How to Have a Successful Marriage - Research Paper Example

“How to have a successful marriage” Abstract Successful marriages come about with hard work on the part of the people who wish to get married or are married at any given time. This is manifested through their actions, undertakings and desires. The need is to understand how premarital relationships and marital linkages must be tied in to achieve long term marital bliss. Introduction A marriage can only be successful when there is a sense of purpose and an adherence towards building a long-lasting relationship between the man and the woman under question. A successful marriage in this day and age seems like a far fetched proposition because it brings people closer and links different families as a single unit. To have a marriage that is based on love and commitment, it is important to categorize areas like pre-marital and marital realms where serious topics related with marriages are explained. Incidence of conflict and/or violence in premarital relationships Delving firstly into the premarital relationships, it is important to understand what exactly goes into marriages if these premarital relationships are either successful or completely in disharmony. The need is to comprehend how the individuals within a potential marriage value this bonding and how much they are willing to let go. Analyzing a successful marriage even before it has taken place, one needs to understand where it all begins. How conflict could arise and how violence could come about are some of the most significant areas which need to be discussed in a premarital setting. Often premarital relationships are deemed as the very basis for bringing about successful marriages but this is not always the case. The incidence of conflict and violence must always be analyzed before a couple decides to tie the knot. This is an important consideration which should be paid heed. The premarital relationships are always the foundation stones for settings things right as far as marriages are concerned. It eventually decides whether or not the marriage will eventually come about (Harvey, 1993). If one of the two members in a potential marriage is involved in someway within conflict or violence, there is more possibility that the marriage will not happen. This is because no individual would ever like to live within a marriage where there are issues of a magnanimous nature. Violence has a language of its own and is never appreciated by anyone since it gives disrespect to another individual. Since only two people are there in a marital relationship, if one of the two has a violent streak in their personality, then the marriage will be very difficult to solemnize. This essentially means that the premarital talk will end and the couple will find their respective new soul mates. Thus incidence of conflict and violence can have long-lasting and irreversible effects which must be properly scrutinized. Short-term premarital relationships Within premarital relationships, sometimes short-term measures are enacted in order to find out how the couple would interact and behave with one another once the marriage takes place. This can be in the form of cohabitating where individuals live with each other for a short period of time to know how they gel in, what their likes and dislikes are, how they go about doing certain things at day time and at night, and how they usually react to issues and scenarios as and when they erupt. These cohabitating measures provide a good enough basis for knowing how individuals shall understand each other and what the merits and demerits are as far as bonding is related. It also allows them to observe each other well and discern for their own selves whether or not they stand qualified to be each other’s partners (Deborah, 1991). The short-term premarital relationships actually give these individuals an idea about their respective partner’s details regarding small things, their temper, their high and low moments and so on. It will not be possible to know beforehand and hence cohabitating is seen as a perspective that shall remain strong within such discussions. Thus the short-term premarital relationships provide a good measure of empathy and understanding which is bound to achieve some serious results for the individuals who wish to get married soon, and thus start a new life altogether. It is important that such discussions must center on the premise of knowing both good and bad points regarding the other person as well as detailing about what one individual has to showcase to the partner. Factors predicting marital success or failure The factors that play a huge role in forecasting whether or not a marriage will be deemed as a success or failure depends largely on the people who are involved under a marriage scenario. If they believe that they can pull through easily, there is no force that can take them apart. However, if they justify that they are the right ones for one another, then there would be no one to separate them, on the flip side. The factors include the basis of understanding that marital success is indeed a gamble yet it should never be taken as such. If this gamble comes off nicely, there is bound to be success written all over it. However, if there are issues that require more understanding and comprehension, then this could mean that the marriage still needs to be analyzed in a proper manner. Marital success or failure is always a fragment of the mind and it should be considered from such a perspective only. If believe people that they can be forcefully tied to partners and still achieve peace of mind, then they are thinking in the wrong. It can never come about if they are not contended at heart (Warren & Silvester, 1994). There has to be a level of trust, understanding and intimacy to make sure that marital success is achieved in an easy going way. Hence to sum up the premarital topics, one should know exactly where strengths could be reinforced in order to bring about a marriage. On the same footings, the areas where failure can be predicted, is indeed a region which must be plugged so that any negativities that exist are easily addressed by either or the partners or even both of them. The complications must not remain for the sake of the marriage because if they do, then this would mean that there are serious implications for both the individuals in the