major communication difference between men and women is that men tend to ridicule, tease, joking and story-telling as main tactics during their interactions with females. However, women are less likely to use these techniques as they want to ensure smooth relationships to avoid any awkward situations. (Burleson, Kunkel, Samter and Werking, p. 203, 1996) Today, communication among individuals and groups has been largely impacted by emergence of speedy Internet Broadband connections, Wi-Fi connectivity, Mobile Internet, Short Messaging Service (SMS), Emails, Computer and Teleconferencing and finally the popularity of digital communities such as Face Book, My Space and Twitter. Indeed, the aforementioned eleven (11) communication differences are usually observed during routine face-to-face interactions, focus group and open discussions, casual and formal communication within an organization. However, the increasingly large role of Emails, SMS, use of online social and virtual networks have greatly impacted the communication styles and flow of ideas from sender to receiver and receiver to sender. Today, it must be emphasized that boundaries among people no longer exists due to developments and rapid advancements in Information and Communication Technology that gave rise to a virtual world of interaction on real processing systems. Sexes now frequently interact with each other and tend to be more communicative in order to build smooth relationships. However, it is justified to conclude that men are more interested to communicate to accomplish their pre-planned goals and attain results, while women communicate to share and express their feelings and emotions. The quote of Burleson, Kunkel, Samter and Werking (p. 203, 1996) can support the above mentioned argument from the research, “Men tend to organize their friendships around sharing and doing of activities whereas women more typically organize their friendships around sharing and discussion of feelings. Thus men’s friendships have been characterized as instrumental and agentic whereas women’s friendships have been referred to as expressive or communal”. Sources: Smith, D. M. “Women at Work: Leadership for the Next Century” Upper Siddle River, NJ Prentice Hall 2000, pp. 20 - 35 Kreitner Robert and Angelo Kinicki “Organizational Behavior” McGraw Hill Publishing Company Limited Eight Edition pp. 399-428 Garret, Dennis, Renee Meyers and Lee West “Sex Differences between Men and Women: DO Men and Women Communicate Differently when They Complain to Customer Service Representatives” Journal of Consumer Satisfaction, Dissatisfaction and Complaining Behavior 1997, Volume 2 pp. 116-130 Available at http://lilt.ilstu.edu/staylor/csdcb/articles/Volume10/Garrett%20et%20al%201997.pdf Tannen, Deborah “You just don’t Understand; Men and Women in Conversation” William Morrow and Company Inc. 1990 pp. 110-115 Available at http://www.shelton.cc.al.us/userfiles/File/faculty/a%20wible/scan0001.pdf Burleson, Brant, Adrianne Kunkel, Wendy Samter and Kathy Werking “Men’s and Women’s Evaluations of Communication Skills in Personal Relationships: When Sex Differences Make a Difference- and When they don’t” Journal of Social and Public Relationships 1996 SAGE. Vol.13 (2). 201-224 Available at http://www.drrangarajan.com/comm5110_6110/Burleson_et_al.pdf Mehrabian, Albert “Communication without words” Communication Theory 1968 pp.194-200 Tannen, Deborah “That’s Not What I Meant!- How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships” Summary by Emma Chamberlin 2007 pp. 1-29 Available at http://www.marin.edu/PDFs/ThatsnotwhatIMeantPDF-V2.pdf Palomares, Nicholas “Women Are Sort of More Tentative Than Men, Aren't They?: How Men and Women Use Tentative Language Differently, Similarly, and Counterstereotypically as a Function of Gender Salience” Communication Research 2009; 36 (4); pp. 538-560 Read More