Gender Differences in Love and Intimacy - Research Paper Example

RUNNING HEAD: GENDER DIFFERENCES IN LOVE AND INTIMACY AND NUMBER: INSTRUCTORS NAME: DATE SUBMITTED: INTRODUCTION Gender differences suggest the disparities that are portrayed by different people mainly due to their sex relationship. Men and women showcase these differences because of their affiliation to the different sexes. Men and women show their differences in love and intimacy in different ways. Many studies have analyzed this issue that the experience of men in sexual relationship and have more liberal sexual approaches as opposed to women (Petersen and Hyde, 2010). In deed in their comprehensive study Oliver and Hyde (1993) that examined different sexual attitudes and behaviors such as extramarital sexual behavior, vaginal sex, frequency of sexual intercourse and attitudes towards casual sex, the study established that men engages in more sexual activities and are have more liberal attitudes as opposed to women. Since the time was done in 1993, several cultural changes have occurred and there is need to reexamine the subject and identify if any changes have occurred on how men and women show their differences in love and intimacy (Petersen and Hyde, 2010). This paper thus examines gender difference in how men and women show their differences in love and intimacy. Definitions For the clarity of the issue, we shall begin by briefly defining these important terms love and intimacy. Love and intimacy are inseparable, even if they have their own definitions which carry out a different meaning. When it comes to the expression of these feelings, a significant difference is noted in the way men and women show them. Love is defined as the bodily, poignant, sexual, intellectual, or shared love one person feels for another (Oxford Dictionaries, 2009). Notions related to love covers admire, want, having a preference, possession, care for, service, and even reverence. Intimacy denotes a close bond where reciprocated respect, encouragement, and confidence are shared to the partners (Oxford Dictionaries, 2009). Gender Differences Theorists have put forward that men and women differ, in the types of sentiment, they experience while in close relationships. The strength of the sentiments and how willingly they put across those emotions also varies a lot. A number of theories, starting with evolutionary theory, cognitive social theory, social structural theory as well as gender hypothesis all concur that there is gender difference among men and women regarding sexuality. Men are normally more sexual active as well as more liberal as opposed to women. Cognitive theory, social structural theory and social learning theory suggest that sexual difference observed between men and women could be reduced by aspects like secular trends and cultural behaviors towards gender empowerment and multiculturalism disparities in sex roles, which ought to differ with each culture. As noted by Petersen and Hyde (2010) it is possible that methods from various theories assist in complex explanation of this gender differences in intimacy and sexuality. Men watch close relationships as less weighty than women do. Cultural theories suggest that, women feel love for people while men labor. This concept has been put forward by an extensive variety of psychologists and sociologists (Petersen and Hyde, 2010). The same psychologists also argue that love is also vital to women than men. Love is a process that takes place in stages. In these stages, gender differences are noted; by the way men and women distinguish different aspects of love. One of the differences is noted is in preliminary attraction. Petersen and Hyde (2010) explains that while men are attracted to women physical appearance, women are attracted to men mentally. A woman’s attraction to a man takes place in her mind. She discovers that a man is irresistible, and she begins to admire the way he handles himself, how he deals with things and how he copes with situations. She may also choose the way smiles, laughs, talks, walks and his success. To men it is quite different; he has to have a visual idea of the woman to be attracted to her (Petersen and Hyde, 2010). He will focus on things like her body shape, her hair, her eyes or her legs. Men and women will experience these feelings for a lot of people. It is not a guarantee that the feelings will be reciprocated, but when a person is attracted to a woman and he falls in love with her, he feels this way for only one woman. While women can claim to love different men at the same time, men will only love one woman at a time. After attraction, women get into another point which is more emotional than visual. This is called an emotional attraction (Woodin, 2011). This involves scrutinizing the man’s personality, before a woman gets involved with a woman she has a clear view of the man she wants. This is one of the reasons why a woman may be attracted to a man but later she says that he was no her ‘type’. For a woman to consider a man her ‘type’, he has to meet the conditions she has set. Women are principled when it comes to choosing their mates or any other person they want to be seen hanging around. When they are serious about