Modern Views on the Wedding - Essay Example

? Essay Plan: Playing Out Gender (socialisation & coupling Weddings Introduction Arranged marriages have long been a concept of the past in mostof Western society. In its place has become the institution of true love and marriage, where women long to meet the man of their dreams, have a visionary wedding, and then live happily ever after together. It has been remarked in recent years, however, that only the second notion of this ‘dream’ is appealing to many women anymore. With an increasingly independent streak, women still long for that wedding of their dreams, with family and friends present to witness their passage into womanhood, but they are growing increasingly hesitant and leery of the reality of become a ‘wife’. Being a wife entails many things, and this has largely been constructed by different civilisations over the years. Recent decades, however, have seen these traditional being challenged in great detail for the first time in quite a long time as women attempt to gain more solid footing in society. One way to accomplish is to slowly recreated the homemaker role into one that is more balanced between the sexes, more accommodating to the desires of the women, and one that is more is open and accepting of sexual minorities. It has recently been said that “many women want to have weeding: few of them want to be wives” (Spender, 1994). This statement is quite profound in terms of the reality that shifting demographics, in addition to renewed feminist attitudes, are reshaping the tradition concept of marriage and family. While Splender’s comment may, on the surface, appear to be absurd, there is certainly an element of truth to you. This can be stated because one has to consider the western construct of the concept ‘wife’. Historically, a wife has been commonly viewed as a homemaker and child-bearer. If that continues to be the reality, then women today have moved beyond that and are not desiring of the tradition definition utilised by society for generations. The very concept of ‘wife’, therefore, is shifting. Until that mindset is complete, however, women will likely hesitate to be viewed as a wife, but will still look forward to and long for their dream wedding. This paper explores the playing out of gender in terms of socialisation and coupling, with a particular focus on the role that weddings will likely play in Western society moving forward. 2. Theoretical Context Feminism is really about questioning the societal roles that attempt to define and confine the place that women have in our culture. In essence, as Judith Butler continually points out, it is about stepping out from the commonly conceived notions of gender and reconstructing an entirely new identity. Her groundbreaking 1990 book and theoretical expose on gender issues, “Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity” reinvigorates the discussion of women and their role in society by demonstrating the even those on the sexual margins should be gradually more accepted into the society’s fold. Butler herself, through this book, begins to question the very definition of woman. She effectively does this by looking at the masculine and feminine constructs existent in society today, and how those have changed over the years. While Butler moves far out into theory relating to sexual minorities in this book, her focus is primarily on the feminist thought process. This theoretical construct relates well to the theory in question for this essay. She talks at length, for example, about a women’s desire to dress, sometimes provocatively, in order to show off the feminine form. At the same time, however, the modern feminist wants to challenge the masculine nature of our society, making it in almost universal subject open for debate. This relates well to the institution of marriage. With the traditional mindset that there are definite masculine and feminine roles to be carried out by husbands and wives respectively, Butler would contend that today’s woman has the right to challenge these concepts. Women today are delaying marriage, choosing to live in domestic partnerships, or choosing to commit themselves to a life of singleness in exchange for the freedom that comes from living as a feminist openly out in society. If this means that the traditional notion of a wedding must be forsaken in exchange for making concept more of a reality in the eyes of Western women, then many more today are willing to do that. In addition, there is a growing acceptance of lesbian relationships today in society. This will be interesting to see how it plays out in the future, as women in such relationships still have the urge to realise their ideal wedding, and they are not bound by traditional ‘wife’ roles in the household. This will further to redefine that way that society views the ‘wife’, and it will likely also serve to redefine the role of the husband in the relationship as well. This theory is laid out in the initial structure of the book, as the author writes that the status of “women as the subject of feminism and the sex/gender distinction” (Butler, 1990). She also provides us with a “selective reading of structuralism, psychoanalytic and feminist accounts of the incest taboo as the mechanism that tries to enforce discrete and internally coherent gender identities with a heterosexual frame” (Butler, 1990). It is with this in mind, therefore, that this theoretical text forms an excellent foundation for examination Spender’s contention that women today no longer have a strong desire to be a ‘wife’. It is important, therefore, to develop a deeper examination of the feminist mindset and theory, as presented by Butler, in an effort to determine the reality of marriage today and the changing feminine and masculine roles contained therein. Feminism is not a new concept in society. Women for decades have been fighting against the traditional roles that society would box them in under. For years, they simply went with the status quo, choosing not to upset a system that was largely built on masculine ideals. Women often felt the wedding signified the turning point in their life when they had to shed their own dreams and visions for life, and channel those into the raising of a family and taking care of domestic duties. Butler challenges this notion and demonstrates that a balance can be struck where women are happy to be a wife, symbolised by their wedding day, but then rewrite the history of how the husband and wife relationship takes shape. 