The Principles and Misconceptions in Effective Interpersonal Communications - Research Paper Example

? of paper and number submitted Dear Sara and Tim, I am writing this letter to you in an effort to tell you how to communicate better in interpersonal relationships, like the one you two are in. The contents of this letter will explain to you what needs to be done and how to ensure better communication and quality of relationship when it comes to a couple like yours. Interpersonal communication is a sub area of social psychology which studies how people are affected by one another. Communication one of the main tools of social psychology and thus it becomes an important factor to scrutinize when looking at the relationship between two (or more) people. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). 1. The principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communications The level of communication in any particular situation determines what kind of social behavior will take place between the concerned individuals. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). For example, with a couple like yours who are newly engaged and experiencing problems with interpersonal communication have to concentrate extremely hard on improving the communication between the two of you if the said relationship is to be sustained and nurtured over time. In couple’s relationships, communication sort of becomes the glue that holds the two people together. The more open and honest the communication level is between the two of you, the closer you will be and the less open and more strained the communication level is between the two of you the farther apart you will be and the more chances there will be of this relationship falling apart. Research on the matter has determined that communication does mediate behavior, but it is still hazy on how exactly it accomplishes this. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). This could be because the topics under question are very intangible and cannot be quantified and tested easily and also because they vary with situation. Since every situation is case specific, we cannot generalize completely how exactly communication will affect interpersonal relations. For example, imagine a scenario where you guys have a fight. Both of you are angry, but your reactions as a result of this anger may be completely different. Sara, you may prefer to fume quietly and be more passive aggressive and Tim, you might be more vocal in your anger. Another couple in the midst of an angry fight might have completely different reactions. When communicating with one another you also have to be careful to catch, identify and correctly respond to any signs and symbols used during the communication by your partner. Knowledge and understanding of signs comes from knowledge of the world. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). For example, tears are a sign of sadness and smiling is a sign of happiness. However these are simplistic examples and in reality in your relationship you two will be faced with more complex signs to interpret. You both will have to watch out for facial expressions, body language and posture etc of the other as signs of what they are feeling. These signs may be specific to each one of you, but being around each other will provide you knowledge about them and help you interpret them better. Symbolic behavior includes the use of language; for example, Sara, if Tim says ‘I am upset’ it is a symbol of how he is feeling and this symbol helps him express his inner feelings to you. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). One more thing to note is that the production of signs is inherent, while the production of symbols is learned. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). Further, the two of you must realize that not only the spoken word counts as communication. All behavior counts as communication because even the smallest facial expressions and mood swings have the tendency to emotionally affect the other person. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). Both of you should be aware of your own and each other’s behavior and how it affects you emotionally. Often talking about these indications will clear matters out and avoid them from snowballing into bigger issues. Another important aspect to consider is the Intentional model of communication. This model studies what the underlying intentions behind a particular communication were. It looks at what methods of inference the other person used to grasp the meaning of what the speaker said. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). Now, in a relationship like yours, both of you will interchangeably be playing the roles of speaker and interpreter on a routinely basis and you both need to be able to employ adequate inferences to help you understand better what your partner meant when he/she said what they said instead of not putting in an effort which will result in misunderstanding and a widening communication gap. Language can be used to various different ends; it is used as a tool to achieve particular tasks like sharing information, it can be used as a way to uphold shared ties, changing partner’s self image and building a familiar structure of the shared world. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). What the both of you end up saying during conversation can have one of the above mentioned intentions behind it or more than one of them. 2. The barriers to effective interpersonal interactions From the above mentioned principles of interpersonal communication, we can extrapolate some of the barriers that create problems in effective interpersonal communication. Firstly, are the differences in perspective that may exist between you guys; even though you guys are in a relationship and on the brink of the start of the rest of your lives together which you will be sharing with each other among many other things, you may still have different perspectives on the same issue. (Krauss and Fussell, n.d). This may not be a negative thing because if only you listen to each other during a discussion, having different vantage points provides you guys with a more holistic view of the situation between the two of you as compared to the outlook you guys would have had if your views on the topic or subject under discussion were the same. Over time, your thinking and views will become more synchronized and in tune with each other. Secondly, there is word choice. Often times, the intention will be of one and the actual effect may constitute another added effect as well. Thus, the both of you need to be very careful during communication to be clear in communicating the purpose of your communication but moreover, be more careful to avoid effects that you really don’t want