Marriage: A Status Symbol - Essay Example

MARRIAGE: A status symbol "In the consumer culture of marriage, commitments last as long as the other person is meeting our needs. We still believe in commitment, because we know that committed relationships are good for us, but powerful voices coming from inside and outside tell us that we are suckers if we settle for less than we think we need and deserve in our marriage". Bill Doherty1 Few would disagree with the views quoted above in the sense that we are facing a "consumer culture of marriage". This article argues whether marriages have been reduced to status symbols, and are no longer a matter for the "kinship or parental ancestors" to arrange but an important symbol of the partners' personal achievements and a stage in their self development. The Modern American wedding has become much more of commercial saga generating a massive turnover every year. Wedding planners, florists, caterers, hairstylists, clothes, designers, have all got their fortunes connected to the wedding industry. According to statistics 2 "the average American wedding costs $22,360 and has 168 guests, who give 100 gifts that cost an average of $85 each, meaning the net loss to the couple is $13,860..the average guest spends $500 to attend a wedding-not including plane tickets." The statistics do not end here though. The figures get more and more perturbing as it is revealed that "43% of couples say they spent more on their wedding than they had planned."3There is an increase in thematic weddings like Disney World "Fairy Tale Wedding" where for the price of $2,500 a bride can arrive in a glass coach pulled by four dappled gray ponies.4 All these figures and statistics really provoke a disturbing query in our minds which is whether the modern commercial marriage is now deinstitutionalized to the extent of a mere commercial saga The United States has seen deterioration in the institution of marriage during the past many decades (Cherlin 2004:848-861). There has been a transition of the essence of marriage from "Institutional .. to companionate and then towards the individualized marriage in which the emphasis on personal choice and self-development expanded."(Cherlin 2004:848) So is it possible to say that while the practical importance of marriage has hit an all time low, it has gained a symbolic significance Is it merely a mark of prestige and personal achievement Consider only some of the expenses the modern bride and groom go through for the ceremony of marriage. According to a commercial website 5,the Groom pays for the Bride's rings, Boutonnire for the groom and ushers ,groom's present to bridegroom's presents to ushers and best man, ties and gloves for the ushers ,clergy member's cost ,corsages for the immediate members of both families; also the bride's going away corsage ,bachelor dinner (optional, and usually given by best man or ushers) ,rehearsal dinner (optional, but is usual) ,accommodations for out-of-town ushers and the honeymoon. This list is not exhaustive though and the bride has to pay for a similar list of expenditure. What happens then, after such a grand wedding Every year the government issues alarming figures of divorce rate statistics, many homes are broken and the children are displaced. Academic opinion and research has spoken of the weakening of the social norms that regulate people's behaviour in this regard. This is another symbol of the deteriorating society where there is a sort of a "taken-for-granted" norm that allows people to go on with their lives with nobody questioning their behaviour (Cherlin2004:848-849, Whitehead 2001:6-16). The wedding as a status symbol Recent weddings have become little less than individual achievements. "In the distant past, a wedding was an event at which two kinship groups formed an alliance. More recently, it has been an event organized and paid for by parents, at which they display their approval and support for their child's marriage" (Cherlin 2004:848-849) So despite its destabilisation as an "institution", the American Wedding has become "an important symbol of the partners' personal achievements and a stage in their self-development" (Cherlin 2004:898,Bulcroft:2000:63-92). (Whyte 1990) has provided some interesting statistics in this regard. According to his survey of the wedding rituals and ceremonies there has been an increase in the wedding activities over the last quarter of the 20th century. "The percentage of women who reported a wedding in a religious institution (e.g., church or synagogue) increased from 68 to 74 across the three groups; the percentage who had a wedding reception increased from 64% to 88%; the percentage who had bridal showers or whose spouses had bachelor parties increased sharply; and the percentage who took a honeymoon rose from 47% to 60%."(Whyte 1990:1-15) There may be a host of economic and social factors causing the increase in "religious weddings", but Whyte (1990) poses a very logical query in this regard. How can an increase in purchasing parity lead to adherence to religious and traditional values (Whyte 1990:1-15) Should there not be a logical dimension which is so often a result of affluence that is an increase in the "secularization of the marriage process and an increase in civil weddings."(Whyte 1990:1-15) The recent years have shown that there is an increased festive and celebrative dimension to the wedding ceremonies. Literature concerning marriage festivities in Us and Europe indicates that this marriage consumerism is spreading to even the lower income circles of the society as couples stay together before marriage and prefer to save up for their weddings .