relationship. The end result would not be anywhere close to a marriage essentially. Effects of unresolved conflict on marital satisfaction and longevity When marriage takes place, it is important to know how well the individuals involved in a marriage are experiencing the entire outcome. The feelings and emotions seem to either go up or come down because the expectations were always there to begin with. There is hardly a marriage which does not involve any kind of expectations on the part of the individuals involved within it. Unresolved conflict from premarital days can mean serious issues especially if there is a violent streak attached with it. Similarly, it can also imply for marriage to become stale and boring for either or both of the partners. The need is to sit down properly and discuss the issues which pose as a threat. The unresolved conflict can mean immense trouble for all involved. Marital satisfaction and longevity can never come about if there are outstanding issues that need to be resolved between the partners and which have a long-lasting effect on the individuals. This means that the conflict scenario is one that must be resolved at the earliest in order for the marriage to solemnize otherwise the individuals under question would always end up fighting with one another on one context or the other (Chapman, 1995). Hence the effects of unresolved conflict and violence streaks on marital satisfaction and longevity regimes are immensely drawn – all of which leave a lasting impression on the eventual outcome that is witnessed by people at large, no matter whichever society of the world they are a part of. It should be understood here that marriages must always be seen from an angle that they bring with them a sense of satisfaction and longevity in the real sense of the word. Without this, there would not be anything to achieve from it for the people involved in a marriage. Marital intimacy skills – can they be “trained”? As far as intimacy is concerned, these skills need to be learned by the couple because these dictate how well the marriage is coming along, and what can be expected out of it in the long run. Intimacy tells the couple how strongly they are in love with each other and how their love surrounds the basis of their lives on a day to day basis. If intimacy is there, the couple would surely have children, which is a good and progressing sign for the family. Intimacy adds spark to a marital relationship as it tells the partners what to expect from the other one. It also tells them what they need to give in return or as an initiative. It is thus the basis of achieving a blissful married life. There is good reason available with regards to the same because marital success is largely dependent on how well intimacy is carried forward during the relationship. It is sometimes believed that marital intimacy can be trained into an individual because not everyone has an easy ride in knowing the basics with it (Stoop & Jan, 1995). Thus the good part is that these skills can be learned through word of mouth or when an individual makes use of secondary research and so on. Some couples even become worried with the idea if either of the two partners does not quite ‘get the hang’ of intimacy within their strides. This essentially means that the married life will suffer and the individuals in this marital relationship are bound to go wrong in one way or the other. The training thus has to take place for all the right reasons and that too with good measure. It will then only be able to have a major positive say within the marriage of these two persons. Relationship between marital health and physical well-being Health and well-being play a huge role in any marriage scenario. This is because if the married individuals are doing well in terms of their respective health regimes, they would be able to enjoy their relationship and thus gain immense satisfaction from one another’s domains. The physical well-being basis dictates how well the individuals in a marriage bring spark towards their respective life domains. It also tells them what can be expected out of a marriage and what must remain as such – unachievable and unattainable right from the outset of such discussions that come under the do’s and don’t’s of marriage. The relationship regimes will thus continue to become stronger as time passes by if the physical health and well-being are made stronger and tougher. If there are any serious issues that come about, then this would mean that there is immense anarchy among the ranks which need to be taken care of at the earliest. Also fitness surrounds the exact manner under which the couple is able to exert energies towards the performance of tasks, actions and duties on a day to day level. It will them where they need to give in more and where they must pull out as this is a much satisfying concept. Marital health also entails the sexual toughness that either of the two individuals might possess at a given time. It tells them exactly where issues of a magnanimous nature must be understood and how this will shape up actions within a marriage in the first place. Thus marital health can be analyzed from a number of angles before one of these is decided upon as the very best within the related thick of things. Conclusion To summarize the discussion at hand, it is imperative to know that marital relationships will only be deemed as successful if there are concerted efforts to turn things around and that too in the right direction. This can happen if premarital and marital relationships are studied and analyzed in a proper way. The role of the people understanding the institution of marriage should always be open and ready for debate as there are a number of lingering issues and aspects which must be proactively discerned and determined. All said and done, this paper highlighted the basis as to how a successful marriage takes place and what the positive and negative aspects surround its entirety. References Chapman, G. (1995). The Five Love Language: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Deborah, T. (1991). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. William Morrow Paperbacks Harvey, D. (1993). A Change of Heart: Restoring Hope in Marriage. Stoop, D. & Jan. (1995). The Intimacy Factor Warren, N. & Silvester, D. (1994). Finding the Love of Your Life. Tyndale House Publishers Read More