affecting your relationship. For example, Sara, if something you say to Tim that is meant as constructive advice and instead it has the effect of reducing Tim’s self image then the intended effect of your communication has failed and it has instead had a negative effect, such scenarios must be avoided by using positive reinforcement and encouragement. Further, there is the issue of disregarding non verbal communication like facial expressions, gestures an posture. All of these are hints of a deeper meaning behind what either of you are trying to communicate to the other one. If these hints are disregarded and not given due importance when communicating, it can result in a communication gap between the two of you. 3. The process by which self-concept is developed and maintained Now of course, communication between the two of you is very important. But another thing that is equally important is your individual selves, your self-concept and self esteem. All of these individually, can have great impacts on any relationship that you guys as individuals are under and thus they affect your relationship in the same way. According to research, self-concept is an resultant creation of an individual wondering what others think of him/her. By doing this, the individual sets up a system of internal control for his/her behavior without the presence of any pressure from external factors from the environment. Self-concept develops with experience particularly that acquired from social interactions. This concept is necessary to be functional if an individual is to be considered functional; when there is threat of attack to the self-concept, there is effective threat of attack to the individual. (Epstein, 1973). Self-concept theory suggest that, initially the body self is developed when a person is a child, however it keeps developing with time and experience. Once the body-self is developed, then the inner self develops. Finally, the moral self develops. The body and inner self serve a utilitarian purpose, however, the moral self exists just to judge the level of approval or disapproval from the external environment with regard to anything the person does. (Epstein, 1973). Research suggests that levels of self-concept and self esteem that exist on the extremes may cause a person to be more angry than another person with more average levels of self-concept and self esteem. More importantly, it was noted that in interpersonal situations if there was a lot of difference in the self esteem level of two people, the one with the greater self esteem had greater chances to be more physically angry at the first person, than when the difference of self esteem between two people is almost at the same level. (Perez, Vohs and Joiner, 2005). Therefore, in your case, if the self esteem levels for you both are not equitable there are bound to be a lot of physically angry fights. To eradicate this problem has a simple solution; build up your self esteem to match your partner’s or inculcate enough humility in yourself to come at the level of your partner. This way, nobody will think he/she is better than his/her partner and distribution of authority will be equitable. 4. Personal communications and improve their communication competencies. Personal Communication is very important in this modern day and age. However, where on one side it has benefits for the individuals involved, it may inculcate some losses for the overall society. One form of personal communication is face-to-face communication which is very, very important when two people are communicating with each other in the long term. Face to face communication introduces a human factor into conversation and makes it more emotionally charged, as opposed to how it would be over an electronic means of long distance communication. With the advent of technology and the invention of portable communication devices like cell phones, it has become increasingly difficult to keep your life separate from the people in it. A person who contacts you a lot on your cell phone is bound to be more included and aware of the happenings in your life compared to a person who doesn’t. (Aoki and Woodruff, n.d). For example, if the two of you keep in contact with each other, face to face when in physical proximity and over cell phones and email etc, when apart you are bound to feel and actually be more included in your partners life. This is also a way of eradicating the communication gap between two people which brings them closer. 5. Strategies for active, critical, and empathic listening. To ensure good communication however, not all communication has to be spoken. To ensure good communication it has to be a two way street and that can only be established when the parties involved in the interpersonal communication give equal importance to listen to what the other person has to say as they give to telling the other person what they are feeling or thinking. Research suggests that the listening style of a person determines his/her learning style. (Liu, 2008). During this study four types of learning styles were tested; communicative, authority-oriented, concrete and analytic. Most people were authority oriented and the least number were communicative. (Liu, 2008). This research is also applicable to interpersonal communication and listening, because in communication in a scenario like the one between the two of you, one partner is always trying to learn about the other partner. This learning process would be more fruitful, had the process been communicative. This entails active speaking and listening skills in equal amounts. Active and critical listening thus becomes a critical part of effective interpersonal communication. References: Aoki, P. M. and Woodruff, A. (n.d). Making Space for Stories: Ambiguity in the Design of Personal Communication Systems. Retrieved from: http://arxiv.org/ftp/cs/papers/0507/0507019.pdf Epstein, S. (1973). The Self-Concept Revisited, Or the Theory of a Theory. American Psychologist. Retrieved from: http://www.humsci.auburn.edu/classes/hdfs8040/Readings/epstein_1973.pdf Krauss, R. M. and Fussell, S. R. (n.d). Social Psychological Models of Interpersonal Communication. Social Psychology: Handbook of Basic Principles. New York: Guilford Press. Retrieved from: http://www.columbia.edu/~rmk7/PDF/Comm.pdf Perez, M., Vohs, K. D. and Joiner, T. E. Jr. (2005). Discrepancies Between Self and Other Esteem as Correlates of Aggression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 24, No. 5, pp. 607-620.Retrieved from: http://www.carlsonschool.umn.edu/Assets/71513.pdf Liu, H. J. (2008). A Study of the Interrelationship Between Listening Strategy Use, Listening Proficiency Levels, and Learning Style. ARECLS, Vol.5, 84-104.Retrieved from: http://research.ncl.ac.uk/ARECLS/volume_5/liu_vol5.pdf Read More