Sociology of Love, Friendship and the Intimate Sphere - Essay Example

Sociology (Love, Friendship and the Intimate Sphere) Introduction Love is a natural phenomenon that happens in every man’s and for that matter woman’s life. It cannot be controlled and usually takes place without the person who undergoes the pain knowing of the same. It could occur between a man and a woman, husband a wife, lover and beloved and anyone. [Aron, 2004] It can even happen between humans and natural sceneries, a beautiful piece of art and more than anything else, with God Almighty. When one talks of intimacy, he is suddenly drawn to the fact that there would be cordiality in relationships, no matter what kind of relationships do exist between different individuals. This means that love can grow between straight men and women as well as the homosexual and heterosexual individuals. This, in the world of present times, is quite a common occurrence. However the aspect of intimacy can take a U-turn when relationships start getting sour and there are heartbreaks left, right and center which mark the breaking up of these relationships. First we need to understand what the intimate sphere is all about before delving any further into the regime of love, affection and relationships. The intimate sphere speaks volumes of the manner in which intimacy is documented through the physical demonstrations of love, making out and kissing in public and even when the two love birds are alone. [Gordon, 1993] It also means that the two individuals feel strongly about each other so much so that they cannot spend their time without each other’s company. The social and cultural values seem to encircle the intimate sphere in entirety and this cannot be denied its due right in the related scheme of things. An unfortunate thing that has stepped into this intimate sphere is in the form of violence and violent activities being carried out between the members who are in a relationship which suggests that since they feel strongly about the whole linkage, there is an element which tells them from within to go against the norm and show hatred, for the time being or forever in one way or the other. What we need to understand is the fact that love means providing comfort and solace to each other rather what we witness these days is more of a violent activity where more and more love means more violent activities happening at different levels and in different relationships as well. It is rightly stated that violence is indeed the companion of the intimate relationships and the same do exist in close proximity of each other, much to the dismay of pure and ever lasting regimes based on love and liking alone. [Bennett, 2000] Love and comfort are usually accompanied with pain and anxiety and this is so true in the case of individuals who have gone on at length discussing the virtues of being passionate about their love life, marriage and so on. [Spurlock, 2005] Even dating has its positives in the minds of such people since it is centered on love and affection more than anything else. But having said that, love means to resist the temptation of hitting or abusing another person for personal satisfaction or the lack of it in the form of no emotions at all which are presented by the other individual. Moving on with the same discussion, we find out that intimacy is something very personal between two individuals since this kind of feeling comes from within one’s self toward another individual and hence it is private to all extents. [Inness, 1992] The love and affection that is there amongst people can best be explained when they are in private and this usually happens through intimate moments filled with intimate actions as well as certain acts of violence so to speak. The latter aspect is nonetheless quite frustrating to understand for a layman since it should not have been the case as there is love all round and having violence creep in between two such individuals is providing complete abhorrence to the whole relationship as a result but the same continues to this day and will be the same in the coming times as well. It is said that those individuals who love each other end up hating each other to the same extent that their love had grown on to, which for the contexts of our discussion holds pretty solid ground by all means. Intimacy and love has to remain the key in relationships however there could be rifts and problems between them due to societal factors as well. Love does not require its manifestation to the whole world rather its essence must be such that the whole world is scented with it and there is freshness in the air by all means and by all extents. [Wahl, 1999] The individuals who feel inclined towards each other have strong emotions and this is quite natural that they feel alienated when the other individual that they are in love with starts showing disrespect in one way or the other. The relationship starts to deteriorate as a result of the same and hence there are problems which could center on the whole basis of the very relationship that we are talking about here. Equality is man’s most hazardous allegory whereby it has haunted and made a fool of him for a number of years now. Same is the case with relationships which requires equal rights for both the parties who are in love. They need time and space to know each other so that at the end of the day they could deal with each other in an equal and righteous manner. This takes into account a number of differences amongst people, top of the list of which includes the emotional feelings and sentiments that are either ancestral which may be hereditary or inborn as well as cultural, grasped from the society after one’s birth. This one can usually be changed or at times totally removed with the enforcement of changes that might be social in nature. These changes are in essence pretty much autonomous of mans laws, rules, regulations and customs, except over a period of many eras. [Weber, 2002] The lack of equality in a relationship leads to violence and in a case where the relationship is between a husband and a wife, domestic violence is all the more imminent. The concepts of civil rights and of civil law are both functions of the concept of civil society whereby it is that bubble of private action free of government control. It is not free of government action, because government action secures the nature of civil society by the protection of persons against criminal wrongs. The essence of civil society is thus that people are left by government to regulate their own pursuits of love and affection, building relationships and maintaining them, while the government protects the citizens from criminal wrongs of violence, theft, fraud as well as many others. Intimacy and violence thus seem to be on the same footing when the relationship is on a different level altogether and the love and affection turn into rifts and violent activities when there is foul play detected in each other’s personality and more than that the relationship on the whole. The most violent and heinous crimes committed anywhere in the world are by the youth. These are organized and in a proper manner, with no shortcomings at any end on anyone’s part. Research has found out that the youth are the ones who are most definitely involved in this menace. Thus it is quite true that the youth can show its love to the whole society when it wants to hold on tight to a blossoming relationship and can also demonstrate the bad side of the very same, in the form of violence and the like. Studies have shown that the extreme cases of violence resulting from relationship problems all involved having youth at their expanse. They not only bring with them terror for the individuals who are with them in the said relationships but also introduce a huge dust of alcohol, abuse of