their choice they become extremely keen, and the man they eventually choose has to satisfy most of her needs. Men’s attraction to a woman emotionally is different to that of a woman (Brody & Hall, 2000). You will never find a man with a list of qualities or needs that he thinks a woman should meet before going taking it to the next level. Men prefer women who are different from them. While the man might be the jokey type, he may be fascinated by a sterner woman. He could be a timid individual whos attracted to an audacious, more certain woman than he is. A woman takes all this time because of the importance she attaches to a relationship as compared to men. The description of relationships Psychiatrists argue that marriage to a man is totally different to a woman’s view (Woodin, 2011). The women’s task might be essentially more gratifying and more annoying than is the man’s role. Women will insist that a marriage should be perfect while a man will put a little effort in the marriage. This brings out a clear distinction in the way men and women perceive things. A woman may in her on word describe a relationship to be what it is at the moment. Woodin (2011) points out that a man will put no effort in this, he will give a shallow description of what he is going through and he may link other things with the relationship. A man’s life is made up of different factors, which contribute to, the making of what normally meets the eye. While he may never be able to separate all these factors, a woman will separate them easily and will be describing one thing at a time. Men are less emotional than women. In his study Woodin (2011) established that in the social order, communities have remarkably unambiguous thoughts concerning how men, as opposed to women, should believe, feel, and act. Women are labeled as the sentimental sex. This typecasting comes out in most cultures: that men and women of extensively differing ages, faiths, and educational ranks view men as being lucid, capable, and self-assured sex. They recognize women as being warm and emotionally communicative. Fear, repulsion, suffering, and humiliation were perceived as “female emotions.” Fury, disdain and arrogance, were considered to be “manly emotions’’ This makes a real crucial difference in love and intimacy. Man is given the upper hand and associated with negative emotions. This makes a man’s role in love and intimacy is a minor one as compared to the woman. Another difference is shown by the expectation that a man should not experience feminine emotions. Scientific proof shows that, many gender differences subsist more in vision than in verity. In one study, it showed undergraduates pictures intended to incite pleasure, sorrow, or panic. Men and women were not at variance in self-reports of how emotional they felt. Sexual relations Men and women differ in the way the express themselves sexually and why they have sexual relations. What seeks to explain this is the pleasure theory. The essential notion behind the pleasure theory is that the quest of satisfaction is what inspires sexual behavior (Woodin, 2011). According to pleasure theory, there is a difference in the amount of pleasure that women and men anticipate getting from a sexual act. Women and men presume that the person who comes up with the idea of having sex would provide them with the same amount of contentment. On the foundation of pleasure theory, women view men as less prone to offer them with sexual enjoyment and are there is a possibility that they will get involved with a man casually. Men expect more sexual pleasure when the person who initiated sex is the woman and will certainly accept the proposal (Woodin, 2011). While men will want to be involved sexually with a woman of a different character from them, women will prefer a man who they have the same character or close to hers. Opposites attract but, men are inclined to be attracted to a woman or man that has a different personality from his. This is due to the fact men love adventure. They prefer a woman who will act as destruction from his normal life routine and give him something that makes them feel virtuous. A man will have sexual relations with a woman he likes. This does not mean that since he is emotionally attracted to the woman, he wants any attachment. It can be just an adventure for him. To women they will have a sex relationship with a man she feels is close to. She will be attached to the man because she had sex with him while a man will not feel anything after. Honesty in expressing their emotions In many societies men are not expected to show their emotions. Women are emotional and are therefore, allowed to display emotions. There is proof that in numerous customs, women are more at ease showing their emotions than men. The female counterparts are more likely to engage in emotional conversations as compared to men (Woodin, 2011). Some suggest that men contain their emotions to avoid appearing weak in the eyes of women or the society. Men are also unwilling to admit their emotions even when there are no women around. This gender difference is related to the varying emotional needs that these two sexes experience. A woman is will be happy and will be emotionally fulfilled