3. Summary of Findings Consider the groundbreaking by Valentine and Butler back in 1999. In an age where homosexuality was still largely kept hidden, the authors made the contention that feminist ideology was gradually changing. The point is well made the Princess Diana herself began to demonstrate an understanding of the gay and lesbian person, even entertaining political ideology as a way of advancing their cause. This particular takes a unique approach to this topic. While not a lesbian, Diana began to gradually shift in the way she portrayed her feminist role. Princess Diana worked to challenged traditional feminist roles. This included the notion that women were primarily to be homemakers. While certainly living up to the traditional role of the British Monarchy, Diana openly espoused more modern feminist theory in much of her actions and deeds. The very fact she openly welcomed lesbians into her fold, embraced them, and equipped them with the vision and foresight to challenge a society that was structured against spoke wonders of not only her own belief that history was being rewritten, but reflected the reality that society was gradually shifting as well. The example is given of when Diana was first married. As a royal member, she embraced the true cause of how society felt she should look and behave a proper lady. She had the large wedding, and demonstrated by her very being the nature of hierarchy, deference, patriarchy, and class privilege (Valentine & Butler, 1999, p. 295). Diana truly seemed to enjoy her wedding and how no problem carrying out the traditional role of the female within the social institution. Over the years leading up to her death, however, she gradually began to demonstrate the power to change those ideals by acting in manners and embraces causes that one might typically associate with feminine members of society, royal figures. Valentine and Butler make the case that this is a demonstration of how women look forward to and embrace their wedding day with the full pomp and circumstance that our culture has taught us should occur. In the end, however, the modern women who have different virtues than society is used to may quickly grow disenfranchised with the traditional notion of being a wife, and opt for more masculine roles. This has contributed, among other things, to the shifting attitude towards the sexual minority throughout much of the western world. Princess Diana herself rose to fame during a time of shifting feminist attitudes. While she was often a model of dignity and a staunch representative of the royal family, she does appear to have embraced certain feminist causes, if not with words, with her actions. This reading is an example of changing times and serves as an encouragement to reconstruct the concept of gender. This particular documentation of Diana’s mindset and belief serve to shed a spotlight on some influential people who have voices to challenge the traditional discourse surrounding masculinity and femininity. Today, there are other examples in modern and contemporary thought that are serving to embolden women to redefine marriage. As mentioned previously, marriage is certain symbolised by a wedding. In order to strike a chord between these two realities, women now are willing to give up that wedding day if it means they will gain a stronger standing in society that is more in comparison with that of their male counterparts. As such, in order to strike this balance, society is slowly growing to redefine the concept of marriage into one that is not dominated by one sex over the other. In the end, the actually fact is that weddings are slowly growing to not be necessary in the eyes of many women, as they view it as too confining and restricting. The reality is the Spender’s statement about women, marriage, and wives cannot be proven or disproven with a few simple articles. These concepts must be examined with an understanding of a broad range of readings in order to uncover what feminism looks like today in terms of how women view marriage and traditional idea of wifehood. Readings to consider will be works by Bell, Boden, Dryden, Harrison, and Mead. In addition, personal accounts from modern day women help to determine the modern day reality of how the feminist movement, and gender concepts in general, are affecting the way society views not only marriage, but the proper roles exhibited by husbands and wives respectively. 5. Conclusion In summary, this essay specifically explored how gender roles are being played out in western society today. The focus was on how women are viewing life after marriage and whether or not the decline in the wedding rate among young women today is a possible result of a reluctance to conform to societies idea of how their life should play out. This was accomplished by examining scholarly sources and relevant theories in the field, with the aim of support Dale Spender’s contention that “many women want to have weddings: few of them want to be wives” (Spender, 1994). The stark reality is that women in the Western world are choosing to get married at an older age. Many are choosing to remain single altogether, opting either for the independent lifestyle that this affords them, or by accepting a domestic partnership that gives them more flexibility in terms of the gender roles that they are expected to portray. In the end, women still desire that story book wedding that they have dreamed about since childhood, but as this essay has pointed out, they are not willing to do so at the risk of being forced in to traditional gender roles within the household. The future will show us how the balance is struck moving forward. References Butler, Judith (1990/2006) ‘Bodily Inscriptions, Performative Subversions’ and ‘CONCLUSION – FROM PARODY TO POLITICS’ from Gender Trouble: feminism and the subversion of identity. New York: Routledge. Kaplan, Ann. (1992). Reviews: Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. Journal of Women in Culture and Society, 4(1), 843-848. Spender, Dale. (1994). Weddings and Wives. Penguin Books Australia. Valentine, Gill.,. and Butler, Ruth. The Alternative Fairy Story: Diana and the Sexual Dissidents. Journal of Gender Studies, 8(3), 295-302. Read More