drugs and many other forbidden things in this whole process. The frustration seems to crop out in one way or the other since there is the depression of losing a loved one for matters which are out of their control and they have little grasp of the situation at hand. Further research is of the view that the youth involved in these relationships are at frenzy with their homes and family members and they did not have any one to look after them in their childhood and teenage years. They have an inferiority complex attached with their souls, which they very dearly want to get rid of. They thought of these relationships to solve their problems but the same have more or less backfired and thus have forced them to resort to violence within their own relationships with the loved ones. The violence provides a window of opportunity to them since they start deriving pleasure for certain time duration and heal their wounds but actually these never leave a lasting impression on their personality, rather they become more evil and bad. They are the ones who feel left out and think of themselves as nothing more than an ordinary piece of crap for the whole society and human era. The reason for the same is that their relationships with the loved ones have failed for quite a number of varied reasons. Domestic violence creeps in a relationship when there are small issues which need to be sorted out between husband and wife but the same fall short of meeting a mutual consensus as one of the two spouses has an ego that is bigger than the love they have had or still have. This individual believes in making use of his/her ego to the last extents and thus exerting pressure in one way or the other over the other individual in the relationship. This spouse must understand that relationships do not exist in totality if there are problems written on the face of it. These need to be sorted out through dialogue and discussion, which is so very essential to the very basis of having a healthy and long lasting relationship. [Sternberg, 1998] Thus intimacy can have its parallels but that too in the opposite manner and extremity since violence is indeed the factor that runs along with it no matter how much an individual within a relationship tries to negate it. Domestic violence seems to emanate from small factors which might not look that significant at the very beginning but start gaining importance as time moves on. The aspect of giving in by an individual in the relationship or compromising since love has remained the key for so long is an interesting proposition. The small issues turn out to be huge problems when ego combines itself with whims of hatred and negativity surrounds the whole relationship as a result of the same. The issues turn out to be problems which could either make or break a relationship since the extent of the same has exponentially increased over a period of time. The compromise factor seems to be amiss in this whole situation and there is a race to defeat the other individual in the relationship. The whole aspect of love and affection gets defeated and there is negativity and disapproval written for each other all over the relationship. There seems to be no way out and positives seem to be an uncertain conclusion by all measures and extents. Relationships stop to blossom when love goes out of the equation and there are problems written on the back of this very linkage. [Hook, 2003] One must understand that intimacy does not allow an individual to embark on a violent course after a certain period of time in the relationship has passed and it also does not give permission to the fact that the love birds start making themselves feel against each other, both in public and in private since this is against the very norms as laid down in the ethical rules of intimacy and indeed love. Love is too sacred a thing to be broken by violent regimes and that too by anyone – by people who do not know how strong love can turn out to be, for their own selves and for the companion in the very relationship as well. They must understand that there is a limit to every relationship and the basis for the same does not actually end at getting down to violent activities and beating up each other rather the same can be solved in a moral and ethical manner as well. There could be dialogue and discussion and hence the consensus could be reached as to what the future course of action could be, in the related scheme of things. Intimacy does not limit itself to love alone. It is equally applicable for friendships as well. Friends feel strongly about each other and it makes all the more sense to state that fights and grudges do arise between them too. This suggests that the relationships could sour between them over some petty issue every now and then. However if this leads to violence and certain activities are carried out which speak highly of violent regimes to exist between them, then one can fathom that strong alliances have broken off and they have developed on to strong system related with hatred and detestation for each other. This indeed is an unfortunate event and one which can literally shake the very basis of friendships in the first place but then again in the world of today, these types of things indeed do happen. Conclusion In the end, it is important to comprehend that intimacy has a very strong linkage with violence, domestic or otherwise. As discussed in the beginning, the intimate sphere is supposed to provide support, love and comfort to individuals and if the same turns out to be an exercise geared towards violence, then the whole concept of intimacy and the intimate sphere is doomed so to speak. There need to be certain measures by the relationship members as to what the exact mechanism for their rage and anger is going to be say in case of a problem or a trouble that arises. [McCabe, 1999] The same is true since these kinds of problems usually take place from time to time and one cannot just live without them since this is not about dreamland but about the practical world which is full of troubles, miseries and issues. All said and done, it is to the discretion of the individuals themselves as to how they conduct their energies and enthusiasm levels towards the betterment of their relationship and what they can and cannot do to sustain the very relationship over an extended period of time. In times of rage and fury, it is best to remember the intimate moments spent together and the love that has grown between the individuals rather than whining and crying to the end limits. BIBLIOGRAPHY ARON, Arthur. (2004). Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates BENNETT, Joel B. (2000). Time and Intimacy: A New Science of Personal Relationships. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates GORDON, Lori H. (1993). Intimacy: The Art of Working out Your Relationships. Psychology Today, Vol. 26 HOOK, Misty K. (2003). How Close Are We? Measuring Intimacy and Examining Gender Differences. Journal of Counseling and Development, Vol. 81 INNESS, Julie C. (1992). Privacy, Intimacy and Isolation. Oxford University Press McCABE, Marita P. (1999). The Interrelationship between Intimacy, Relationship Functioning, and Sexuality among Men and Women in Committed Relationships. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol. 8 SPURLOCK, John C. (2005). Modern Love: Romance, Intimacy, and the Marriage Crisis. Journal of Social History, Vol. 39 STERNBERG, Robert J. (1998). Love Is a Story: A New Theory of Relationships. Oxford University Press WAHL, Elizabeth Susan. (1999). Invisible Relations: Representations of Female Intimacy in the Age of Enlightenment. Stanford University Press WEBER, Ann L. (2002). Odyssey of the Heart: Close Relationships in the 21st Century. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Word Count: 2,522 Read More