when she knows that the man she is involved with cares. According to Woodin (2011) a woman needs to be listened to even when she is just blubbering, comforted and treated gently because she is considered more fragile emotionally than men. The other difference in expression occurs when women feel the need to communicate (Kurdek 1999). Communication is a key factor in order to achieve intimacy. Men do not know how women communicate. Men will listen to a woman and try to offer solutions to her problems. However, Kurdek (1999) notes that a woman wants someone who will listen to them without judging them. By judging a woman, it only results to more and more frustrations. As explained by Kurdek (1999) through listening carefully to what a woman is feels, understanding what is bothering her man will have shown that he cares, respects her woman. Women emotional needs go further than just understanding, she requires often assurance that she is doing the right thing. A man will feel at ease when he knows that his needs are met. A man’s emotional needs are however, different from that of a woman. Men need to feel needed, desired and know that they make their women feel valued. Men dread being inept or not smart enough. Accomplishing triumph in life is vital for a man, including with his relationship. Men need to know that they are appreciated all along the (Kurdek 1999). With all these needs, meet men easily open up to women even more easily than expected. Conflict resolution There is extensive proof that men and women may react when confronted with conflicts. Women will confront the situation when men will avoid the situation. In America, men enjoy the upper hand (Petersen and Hyde, 2010). In the ancient days, men enjoyed gender superiority and had the option of ignoring situations and getting away with them. In addition, Petersen and Hyde (2010) note that women cannot afford this opportunity since they tend to face situations and seek solutions. Men act in confidence, and they have the power to steer off things their way. To be in such a position women have to employ different techniques to win over men. These techniques may include manipulation or tears. When faced with a conflict it is the nature of a woman to cry as compared to men who harden up and avoid the situation or face it bravely. This is not the case in women. Women focus on the result which is intimacy an approach the situation cautiously (Conley, 2011). They do not feel ashamed by the fact that their emotional life is at risk as long as they achieve the result: intimacy. Young American couples behave differently during conflicts. Women cry and mope and then criticize their partners for their inexperience in handling such situations. This inexperience is shown through for lack of thoughtfulness for their feelings and tactlessness to his outcome on her. Men get pissed, snub their wife’s cries, call for a sounder and less emotional advance to troubles, and give reasons for impeding the discussion (Conley, 2011). Men without a doubt are conflict- avoiding. They get displeasure in dealing with emotional troubles. Women prefer to face the conflicts even though they have an impact on their emotional life. Men tendency to avoid conflicts frustrate women and their neglect in seeking solutions for the problems facing them. Conclusion In conclusion, an exceptional level of disparity is noted in the way different genders handle their love and intimacy problems. This is a result of different cultures that people are affiliated to. Differences in love and intimacy are also affected by these cultures. The way men act while being intimate in their relationships is different from the way women act. This goes ahead to contribute to the reasons why men or women choose to fall in love and get intimate with anyone. These differences also contribute to the level of intimacy one achieves while in the relationship. If the value attached to intimacy was of the same level intimacy would be achieved easily. Women have to teach men the level of closeness they need in a relationship before exploring it. These differences are natural since they are there due to the affiliation to a certain gender and should therefore, be appreciated. With this appreciation, they will be less obvious and when partners play their roles in a relationship well, there will be happy couples and experience the level of intimacy and love they want. REFERENCES Conley T (2011): Perceived Proposer Personality Characteristics and Gender Differences in Acceptance of Casual Sex Offers: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 100, No. 2, 309–329 Kurdek L (1999): More Differences about Gender Differences in Marriage: A Reply to Beach, Davey, and Fincham: Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 13, No. 4, 669-674 Oliver, M. & Hyde, J (1993): Gender differences in sexuality: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 114, 29–51. Petersen, J and Hyde, S (2010): A Meta-Analytic Review of Research on Gender Differences in Sexuality, 1993–2007: Psychological Bulletin. Vol.136 NO1.21-38 Woodin E (2011): A Two-Dimensional Approach to Relationship Conflict: Meta-Analytic Findings: Journal of Family Psychology. Vol. 25, No. 3, 325–335 Read More