(Bulcroft 2000:63-92) A fairly expensive church wedding seems to have become a substantial requirement for women and a civil ceremony is not an acceptable reflection of status in the society even with in the lower and middle class circles (Whyte 1990). Marriage has become a "statement" (like the proverbial fashion statement) where the couples want to let the society know, in a statement both to themselves and to their social circles that "they had passed a milestone in the development of their self-identities(Cherlin 2004:898)". The wedding ceremony, a new house and all the furniture involved make the whole notion of a wedding ceremony a display of prestige and affordability of a comfortable standard of life. Critics agree that on a more sociological perspective the notions of trust and "to hold, honour and obey" have been side tracked by the rat race of who gets married to who and how much money is spent on the wedding The American industry is not the only wedding industry worried about the grotesque expenditure on weddings. A prominent journalist of the Telegraph puts it thus, summarising the position of the British Wedding industry "The real horror of the modern wedding is surely the cost. It is now felt that the bond is not quite a bond unless it is sealed with a golden kiss: tens of thousands of pounds and three weeks in the Seychelles..Last year, your run-of-the-mill wedding cost the couple - or the bride's parents - 18,000. Young couples were often to be found topping up that figure with bank loans worth tens of thousands. The average couple thinks a big wedding is more important than a big deposit on their first house."(O'Hagan 2007). Taking an example of South Asia the weddings there are still very traditional and have heavy religious undertones. South Asian weddings are not only high scale social affairs but a prominent display of wealth and the social status of the parents of the bride and groom. An inexpensive wedding is a social taboo and people prefer to become indebted to the point of bankruptcy rather than face the taboo of not having an expensive wedding.6 There is much to be said about the merits and demerits of huge wedding extravaganzas and how they have become largely financial and commercial affairs. In their defence all those couples who do perceive their weddings as high level displays of their status in the society are only doing what is in the nature of human beings. The busy western society has few occasions of family and social reunions and if they do not celebrate or enjoy these times the society will face alienation and depression. Also the festive occasions like weddings and Christmas are highly evolved industries and bring large benefits to the local economy. Everyone who can afford it has the right to celebrate their wedding in the best way possible. However silver linings aside, this is a sociological issue of concern and on a bleaker note viewing the marriage institution as a status symbol will shake the foundations of the institution of marriage and people will forget the real aim of marriage i.e. to love honour and to obey and immerse themselves in unhappy marriages wrapped in shiny gift papers. Bibliography 1. Andrew J. Cherlin (2004) ,The deinstitutionalization of American marriage Journal of Marriage and Family 66 (4), 848-861,doi:10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.00058.x 2. Andrew O'Hagan (2007),Why have weddings become so grotesque The Daily Telegraph. 3. Bulcroft, R., Bulcroft, K., Bradley, K., &Simpson, C. (2000). The management and production of risk in romantic relationships: A postmodern paradox. Journal of Family History, 25, 63-92. 4. B.Ginanni, Tizianabaldezzoni,(2002),Wedding Ceremonies 5. Thornton, A., &Young-DeMarco, L. (2001). Four decades of trends in attitudes toward family issues in the United States: The 1960s through the 1990s. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63, 1009-1037 6. Whitehead, B. D., & Popenoe, D. (2001). Who wants to marry a soul mate In The state of our unions, 2001 (National Marriage Project, pp. 6-16). Retrieved February12,2004,from http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SOOU/NMPAR2001.pdf 7. Whyte, M. K. (1990). Dating, mating and marriage. , New York, Aldine de Gruyter. 8. http://www.bridesmagazine.co.uk/ (statistics of wedding expenses) 9. http://www.motherjones.com/news/exhibit/2005/01/exhibit.html (statistics of wedding expenses) 10. http://www.weddingvendors.com/planning/articles/traditional-wedding-expenses-checklist/ (list of possible wedding expenses) 11. http://www.familylifeculturewatch.com/quotes/index.html (quote by Bill Doherty) 12. http://jurist.law.pitt.edu/paperchase/2004_11_05_indexarch.php (criticism of Expensive South Asian weddings) _____________________________________________________________________ ROUGH DRAFT COMPARISON OF OLD AND MODERN AMERICAN WEDDINGS SEARCH TERMS BASED ON- Andrew Cherlin ----MARRIAGE-STATUS---SYMBOL-MARRIAGE EXTRAVAGANZA-SOUTH ASIA AND AMERICAN DIVORCE RATE AND AMERICAN BRIDAL MAGAZINES AND AMERICAN WEDDING EXPENDITURE AND BRITISH WEDDING ESTIMATES. STRUCTURE QUOTES AND INTRODUCTION ANALYSIS OF PROPOSITION DISCUSSION OF CHERLINS NOTION OF THE DETERIORATING SOCIETAL VALUES RESEARCH OF FIGURES AND CROSS CHECK WITH OTHER RELIABLE STATISTICS RESEARCH IN BOOKS ATTITUDE OF MEN AND WOMEN IS IT A LOST CAUSE OR SOMETHING CAN BE SAID IN ITS FAVOUR! CONCLUSION REFERENCES Read More